After going online to talk to her parents with Mia by her side, Sky still hadn’t cried.
She’d brimmed on the verge of tears all day, the aching feeling that dwelled beneath the skin waiting to burst free, but the whole quarantine made the anniversary feel a bit surreal. Not standing in front of her sister’s resting place but instead relaxing in her apartment like this was any other day felt wrong.
Sky curled up on the couch, clutching tight to the bottle of Jack she’d pulled from her hutch. Except today would never just be any day.
She didn’t know how to explain back then, and she sure as hell couldn’t now, but something fundamental inside of her had cracked the evening the cops came to their door instead of Jamie. She’d been searching for years to find a way to patch over the emptiness, a hollow ache that sometimes rose in her chest, a grief too terrible to face, and yet she’d never found a solution.
All she’d learned was she’d become far too broken to embrace the kind of love that meant forever, because that evening, she had learned forever didn’t exist.
She took a swig of Jack, letting the whiskey wash down her throat, burning through all of the emptiness.
Mia took a seat beside her on the futon, curling into her side. “What do you normally say around the grave?” she asked, her voice gentle.
Today, Mia entered the room with a quieter air around her, like the sky on a gray autumn day. Sky could feel Mia’s focus on her as her best friend guided their steps.
“Mom cries while Dad and I stand stoic,” Sky murmured, clutching tighter to the neck of the bottle. “There’s not a lot of talk, just a lot of static silences.”
Mia pursed her lips. “Do you mind if I say something?” she asked. “I know Jamie’s grave isn’t here, but… there are a few things I wanted to tell her.”
Sky’s heart tore in two, somehow existing outside of her chest today. She offered a nod and passed the bottle over to Mia in case the woman needed liquid courage. Not like she would. She was the bravest person Sky had ever met with the way she faced her feelings and kept fighting.
Mia clutched the bottle of whiskey tight, but she didn’t take a drink. Instead, she leaned in closer to Sky, their shoulders and thighs bumping against each other.
“Jamie, I fucked up. I should’ve been back here to talk with you ages ago,” Mia started, her voice shaky. While Mia stared at the opposite wall, Sky didn’t have to stretch to imagine standing in the cemetery at Jamie’s grave. She could smell the fresh dirt and feel the coolness from the surrounding tombstones like she did every year.
Sky’s breath rattled from her at the outburst of emotion heavy in the room. She reached over and slid her fingers through Mia’s, clutching her hand tight.
“Right now, I’m in this transition point where sometimes I don’t even know who the hell I am,” Mia continued. “But that’s just making me remember you more right now. You knew yourself and always seemed so sure of yourself, even in high school, which was hell for most folks. I can’t help but wonder what you might’ve been like in college. Probably going for your master’s degree, ready to head into law like you wanted to and absolutely crushing it.”
Sky clutched her hand even tighter, her nails digging into Mia’s palm. The tears burned in her eyes even as she fought them.
How many times had she wondered what Jamie might be doing right now?
Her little sister had shone supernova, so when the light flickered out, Sky was left fumbling in the dark.
The scent of pork roast still made her stomach turn—she remembered heaving it all up that night.
Sky still crumbled to her knees every time she heard “Janie’s Got a Gun” by Aerosmith because all she could hear was Jamie changing the name to hers.
She still couldn’t read Pride and Prejudice, because the classic had been Jamie’s favorite, and she couldn’t get past the first words without the tears flowing.
“Anyway, I just wanted to tell you that I miss you, Jamie Jenkins,” Mia continued, her voice thick. “I miss your eager laugh and the glint in your eyes you’d get when you bothered your sister. I miss the blunt way you’d tell the truth of a situation. The world might be moving forward, but we haven’t forgotten you.”
The heat intensified around Sky’s eyes, and the first hot tears coursed down her cheeks. She hadn’t needed to say anything—Mia captured her feelings perfectly. Mia lapsed into silence, and they both leaned against each other, the connection of their bodies the sole thing she held onto right now.
Jamie had been leaving a friend’s house, crossing the street.
The driver had been drunk.
She’d never stood a chance once the car slammed into her.
So fast, Sky’s life altered. So fast, people started expecting her to speak in the past tense, even though her sister had just. Been. There.
She’d picked up her phone far too many times to call Jamie only to realize there wouldn’t be a response on the other line. She still hadn’t deleted her name from her address book—she didn’t know if she ever could. The tears ran unchecked, Sky’s shoulders trembling in response. Mia nestled in deeper, her eyes glossy.
Sky hadn’t let herself cry in years, afraid of how she’d crack. But watching Mia speak the words trapped inside her for too long coaxed the tears out until they ran freely.
“God, I miss her,” Sky murmured, her words barely audible. She couldn’t stop the tears streaming down her cheeks if she tried, as if her walls cracked and all of that grief she’d pinned back escaped.
