| |
Daniel paced his study the following day, only to turn too quickly which caused a painful hitch in his side. He grimaced at the reminder of his wound and slowed his steps.
“Perhaps you should sit.” Richard’s dry tone held a hint of amusement that Daniel didn’t appreciate.
“I think better when I’m moving.” Daniel paused to scowl at his brother. Never mind that Daniel had been the one to request this meeting. “You do the same when you’re upset.”
“True.” Richard leaned back in the chair and folded his hands over his flat stomach. “But I must say I enjoy watching you do it instead.”
Daniel returned to his chair, only to realize that was exactly what his brother had intended. He didn’t care to think he was so easily manipulated. At least Richard had the good grace not to gloat over his success.
“Now then, why don’t we review the problem again,” Richard suggested. “I’m certain we can arrive at a logical solution. You’re concerned that Miss Linfield might do something rash?”
“Based on our brief conversation yesterday, I believe she’s planning on leaving very soon. Most likely once Miss Adams is better.” Something in the tone of her voice along with her determined expression had him convinced she intended to leave as quickly as possible.
“And that’s bad because?” Richard’s brow furrowed.
“She has nowhere to go!” Daniel bolted to his feet again and hissed at the sharp ache the movement caused. He placed a hand on his side, already wishing it gone. The injury was a nuisance. “Blast it all.”
“Surely she won’t leave until she’s decided where she’s going. I can’t believe she’d choose to live on the street rather than stay with us.” His affronted expression would’ve been amusing under other circumstances. “Doesn’t she like staying at Aberland House?”
“Of course, she does. She adores Caroline.”
“Have I offended her in some manner?”
“No, she simply doesn’t know you well.” Daniel sank into the chair again. “She doesn’t want to be a burden to the two of you.”
“She isn’t a burden at all. In fact, she’s already helped Caroline considerably with preparing the nursery. She’s delightful company.”
“I tried to tell her that, but it didn’t help.”
“Why don’t I speak with her and explain how much Caroline enjoys her staying with us?”
Daniel shook his head. “I don’t think it will make a difference. She’ll think I put you up to it.”
“You do realize she has the freedom to do as she pleases. If she wishes to go, there’s nothing we can do to stop her.”
“There has to be something.” Daniel had spent a sleepless night trying to think of a solution. He’d already been awake, unable to get comfortable. No matter his position, his side hurt along with the rest of his body, and his thoughts raced. He couldn’t release his worry about Beatrice for the life of him.
“If you were to guess, what do you think she will do?” Richard asked.
That was the issue. She’d only mentioned two possibilities. He couldn’t imagine her as a servant in someone’s home. She was a lady for goodness sake. Nor could he imagine her as some man’s wife. The very idea made him shudder. But it would be difficult for her to find a husband so quickly. Did that mean she intended to find employment?
Richard cleared his throat when Daniel didn’t respond. “What do you think she wants to do?”
The rephrasing of the question didn’t provide any answers. From what Daniel knew, she didn’t have a deep yearning to do any particular thing. It was as if she wasn’t certain where her place was in the world, a lost soul who didn’t belong anywhere. The realization made his chest ache in the strangest manner.
Her life had changed significantly in recent months. First the death of her father, then the news that she’d been left penniless, followed by the desertion of her betrothed. Next had come her arrival to London and the situation had worsened from there. No wonder she felt adrift.
“I still think marriage is the best solution.” Richard’s calm statement sent Daniel’s stomach churning and brought a choking sensation to his throat.
“She shouldn’t be a servant in someone’s home,” his brother continued. “She’s attractive, well educated, and has a talent for organization. She’d make the right man a fine wife, don’t you think? Then she could have children of her own and—”
“Enough. I’ll do it.” Daniel rubbed the back of his neck, but it did little to calm the slight panic clawing at him.
“You’ll do what?”
“I’ll marry her.” Why did he feel as if he were doing the right thing for the wrong reasons? He gave himself a mental shake at his convoluted thoughts.
Richard didn’t bother to hide his satisfied smile, leaving Daniel to wonder if that had been Richard’s plan all along. “Excellent notion. When will you ask her?”
“Soon.” Suddenly he couldn’t catch his breath as a new concern flooded his thoughts. What if she said no?
~*~
THREE DAYS LATER, BEATRICE watched Mary with dismay as she packed the few things Caroline had provided for her.
