Chapter 39

 

I crept across my bedroom floor to a bookshelf on the far wall. Slipping my hand along the top left side, I felt for the…

There. An indentation. I slid my fingers along it, feeling for the lever to release the shelf. It thudded with a clank that felt as if it shook the room. I paused, my arms stiff, afraid at any moment my maid would burst in, wondering what I was doing in the middle of the night, fiddling with shelves.

The shelf slid to the right, revealing an arched hole in the wall, the passage exactly where Kiki had said it would be.

Devilish, that girl was.

I grabbed my candle, not about to enter the dark tunnel without some light.

“Seven,” I whispered. Seven doors I had to pass to reach Nick’s rooms. I took a deep breath and entered the tunnel.

I padded along as quietly as possible, for I did not want to see any mice or spiders or any other rodents as I walked. My heart raced with every step. I waved my hand through spider webs and began to wonder about the intelligence of this idea. I had put on a lovely night shift, wrapped a robe around me and covered my head with a hood but, sliding through the spider webs, I was certain I would look a fright by the time I got to Nick’s rooms.

The duchess had put two guards outside my door with explicit instructions to not allow any male into my room, for any reason. If I were to leave, I had to tell them where I was going–a shock, to be certain, when I emerged to speak to Kiki.

I had intended to take a note to Nick’s room and leave it under the door, asking him to come see me in my rooms but, because of the guards, I knew he would never be able to come in. Instead, I turned to the only resource I had in the castle–Kiki.

We had talked a great deal about the day and everything that had happened. At least, everything she knew about. She asked me several times about Lady Eva, if anything had been said between us before she left, but I denied it.

That was one of the main reasons I wanted to speak to Nick. I had to ask him some questions about what Lady Eva had said. I had sat, quill in hand, scribbling out memories from our conversations in the tower. The things he had said about the women here at the castle, in particular. Not once did I remember him saying anything about breaking his betrothal to marry one of them. Nor had he mentioned any of them with the kind of fondness I would expect a man to have for someone he was considering marrying.

And the betrothal.

We very much needed to discuss the betrothal. It was ripping me apart. I knew not if I should trust the betrothal and the circumstances in which I found myself, or if I should try being free, learning who I was, before bonding to someone else. I did not know who I was, did not know anything about my real family.

I needed to figure those things out. I owed my real parents that much at least.

But I also did not want to be used as a pawn in a business arrangement. I wanted to marry because I wanted it, not because I was a prize to be won.

While Duchess von Hohburg would not be happy about it, at the very least the betrothal would have to be put off. A year, perhaps. To give me time to better understand what was expected of me as Katherina von Stroebel. Rather, Lady Katherina Greta von Stroebel. I had to remember that title–they were so important here.

In short, I needed to speak to Nick. Waiting until morning would preclude sleeping, so I went to talk to Kiki. She agreed with me about putting off the betrothal for some time, and together we came up with a plan to let me speak to Nick.

The very plan that had me walking through this hardly-used corridor, avoiding spider webs and trying to find Nick’s room. Kiki had not mentioned the spider webs. We would have to have a little talk about leaving out important details.

“Five,” I whispered as I passed another arched doorway.

I noticed immediately that the spider webs had diminished, as if this area were actually used on occasion. Undoubtedly by Kiki, sneaking about gathering gossip like a squirrel storing nuts for the winter.

I could not help smiling as I passed the sixth door.

A few steps farther and I stood outside the seventh door. Nick’s door.

I paused at this last hurdle, suddenly unsure if I really wanted to enter his room. I still could go back, slip into my bed and pretend this had not happened. He would never know I had gotten this far, that I had come to see him.

My racing heart thundered in my ears. Was this a horrible mistake? I was sneaking into his room. Probably not the thing a lady should be doing. Yet I did not feel like a lady anyway, so the point was moot.

I put my hand on the door, then snatched it off and took a step back. Maybe I should wait. Maybe, just maybe, I would be better off heading back to my room.

No.

No, I had come this far. I was a grown woman. Nick and I needed to speak. Now. Tonight. We had to talk through this, or…or…

We just had to.

I loved Nick. I would not make excuses to stay away. Had I not been trapped long enough, not just by Gothel’s tower, but by my own fears?

My fears would not control me anymore.

I had reached for the door and was looking for the little round handle Kiki told me was on each one, when it jerked open and I leaped back, yelping.

“Tressey?” Nick whispered. He held a candle, his hair was rumpled and his eyes wide with shock.

“I…”

I did not have time to think as he pulled me into his chamber.