Chapter Twenty-Seven
Shaina woke with a throbbing head. She slammed her eyes closed and scrunched farther into the bed, recognizing the strong arm wrapped around her waist. She took a moment, letting the fuzzy memories of the previous night come back to her, focusing on the feel of the person behind her. Even without her memories, she knew it was Mark. And if she wondered, the slight pressure of the cat at the foot of the bed helped.
Lena had dropped her off at Mark’s place. Mark slept behind her.
She liked this. Him, behind her, holding her. It felt right, waking up this way. She snuggled in farther, his presence cocooning her, a certain favorite part of him cradled against her butt. This was the way mornings should start.
Her eyes popped open. No. Oh no. How much had she drank the night before? Because he wasn’t for keeps, so why the hell did she keep forgetting this fact? She needed to get out of his bed, out of his apartment. She needed to get back to their mission.
She needed to get over him.
Shaina hopped out of bed, but the room swam. Her hand went to her head and she steadied herself with a palm on the wall. When the room no longer swayed, she turned, catching him stretching, the covers dipping down, his T-shirt rising up, exposing a delicious expanse of abs that she could crawl over and lick and…
Not helping.
She scurried into the bathroom, closing the door, needing a moment to herself. Let him think she was throwing up. Actually, that wasn’t a bad idea. Throwing up certainly killed any sexy thoughts. But her stomach roiling had little do with alcohol and more to do with her emotions. Last she checked, she’d never thrown up due to emotions.
Pity.
She braced her hands on the sink counter, staring at herself. Her hair resembled a rat’s nest, her makeup smudged under her eyes, and she had a pillow imprint on her cheek. Mark had cuddled up with this? Her heart squeezed, and she pushed it aside. She’d take a quick shower and then head home and get some fresh clothes for the day, feed the fish, and get her head on straight.
She cranked the shower, waiting for the water to heat up before slipping past the curtain. Along the side of the tub tiny bottles stood, her travel bath supplies. Mark had suggested it the previous week and there they were, like she belonged here. She stuck her head under the water, the warmth soothing her. Mark’s shower should not be familiar, but somehow over the past few weeks, it had become just that.
The door opened. She stilled under the water, fingers in her hair. A voice came, but she couldn’t follow it. She pulled the curtain back enough to stick her head out.
“May I join you?” Mark asked.
She swallowed. She probably looked like a drowned rat, and he stood there with sexy disheveled hair, no glasses, snug shirt, and she grew parched. She should have brushed her teeth first, but there he stood, ready to climb in with her. She should tell him no, quickly get her act together.
She couldn’t.
“Come on in.”
He stripped as she watched, then stepped into the shower, bringing his dry body up against her wet one. Her core clenched, her breasts heavy as she rubbed against him. No one had ever gotten to her like this.
“You’re stealing all the water,” he said.
Yeah, she knew. She kinda liked it that way. “Then let me help you.” She wet her hands and rubbed them down his arms, over his chest, before wrapping around the hardest part of him, the one currently poking her in the belly.
Mark hissed, propping a hand on the wall behind her, bringing them both under the water stream as she stroked him, slow and sure, the familiar weight and feel of him making this moment somehow more. He kissed her, apparently not caring that she had drunk-mouth going on, his free hand finding her breast and rubbing her nipple.
Her knees wanted to buckle. She locked them, but with the water, the heat, and Mark right there, she was gone, lost. No match for him and the power he possessed.
He bent and lapped her other breast, sucking her into his mouth. She gasped, losing her grip on him, and he took advantage, shifting them until the wall pressed into her back. His hand slid between her legs, and she spread for him, welcoming him in, a simple push of his fingers setting off tiny rockets inside.
The man knew her body, knew how to play her, and seemed to enjoy every second. Even now, he smiled at her, eyes hot and hungry, his face adding to the erotic nature of the moment.
Then his fingers shifted, and she broke, crying out as the waves of pleasure ran through her, clutching him, knowing he had her and wouldn’t let her down.
Scary thought, because what happened in his shower spread to other parts of their lives, and a part of her heart broke off, settling into him, claiming him.
No. She had to get him out of her skin. But he’d grabbed a condom and bent her over, and she pressed her ass up until he filled her, until her toes curled with his thrusts and all she could feel was the pleasure of the moment. The orgasm came quick and then lingered, pulling him along, until he slid out and she straightened, until he kissed her soft and sweet, until she stuck her head under the water to disguise the tears.
Sex wasn’t emotional, not like this. She should be hungover and wanting her space, not wanting to play for keeps. She couldn’t keep him. She needed to get her list and read it over and over until she remembered this fact.
…
Something had shifted after sex, but Mark hadn’t a clue what. He worried that maybe her hangover was worse than he thought, but then why hadn’t she told him no? He didn’t mean to pressure her or hurt her. He ran a hand against her cheek, brushing her hair back.
“You okay?” he asked, trying hard to be heard over the water.
She nodded, a smile on her face he knew was forced. “I’m fine. Though we should really, you know, get clean now.”
“Of course.” He helped shampoo her hair and soap up her back, and she did the same for him, taking turns under the stream of water. They dried off and continued to get ready side by side, Mark doing his best not to skip combing his beard and applying the oil, even if he wanted to hurry up and attend to her.
“You sure you’re okay?” he asked as she pulled on her clothes from yesterday.
“Yes. I’m sure. Just need to get home, change my clothes, feed my fish, and get to the office for my first appointment.” She put on her hearing aids. “Thank you for letting me stay.”
You can stay as often as you like, how about forever? No, don’t go there, way too much. “When can I see you again?” Not playing it cool, Goldman.
She didn’t make eye contract. “I’m busy the next few days, but we do have more challenges to complete. How about some mini golf?”