“Are you certain you feel well enough to leave?” Beatrice asked.
“Yes.” Mary nodded with enthusiasm as she smiled at Beatrice. “I’m excited about my new position. In all honesty, I’m ready to put everything that happened behind me and think of my future.”
Mary had indeed been forced into relations with several men, something she could barely bring herself to talk about. Listening with empathy was the only thing Beatrice could offer. Caroline gently inquired as to whether Mary might be expecting, but the woman matter-of-factly shared how the men were required to wear an “English riding coat” made of sheep gut. She’d been told to wash afterward as well.
Beatrice hoped for Mary’s sake those precautions had been successful as she would lose her job if she were pregnant. No unmarried women would be welcome in any position if they were expecting a child.
Mary had expressed an interest in fashion when Margaret had called on them two days prior. The lady had asked what she knew about sewing. After a long conversation and a few demonstrations, Margaret had declared her particularly talented with a needle and thread. Mary even knew the proper way to sew French seams and had done so quickly with small, tight stitches that Margaret declared perfect.
Margaret had been so impressed she’d recommended Mary for a position with the dressmaker she and Caroline used. Mary was to have a room above the shop and would start on the morrow.
Her animated expression as she prepared to leave didn’t ease Beatrice’s worry one bit. She felt much like a mother hen, watching her chick leave the safety of the coop.
“Work as a seamstress isn’t easy.” Beatrice couldn’t help but mention the fact. Working long hours often in dim candlelight could cause poor eyesight along with various aches and pains from being hunched over one’s work.
“Miss Gold has shared what the shop is like. It will be hard work, but I’m used to that. The gowns they make are amazing. I’ve never seen fabric like they use. It will be a pleasure to work there and learn more of those fancy techniques Miss Gold mentioned. I’ve been practicing a few already.”
Over the course of the past few days, they’d learned more about Mary and the family she’d left behind in a small village. Her father was a stonemason and her mother weaved baskets. Mary had three younger siblings whom she wanted to help support.
After what Mary had been through, the woman wanted nothing more than to do her best to forget it and make a new start. Finding a position that kept her away from men was an added bonus as far as she was concerned.
Beatrice was happy for Mary, but the woman’s determination to move forward only made Beatrice feel inept that she hadn’t done the same.
“The best part,” Mary continued, “is that I might have the chance to see you, Miss Gold, and Lady Aberland. My acquaintance with the three of you will surely please Madame Beaufort.”
Mary paused from folding the simple gown Caroline had given her and turned to look at Beatrice. “That is if you don’t mind me saying I know you.”
“I’d be honored, Mary. I consider you a friend.” Perhaps she should seek a position at the dressmaker’s as well. While not as talented as Mary in sewing, her embroidery skills were good. Many of the pieces the dressmaker made surely required embroidery or other needlework. Especially undergarments or even handkerchiefs.
Yet the idea of sitting in a room sewing all day long held little appeal. She enjoyed embroidery but only as a hobby. What did she want to do? She’d been so desperate for employment when she’d arrived in London that she had set her mind to taking any position she could find. Now that she had the help of Caroline and Aberland, it seemed wiser to seek work that would provide a livelihood and be bearable at the very least.
She knew how to garden as they’d had a large one at home, but what would she do in the winter months? She could draw and paint passably well, but that limited talent wouldn’t provide a living. Perhaps serving as a nanny or governess might be best. Though she worried about being in a household where the lord might take a liking to her. After her near miss escaping the brothel, the idea made her uneasy.
Then there was the issue of her being ruined. While Caroline and her sisters were willing to ignore that truth and wanted her to keep the information a secret, Beatrice would prefer to be honest with a future employer.
Or husband.
Where could she hope to meet a man who would overlook that in his soon-to-be wife?
Yet her determination to leave Aberland House as quickly as possible hadn’t faded. It was just that she hadn’t expected Mary to go so quickly. Beatrice thought she’d have more time to mull over her options while the young woman recovered.
That day had already come, and Beatrice had resolved nothing.
Caroline noticed her worry and asked several times if all was well. Beatrice didn’t want to offend her so had decided against telling her the reason. What purpose would be served in talking about it further? Beatrice knew what her options were and needed to pick one to pursue. Besides, Caroline had enough on her mind with the baby coming.
