SIMON DIDN’T EXPECT to hear from Richard again, but after some reflection, he asked his executive assistant to try locating Karen’s contact information. If anyone could find a way to get the info he wanted, it was Fiona.
He and Rachel had talked for hours after the ugly scene in front of the Carthage, and it had been her suggestion that he check on Karen. Simon wanted to believe he would have done it without being prompted, but he couldn’t be certain.
“I found the number,” Fiona said the next day, bringing in a sheet of paper. “She’s going by her maiden name, Truit, and lives in Tucson.”
“Thanks, Fiona.”
He debated for an hour before picking up his cell phone. He wouldn’t blame Karen if she ducked his call, but to his surprise, she answered on the second ring.
“Is that really you, Simon?” She sounded incredulous.
“Yeah, I just learned about the divorce a couple of days ago. Good for you. It couldn’t have been easy.”
“I simply... I simply couldn’t stay with him any longer. How are you and Livvie? I wanted to get in touch when you lost Olivia, but I didn’t know what to say. I didn’t even know if you’d take a call from me.”
The warmth and regret in Karen’s voice sent shock waves through Simon. He’d always seen her as cool and remote, but maybe that was the only way she’d been able to survive.
“We’re doing well. We moved to New York for a couple of years, then returned to the Seattle area.”
“Please don’t think I was prying, but I used to visit the Liv’ing Creations website, just to feel in touch with your life. When Livvie was born, your wife posted the most beautiful picture of her...the one where she’s sleeping and has all that coppery hair. I printed a copy to keep. She’s so beautiful.”
Simon’s throat ached with emotions he hadn’t realized he was holding back. “Thanks. I’ll send more pictures if you’d like.”
“I’d love that. I’ll frame them and... Well, if you don’t mind, I’d like to tell people she’s my granddaughter. I realize I don’t have any right, but...”
An echo of his own words rang in his ears as her voice trailed off. Karen isn’t my mother. Maybe not, despite the legalities involved, but with time they might become friends or even something closer. And he was touched that she considered herself Livvie’s grandmother.
“That would be nice,” he said. “Have you taken up golfing down there in Arizona?”
“Mostly I’m soaking up the sun and peace. I finally feel free. I should have left Richard years ago.”
“Be careful,” Simon warned. “He showed up here this week and he’s still angry about the divorce.”
“He can’t do anything to me now, he’s already done it all.” Karen’s laugh was tinged with bitterness. “And if he violates the restraining order I got, he’ll be in big trouble. Please don’t let him have anything to do with you or Livvie. I wasted my life hoping he’d change and it isn’t going to happen.”
“Not a chance,” Simon promised. “How about giving me your address?” He wrote it down and then made sure she had his cell and home number.
“Thanks. If you’re ever near Tucson...” Karen said hesitantly, “I’m easy to find.”
“The same goes for you and Seattle. Let’s keep in touch.”
“That would mean so much. Take care.”
“You, too. Bye, Karen.”
He disconnected and pinched the bridge of his nose. A few weeks ago he wouldn’t have believed he could have a heartfelt conversation with Karen, much less one that ended with promises to stay in contact. While he’d never disliked her, she was a part of his life that he’d rather forget.
Except now he’d met Rachel, and she’d made him a better man than he’d ever thought he could be.
Rachel.
Simon closed his eyes and inhaled, imagining the faint, sweet scent of gardenias surrounding him...then waited for the guilt to follow.
It didn’t.
Liv would have liked Rachel and she would have been exasperated he wasn’t following his heart. He’d loved Liv and nothing would diminish that, but Rachel was his soul and the air he breathed. He loved her beyond anything he could have imagined possible. The question was whether she could ever feel the same about him.
At least he didn’t have to worry how Livvie would react. She adored Rachel. Simon pulled out the plastic ring his daughter had given him, a keepsake she kept in her treasure box. He didn’t know where the ring had come from originally, but she’d given him explicit instructions about what to do with it and now was the time to follow those directions.
But first he needed to do a little shopping.
