Chapter 45

 

Today, I leave Castle Hohburg and the contract of my betrothal.

And Nick.

I paid little attention as Alda packed my meager belongings–the few dresses did not even feel like mine.

Though we had made love last night, I did not sleep well. I wanted to savor the secret moments with Nick, because I knew they were over. I had watched his chest rise and fall, took comfort in the soft snores he made as he slept and the simple fact of his presence there. Just before the dawn crept in, he awoke and we loved each other a second time–faster, more fully, more desperately than the first–because we knew as the sun came up, we would not be together much longer.

I told myself all morning, as my things were packed, that this was for the best. I needed to learn who I was and who I was supposed to be–but my leaving felt more final with every item the maid packed away and I could not stand it.

This was a good thing. I was free, not bound by a contract or a prize to be won. No matter how I reminded myself of this, I questioned my rationale. 

Staring into the castle courtyard, I stroked the edge of the window and tried to bury my doubts.

Sometimes it is better to not think, and just do, rather than to dwell. Had not I said something like that to Penn a few days ago? It seemed logical at the time. Right now, however, it felt like foolish babbling.

A knock on my chamber door made me jump and I turned to answer it, but Alda was quicker, and let my visitor in the room.

“Your Grace,” I said to Duchess von Hohburg, dipping into a curtsey.

The duchess scanned the room, taking in everything going on inside.

“You seem ready for travel.”

“I am ready to know the parents I lost,” I said, watching her eyes.

“A wise choice,” she replied. “What about your things?”

“Alda is getting my things together now.”

She shook her head. “From the tower. I can send men to retrieve anything you want, and have it sent to the von Stroebel’s.”

The tower? I had not considered anything being left there…what could I want? Then it struck me. “There is a music box. Nicolas brought it to me before he… Before I… Before.” I blushed, staring at the floor, embarrassed I had forgotten such a special gift.

 

The duchess raised her hand. “Consider it done.” She turned to walk out, then paused. “Is there anything else? Perhaps the herbs Gothel kept there?”

“Why would I want those?”

The duchess shrugged. “The healers might be interested in them, if you know how to use them.”

Of course the healers here would want the herbs. Otherwise they would go to waste. If some good could be done with them, then it could alleviate some of the darkness she had woven around them.

“Please, have your men retrieve the herbs.” I pictured the shelves where so many of the bottles stood, many unmarked. “But have them take care–many of the herbs are not labeled. I will need to go through them, making sure none are poisonous.”

The duchess smiled. “You have a very regal way about you, Lady Katherina von Stroebel.”

My cheeks flamed at her compliment. “I was not trying… I did not mean to sound…”

The duchess brought her hand up. “Please, child. I like that in you. You were very scared when you first arrived. No doubt anyone would be in your position. However, I am glad to see you are growing into your station so well.”

“Thank you, Your Grace.” The sweet compliment brought tears to my eyes though I tried to force them back. It was so warming to receive such a sentiment.

“I have your things together, my lady,” Alda said, and headed toward the door. “I shall have them brought around front for the carriage.”

“Thank you, yes, that would be wonderful,” I replied.

The maid stepped into the corridor and the duchess started to follow. “I believe the von Stroebels are nearly ready to depart.”

I followed her to the main hallway, where I was greeted by Nick, his father, the von Stroebels and Penn–now Duke von Gruenewald.

Penn was the closest, and the usual jovial expression on his face had turned to a hard line, making him look quite a bit older.

“It was very nice to meet you, Lady Katherina,” Penn said, taking my hand and kissing my fingers.

I half-expected him to do something to irritate Nick, but he merely released my hand as propriety would dictate, and barely a smile crossed his face.

“Penn, you shall be a wonderful duke,” I said, smiling at him.

“And you are a lady,” he replied, nodding. Whether he heeded my words, I knew not, but I wished him the best in his new title.

Nick came to my side. “He is grumpy because he has more responsibilities now, pay him no mind.” 

Nick whisked me away for the formal leave-taking from his parents, and I said goodbye to them and thanked them for their hospitality. Then I noticed Kiki was not there.

“Where is Kiki? I would like to say goodbye to her,” I said to Nick.

Nick glanced around as if he had not noticed she was absent. “No idea. I have not seen her since I picked her off the ground at the execution.”

“She would have wanted to say goodbye,” Duchess von Hohburg said. She stopped a maid who carried a large bundle of sheets. The maid answered her and quickly took off.

“Interesting,” the duchess said. “She is locked in her room, saying she does not feel well.”

“Should I go see her? Maybe get her something to drink?”

The duchess shook her head. “It is one of her headaches. The only thing that makes them better is darkness and quiet. We will leave her alone. She will be happy to write you letters, I am certain.”

“Oh I see,” I replied, sad that I would not be able to say good bye to Kiki. I would most certainly miss her–my first true female friend.

The von Stroebels had done something to their clothing, which now seemed to fit them better. Maybe it was simply the way they stood? Whatever the cause, they looked more regal than they ever had before.

“You look wonderful,” I said to them.

“As do you,” Duchess von Stroebel said. “Shall we be going? Too much longer, and it will be very late when we reach our home.”

“Of course.” I looked for something, anything in Nick’s eyes. They were only blue, no messages hidden in their depths. I turned back to my parents. “We should be off.”

They headed out the door with the von Hohburgs and I was behind them, Nick escorting me. Penn remained in the doorway, a scowl marring his otherwise handsome features.

Nick stopped me as I was about to climb into the carriage. “You do not have to go, Tressey.”

“I really should.”

He let out a sigh. “I want you to stay. Please.”

“I should acquaint myself with my parents. See where I was born. Understand a bit more about where I came from.” I tried to put on a brave front, but tears seeped from my eyes.

Nick wiped them away. “I will miss you.”

He kissed my forehead. Then he kissed my lips, making me go slack against him. It was not a sweet, pleasant kiss one would give an acquaintance in front of their parents. This was something much deeper and private, and usually reserved for bedroom chambers and hidden spaces. As his tongue slid around mine, my body started to hum the now-familiar tune and I pressed myself against him. I wanted to find a dark nook and allow him free rein, but I could not.

Mostly because his mother boxed him upside the head.

Which of course made his head bump mine and we parted, rubbing our foreheads.

“Mother,” he groaned.

“You should know better,” she replied.

Even I could see the glittering grin in her eyes and could not help laughing.

Nick saw the amusement too, after a moment. “Forgive me, Mother. I do happen to be quite fond of this one.”

She sighed. “Ornery little cad.” She turned to her husband, who stood on the steps to the main entrance, and I could not help noticing the way they stared at each other. It was the same adoring look Nick gave me.

In my heart, I knew I would miss him, but as my gaze wandered over to my parents, my real parents, I knew this was for the best. Even if it hurt me to leave Nick, I could not be his by default. I could not do it.

The duke helped the duchess into the carriage, with reverence and respect and more joy than I had ever noticed in their eyes. They deserved to know me, and I them.

I deserved to choose my own path, not have it chosen for me.

Nick helped me inside the carriage. Just before he shut the door, he whispered to me, “I love you.”

I touched his hand. “I love you too.”

“At least agree to the betrothal.”

I shook my head, touching his cheek. “I am free, remember? I have to choose for myself.”

He nodded, and closed the door.

My heart screamed as the carriage started on its way. I watched him out the window for as long as I could see him. He did not move from his spot, either.

I was going to miss him horribly.