“The well was dry beside the door, and so we went with pail and can across the fields behind the house to seek the brook if still it ran”
--Robert Frost
I didn’t have time to think about my father. It was the living who captured my attention. My eyes locked on my mother, who was obviously hysterical. She went from speechless to screaming uncontrollably. She rushed to my father’s lifeless body cradling him in her arms rocking back and forth, screaming his name.
“John, can you hear me? You’re not dead. I know you’re not dead.”
I reached for my mother’s arm and she jerked it away from me. She refused to budge from that spot and she refused to leave him. When I tried to pick her up, she was dead weight. She slumped over him like a shield and tighten her grip on his body.
Shaun held Sarah with his arm and covering her eyes with his hand. Sarah put her hands over her ears because she couldn’t stand to hear the shrill pathetic cry coming from Mother.
I glanced behind them and saw a wall of dust moving fast in our direction. Raising the bandana over my mouth, I gave out a muffled cry. “Mother,” I shouted. “You can’t stay here. We have to seek shelter.” She didn’t listen. It was as if her life had drained from her, and she was somewhere else. Perhaps with my father.
She managed to glance up still holding my father in a death grip. I couldn’t pry her arms from him. Her eyes appeared dead because she looked through me talking into the air. “I’m not leaving you. I’ll never leave you,” she whispered into my father’s ear. Then I understood. She was telling me that when father died her life was over. Her eyes met mine. “Can’t you see David? I can’t go any further, and I won’t go.” Her head lowered.
I gave my mother a tug and still she wouldn’t budge. “You have to,” I pleaded, “otherwise we will die. I need you, Sarah needs you,” and still she said nothing. I thought knowing that we depended on her would somehow give her the strength to stand. I waved to Shaun and pointed at the wall of dust headed our way. “Get in the truck Shaun.” He scooped up Sarah who was trying to escape his grasp and get to mother.
My hopeless gaze fell on my mother and father one last time. I knew what my mother was doing. She was sacrificing her life and her unborn baby for us. She wasn’t strong and she knew it. She knew she could never make it to New York with a newborn and no milk. We didn’t have enough water and food for all of us to make it that far, and she didn’t want to see another day without my father.
All the feelings of lost welled up inside me and I wanted to lay down and die beside my parents. I touched her face and hair and then kissed my mother’s dry lifeless hair, which was no longer full, but only a few strands that prevented her from being bald. When I raised my hand from her head, the last bit of hair on her head fell into my hands.
I looked at it in horror and within a minute the angry wind and dust crept up on me with fury and rage. I knew what I had to do. I reached for the rear of the truck and jumped into its bed. I tucked my head between my legs and pulled blankets over me.
I watched through an opening as the swirling red dust carried my mother and then my father away. One minute I had a whole family and the next I was alone trying to find my way in this forsaken land. Now I had to be the mother and father to my nine year old sister. In the blink of an eye all was gone. My father’s wisdom and my mother’s optimism disappeared in a second, and I was left not yet a man trying to figure out a hostile world.
I had no time for goodbyes. I had no time to grieve. I had no time for tears.
The second wave of dust was on us and I had to run to reach the truck’s cab. I ran with the wind whipping and tearing my already torn shirt and pants to shreds. I grabbed the handle of the door and pulled. The door finally opened with Shaun’s help and in the front seat was Sarah crying for her mother. I put my arms around her and she pushed me away and said, “Why didn’t you do something? You just let them die.” And she put her hand to her head and sobbed. Her wail was deafening.
“Help her into the back,” I said to Shaun. “I need to think.” I looked at him and then focused on Sarah. “We have to leave this truck. If we remain here we will run out of food and water.”
Shaun opened his mouth. I knew what he wanted to say and I stopped him. “We will die if we stay here. No one will save us but ourselves.”
“What if the well is not there then what?” Shaun said. I peered at him and shook my head.
“I don’t need you to give out these negative ideas. My father said to solve a problem we have to think and survive.”
He must have understood the predicament we faced and knew that cooperation was our only chance. But first we had to do something with Sarah. “What are we to do with her?” Shaun said. He gestured at a weeping Sarah.
I knew what he meant. She could kill us by refusing to go because I wasn’t prepared mentally to leave her behind, and Shaun couldn’t make it alone. I didn’t know what to do. “Let me talk to her. When the wind stops, take a walk and I’ll make a decision,” I said to him.
My gaze wavered back and forth from Sarah to Shaun. I needed Shaun but I didn’t need Sarah. She would slow us down and that would be the end. My mother knew that and she made her choice. I saw it in her eyes. It wasn’t that my father’s death had affected her as much as she wanted me and Sarah to survive.
Sarah wasn’t an option to consider. My mother’s sacrifice would be useless if Sarah didn’t make it. My mother sacrificed her unborn baby for Sarah. How could I think of leaving Sarah?
I remember mother saying that there are animals in every community that will sacrifice themselves for the good of the whole community. Insects will do that. Bees came to mind. Mammals are no exception. There are rats that will commit suicide so others in their community could live. Because of this instinct of sacrifice built into creatures, somehow, I knew that all species of animals hadn’t disappeared from this earth as reported, and somewhere there would be food. And where there are animals there will be water.
I wondered if I would have the courage to sacrifice myself for others if it came to that.
My father said when there were wars soldiers sacrificed themselves all the time. Somehow things changed and society and culture changed. It became every country, every family, and every man for himself. Communities were torn apart. Hunger and thirst made for irrational selfish thinking.
“We can’t stay in the comfort of this truck,” I said locking eyes with Shaun.
“There is plenty of food and water,” he said clutching on to some dried meat.
“We have to go on. We have to get out of here,” I said pointing. “We have to make progress. We’re making none sitting here.” I saw the fear in Shaun’s face. I knew that fear. I felt it but I couldn’t show it to anyone. I had to assume the role of the leader. I had to keep my fears to myself.
I knew that when the food and water gave out and if we hadn’t reached the well, then there would be nothing waiting for us around the corner. Certainly not a grocery store where we could get fruit, vegetables, meat, and bottled water.
That was a time lost to my father and mother. For us now, it was just pictures in magazines. And you can’t eat and drink a picture.