part0084

Bala wasn’t impressive. In fact, he was not impressive in any way. And yet, she found him to be a kind-hearted man. Ratri knew he was almost a decade younger than her and she had no amorous feelings towards him. In fact, they were friendly just like she was with Kumar. But many in the house thought of them as a couple, which was absurd. Then again, it was Bala’s fault as well, since he blushed around her. Maybe he liked her, and she found it cute, but it would never be reciprocated. She had better and more important things to do, especially with the things now happening in the city.

She had been furious when found out that they were planning things behind her back. She had grand plans of taking down the new order, but none of it made sense to them. They just wanted to free their comrade. It was a futile attempt that ended up being not so futile since the escapee, a fugitive, was inside her house. And if anyone had seen him entering the house, she would be dead.

But she decided to help them.

It was because they reminded her a lot of Lakshmi. She had been a kind, adventurous soul who didn’t listen to anyone but herself. And that’s exactly how they were. They weren’t bad people. They had different ways of doing things. And she shouldn’t judge them for that. Except for the old Acharya—he was slimy, unintelligible, dirty, clumsy and horrible in every sense. She hated the kind, the Acharyas, for having little knowledge and then using that knowledge to entice poor villagers into sending their children to them and earning a few coins. Education shouldn’t be imparted around a tree.

Ratri, while writing a few letters to the officials for the inauguration of the library, had sent out plenty of invites, even to the likes of the Tribals. She had to act nice, portraying herself as a liberal. In the pool of light cast by the candle, she scribbled names and signed on papers, when she heard the footsteps. She looked up and it wasn’t Kumar. It was Bala. His tall, thick frame was covering most of the space in the room. It was a surprise to Ratri how big a Manav could be, in equivalence to a Rakshas. She continued to work, ignoring him, as he stood there, hands in the front, his mace making a sound as its edges rattled over the floor.

“Uh, thank you for everything.”

Ratri nodded. “It’s all right. Anything for Lakshmi’s friends.” She would have thrown them out if it was otherwise.

“I hope we meet again.”

Ratri had been told by Kumar that the guests would be leaving for their next destination, wherever that was. Ratri didn’t care to ask. It was not her business.

“Me too. I hope that.” She pulled up a smile. “I’m glad you were honest with me.” But why was he? He could have lied like the rest.

“Yes. I apologize,” his voice was hoarse but had a gentle edge to it. “For the others. They were afraid of telling you.”

Ratri stopped her quill at that. “And you weren’t?”

“Many don’t know, uh, but I recognize a person in the first instance. And you seemed like a person who would help us, going to great lengths, and not minding it.”

Her face had no expression, but she liked the fact that he had truly understood her.

“I won’t, yes. But I have limits as well.”

“Of course and before we cross them, we plan to leave.”

“I’m glad,” she said, as she signed more letters.

“And about the…uh…”

“You don’t need to speak about it.” Ratri’s cheeks were turning red. Damn!

“You sure?” his voice squeaked. He was nervous.

“I’m sure. Believe me.”

Ratri shook her head, recalling all the days that had led up to this. The time she spent with Bala, it came like a fever rush. She had been a careless fool. She had been drinking a lot lately. Perhaps it was the way she mourned for Lakshmi, for not having a family, for living with a Yaksha. She had no lover. It was her choice, of course, but there days when the stars would speak back to her and she would know she was going delusional. On one of those nights, Bala had caught on to her. She was standing on the roof, at the edge. And before she could fall and break her limbs, he had grabbed her and pulled her towards him. She had mistakenly kissed his chest even, leaving the mark of her red lips on his skin. She had foolishly hiccupped and giggled. Bala had grabbed her and taken her back to her room and tended to her. Burly a man though he was, he didn’t allow Ratri to kiss him.

“You are drunk. You are not thinking straight,” he had argued reasonably.

And in the morning, he had presented a bowl of soup to her, claiming it was a tried and tested cure for hangovers.

“What did I do?” She was massaging her head, acting as if she didn’t remember, but she did. It was awful and embarrassing. A woman of her age shouldn’t do any of it.

