You look lovely, honey.” Mara clasped a delicate pendant around Jane’s neck. “Your dad gave this to me when we first bought the ranch.”
Jane gazed in the mirror, touching the white gold charm shaped like mountains. A small blue stone sat atop the tallest one.
“He told me I’d always be his jewel in the mountains.” Her mother’s smile beamed at the memory.
“Thank you for letting me wear it.” Jane turned to the side to make sure her bra wasn’t showing. “Thanks for the dress too.” After Toby had texted her and told her to dress up for their date, she’d decided to ask her mom for a loaner dress so there wouldn’t be another dressing crisis. The blue one she’d worn to the wedding shower had fit her perfectly.
“It looks much better on you than it ever would’ve on me.” Her mother fluffed the hem. “You’re absolutely gorgeous. Toby is going to keel right over the second he sees you.”
Jane tried to grasp at the same excitement her mom had for her date with Toby, but she couldn’t quite hold on to it. He had good news. She could tell from his text, and she knew she had to celebrate with him, but part of her had already started to retreat. She could feel it happening, and she couldn’t seem to stop it.
A knock echoed on the door. She’d asked him to pick her up at her mother’s house so Mara could help her get ready, and so she could chat with her mom to distract her from her own thoughts.
“I’ll answer it! Oh, this is so exciting. I feel like you’re going to prom or something.” Her mother rushed out of the master bedroom, leaving Jane to give herself one more appraisal.
She’d never considered herself beautiful. Not since she was a little girl and her daddy told her she was. Since then too many other voices had crowded out his. She really hadn’t gone on any dates in high school. She hadn’t dressed up or tried to draw any attention to herself. And now she had this man, this wonderful man coming to pick her up, a man who’d told her she was beautiful, a man who made her feel special, and she couldn’t fully embrace him.
Jane touched the mountain pendant against her collarbone, remembering that day her father had left her for the last time. She’d followed him out to his truck, asking him again why he had to go.
“I need this, Janie. This is part of me,” her dad had said. “Someday you’ll understand.” But she didn’t. She didn’t understand then and she still couldn’t understand now. What had made him choose to go? Why would he risk his life for something that seemed so trivial?
Inhaling deeply, she smoothed down her dress. She couldn’t think about this now. Toby was waiting, and she couldn’t ruin his night. Raising her shoulders, Jane grabbed her purse and walked out of the bedroom to where Toby and her mom were chatting in the kitchen.
He went silent when he laid eyes on her.
“Would you two kill me if I took a picture?” her mother asked, already looking for her phone.
“Yes.” Jane smiled as she said it, but a hollowness spread through her. She couldn’t let them see her doubts. She couldn’t let herself feel them. One foot in front of the other. She would give Toby this night.
“A picture would be fun.” Toby strode over to her. The closer he got, the more her knees seemed to melt. He had on dark jeans and a distressed jean shirt, open a few buttons at the collar. He’d left his cowboy hat at home, and dear Lord she loved his hair. One moment at a time. She had to take this one moment at a time and stop thinking about what would happen later.
He slid his arm around her, drawing her to his side. Jane inhaled the masculine spicy scent on him, letting the physical touch, the feel of him at her side, quiet her uncertainty.
“Smile,” he said, posing for her mom’s cell phone camera.
Jane found her smile come more easily. Right as her mom took the picture, Toby grabbed her butt.
“Hey.” She peered up at him and he leaned down to kiss her. “Just making sure you were smiling.”
“Oh, she was smiling all right.” Jane’s mom studied the picture on her phone. “You two make such a sweet couple.”
Jane’s ribs seemed to tighten together, making it difficult for her to draw in a full breath.
“I’ll have her home before midnight,” Toby joked.
“Just go and enjoy.” Her mother walked them to the door.
A second after they stepped out onto the porch and the door he closed, he turned to her and pulled her into his arms. “Seeing you in a dress does things to me.” He worked his gaze down her body. “Maybe we should skip what I have planned and go straight to my place.”
“I wish we could.” She wished they could sneak away and have one more night together—hidden from the future and simply living in the moment.
“Sadly, we have reservations.” Toby led her down the porch steps to his truck. “But we can make it an early night.” He opened the passenger door.
Jane climbed in without responding and smoothed out her dress, her heart sinking again. How could she do this? How could she celebrate good news with him and also be honest about where it left them?
Toby walked around and got into the driver’s seat. He started the engine and drove the truck down the ranch’s winding driveway.
“So where are we going?” Jane asked, trying to make conversation.
“Someplace nicer.” At the end of the driveway, Toby turned left, heading in the opposite direction of town.
There wasn’t much up this way… “You’re taking me to Valentino Bellas?”
He exaggerated a frown. “I should’ve blindfolded you.”
“I still would’ve figured it out.” She couldn’t help herself whenever there was a mystery or puzzle to solve. “I haven’t been there in years.” She’d only eaten at the winery once on her parents’ anniversary years ago. The memory warmed her even as it stung. Her parents had been so happy that night. And the restaurant had been beautiful; she remembered feeling like she was eating in a castle overlooking the entire valley. Excitement slipped past her earlier worries. There would be plenty of distractions in a restaurant like that. They could have a nice dinner, sip some wine, and maybe it would feel like a normal date as long as she didn’t worry about where the future would take them. “I can’t wait to see if it still looks the same.”