The problem was her inability to make a decision. She felt as if she didn’t belong anywhere. She was on a rocking ship with no anchor. No safe port in the storm of life. If only inspiration would strike, and she could find the same enthusiasm as Mary about the future.
“Do you think I will be able to see you soon?” Mary asked.
Beatrice opened her mouth to agree but hesitated. She didn’t want to lie. “It depends on where I go from here, I suppose. But I will do my best to visit you.”
“What do you mean?” Mary sat on the edge of the bed beside Beatrice, her brow furrowed. “Where are you going?”
“I don’t know yet.”
“Why wouldn’t you stay here? Lady Aberland seems to rely on you for assistance. You could be her companion.”
“She has two sisters and a mother and doesn’t need one. She’s been kind to allow me to stay as long as I have. I need to move forward like you. As soon as I decide what that means for me.”
“I hope whatever you decide, it will allow us to stay in touch. I owe you so much. If it weren’t for you, I’d still be in that terrible place.”
Beatrice smiled. “I’m so pleased you have a new life to look forward to. And I shall make certain we see each other again as often as possible.” Though she didn’t want to make promises she couldn’t keep, she felt compelled to reassure Mary. “Do you have everything?”
“Yes, I believe so.” Mary rose along with Beatrice and sniffed. “I hope this isn’t goodbye.”
Beatrice hugged her. “It won’t be. We’ll visit soon.”
“Thank you again. Please let me know if there’s ever a time when I can repay all you’ve done for me.”
Soon Mary was gone, the carriage taking her and Margaret to the dressmaker’s shop to begin her new life.
“I’m so excited for her,” Caroline said as she and Beatrice returned to the drawing room after bidding them goodbye. “Aren’t you?”
“Yes. I hope everything goes smoothly.” Beatrice drew a deep breath. “I will be leaving soon as well.” Perhaps saying it out loud would make it happen.
“What?” Caroline’s eyes went wide with surprise. “Where are you going?”
“I haven’t yet determined that, but the time has come to make a decision and move forward.” Why did the idea leave her feeling scared and lonely?
“But we’re scheduled to go to the Mastersons’ musicale tomorrow evening.”
“We are?”
“Didn’t I mention it? Forgive me.” Caroline waved her hand in the air. “My memory seems to fail far too often these days. Please wait another week or so. Just because Mary left doesn’t mean you should. Your situation is completely different.”
“How so?” The only difference seemed to be that Mary knew what she wanted whereas Beatrice didn’t.
“You can’t take just any position. You are a lady, a vicar’s daughter, and certain expectations come with that along with opportunities.” Caroline reached for Beatrice’s hand and gave it a gentle squeeze. “The right solution will come along if you keep an open mind. I’m certain of it. I refuse to allow you to settle for anything less.”
Beatrice couldn’t help but smile, wishing she had some of Caroline’s optimism rather than a terrible feeling of emptiness.
~*~
DANIEL CLIMBED THE stairs to his brother’s drawing room the following afternoon where he had asked to speak with Beatrice, breathing slowly in an attempt to calm his nerves. It wasn’t working. He’d gone through various scenarios as to how best to propose but had yet to settle on one even though the moment was upon him.
Did he take the logical approach and suggest it would be the best solution for her? Yet he worried that would make it easy for her to refuse. She would never choose a particular path because it was less difficult.
Did he attempt another kiss and pose the question when the heat of passion carried her away? What if it didn’t? What if he’d been the only one caught up in the kisses they’d shared?
He worried that she would find some reason to refuse him and that no matter how he argued, he wouldn’t be able to change her mind. After all, he was far from perfect. He was used to living on his own and it would be an adjustment to have a wife. His reputation was far from pristine. What if she wanted to marry someone more like her father, a vicar even? Someone who wanted to spend his life serving others?
He truly felt they would suit well together. He liked and respected her. He admired her for a multitude of reasons and hoped she felt the same of him. Wasn’t that more than many couples shared at the beginning of their lives as a couple?
Or was it merely admiration?
An uncomfortable twinge pulled at his chest, causing him to rub it as he took the last step. With a deep breath, he moved into the drawing room, the sight of her sending a rush of longing through him.
She stood looking out the window, hands folded before her, wearing a primrose gown. She’d done something different with her hair, making her even more attractive.
