Most people who are lucky enough to have met their grandparents have wonderful memories of them when they were growing up. I am lucky enough to have known all four of my grandparents and have loving memories of them all, which I treasure.
Some of my strongest recollections are of my two grandmothers. My mum’s mother was a gentle woman who had travelled the world with my grandfather (who was a real hero of mine) in the diplomatic service, acting as the hostess everywhere imaginable. But what I remember most are her fried chicken bucket nights when they had retired to Ealing, which was the biggest treat imaginable for me and my brothers. We would gather a mountain of food and eat ourselves stupid while talking non-stop – all of us at the same time. Through it all she would remain one of the calmest people. I wish she could see my lovely sons as she was wonderful with babies and small children.
My Scottish Gran was very different – she had stayed in Scotland all her life and had great trepidations about being too far from home. My dad’s dad had served in India during the war, and I’m sure that added to her fear of seeing the family fly the nest. So when my mum and dad took me and my young brothers to live in East Africa it must have felt dreadful to her; having all of us so far away. Telephones not being what they are today, we had just one phone call at Christmas time which centred around shouting, “happy Christmas! Can you hear me, is it a good line? Hello, hello, happy Christmas!” before the pre-booked time was up.
My Scottish Gran was terribly stern with us but cherished small rituals when we made our annual visit to stay with her and Grandad in their pebble-dashed house for a week every summer. Every year we had the same cup and plate kept for each of us, and the thrill of ice cream from the local van squirted directly into the serving bowl followed by an episode of Crossroads or Dr Who on the black and white television (truly a unique thing for us as we had no access to a TV back in East Africa). My dad would always take his dad out for a curry in Edinburgh; a tradition between them which we all knew was a vital part of their summer.
I feel lucky compared to Gordon, whose grandparents died before he ever got to know them, so he had to rely on his mum and dad’s memories. The story he always remembers about his father’s parents was that they had married on their own farm in Fife in Scotland. When we were planning to marry and thinking of a way to do this fairly quietly, Gordon recalled this piece of family history and we did the very same thing, marrying in our own dining room. Now whenever we have a family meal or guests over to our house in Fife I always remember our beautiful wedding day. We also have a picture drawn of his grandparents’ Fife house in our home, reminding us of that connection that binds us over the generations, even though we never met.
Now that I am a mum of two small children, working with a children’s charity and involved with a number of other charities and campaigns, and adapting to the various demands of life in No 10, I appreciate that my own mother is around from time to time to help out and bring us together for family occasions. My mum is definitely from the new generation of grandparents; busy and active, learning new things and always volunteering to help others, but also making sure they spend time with all their grandchildren.
There are an estimated fourteen million grandparents in the UK, and many of them help their sons or daughters with childcare. Recent figures suggest 70 per cent of families with babies and nearly half of those with toddlers rely on grandparent carers – and for single parents, younger and first-time mothers, grandparents form a particularly vital part of their support network. One per cent of children are actually looked after full-time by their grandparents, for all kinds of reasons. Grandparents are such a vital part of family life today, it’s important we do more to recognise their contribution.
How we treat older people in society is so important, and says a lot about us as a country. It is not just the fact that we should all find ways to care for our elderly, protecting their homes and their health, but that we should appreciate them, learn from them and draw them closer to the next generation. Everyone has so much to gain from each other. That is why we have included contributions in this collection from some of the experts running charities, associations and organisations committed to supporting older people.
This anthology contains witty, wry and often touching observations about being a grandparent, alongside moving and heartwarming memories of much-loved grandparents, together with some just plain laugh-out-loud stuff. But we have also included some more challenging contributions; Paul Dacre reminds us of how much we gain from bringing older generations closer to the heart of our families, and how much we risk losing if that link between the generations is broken, and Richard Eyre shares his experience of a difficult grandparent and the shadow they can cast across the generations.
Families today need flexibility and options, never more so than in these tough economic times. And we can all play our part – from the government to individual communities – to help provide for the dignity of our elderly, so they have the quality of life they deserve. As times move on, with more mums out at work, grandparents are going to play an even bigger part in our children’s lives. As carers when they are very small, and as all important role models as they begin to grow into young adults.
That is why PiggyBankKids, the charity I set up in 2002 to help babies and children, leapt at the chance to support a project called Granny School when it was presented to the Trustees for funding. Through the Jennifer Brown Research Fund we support new community health projects run by midwives, nurses and other health professionals, who have ideas from their own daily working lives that might improve the care and provision for mothers, young babies and children.
Currently offered as part of a pilot project in Fife at the Queen Margaret Hospital in Dunfermline and the Forth Park Hospital in Kirkcaldy, Granny School offers refresher classes to first time grandmas. The inspiration of a Fife community midwife Carol Murray, every Granny School class has been oversubscribed and there is clearly a huge demand all over the UK for this kind of service.
Granny School is not about teaching grannies what to do, because for the most part they’ve got more to teach us. It’s about them catching up on the things that have changed since they brought up their children. The classes offer up-to-date information about the care of new babies, toddlers and beyond, up to four years old, and so far they’ve been a raving success.
Children really matter to us at PiggyBankKids and by buying this book you are really showing how much they matter to you too. I know that many grandparents across Britain share our focus on wanting the best start in life for all children – not just their own precious grandchildren. As well as supporting PiggyBankKids’ projects like the Granny School and similar projects providing help to some of the most vulnerable mums in our communities, the proceeds from the sale of the book will support the research at the Jennifer Brown Research Laboratory, where our talented and dedicated team of scientists are advancing pioneering research making real progress towards resolving some of the life-threatening complications that can arise during pregnancy.
The charity also supports with its Small Grants programme and Sharing Skills team a number of partnerships with charities supporting older children, ranging from mentoring to sports provision to cancer care. So thank you so much for buying this book and helping us to raise funds to support all our projects. I’d also like to thank Gil McNeil, my co-editor and Director of PiggyBankKids, and everyone at Ebury and PiggyBankKids for all their hard work. Most of all I would like to thank all our wonderful writers who have so generously agreed to contribute their work for free. And of course last, but not least, thanks to all our grandparents.
Sarah Brown
PiggyBankKids