“Good. I’m glad you’re looking forward to it.” Toby rested his hand on her thigh as he turned the truck off onto the paved road that switchbacked up and eventually went beneath a wrought-iron gate.
Jane waited, but he didn’t offer any information about what the doctor had told him earlier. Maybe she’d been wrong. Maybe the doctor hadn’t given him good news after all. She hated the hope that raced through her heart. Even if he hadn’t gotten the clearance to go back now, he would someday. Toby wouldn’t give up. She knew him well enough to know that.
“You okay?” Toby asked as he turned into the parking lot. “You’re pretty quiet.”
“Sure,” Jane said quickly. “Just a little tired.”
“I’m tired too.” Toby’s grin reminded her of last night. “But like I said, we can head back to my place early. After we have some champagne to celebrate.” He quickly got out of the truck and hurried over to open her door for her.
“You got good news from the doctor?” She said it quietly so her voice wouldn’t shake.
“I’ll tell you all about it once we get to our table.” He folded her arm under his and escorted her across the parking lot to the winery’s grand stone entrance.
“Table for Garrett,” Toby said to the hostess once they’d moved through the heavy wooden doors.
“Of course.” The young woman grabbed two leather-bound menus and led them into a dimly lit dining room. When they were seated, Toby ordered a bottle of their best champagne and Jane braced herself for what he was about to tell her.
“I’m cleared.” A laugh slipped out as he said it. “The doc said everything looks great. The shoulder’s all healed up and he can’t tell me to sit out anymore.”
“That’s amazing.” Jane found it easy to smile because she cared for him, she wanted this for him too. But tears still burned behind her eyes. She would keep them hidden though. She wouldn’t let them out tonight.
“I didn’t think it was gonna happen.” He looked so relieved, so over-the-moon happy.
“I knew it would happen.” She brushed her hand across his. “You’ve worked hard for this. You deserve it. You deserve to get back out there.” Based on his emotion, she could see how much it meant to him. “When do you think—”
“Yo! Toby,” some guy called from the bar.
Jane looked over her shoulder. There were quite a few men at the bar…and a few familiar women too.
“Is that Andrew Vincent?” Toby squinted.
“I think so.” Jane looked down the line. It seemed half the old high school football team starters and their cheerleaders were seated at the bar. Aubrey included. Those weren’t exactly the distractions Jane had been hoping for.
“Hey, man!” Andrew called. “Come on over here. It’s been forever.”
Toby hesitated, but Jane waved him away. “You’d better go. He won’t quiet down until you at least say hi.”
“Well then you’re coming with me.” Toby stood and took her hand, leading her to the bar.
“Andy…” Toby reached out and shook the man’s hand. “How’s it going?”
“Can’t complain.” The man seemed to notice Jane standing behind Toby. “Hey. I’m Andy. And you are?”
“Jane.” She shook his hand politely and stepped out of view again.
“You remember Jane Harding, don’t you?” Toby put his arm around her and nudged her forward.
“Can’t say that I do.” Andy gave her a good long look. “Wait. Were you a couple years behind us?”
“No, silly,” Aubrey called from a few seats down. “Jane was in our class. She always did have a thing for Toby.” She and a friend shared a secretive look. “Don’t you remember the New Year’s party?”
“That was you?” Andy laughed. “Hell yeah, I remember that. You’re the one who made out with Toby?”
Thankfully, a server with a tray of full wineglasses approached. “I brought the reds out.”
“One of those is mine.” Andy moved off his stool and sidled up to Toby. “You should hang with us for a while. We can catch up. I gotta hear all about the rodeos. You’re really making a name for yourself out there.”
“Trying.” Toby leaned an elbow into the bar. “I’ve been sidelined with an injury, but I just got clearance from the doc today.” He went on to tell the guys what happened. They all crowded around him hanging on every word, while Jane hoovered nearby listening.
“Man, you lucky son of a bitch.” Andy shook his head. “I saw the whole thing on YouTube. I thought you were a goner.”
“Nah.” Toby shrugged it off. “But I’ll tell you what…if I would’ve been five inches to the left, that bull would’ve stepped dead center on my chest, and then it definitely would’ve been over.”
Jane’s stomach lurched. Five inches? He’d come within five inches of dying and he was standing there bragging about it?
“Damn, what a rush,” one of Toby’s friends said. She couldn’t tell who. Her vision had dimmed too much. All those faces blurred together.
“Which bull were you riding?” someone else asked.
“Devastation. And he’s not even the meanest one.” Toby started talking about the various bulls he’d ridden while Jane edged her way out of the circle. How could she even pretend to be happy for him when she didn’t understand? Her blood ran hot and fast. He risked his life for an adrenaline rush? Why couldn’t he just ride a damn roller coaster like everyone else?
“Another time I got thrown into a fence.” Toby laughed. He actually laughed. “Turned out to just be a bad bruise, but it could’ve been a hell of a lot worse.”
That was it. She didn’t want to hear more. Jane crept along the bar. She had to get away. This was a mistake. Letting herself care about him had been a huge mistake.