My answer seemed to satisfy X. He gave me one appraising look, then smirked. An easiness flowed between them, a sort of settling and acceptance. Bastard looked pleased with himself. As for me? My pulse roared past my ears because I knew exactly what I’d done. Or what I would do. Whether I was ready for it or not remained a question.
I didn’t follow much of what happened next. Forest dialed in a video conference. As if given a silent signal, my bodyguards arrived.
“Raven is with us,” X pronounced to the men.
Chad gave me a huge smile. Bay grinned. Mel gave a nod of respect.
Ben came over to me. “Are you okay?”
“It’s a lot to take in,” I admitted.
“It is. I hope you can look back on the past month through a different lens. Perhaps someday, you’ll find it in your heart to forgive us.”
The funny thing was that I’d already forgiven my guards. I think I forgave them weeks ago. They were simply following orders. I understood that now.
Chad plopped down in the chair facing me. “I’m glad you decided to stay.”
Stay? Was leaving an option? I glanced at X, knowing full well he would never let me go.
Forest waved Ben over, and then turned his attention to the laptop screen. “Detective Summers, I want you to meet Ben Chambers, our FBI lead.”
My attention snapped to Ben. FBI?
“It’s nice to meet you Detective Summers, is your asset in place?” Ben asked.
“Davenport is moving into position under protest.” The woman’s voice was sultry and low, almost hypnotic. “He’s not happy.”
“Will he be a problem?” Ben shifted to better see the laptop.
“I have it under control,” the woman said, “and it’s not Detective. I lost that title a long time ago. Please, call me Kate.”
“I’m sorry, Kate,” Ben said. “My apologies.”
I watched the exchange between Ben and the woman on the screen. Xavier hadn’t officially introduced me, keeping me off screen, but he’d announced to those gathered that Zane’s daughter had agreed to join the operation. It felt odd hearing him refer to me as anything other than Raven, or slave. While Xavier, Forest, and Ben huddled around the screen, I leaned forward and whispered to Chad.
“Is that Forest’s sister?”
Chad shook his head. “No. Despite the name, they’re not related.”
The conversation between Xavier, Forest, Ben, the woman, and two others continued for some time. Chad settled into the chair and grabbed a book off the nearest shelf. Mel and Bay went to join the others, remaining at the periphery and listening in while my curiosity continued to grow.
“Ben’s FBI?”
“Yup,” Chad said.
“So, he’s not a slave?”
“Oh, Ben is very much Master Xavier’s slave.”
I cocked my head, not understanding.
Chad gave a low laugh. “Don’t think too hard about it. Xavier has been building his team for over a decade. He picks men he knows can do the job required, and who are unwavering in their loyalty to him.”
“I just don’t understand the slave thing?”
“Really? Coming from you, I find that interesting. You feel the pull he has.” Chad sounded as if he worshiped X, and I realized he probably did. “And when you finally realize his vision, you can’t help but want to serve him.”
“I suppose so.”
“Kitten,” Chad said, “stop overthinking it. Ask yourself what feels right, and do that.”
Was that all I had to do? He made it sound simple. I felt myself heading into an all-out panic attack. The air seemed to grow thick and the walls hemmed me in.
“Um, Chad…” I pulled at the bodice of my dress, feeling it tighten around me.
“What’s up kitten?”
“I can’t breathe.” I opened my mouth, tried to gulp air, and felt the room spin around me.
“Let me get Master Xavier.”
I reached out to Chad. “No, I don’t want to disrupt his meeting. I just need some air.”
While I didn’t know all the details, this conference call clearly was a meeting of the minds. From the way tension bunched in Forest’s shoulders, to the stiff way Ben held himself, they were planning something big. It felt as if that decade of positioning X in this world was coming to a head. There was more, but it was too much for me to process.
“Please,” I begged, “I just need some air.”
Chad gave a nod and straightened his bulk from the chair. He went to X and whispered in his ear with great deference. X said something back and Chad gave a nod. He returned to me and held out his hand.
“Come, kitten.”
I took his hand without hesitation. A quick glance at X and my heart stopped beneath his penetrating stare. The room felt claustrophobic to me. I couldn’t breathe. With the weight of X’s gaze upon me, my heart struggled to beat. Chad led me out of the library. My expectation was to be led back to my room, or perhaps one of the many atriums. Instead, Chad surprised me when he turned to the front door. Surprise pulled me back.
“It’s okay.” Chad tugged me forward. “Master Xavier’s instructions.”