“Me too, beautiful,” Mia responded, stroking her fingers through her hair. “Me too.”
The bottle of Jack lay forgotten on the ground beside them. Sky leaned against Mia’s chest, letting those tears flow, and Mia clutched her back like she might somehow disappear too. Hours, minutes, seconds passed in a silence swallowed by the consuming grief that hung heavy in the air. Still, Sky clung to Mia, as if she might get to keep one thing in her life from her past.
The hour turned late far too fast, and the gentle night breezes swept in through her open windows. Her tears had dried long before, and she and Mia ate heated leftovers for dinner, grabbing a necessary cup of hot tea to go along with them. No matter how the liquid warmed her up for a moment, nothing filled the hollowness that remained. Sky leaned against the couch, clutching the porcelain between her palms.
Sky glanced to where Mia sat at the breakfast nook, sipping at the remnants of her black tea. Strands of Mia’s hair tumbled down to her shoulders, the chestnut waves she’d run her fingers through a thousand times. Her ocean eyes weighted with the same weariness, yet the woman had never looked more beautiful.
Even if she couldn’t say the words out loud, they emerged every time Sky glanced at Mia.
I love you.
Mia was brave, resilient, and strong in ways she longed to be, and the more time she spent around her, the more she began to heal.
Truth be told, the change terrified and enraptured her at the same time.
Mia wandered over to slump next to Sky, their shoulders brushing against each other. Desire rose inside her, this desperate, trembling need to feel—something—anything beyond this numbness on the anniversary of Jamie’s death.
“Hey,” Sky murmured, drawing Mia’s gaze to meet hers. “Stay with me tonight?” Her tongue dried at asking for anything from this woman. She had no right, not after the wedge she’d been pushing between them. But based on Mia’s look, Sky might not be the only one who needed to feel whole tonight.
Mia nodded and offered her hand. Sky rested her palm in Mia’s as the woman rose from the couch, bringing Sky with her. Together, they took careful steps toward the bedroom, as if at any moment, the tenuous connection between them might shatter, as if one of them might pull away. Still, her heart lurched, following Mia to something that wasn’t a lust-fueled frenzy. This was everything her heart tried to deny, baring herself to this woman in a way she couldn’t retract.
They entered her dim bedroom, the scent of pine incense heavy in the air from when she’d burnt it earlier, trying to even her breaths. She followed as Mia led her over to the rumpled, unmade bed and slid onto the mattress. Sky’s heartbeat quickened at the sight of the beautiful woman who had stolen her heart long ago, covered in paint stains and sarcasm. She settled into bed next to her and slipped her fingers along the side of Mia’s neck until they wove through her hair as she cupped the back of the woman’s head.
Sky leaned in, pressing her lips to Mia’s. She tasted like black tea and warmth, like sunlight. The emptiness in Sky’s chest ached even more ferociously, as if she might never capture this again, as if this euphoria would continue to slip out of her grasp, over and over. She claimed Mia’s mouth, sweeping her tongue in to possess this woman, if only for tonight.
Mia’s fingers slipped beneath the hem of her shirt, tugging it up. Sky broke the kiss, breathless as she pulled her sweatshirt over her head and tossed it off the side of the bed. She returned to Mia’s lips, settling her palm on the curve of her gorgeous hip. Her mouth traveled down the column of Mia’s neck. The woman’s skin was so soft Sky couldn’t get enough of her. A throaty noise came from Mia, one that sent a pulse down her spine, all the way to her core.
As her nipples brushed against the flimsy fabric of Mia’s shirt, they pebbled, and the throb between her legs grew with each fevered kiss. Sky slipped her hand to the waistband of Mia’s pants, hooking her thumb into the elastic of her panties. For a breath, she separated from Mia just to look her in the eyes. Sky chewed her lower lip as she stared into that passion-drenched gaze. Mia made her feel again when the numbness threatened to devour her whole.
Mia shimmied her hips, helping as Sky drew the pants down her legs to toss them into the pile.
“I think we did this a little backward,” Mia murmured, a slight grin playing on her swollen lips.
Sky shook her head and brought her fingers to cup Mia’s pussy, juices brimming from the folds. God, she was fucking sexy. Mia’s breath hitched in her throat as Sky glided her fingertips up the crease before curling them around the hem of Mia’s shirt. A moment later, that hit the floor as well, leaving this stunning woman bare before her.
Mia’s waves splayed out on her white bedsheets, and Sky drank in the details from the freckle on Mia’s left breast to the tempting curve of her hips. The light glossed over her lush lips. She could spend a lifetime with this woman and never tire of learning and exploring every last facet. Sky didn’t want to stop licking and sucking every inch of her body, but she longed to see Mia unravel before her. She needed to.