“YOU’RE GLOWING,” RACHEL said to Gemma when she came by Moonlight Ventures on Friday afternoon.
“I don’t know about glowing, but, uh, well, Matt and I are dating and it’s starting to get serious. The other day he even brought up the question of how I feel about having kids.”
A pang went through Rachel. She was happy for the other woman, but wished things were going as well for her.
The morning after Simon’s father had shown up, Simon had driven her to Moonlight Ventures, where she had left her car. When he’d asked if she had plans for the weekend, she had told him that her family was expecting her on Saturday and Sunday.
He had simply nodded without offering the reason he’d asked, or what his own plans might be.
Inviting Simon and Livvie to the Clarion family Sunday meal had been on the tip of Rachel’s tongue, but she’d resisted. The state of their relationship defied definition. They weren’t romantically involved. They had a business connection, but it seemed inadequate to define the balance of their relationship as “friendship.” Maybe it seemed inadequate because her feelings went far beyond the platonic bond she shared with Logan and Adam.
She focused on Gemma. “Then Matt no longer resists the idea of a girlfriend.” Rachel kept her voice light.
“Not after we hashed it out. Anyhow, it’s been great. We still have rough moments, but I guess that’s to be expected in any relationship.”
“I’m glad you both can talk about it.”
The acknowledgment was ironic. Rachel had thought she was past the angst of her accident, yet she’d been intensely self-conscious when Richard Kessler had stared at her face. In his case she was certain he’d been looking for scars. After all, it wouldn’t do to leer at a woman he didn’t think was good enough for him.
Richard’s behavior had been a reminder that she’d let the accident and her ex-husband influence her perspective on love and marriage. Simon had made her see the truth, whether she’d wanted to or not. And she was still giving her injuries too much power over what she did, including where she lived. The Carthage was nice and had the view of the lake, but what she really wanted was a true country home. There were gardening services even out in Kilterton, where she’d grown up, so it wouldn’t be impossible.
Rachel shook herself and looked at Gemma. “Have you decided to search for voice work?” she asked, wondering if that was part of the reason for her visit to the agency.
“I’m curious about it,” Gemma admitted. “I finished reading the novel and Matt told me the publisher now wants to sell the audio version, too. They also want me to record other books for them. I don’t want to hold anyone up for big money, but I also want to be sure the legalities are covered.”
“I understand. Let me give you a copy of the standard contract with Moonlight Ventures. You can read it and decide if you want the agency to be your representative.”
An uncertain expression crossed Gemma’s face.
Rachel leaned forward. “If you’d prefer one of the other partners to represent you since we’re friends, I wouldn’t be offend—”
“Not at all,” Gemma declared hastily. “You’re the agent I’d want, but doing recordings for the blind is my top priority and they aren’t for profit.”
“I’m fine with that. The agreement has a clause about work for nonprofit purposes.” Rachel printed the basic voice artist representation agreement and gave it to her. “See if you’re comfortable with this and let me know.”
Gemma gave her a hug. “Thanks. Matt and I have a date tonight and I’ll talk it over with him.” If possible her face glowed brighter.
When she was gone, Rachel shut her computer off and drove home. She’d thought about spending both Friday and Saturday night with her grandmother, but hadn’t been sure about leaving Binx alone for that long. She hadn’t been kidding when she’d called him a cuddle bug. These days she couldn’t sit down without him bounding onto her lap.
Tonight was the same. The minute he saw her, he leaped from the cat tree to the couch and into her arms, purring madly.
“Such a good, big boy. So pretty,” she sweet-talked him. “I’m going to be away tomorrow night. I hope you won’t mind. It’s only for—”
The abrupt ring of the doorbell made him jump down and race out of the room. Someday she hoped he’d be comfortable with strangers, but for now he was still skittish.
Rachel looked through the peephole and was astonished to see Simon.
“Hi, is something up?” she asked, opening the door.
“I called earlier and left a message. You didn’t get it?”