Warm, humid air greeted us and soft, floral aromas hit my senses. Xavier had picked paradise within which to build his empire.
“Chad, where are we?”
He cocked his head. “What do you mean?”
“Where is this place?” I’d flown into it hooded and bound. Curiosity was getting the better of me. If this was to be my home, I needed to know.
“It’s nice, isn’t it?”
“It is.” It was more than nice. A peaceful tranquility fell upon me breathing in the rich scents, and feeling the heat of the sun bake my skin. The faintest scent of the ocean whispered to me of an endless ocean of possibility. I could breathe. The overwhelming suffocation of a few moments ago faded into nothing but a bad memory. I stopped at the top of the steps, knowing the limits of my freedom, but Chad continued down the steps.
“Are you coming?”
My attention snapped to him and my stomach tumbled about. “I thought…”
“If you don’t mind a short walk, I can take you to the beach.”
“He’s going to let me?”
“I think you’re going to find you’ll be allowed to do a great many things now, Raven.”
It was the first-time Chad said my name. I’d always been his little kitten, the one he was charged with caring for. Nothing about the past month made sense and reconciling what I was learning about X and my guards was going to take some time.
A quick turn had me facing the imposing doors of X’s mansion. It had been my prison for weeks and I turned new eyes to it now. The overwhelming theme of white and gray continued on the outside of the house. Plantation shutters covered the windows and ornate woodwork framed the window. Tall columns supported the front of the house, integrating a massive porch into their design. Touches of blue, here and there, provided relief from the stark whitewash of the exterior. It was a grand home. Would it become mine?
“Come on, Kitten. My instructions are to show you around the grounds.”
Knowing the price of failure to comply with X’s commands, I pulled my attention from the structure which had been my prison and faced the jailor who had become something approaching a friend.
“Chad, can you tell me how you met Master Xavier?”
He reached out and gestured for me to join him down on the gravel of the drive. “It’s a long story, but we have time. Master Xavier will be tied up for some time with the others. Now, how about we take a walk?”
“I’d like that very much.”
We walked beside each other, two people tied to one indescribable man. Chad did not take me immediately to the beach, choosing to show me the expansive gardens surrounding X’s estate. I learned about his induction into X’s world. Recruited like the rest of my guards, he first met X in a gay BDSM club.
“Master Xavier needs a cadre of men, loyal to him, who are beyond reproach.”
“How so?”
“It’s an ugly world out there, kitten, but Master Xavier does what he must, and saves those precious few he can. All of the men embedded in his operation are gay. It’s his one rule.”
“Why is that?”
He gives me a look. “We handle the slaves, move them from place to place. These are women who’ve been battered and broken, trained to please men. Master Xavier ensures there’s no temptation within his operation. He doesn’t have to trust we won’t avail ourselves of the merchandise. He knows we won’t.”
A shudder ripped through me with all that word implied. These weren’t people, but goods in trade.
“I’m still wrapping my head around this. I don’t understand.”
“What’s there to understand?”
“If he’s against slavery, then why is he involved in the business of it? Why did he enslave me?”
“Those are complicated questions. I’ll answer the first, but I think you already know the answer to the second.”
It wasn’t clear to me that I did.
“Master Xavier, Mr. Summers, and Ben have spent nearly a decade building this operation. Master Xavier is embedded deep in the business. He wishes he could free all the slaves, but that’s the unfortunate price which must be paid. Mr. Summers finances most of it, and Ben uses his position within the FBI to track leads and position assets where they’re needed most.”
“How can he live with himself?”
“Master Xavier?”
“Yes.”
“Because he saves a great many along the way. Think of it as an underground railroad. The slaves which funnel through his operation are sold to buyers who work for him. It’s all a shell game. These are forgotten people, street kids, orphans, people who have no family and nobody who will miss them. They disappear from the world. Those who come through Master Xavier’s operation are recruited back into the cause. There are scores of former slaves who work for Master Xavier, working from the inside to funnel information.”
“Wait.” I pull up short. “From the inside?”
He cocks his head. “Yes.”
“But that means…”
“They are given into a highly-curated list of buyers who are known for taking care of their slaves. Master Xavier doesn’t place people into positions that jeopardize the integrity of the operation or place them in harm’s way.”
“How does he do that?”
“Most of the areas of this estate, which have been closed to you, are the induction facilities. Remember, kitten, these are people without homes, without families. Master Xavier gives them a cause to fight for and a family which welcomes them. They choose to stay.”
“And what if they don’t want to stay?”
