Whoops. When he’d left for his shift yesterday evening, he hadn’t bothered to make the bed. Or clean up the clothes strewn over the desk chair. Or hide the pile of leadership manuals he’d been poring over, since he’d had another setback with Shane earlier in the week, and of course Ivy gravitated straight to where they were spread out across the top of the desk.
“Sorry for the mess,” he said. “But I made Pearl promise no inn employee would waste any time on my room when I get to live here rent free. I’m just not the best at keeping up with it myself.”
She didn’t respond, undeterred as she strode toward her destination.
“How to Make Friends and Influence People? The Coaching Habit?” She closed one book that he’d left open to the last page he’d read. Then she covered her mouth but was unable to stifle her laugh. “The Leadership Secrets of Santa Claus?”
He grabbed the book and held it protectively to his chest. “Hey. Don’t knock it until you try it. Santa leads one of the biggest teams out there. He’s gotta have some good secrets.”
He tossed the book back down, set the bag of ice on the nightstand, then quickly neatened the bed and propped the pillows up so she’d be comfortable.
“Come here.” He patted the bed, then readied the ice pack in his hands.
She glanced down at herself and tried brushing away the infield dirt from the right side of her body. “I’m filthy,” she said. “I don’t want to get dirt all over your bed. Got a T-shirt I can borrow?”
He moved to the dresser and opened a drawer. Then he tossed her a gray T that had HOUSTON ASTROS emblazoned on the chest in navy blue letters outlined in orange.
She narrowed her eyes. “I can’t wear this in public, you know. And neither should you.”
He laughed. “Lucky for you, I’m not planning on us leaving this room tonight. Are you?”
She shook her head. “Nope.” Then she sauntered with the balled-up shirt into the bathroom. “Just need a few minutes to freshen up, Lieutenant. Maybe you can read some more about Santa’s leadership secrets while you wait.”
He crossed his arms defiantly. “Maybe I will.”
She closed the door behind her.
He heard her turn the sink faucet on, so he collapsed into the desk chair and did exactly as she’d suggested. Everything seemed to be falling into place at the station except for Shane. No matter what method he used to try and connect with the guy, Shane always pushed back.
It had only taken seconds for him to get lost in the books, so he hadn’t heard the faucet being turned off or the bathroom door opened. He didn’t even know Ivy was behind him until her hands began massaging his shoulders.
“I think you’re in need of more TLC than me, mister.” She kneaded a knot below his shoulder blade, and he blew out a long breath.
“Good lord, that feels good,” he said.
“Tell me about the books.” She worked on all his knots and kinks, the physical manifestation of the pressure he’d felt at the station these last few weeks.
He shook his head, happy she couldn’t see the defeat in his eyes.
“I don’t get it,” he said. “I’ve tried every approach with that kid. And before you tell me he’s a grown man, he’s twenty-two. That’s barely legal and a kid in my book.”
Ivy laughed. “I’m simply here to listen, Lieutenant. Not judge.”
“Sorry,” he said, scrubbing a hand over his face. “I’m at the end of my rope with him. He couldn’t have been serious about going for lieutenant seconds after finishing his probation. But it feels like he has this grudge.”
“Some people need someone else to take the blame for their mistakes or shortcomings—or fears. I’m not saying it’s right, but it happens.”
He spun his chair around to find Ivy standing there in nothing more than his T-shirt and her underwear.
“Well shoot, darlin’. That massage was something, but if I’d have known you were behind me wearing next to nothing, I’d have turned around a lot sooner.”
She climbed into his lap, her legs straddling his torso. He slid his hands under the T-shirt and rested his palms on her hips.
“How’s his big brother Wyatt doing?” she asked.
Carter shrugged. “Perfect. Best driver engineer I could ask for—should we ever get a real call.”
Ivy’s throat bobbed as she swallowed, but she didn’t change the subject.
“Do you and the captain praise Wyatt for his good work?”
He nodded. “Hell yeah. Chief even singled him out last week to commend him on the CPR training he did for the local mother and toddler group.”
Her forehead fell against his. “And what’s Shane done to earn anyone’s praise?”
Carter groaned. “I swear I’ve tried, Ivy. I’ve tried to use positive reinforcement with him, but it’s like he’s determined to buck authority just enough so that he doesn’t get let go from the team.”
She huffed out a laugh. “Because I’m guessing that dealing with you is a shade or two more bearable than dealing with his father. I’m not condoning his insubordination, but you’re right. He’s a kid who’s still trying to find his place in a very small town that knows he messed up and that puts his brother on a pedestal every which way he turns. To him, you’re simply one other person reminding him that he can’t measure up, so why should he try?”
“I know how that feels.” Carter had realized he was competing with his brothers for his father’s approval. But once he chose his own path, his father made it clear that if anyone was keeping score, Carter had lost. Maybe this would be his in with Shane. Maybe it wouldn’t. But somehow Ivy made sense of what Carter should have seen on his own.
She cradled his cheeks in her palms and brushed her lips over his. “You’re good at what you do. You don’t need to prove yourself to him, Carter.”
“To who?” he asked.
She kissed his cheek. “To your father.” She kissed the other. “To the chief.” She kissed his lips. “To yourself.” She lifted his T-shirt over his head. “To me,” she added. Then she brushed a kiss over the scar on his shoulder. “Why didn’t you tell me about football? About losing your spot on the team because of surgery?”
He slid his hands up her thighs until his thumbs hit the hem of her underwear.
“Because it wouldn’t have mattered if I’d been able to play anyway. I’d have gotten kicked off the team because of my attendance eventually.”