He nodded, not liking her pulling away, but took solace in it not being a full stop. A few days, then he’d see her, even if it was for a competition he couldn’t care less about. He wanted her. If he won the trip, he’d take her with him.
If she won, she’d probably still take Olivia.
“Good. I’ll check my schedule and let you know which day.” She walked over to him and pressed a light kiss to his lips. He wanted to ask what was wrong, but he didn’t dare. He doubted she’d share anyway. “Thank you again.”
And then she was gone. He stood there watching his closed door, but not really seeing it, until Pepper meowed and rubbed his legs. “Okay, let’s get you some breakfast.” He’d figure out what to do about Shaina another day, though he feared he already knew the answer: let her go.
…
Shaina slid into her desk chair at work, feeling like absolute crap. Morning shower sex did wonders for her hangover, but tampered with her heart. She needed a breather, a chance to remind herself that all she wanted from Mark was a fun time. Nothing more. Her heart had somehow jumped into the fray without her permission.
The list. She needed to remind herself of all the reasons they didn’t work. She rummaged through her drawer and pulled it out, then frowned as she read, noting more than a few areas that had somehow been eliminated. With a shaking hand, she crossed them off, then stared at her updated list.
She still had five items; she tried to take solace in that. But after the first two, she had to admit, those reasons didn’t seem so bad anymore. Sure, he was quiet, but he had been doing a damn good job at being loud enough for her. And he was a homebody, which meant he was home when Lena needed a place to drop off a drunk Shaina. She could be the outgoing one in the relationship. She could hang out and then join him, interrupt his studies, and it would somehow work.
Number nine, though… Number nine posed a problem. Number nine wrapped up with everything else made her pesky heart protest that he’d been who she needed all along. Mark. Annoying Mark from her youth. If she’d tried to team up with him as a kid instead of her brother, if they’d found a way to communicate way back then, she’d likely have a lot less baggage to carry around.
Would that have created more of a sibling relationship between them, like she had with Lena, or would this spark still be there, ready to make all their mothers’ dreams come true?
She didn’t know the answer, would never know. It didn’t change that no one else had made competing as fun as Mark, and that filled a need. Made her want to forget about this temporary stuff and keep him.
No, she wasn’t keeping him. She refused to keep him. The first two reasons held and they held strong, and she knew she was grasping at straws. If she said any of this to Olivia, her friend would laugh her head off.
Ugh. Why Mark? Why did he have to be so kind and thoughtful and sexy? Why did this nerdy scientist professor have to claim her heart?
Why did the mothers have to be right?
A knock at her door had her jumping. “Hey, you look a little off this morning,” Olivia said as she entered.
Shaina waved a hand. “Yeah, yeah, tell me something I don’t already know.”
Olivia studied her, then glanced around, and Shaina knew the exact moment she failed to flip over her list. Olivia’s eyes didn’t go wide, she didn’t smirk, she simply plopped down into the chair across from Shaina. “Are we ready for a chat?”
“Probably.”
Olivia picked up the list, studied it. “Well, the first two are weak.”
Shaina grabbed the list. “What are you talking about?”
“The first two are related to childhood…traumas, let us say, and mean you are giving all the power to your mother, so in the end it’s no different than them matching you two up in the first place.”
Shaina scowled.
“You removed number nine, that must be freaking you out.”
You have no idea. “A bit.”
“I think you’re ready.”
Shaina scrunched down in her chair. “For?”
“The thing you weren’t ready for before.”
Shaina said nothing; she couldn’t vocalize her thoughts.
“An observation, if I may, before I continue. It’s been only a few weeks, but you have been happier than you’ve been in a while. He’s a big part of that. So do with this list what you want, but keep that in mind.”
“And the other thing?”
Olivia studied her in silence for a minute, maybe two, or perhaps only a few seconds exacerbated by Shaina’s rapid pulse. “You compete. That’s what you do, who you are. We set this up as a no-compete zone and you thrived competing against yourself to better yourself. But in relationships? You’re either competing with someone else to be the perfect couple, or you’re competing with him in the relationship.
“Correct me if I’m wrong, but you two started because you were competing against each other, and there are fragments of competitions throughout your entire lives together. If you think you could continue competing with him, which will keep things fresh and fun for you, for the long run, then, sweetie, you’ve found your match.”
Shaina willed her pulse not to send her into cardiac arrest. She circled a finger. “Now drop the next ball.”
Olivia’s eyes grew wide. “You ready for that?”
Shaina rocked a hand back and forth. “I think I need it.”
Olivia stretched her hands out. “He’s not going to do you dirty like your brother did. You two are equals rather than big brother little sister. If you let Mark in, you can soothe the past hurts.”
“Don’t I need to talk to Noah to soothe them?”
“You haven’t been ready. Are you saying you are now?”
Shaina searched her emotions. “Perhaps it’s long overdue, and seeing what can happen when competition doesn’t turn ugly… Yeah. Maybe I am.”
“And let’s bring this all back to Mark. What are you going to do?”
Shaina shoved her hands in her hair. “This isn’t what I expected.”
“That makes it better, in my opinion.” Olivia placed a hand on Shaina’s shoulder. “Look, you don’t need to freak out. Why not drop the end-date expectation and just enjoy him?”
“Like a real relationship?”
“Are you going to tell me it isn’t real anyway?”
She lowered her head. “No.”
“Good. Now drink some coffee, open a window, go for a walk, whatever; we have appointments soon.”
Shaina nodded as Olivia left. She checked her schedule, then her personal schedule. She hadn’t been lying when she’d told Mark she was busy. So she’d take those days apart from him and see if she could figure herself out. And then she’d let their relationship take the reins.