“Oh, sorry. Binx demands my attention when I first come home. It’s become a ritual. I can’t even change out of my work clothes until he gets his share of loving.”
“I see.” Simon appeared restless. “Livvie is at a birthday slumber party. They’re all the rage at the school she’s attending. Do you mind if I come in?”
Embarrassed, Rachel stepped backward. “Sorry, I wasn’t thinking. Have you heard from Gemma?”
“Just a text that she’ll be back full-time a week from Monday, as scheduled.”
“You must be missing her help.”
“Actually, I’m enjoying the extra time with Livvie. Taking her to school and picking her up also means I’ve met more of the parents. And the teachers immediately recognize me now, instead of looking suspicious until I introduce myself and Livvie throws her arms around me.”
Rachel laughed. “Just be glad they’re careful. What about your work?”
“I’m doing half of it at home. It’ll be nice when Gemma gets back, but it’s reassuring to know I can manage without her. Of course, I can’t make the Mickey Mouse pancakes that Livvie loves so much, but you can’t have everything. I might have been able to do something with a mix, but Gemma does them from scratch.”
“If she didn’t, I wouldn’t have had the ingredients to bake cookies with Livvie,” Rachel said, trying not to feel depressed. It was good for Simon to know he could manage without Gemma, because chances were, he’d be losing a nanny in the next few months. She’d recognized the look in Gemma’s eyes, the excitement of being in love.
“I should just buy a baking mix and give pancakes a shot,” Simon said. “I’ve also been exploring the deli cases and ready-to-eat meals at different markets instead of ordering out so much. Some of the stuff isn’t bad.”
Rachel sat down and motioned for him to do the same, wondering why he’d come in the first place. “What was the message you left earlier?” she prompted.
“That Livvie was gone overnight and would you have dinner with me. I know you’re leaving town tomorrow.”
“I’m not going to the moon. Kilterton is just a half hour away if you don’t run into traffic. But Livvie isn’t the only one having a sleepover. My grandmother misses having us at her house the way we did as children, so I suggested to my brothers and sister that we all stay there on Saturday. She’s ecstatic.”
“Sounds special.”
Rachel was looking forward to it. She’d offered to pick up ingredients for s’mores and other treats, but Grandma had said she’d already gone shopping and was making her deluxe lasagna for dinner.
“I was going to make a meal here,” Rachel said finally. “Something simple. Since you’re at loose ends again, you’re welcome to join me.”
“I’m not at loose ends, exactly, but I’d enjoy that.”
She hurried into the kitchen and put chicken breasts into the oven, glazed with a quick Dijon mustard and honey sauce, then made a salad, minus the spring greens he didn’t like.
“I want you to look at something,” Simon said when they were waiting for the chicken to bake.
He’d settled at the breakfast bar and spread a number of papers across the surface. Rachel frowned when she saw they were real estate flyers.
“Are you looking for a house?” she asked. “You just moved into the Carthage a few months ago.”
“So did you. Take a look.”
They were for homes in rural settings, some newer construction, some older. They all had long, wide porches and big yards. And they all had Kilterton addresses.
Rachel’s nerves twisted.
“I see,” she said finally. “Getting me to move would ensure you don’t have to be uncomfortable about us being in the same building. After all, I know way too much about you now. How awkward to encounter one another in the garage or at the Java Train Stop.”
SIMON GROANED.
He’d thought he was being clever showing Rachel the flyers, but she’d taken it the wrong way.
“That isn’t what I meant.”
“Of course it isn’t. This is just your well-meaning attempt to push me into getting the house I would have bought if my leg hadn’t got hurt.”
Rachel stalked to the stove and checked the contents of the oven.
With a sigh, Simon got up, caught her shoulders and looked intently into her eyes. “Listen to me very carefully, Rachel Clarion. I’m crazy about you. Totally, insanely crazy. I want us to choose a new house together.”
“What? But...Olivia was the love of your life.”
