This is a living house. A living, breathing house. I hear it sighing, all night long. The wide brick and wooden walls are always cool, even in the heat of the day when the sun has silenced the birds, lashed at the trees, and begun to melt the tarmac. I slip across them like a tick on its host’s skin. As I hold them I feel a heart beating. Mine, perhaps, or that of the house. It hardly matters. It does me good. It makes me feel safe. Sometimes Old Esperança will bring along one of her smaller grandchildren. She carries them on her back, wrapped tightly in a piece of cloth, as is the ancient custom of the country. She does all her work like this. She sweeps the floor, dusts down the books, cooks, washes clothes, does the ironing. And the baby, its head pressed in to her back, feels her warmth and her heartbeat, believes itself to be back in its mother’s womb, and sleeps. My relationship with the house is just the same. As I’ve said, as it gets late I stay in the living room, pressed up against the windowpanes, watching the dying sun. Once night has fallen I wander from area to area – the living room opens out to the garden, a narrow, badly-tended sort of thing, which is only delightful thanks to the two glorious Imperial palm trees, very tall, very haughty, that stand at either end, keeping watch over the house. The living room leads to the library. A wide doorway takes you from the library into the corridor, which is a deep tunnel, damp and dark, that gets you to the bedroom, the dining room, the kitchen. This part of the house faces out towards the yard. The morning light strokes the walls – green, gentle, filtered through the tall foliage of the avocado tree. At the end of the corridor, on your left as you come in from the living room, a small staircase rises as if with some effort in three broken flights of steps. If you go up the staircase you’ll find yourself in a sort of garret, where the albino goes only rarely. It’s full of crates of books. I’m not often there myself either. Bats sleep upside-down on the walls, wrapped in their black capes. I don’t know whether geckos are part of a bat’s diet. And I prefer not to know. It’s the same thing – terror, that is – that keeps me from exploring the yard. From the windows of the kitchen, the dining room or Félix’s room I can see the wild grasses growing untamed between the rosebushes. A huge, leafy avocado tree rises up in the exact centre of the yard. There are two tall medlar trees too, laden with fruit, and at least ten papaya trees. Félix believes in the restorative powers of papaya. The garden is closed off by a tall wall, the top of which is studded with shards of glass in different colours, held in place by cement. From my vantage point they look like teeth. This fierce device doesn’t prevent boys from occasionally climbing the wall to steal avocadoes, medlar fruit and papayas. They put a wooden board on the top of the wall, and pull themselves over. If you ask me it’s far too risky an enterprise for such meagre pickings. But perhaps they’re not doing it in order to savour the fruit, but to savour the risk itself… Maybe all risks will taste to them of ripe medlar fruit from now on. You can imagine that one of them will end up becoming a sapper. There will always be more than enough work for sappers in this country. Only yesterday I saw something on television, a report on the mine-sweeping operations. The director of an NGO was bemoaning how uncertain they are about numbers. No one knows with any certainty how many mines were buried in Angolan soil. Somewhere between ten and twenty million. More mines than Angolans, probably. So say one of these boys becomes a sapper. Whenever he drags himself across a minefield he’ll always have that faint taste of medlar fruit in his mouth. And one day he’ll be faced with the inevitable question, thrown at him by a foreign journalist with mingled curiosity and horror:
‘So when you’re there disarming a mine, what goes through your head?’
And the boy he still has within him will reply, with a smile:
‘Medlar fruit, old man.’
Old Esperança thinks it’s the wall that makes the thieves – I’ve heard her say as much to Félix. The albino turned to her, amused:
‘Who’d have thought I had an anarchist in the house?! Any moment now I’m going to discover that you’ve been reading Bakunin…’
He said this, then forgot all about her. She’d never read Bakunin, of course; never read a book at all, come to that, barely knows how to read. But I’m always learning things about life in general, or life in this country – which is life in a state of intoxication – from hearing her talk to herself, sometimes in a gentle murmur, almost like a song, sometimes out loud like someone scolding, as she cleans the house. Old Esperança believes that she’s never going to die. In 1992 she survived a massacre. She’d gone to the house of one of the opposition leaders to pick up a letter from her youngest son who was on service in Huambo, when bursts of gunfire suddenly erupted from all around. She was determined to leave the place, to go back to her old musseque house, but they wouldn’t let her.
‘It’s a crazy idea, old lady. Just pretend that it’s raining. It’ll pass soon enough.’
But it didn’t pass. Like a storm the gunfire gathered, getting more ferocious and closing in, getting louder and closer to the house. Félix was the one who told me what happened that night:
‘This brawling band, a mob of rioters, well armed and extremely drunk, forced their way into the house and slapped around all the people there. The commander wanted to know the name of the old woman. Esperança Job Sapalalo, sir, she said, and he laughed. Esperança – Hope, he joked. Always the last to die. The opposition leader and his family were lined up in the yard and shot. When it came to be Old Esperança’s turn, the gunmen had no bullets left. You know what saved you, don’t you? the commander shouted – it was logistics. We’ve never been very good with logistics. And he sent her on her way. Since then she’s believed herself to be immune to death. And who knows, maybe she is.’
It doesn’t strike me as impossible. Esperança Job Sapalalo has a fine web of wrinkles on her face and completely white hair, but her flesh is still firm, her gestures solid and precise. If you ask me she’s the pillar keeping this house up.