“Well, Mr. Summers offers a rehabilitation and relocation service. They are debriefed, what information that can be taken is taken, and then they’re placed into witness protection with the FBI and Mr. Summers rehabilitates and retrains them to begin new lives.”
A sense of profound awe overcame me with the realization of all that was going on around me. “I had no idea.”
“You weren’t meant to know all the details.”
“I suppose not.”
I wasn’t a rescued slave, funneled through X’s organization and given an option to fight for a cause, or retire to a quiet life. My life had been taken by the very man who made it his life’s mission to free slaves. What was it about me that made X need to keep me?
A rhetorical question, I knew the answer. X took me because he had no choice. It was the only way to save me, and then something else happened: the other half of a whole. Those were the words he’d used, or something close. I brought something out in him as surely as he brought something out in me. Destiny brought us together and I had a choice to make.
“You still haven’t told me how you met Master Xavier.”
“I told you I was recruited.”
“But as his slave? Why not just a hired gun?”
“Well, that’s not what I needed.”
“I don’t understand.”
“I’m ex-military and came from a world steeped in discipline with life and death stakes a part of the job. When I left the military, I spun out of control without the discipline military life provided. I was in a self-destructive spiral; one which Master Xavier took me out of.”
“How?”
“He gave me the structure I craved, the discipline I need, and rules to bind my life. My life is his because he saved me from a very dark place. He mastered me and I bound myself to him and chose to submit to his authority. You know a little of what I speak, the power he wields is a potent thing. The stories are similar for the others, differing only a little.”
“Does he…” It felt weird to ask, but I didn’t need to complete my thought.
“Are you asking if he whips us?”
My cheeks heat and I glance up at the massive man walking beside me. “Yeah.”
“Yes, among other things, but it’s not a sexual relationship. It’s deeper. For me, I needed the release of pain when I was fighting my demons. It’s been years since I’ve needed to feel his whip. The same isn’t true of others, but they fight battles different from mine. Master Xavier provides me structure and consequence. Discipline can be any number of things as can rewards.”
“It’s hard to wrap my head around that.”
“Fortunately, you don’t need to worry about me, or the others. Master Xavier has made his intentions clear about you, and to be honest, I was a little concerned when he went down that path with you, but I’m glad for it now.”
That got my attention. What did that mean?
“Why is that?”
“You’re the first woman in years to have captured his heart.”
“Years?”
“Yes, didn’t you know?”
“No.”
“Well, suppose there was no way to know, but Master Xavier hasn’t—”
“Hasn’t what, Chad?” X’s deep voice had Chad stopping in his tracks.
“Master Xavier.” Chad gave a deep bow. It should seem odd to see a man with a linebacker build bow before X, but the motion came easily to Chad.
I didn’t have years to perfect my reaction to X. He took me by surprise each and every time. Butterflies fluttered in my belly. My heart slammed into high gear. Blood roared past my ears. And a feeling of anticipation skated across my skin as my nerves awakened and my body prepared for battle.
“I believe my instructions were to show Raven the island,” X said, “not divulge my past.”
“Forgive me.”
“We’ll speak of it later. Now, return to the house. Mr. Summers needs your assistance settling in our new acquisitions.”
“Yes, Master Xavier.”
Between one breath and the next, Chad spun and ran toward the house, leaving X and I terribly alone. A breath caught in my throat as the full intensity of X’s gaze turned on me.
“Are you feeling better?” he asked.
I shook my head. I had been; up until a moment ago. Chad’s words worked magic on me, relaxing me, but all that was now gone beneath the powerful presence that was X.
X passed beside me and headed down the trail Chad and I had been traveling. “I want to show you the beach. If I recall, you’re a scuba diver?”
“Yes, Master.” Among other adventurous activities, I held advanced certifications in scuba.
“You’re going to enjoy our reefs. I’d love to dive with you.”
X ducked beneath an arch of thick vegetation. I followed, then gasped at the expanse of white sand extending along a private beach. Turquoise waters filled my view, dotted by darker colors of the coral reef hidden below. Several hundred yards offshore, waves broke upon a break wall. The inner water of the protected bay barely rippled and mirrored the picturesque blue sky above.
“This is incredible.” I couldn’t contain my excitement and bounced on my toes. The urge to remove my shoes and feel the sand on my barefeet was nearly overwhelming.
“Wait until your first dive.”
“I can dive?” My mouth gaped with surprise. I was going to be allowed outside the house? To dive? I missed the calming sensation of diving beneath the surface. It was an escape from the world, and I sorely needed a little of that now.