That was the last thing he needed when he wanted to keep his wits about him.
“Good afternoon, Beatrice. I hope the day finds you well.”
She turned with a smile. “It does indeed. How is your injury?”
“Healing nicely. Thank you.”
His tension mounted as he moved closer. Though tempted to blurt out his question and hope for the best, just so he could get it over with and end the nerves that plagued him, that wouldn’t do.
If this was the moment that started the rest of their lives together, then it should be special and begin in an auspicious manner. But what did that mean?
“Mary has left from what Richard said,” he began as they sat on the settee together.
“Yes, she was quite excited over the prospect of her new position.” A shadow crossed her face.
He could guess at the cause. How could Mary have already found her place? If only Beatrice realized how unique she was, how special in many ways, as was her situation. She deserved the best.
Which only made him worry more as he was far from that.
“I’m pleased to hear it.”
“Did you have an update on the investigation?” she asked.
“Not as of yet.” He tightened his lips, wishing he did. His failure to have resolved it only made her accepting his proposal less likely.
“Are you certain you’re feeling well?” she asked as she frowned. “You don’t seem quite yourself.”
“I confess there is something on my mind.”
“Oh? Is it anything I can help with?”
“Yes, actually. It is.”
Her eyes widened. “What?”
He swallowed, only to realize his mouth was too dry to do so. “Beatrice,” he said as he took her smooth hand in his. “You must know by now that I care for you.” Yes, he realized as he met her gaze. This was the right approach. “I admire you a great deal. You have acted courageously during the time I’ve known you.”
Her puzzled expression suggested he’d digressed.
He cleared his throat and tried again. “I can’t help but think we would suit well together.”
“Suit well?” She tilted her head as if further confused by his statement.
“Yes.” This was it. The moment. He kept hold of her hand and lowered to one knee. “Would you do me the honor of becoming my wife?”
Her eyes went wide with shock, her body stiffening. “Wife? Your wife?”
“Yes.” Her reaction wasn’t the happy one for which he’d hoped. His nerves tangled in knots at the realization.
“Oh, Daniel. That is so...kind of you. I don’t know what to say.” She bit her lip as she studied him.
Say yes, he wanted to shout. Then her words sank in. Kind? He wasn’t doing this because he was kind.
“Are you certain this is wise?” she asked. “Or that it’s truly what you want?”
“Of course, it is. I care for you, Beatrice.”
She dropped her gaze, her sooty lashes hiding her eyes as a lovely rose colored her cheeks. “Are you proposing because you feel sorry for me?”
He frowned. Now he was the one who was puzzled. “Why would I feel sorry for you?”
“Because my reputation is ruined. You think I have no other prospects.”
“No. While I don’t care to see you distressed, I’m asking because I care for you.” He placed a finger under her chin, hoping she’d meet his gaze. When at last she looked at him, he saw all the worry in their depths and wanted nothing more than to ease it. And that urge had nothing to do with pity. “I care deeply for you.” His gaze fell to her lips and desire seeped slowly through him, causing his heart to thud. “I can see us spending our lives together. Can you?”
When she didn’t immediately respond, he stood and pulled her up as well, holding her in the circle of his arms. She fit perfectly there. Then he gave in to the urge to kiss her, loving the feel of her mouth beneath his. But he wanted more. He wanted her to respond with passion. He pressed his tongue along the seam of her lips, hoping she’d allow him entrance.
She did and the sensation was glorious. While he’d known he desired her from their previous encounters, the deepening kiss spiraled his need for her into more than he’d bargained for.
The feel of her fingers along his jaw was heavenly. He moved his hands down to her hips and brought her closer, wishing he could make her understand how he felt when she was in his arms. This was no ordinary passion, but something special. Did she feel it too?
“This must mean congratulations are in order.” His brother’s voice broke through the desire clouding his thoughts.
Beatrice jerked back, her grey eyes holding on Daniel as she trembled in his arms.
“How exciting,” Caroline added as she clapped her hands.
“Actually, she hasn’t yet answered.” A sinking feeling gripped Daniel as he watched a myriad of emotions cross Beatrice’s face.
Her grey eyes were the color of a winter storm, and her brow was wrinkled with worry. None of that suggested happiness at his proposal. Her uncertainty put a heavy knot in the pit of his stomach. Did she think they wouldn’t suit after all?