Sky reached down, slipping her fingers between the soaked folds of Mia’s pussy as she continued to bite and suck along her collarbone, her traps, licking the tip of her nipple just to watch her shiver. Sky began to stroke at Mia’s clit until those shallow breaths turned into a melody of their own. Mia’s scent surrounded her, all peaches and summer, like they’d been vaulted to a different time of lazy warm days and endless sky.
Sky’s chest ached as Mia moaned in her ear. She leaned down, licking and sucking at the woman’s pebbled nipples, enjoying how Mia’s hips bucked up every time. Sky placed kisses between Mia’s breasts, her collarbone, until she reached the sensitive pulse that fluttered on her neck and planted a featherlight kiss there. She slipped two fingers inside Mia, and the woman’s breath hitched.
“You feel so damn perfect,” Sky murmured as she pumped her fingers inside Mia.
Mia’s lashes fluttered open, and their eyes met. Her mouth opened as if words rested on the tip of her tongue, but they never escaped her lips. Sky could see the tenderness in her gaze, soft yearning, like watercolors or handwritten letters. Sky pumped faster, strands of her hair drifting past her forehead. Sweat prickled on her skin as the sight of Mia flushed beneath her got her hotter than ever. They’d fucked every way imaginable ever since the first night, yet this felt different.
The desire grew heady in the air between them still, but this connection was every phrase she’d underlined by fingertip in her favorite books, every passage she’d reread because it made her heart ache, because those words made her feel the faint flutter of hope despite the world’s attempt to deaden her.
She continued to pump her fingers inside Mia, loving the way the woman’s hips thrust up toward her, how her wanton moans lit the air in response. She couldn’t help but swallow them up, leaning down to capture her lips. The ache in her core grew unbearable with how turned on she’d become. Their breasts crushed together, her sensitized nipples brushing against Mia’s velvet skin. Sky drifted her thumb over Mia’s clit as she thrust in, the woman’s moans growing louder and louder.
Mia gripped her shoulders, her nails digging into the skin as sweat beaded across her forehead, an exquisite flush across her cheeks, her chest. A cry rang out as Mia’s thighs clamped around her. The pulse around Sky’s fingers didn’t stop her as she continued to pump inside Mia until she collapsed onto the sheets beneath her. Sky slowly pulled her fingers out, giving them a lick. Mia looked at her, a feverish desire in her eyes.
“Your turn, beautiful,” Mia murmured, crooking her fingers. “Shorts off.”
Sky chewed on her lip as she pushed up and tossed her pants and underwear over the side of the bed with the rest of the pile. She climbed back toward Mia, who had turned to her side. They faced each other, both stark naked and lying on the bed. All of Sky’s previous confidence vanished as she was left a melting mess before this woman she’d been smitten with for half of her life.
“Come here,” Mia said, her voice gentle. She guided Sky’s shaking thigh over the top of hers and slipped deft fingers to the soaked folds between her legs. Mia leaned forward, beginning to kiss Sky, all languid strokes, soft puffs of breath, and the heat of their bodies melding together.
Sky closed her eyes, surrendering to the sensation of Mia pressed against her, fucking her into oblivion. The current of pleasure threatened to carry her away, and after the day she had, she flowed along with it, just letting go. All of the pain and the fears melted off her in this moment alone, surrounded by Mia’s sweet scent, the tang of her swollen lips, and the seductive sensations of the way she thrust her fingers inside her.
Sky had been brimming from the moment they began, so it didn’t take long before she spilled over the edge. Strands of Mia’s silken hair brushed against her arm, their breasts pressed flush together, and Mia thrust deep, holding her fingers there as Sky came. Her back arched with the intensity of the orgasm, how it pulsed through her like some cleansing force that allowed her reprieve, if only for a moment.
She came back to the cool mattress beneath her, the rumpled sheets tangled around them, and Mia’s beautiful eyes, navy in this light, staring at her. Sky sucked in a shaky breath. Mia pulled her fingers out and rested her hand on Sky’s hip, not budging from where they lay.
They both remained there in the silence, unable to look away as their breaths steadied. Mia’s leg slipped over hers, and Sky slung her arm over Mia’s waist, but neither bothered to move. The dim lamp barely cast enough light in this room, the amber rays coating every surface. Sky memorized the pulse of Mia’s throat as she breathed, the freckles across her cheeks, and the slight frown to her mouth when she grew somber.
Something as immense as a thunderstorm spread between them, leaving her silent in the wake. And still, those words fluttered with every breath, every thump of her heart.
I love you.
She opened her mouth as if she’d ever be bold enough to speak them, but when she glanced back at Mia, the woman’s eyes were closed, and her breaths came out in the even rhythm of slumber.
Sky held on tighter, sinking into the sensation of this precious woman in her arms as her eyes closed and her world grayed around the edges.