“You can do anything you want.” While his gaze was sincere, his actions spoke volumes to the contrary. There was one thing I could not do.
“Except leave.”
X pulled me to his chest and tugged me tight. The ferocity of his hug surprised me, but not nearly as much as the tremors in his body.
“You’re free to leave, Raven, although it’s my hope that’s not what you choose.”
My heart slammed in my chest, coming to a thundering halt.
“What?” Had I heard him right?
“Come.”
His command couldn’t be ignored. My body reacted on instinct, following where he led. X brought me to a chaise protected by an umbrella overhead. The shade eased the heat of the day and the wind sweeping off the ocean dried the perspiration beading my brow. He gestured for me to sit and I obeyed without question.
X dropped to his knees and focused his smoldering gaze upon me. He gripped my calf and lifted my foot, propping it on his bent knee. Deft fingers worked at the clasp of the anklet which had been my constant companion since my abduction. It fell away from my skin and I felt lighter without it. I stared at the bare expanse of my ankle, not sure what to think by these series of events.
“A wise man told me that if I truly loved someone, I needed to set them free.”
He took my wrist and removed the bracelet, then did the same to my other wrist. His powerful frame straightened and he moved behind me, while my mind stuttered with what was happening. A tugging at my neck preceded the removal of the collar around my neck.
X moved back in front of me, standing over me, and tucked the bracelets and collar into his pocket. “Forest’s plane will depart after lunch. You may go with him if you choose.” His head cocked to the side. “Unfortunately, it won’t be possible for you to return to your previous life, at least not until our operation concludes. I can’t risk your father knowing I’ve set you free. That would endanger countless lives and destroy everything we’ve been working toward. Ben is prepared to move you into witness protection. You have unique skills and I’m not sure what your plans are for graduate education, but Forest’s organization should be able to provide you any of the training you require as well as the certificates and diplomas you may need down the road.”
“Why are you setting me free?”
“Weren’t you listening?”
He said if he truly loved someone…But there was more to that saying. In letting go that which a person loved, they hoped it would return to them. X didn’t want me to leave, but he was willing to lose me…in the hopes I came back to him.
I was being set free! This was everything I wanted. Why then wasn’t I running to that plane?
I gazed over the bay and imagined swimming beneath the pristine waters with Xavier by my side. The idea of not being around him turned my stomach and a hollowness lodged in my chest. I would miss Xavier. Despite everything, or maybe because of everything, he wouldn’t be a man I could forget.
“Is this Forest’s doing?” I turned my attention back to Xavier and felt my heart race. My head swam. It was a good thing I was already sitting, or I might have fainted from shock.
Xavier shook his head. “You know my desires. And my needs. What I said before has not changed. I won’t keep you against your will, but you need to know that if you choose to stay nothing between us changes. I’m sorry to have caused you harm. It was necessary, as I suspected your father would send men to check in. That he arrived instead, and forced me to…well, I’ll never forgive what he made me do.”
I rubbed at my wrists, feeling naked without the bracelets in place. This was too much. Too fast. Too overwhelming.
Xavier turned to the ocean. “It’s beautiful here, but will be desolate without you. I’ll miss you terribly. Despite everything, know that is the truth.” He turned away from me. “If you decide to stay, the collar and bracelets will be yours again, as well as everything that comes with them.” He hung his head and jabbed his hands deep into his pockets. “Choose well, my sweet Raven, but it must be your choice.”
Xavier turned and left me on the beach. In my head, I chased after him. My body shuddered as I wrapped my arms around him. My entire body came alive beneath the fury of his kisses. The ache to be possessed by him burned inside of me and I yearned to surrender. Instead of chasing after him, I tugged my knees to my chest and cried.
How long I stayed on that beach wasn’t something I would remember. At some point, I stripped out of my dress and cooled off in the water. Long sure strokes took me almost to the breakwater and the ground dropped beneath until I swam in water over forty-feet deep.
With deep breaths, I submerged myself beneath the waters and dove until the world disappeared. Saltwater stung my eyes and I gazed at blurry shapes in the water, blinking until they came into better focus. I dove again. And again.
Each time, I extended the duration of my dives, counting the beats of my heart until the pain in my chest became intolerable and I could no longer resist the urge to breathe. I sought the surface of the water and sucked in air. Then, I did it again.
And again.
The ache I felt was only from the need to breathe. Xavier had freed me. I should be celebrating, but I never felt so lost.