CHAPTER THIRTY-TWO

BRIDGE TOLLS AND TROLLS

The taxi lets them off at the foot of the mountain. There are no roads that lead to and from the Bridge to Nowhere—hence its name. Filomena’s research states that the bridge was built between the canyons sometime in the 1930s, but a flood washed out the road; the bridge remained, but the road was never rebuilt. But Jack tells her that’s not quite true. He says the bridge was always meant to be a portal, inaccessible except to those who knew where it truly led.

“But over in Never After, it fell under the control of the ogres once they took Westphalia. We’ll have to be careful when we get to the other side,” he cautioned as they began their steep hike up the winding path.

“So all we have to do is cross it and we’re back?” asks Filomena, huffing from the weight of her backpack and the steep incline.

“Yep, and avoid being killed, of course,” says Jack.

“Easy peasy ogre squeezy,” Alistair scoffs. Ever since he beat the dragons’ challenge, he’s been a little cocky.

“Ogres!” Gretel shudders. “Do we have to?”

“Unfortunately,” says Filomena.

Gretel laughs. Nothing seems to bring her down too much. As they make their way to the bridge, she asks them more about Never After. “So have you guys met the fairies?”

“Only Zera,” says Filomena. “She was cool, though.”

“Goblins?”

“I saw them around,” says Filomena. “But I didn’t get introduced.”

“One of my friends is a goblin. Great guy,” says Alistair. “They get a bad rap.”

“Mermaids?” asks Gretel.

Alistair turns to Filomena. “Wait, you guys don’t have mermaids here, either?”

Filomena shakes her head and then says, “Nope. Gretel’s right. No mermaids here.”

Now it’s Alistair who looks skeptical. “But I read something in the guidebook about a place here called SeaWorld. It said there are exhibits of all the largest and most impressive sea creatures. How could there not be a single mermaid?”

Filomena shrugs, and then says, “We’re taught to believe they don’t exist.”

“Just like we’re taught that magic doesn’t exist,” Gretel adds wistfully. “It’s sad how many believe it.”

Alistair huffs under the weight of Gretel’s suitcase. “Jeez, what do you have in this thing? A sleeping ogre?”

“Oh, no, that’s just my makeup,” she says. “And I packed light!”

“Okay, I think we’re getting close,” Filomena says as the path opens up to a view of the river below. The entrance to the bridge isn’t much farther.

“Oh, thank hooligans,” Alistair mumbles, still dragging the luggage with a strenuous effort even though it rolls. “Hey, Gretel, is this your wheelhouse?” he asks, laughing at his own joke before she can even respond. “Get it? Wheels…”

“Just ignore him,” Filomena suggests to Gretel.

As they make their way, Jack warns, “Watch your step near the cliffside.” Some pebbles fall down the sheer drop.

“Thanks, Captain Obvious,” Filomena mumbles, passing by him at a brisk pace and leaving him dumbfounded at the nickname.

“Huh?” asks Jack.

She’s nervous and crabby, and for some reason she finds Jack’s cool demeanor irritating right now. Sure, he’s a hero, but come on—all three of them passed the dragons’ challenge. Filomena feels her annoyance rise, and she loses her footing on the cliff, only to have Jack catch her hand.

“Oh, thanks,” she says, now annoyed with herself instead of him.

Jack waits for Alistair to catch up. “Did you hear that? Why would she call me Captain Something? She knows my name…”

Alistair is sweating under the hot sun and doesn’t have the patience to try to make his friend feel better. “I don’t know. Girls are mean. And will you look at the size of this bag? What is makeup? What is she making up for?”

Filomena and Gretel arrive at the bridge first, but as they approach, they see that it’s blocked by a group of trolls. Trolls who are all too familiar to Filomena.

Except this time they are literal trolls. With hideous, deformed bodies and sharp teeth. They’re still wearing the Argyle Prep uniforms, the girls in plaid skirts and the boys in chinos and polo shirts.

“The Alfredos!” Filomena gasps. “I knew it!”

“How odd that they’re all named Alfredo,” says Gretel thoughtfully.

Filomena shakes her head, but she’s too agitated to explain. Her suspicions were right! The Fettucine Alfredos are somehow tied to the books. And the Noodle Nuisances aren’t just a group of snotty seventh graders, apparently. They’re literally a group of evil trolls.

She grabs Gretel from their line of sight, and the two of them hide behind the nearest tree. Filomena holds a finger to her lips and stares at Gretel, motioning for her to be quiet.

Filomena peers around the tree, glancing at the bridge again to see if it’s really Posy and her nasty group of minions blocking the path to the portal. A brief look confirms her suspicions. Yup. It’s definitely the Penne Posse. The girls are all there—Daisy, Petunia, and Carnation—along with the boys, Tex, Angelo, Lake, and Buck.

Her middle school bullies are actual trolls. It’s almost too good (or bad) to be true. She turns to Gretel and indicates her high heels. “You might want to take those off,” Filomena whispers.

“Why?” Gretel whispers back.

Filomena responds by pointing to herself and to Gretel and then using her pointer and middle fingers to portray a running motion.

No sooner does she finish conveying this information than they hear the sound of wheels being dragged along the rocky path. She needs to warn Jack and Alistair, but before she can, Alistair spots her, and his voice carries over the canyon.

Alistair yells, “Hey, girls! Why are you hiding behind that tree?”

Filomena freezes against the tree, and Gretel quickly doffs her heels. But it’s too late.

The jig, as they say, is up.

Posy turns her troll head 180 degrees and spots them immediately.

“THERE THEY ARE!” she yells in a deep roar.

There’s no reason for hiding or pretending now.

“GET THEM!”

Once more, Filomena and her friends are running for their lives.

“So much cardio,” says Alistair in between huffs.

Filomena would laugh if she could, but she’s too focused on getting away.