They were his own words, coming back to haunt him. “As you pointed out to me, not so long ago, I’m a different man now. I’ll always cherish Liv’s memory, but I’ve never experienced what I feel with you. That doesn’t diminish what I felt for her, just that I’ve learned and grown and changed. If she could talk to me, she’d tell me to get on with things. To stop wallowing in my memories and make new ones.”
“How can you be so sure of that?”
“Because Liv attacked life and expected me to do the same. I used to wonder why we didn’t talk about what would happen when she was gone. Now I’ve realized she didn’t believe it was necessary. If anything, she’d be disappointed that it took me weeks to recognize what was right in front of my eyes. The future.”
Rachel closed her amazing eyes and he waited, praying she was understanding what he was trying to say.
“It’s one thing if you don’t love me,” he said urgently. “But please don’t turn away from what we could have because you don’t believe I love you more than my life.”
RACHEL WANTED TO believe Simon; she wanted it more than she’d ever wanted anything.
Real love didn’t have boundaries. It grew and multiplied. The more you loved, the greater your ability to love. She knew that in her head, but the part of her that had been hurt was having trouble. Was it possible that in a few weeks Simon had gone from being devoted to Olivia’s memory to loving someone else with a devotion that was no less intense? Because she couldn’t accept anything less.
She looked at Simon...difficult, proud, handsome. He was brilliant, decent and honest, and adored his daughter. Sometimes he was exasperating but he was also the man she loved.
“What about your contention that two career people might not be the best mix for marriage and parenting?” she asked, knowing there wasn’t a future for them unless she was certain in her heart that she wasn’t just a pale substitute for Olivia. “I know you were concerned about what the picture books represented, but was there more to it?”
“In a way. From the beginning a part of me was trying to resist the way you made me feel. I never felt guilty about the other women I’d dated because we hadn’t really connected. But it was different with you. Getting uptight about the career thing was another reason to put up barriers between us.”
“We weren’t dating,” Rachel pointed out wryly. “We’re just business associates, remember?”
Simon took her hand. “Rachel, I’ve never confided in anyone the way I have with you. I thought it was because we were becoming friends, but it was so much more. You’ve become my conscience and my best friend, but you’re also the woman I trust wholly and completely with my heart. I need you more than I need the air I breathe.”
The raw honesty in his eyes was impossible to doubt and happiness began welling in Rachel.
SIMON FELT RACHEL’S fingers curl around his and was certain she’d started to believe him.
“Will you marry me?” he whispered. “And be Livvie’s mother? We’ll get a great big house in Kilterton and make it warm and happy. The commute will be a little longer to our respective companies, but well worth it. After all, your family is there.”
“Livvie may not be ready for a new mother.”
He grinned. “Livvie is unusually wise for her age. She gave me a ring and said I should propose to you before someone else did. She’s turning into a little worrywart. We should teach her to play more. Maybe get a dog to go with that great big yard we want.”
Simon held up his free hand. The plastic ring his daughter had presented to him was on his forefinger, along with a sapphire engagement band.
“Come on, Rachel. It’s only the rest of our lives. I dare you to take a chance on me.”
“Dare me? What, are we fourteen?”
He tugged her close. “Now you’re procrastinating.”
Rachel grinned and kissed him, a lingering caress that left them both breathless. “I’ll have you know I don’t procrastinate, I make measured decisions and then throw caution to the wind. It’s one of my most charming personality quirks.”
“You have a number of charming personality quirks,” Simon said hoarsely. “Ones that drive me out of my mind. Including not answering that question I asked you.”
“To be clear, you had more than one question.”
He tried to think, but it wasn’t easy with Rachel’s sweet warmth pressed close to his heart. “I asked you to marry me.”
“And to be Livvie’s mother. Yes to all of it. Oh...and that other thing you didn’t actually come out and ask? I love you, too. Heart and soul.”
Happiness flooded Simon. He understood why Rachel had hesitated. She’d wanted to be sure, the way he was sure.
He kissed her again, wondering how he could have wasted so much time worrying about the risk of loving again.
Love might be a risk, but he knew with Rachel it was worth everything.