“You were shaken up. You are fine now,” he gently smiled. And from then on, whenever there was any spare time, Bala would come and talk with her. And it wouldn’t just be about trivialities. He would talk about his deepest insecurities. And Ratri would do so as well. Ratri had no problem sharing them with him. It was as if that night, they had bonded over her drunken stupor.

“How did you reach the position you are in, Lady Ratri?” He had asked.

She had bad memories about it. “I wasn’t always so taciturn and serious. I had a sister back in Shambala, Lakshmi’s mother, but in order to learn, I had dressed up as a boy and left to study in a Gurukul. Back then, girls weren’t allowed education. In fact, even now also, girls aren’t given the same treatment. I didn’t care. I cut my hair, strapped my breasts and left for it. And that was where I learnt the most.”

“I’m surprised no one wondered how there could be such a beautiful boy amongst them,” Bala had joked.

“It became worse though,” she sighed, looking down. “The Gurukul, it had bad days, especially towards the end. When during a bath, the Acharya caught me, saying I didn’t have the body of a boy but of a girl, he forced me to leave. I begged him. He told me I could stay. But I had to…uh…” she shook her head. “I had to pleasure him.” She was tearing up now, even as Bala tried to dispel her bad memories by hugging her tightly. “I was confused and broken. He forced himself on me, and I stayed there. The nights were painful. And I wanted to go home. But I knew if I went go back, I wouldn’t be able to complete what I had started. I wanted go to the city, and learn from a scholar.”

Bala had his eyebrows arched now, worried and a little angry. “I’m sorry. What did you do then?”

“So I went inside his hut on one night, and I cut off his privates when he lecherously beckoned me towards him,” she pulled up a smile at the gory memory.

“That is impressive,” he laughed, slapping his knee.

“That was. But now that I think about it, it was kind of bloody.”

“I’ve learnt, Lady Ratri…”

“Call me just Ratri.”

With tender eyes, Bala continued. “I’ve learnt that we live in a violent world, surrounded by violent men and women, doing violent things. It’s dark, bloody and I am used to it.”

“That’s why you are with them?” she signalled at his gang, who were talking to each other in the other room.

“No,” he shook his head. “The world might be bloody, but there’s still hope and they give me that. They promise me a better tomorrow. And it feels good, to have hope in a hopeless world.”

And then he had leaned forward, “I wanted to ask you to not get furious, but know things and try and understand them. We didn’t mean to hide, but now it is important that we should tell you…”

From then on, he had revealed the plan, because he trusted her. And it was nice to be trusted, even by a tavern guardsman. She had sent Kumar to spy on them, to know their moves so they wouldn’t make a stupid mistake. She wanted no damage to come to her, but at the same time, she didn’t want Bala to get in trouble either.

It was nice talking to someone, but he wouldn’t be around anymore for that.

“Might I get an embrace?”

“Aren’t you asking for too much?”

“Wasn’t it you who kissed me first?”

“That was me drunk,” she blushed.

He laughed. “You remember then. You are such a bad actress.”

Ratri shook her head as she came forward and embraced him, her nails digging into his skin, the scent of soap from his hair permeating her nostrils. She felt so small around his wrapped arms. “It was nice having a friend like you,” she said, pulling back.

He had gone red, like always. “It is the same for me. I hope I return and we talk more than we usually did.”

“I’ll show you the theatre here.”

“Is it boring? Will I understand?”

Ratri held on to his hands. “With me, you’ll understand everything.”

And then there was a knock on the door. Ratri let go his hand as she saw Kumar coming out of his hole, reaching for the door. Ratri whistled at Kumar to not open it right away. Ratri nodded at Bala silently, and he swiftly walked to the back, waking up Kalki from his room, Kripa from the corridor, as they went downstairs.

Ratri walked to the door, opening it, only to find a familiar figure, staring at her. Bald head, sunken eyes and dark skin, a black dhoti wrapped around his waist, and a black robe wrapped across his chiselled, lanky frame. It was none other than the Commander of the city.