He let his eyes fall closed as she peppered his chest with kisses. Everything was better with her in his arms, with her warm skin touching his. The pain of the past fell further away each time he kissed her, each morning he woke up next to her, and each day he got closer to calling Meadow Valley his home for good.
“Did your dad know how important it was to you?” she asked.
He shook his head. “There wasn’t a point. Either my brothers and I took over the garage or the business would eventually go under when my old man’s arthritis wouldn’t let him work anymore. He was a very proud, self-made man. And I respect that about him. But he can’t get past seeing me as ungrateful for not wanting what he made.”
She brushed her fingers through his hair. “It’s okay that you chose a different path. What you’re doing is something that not many men or women would or could. Be proud of yourself.”
He let out a bitter laugh. “For my boring cubicle desk job?”
“No,” she said, a slight tremor in her voice. “You risk your life for others. And there’s nothing boring about that.”
She ran her fingertips over the raised and knotted skin on the left side of his torso.
“I wasn’t just talking about Shane when I said people blame others for their own baggage. I’ve been blaming you, in a way, for my fear of once again losing someone I care about. It’s not fair. If you’re not ready to be proud of yourself, then know that I’m proud of what you’ve done, of what you continue to do.”
He nodded. His throat was tight, and he wasn’t sure what it would sound like if he spoke, but he needed to know what this meant. He needed to know where they stood as far as her not being able to deal with his job.
“But can you let go of the fear, Ivy? If you’re really proud of me—of how well I do my job—can you accept who I am and what I do, so that this”—he motioned between them—“doesn’t have to come to an end?”
A tear slid down her cheek, and she nodded. “I don’t want to be afraid,” she said. “Because I think I’m falling for you, Carter Bowen.”
He grinned and lifted her up. Her legs squeezed tight around his waist, but the vise that seemed to be slowly squeezing his heart for the better part of a decade loosened.
He laid her down gingerly on the bed.
“I’m head over heels and ass over elbow and whatever other phrase you got that says how hard I’m falling for you, darlin’.”
He glanced toward the melting bag of ice on the nightstand.
“We forgot about your shoulder.”
She tugged him down to her. “Forget about it. I have another one that’s in perfectly good condition.”
He laughed. Then he lifted the Astros shirt up her torso and over her head. And there she was in nothing other than her underwear—bare and beautiful and falling for him. Everything in his life finally felt like it was clicking into place. She was simply the missing piece he hadn’t known he was missing.
“I have a question for you,” she added. “Actually, it’s more of an observation.”
“I’m all ears.”
She smiled, and he swore he’d do whatever it took to make her smile the last thing he saw before he went to sleep and the first thing he laid eyes on each morning—for as long as she’d let him.
“I know Midtown won their big game and all, but I think it’s our turn to hit a home run.”
He laughed. “I think that’s an excellent observation.” Then he brushed a lock of hair out of her eye and stared at her.
“You’re so beautiful,” he said. “Here…” He kissed each breast. “And here.” He kissed the skin above her heart. “I didn’t plan on you, Ivy Serrano. But I sure am glad your refrigerator cord caught fire—and that you were able to put it out so quickly.”
He rolled onto his side, and their legs entwined as their lips met, as if this were a choreographed dance they’d learned years ago.
“I sure didn’t plan on a cowboy fireman turning my life upside down. I didn’t know what it would be like to come home, with my parents in Boston and Charlie gone for good. The past several months have been real hard. And then you showed up.”
She kissed him, her breasts warm against his chest. And it was simply right—she and he like this.
“And,” she said, “you’re wearing too many clothes.”
Almost as soon as she had said the words, his jeans and boxer briefs were no more.
He slid her panties to her ankles and over her feet, and she hooked a leg over his.
“I don’t want anything between us tonight,” she said, wrapping a hand around his hard length.
“But—” He was all for what she was suggesting, but after waiting all this time, he wanted to be careful. Tonight was the start of something bigger than he’d imagined, and he wanted to get everything right.
“I’m on the pill,” she said. “Have been for years. And I haven’t been— It’s only you, Carter. Just you.”
He knew what she meant on a literal level but wondered if she felt it, too—how hard he was falling for her, how he couldn’t fathom it being anyone other than her ever again.
He buried himself inside her, hoping to fill her with all that he was feeling but couldn’t yet say.
She arched against him and gasped. He kissed her hard, and she rolled on top of him. He watched her move in a rhythm that was all their own. And he wondered how so much could change in such a short time.
He always thought he was running from a father who couldn’t accept his choices, but maybe he was running to her all along.
He woke the next morning before she did, their bodies still tangled and her back against his chest.
He kissed her neck, and she hummed softly, but it was a dreamy hum, one that assured him she was still asleep. Still, it couldn’t hurt to check.
“Ivy,” he whispered. “You awake?”
She didn’t stir.
He knew this was right—that she was right. So why deny it any longer.
“Maybe this is too soon, but I’m a man of certainty, and I’m certain that I’m not falling for you, darlin’. I’m not falling because I already fell.” He kissed the softball-shaped bruise on her shoulder. “I love you, Ivy.”
He wasn’t ready to say it to her face, not when a tiny part of him kept whispering that eventually his job would spook her and this would be over. It was better like this, not knowing what she’d say in return. Because if the other shoe dropped, he wanted to be prepared. He could handle her walking away if he never knew that she loved him, too. But if he knew and she still left, that might downright ruin him.
Maybe he risked his life doing what he did for a living, but he realized now that the one thing scarier than walking into a burning building was risking his heart.