Chapter 2

Beth took the news like a fist to her stomach. Her husband of three years was suddenly ripped from her. The next days went on without Beth being fully present. Petey’s wife, Claire, who had become Beth’s best friend, was with her almost all the time, taking a break when one of the other fire department wives stepped in.

The funeral was well attended. It was a cool autumn day, and the leaves were beginning to fall. Both their families were there, along with most of the community. Beth stood among the fire department members in their dress blues at the grave site, the enormity of the situation still not quite sunk in. Chief Butch Reynolds stood on one side, Petey and Claire on the other. Another member of the fire department handed Beth Josh’s helmet. It felt heavier than it really was. Prayers were said. The firemen climbed back into the truck they had used to bring the casket to the cemetery. They went back to the church for the meal, and Petey and Claire took Beth home when things were winding down.

The next month Beth had a never-ending pile of paperwork to attend to. A representative from the Fire Department’s attorney met with Beth to go over the life insurance and other legal information. The house would be paid off, and a fund set up for Beth with the remaining money.

As time wore on, Beth began to have nightmares. Josh at the scene. Petey at the door with the terrible news. Claire was still stopping in a few times a week to check on Beth, even though she was back at work and trying to keep living as normal as she could. Claire was the one who suggested Beth see a grief counselor. Beth went, knowing she needed help to feel normal again. She was given an antidepressant and something to help her sleep.

Months went by. Things were getting better. Beth was getting out of the house more to spend time with her friends. They were at the annual Summerfest parade when the bottom fell out again. Beth watched the fire trucks with their flashing lights pass her and instantly teared up. Claire was sitting to her left, and offered to take Beth home. She took Claire up on the offer, and they left.

Once Beth got home, she went to the bathroom to splash cold water on her face. She was wiping it dry when she saw the pills. She could end it, and put herself out of her misery. Beth grabbed the bottle, and shook a handful out. Her hand was shaking, and soon most of the pills had fallen out of the bottle and into the sink. Tears still streaked her face. She looked at herself again in the mirror. This wasn’t what Josh would want for her. He would want her to live, even if it meant she had to live without him there with her.

Beth quickly realized the thoughts she was having went against her own beliefs, and threw the pills into the toilet, dumping what was left in the bottles with them before flushing them down. There was no way she was going to keep taking medication to haze her judg­ment. There had to be another way to cope. She remembered back in high school how much better she felt after a good run. Beth went upstairs and found her old running shoes, grabbed her phone, and ran until she thought she would keel over. She put her hands on her hips, trying to catch her breath. She looked around and realized how far she had run. Despite the side cramp, she felt better. It was early summer, and many more runs followed. Beth got new running shoes and a gym membership for the rainy days and winter months.

The exercise soon replaced visits to the counselor, and brought back Beth’s appetite. Still, her summer clothes weren’t fitting the way they used to, and she went shopping with Claire and Becca, the wife of Boone Kelly, who was another captain on the fire department. It was nice to get some social time, and catch up on the latest news.

“Did you get the invite to the annual picnic Beth?” Becca asked. She had bright-blue eyes and shoulder-length brown hair. Claire held up a blue dress.

“Yeah, Bonnie asked if you would want to come. How’s this dress look with my new hair color?”

Claire had just dyed her hair from brown to blonde, a look that she wore well.

“It looks great. I did get the invite, but wasn’t so sure it would be a good idea.” Beth was scared to go to the fire hall for the picnic. It was a tradition every year in August to do a cook-out at the hall and invite all the fire department families, current and retired members. She thought back to the parade that had triggered her breakdown, and didn’t want that to happen again.

Claire could tell Beth had something on her mind, and reached out to her arm.

“Hey, it won’t be like last time. You’re in a better place than you were a year ago. We’ve missed having you around at the events.”

Beth thought about it. Claire was right. It had been over a year since the accident had ripped Josh away from her and her heart out of her chest, and she needed to allow herself to see the group she had considered her second family.

“Maybe it wouldn’t be so bad,” Beth conceded.

“Great! Let’s find you something hot to wear!” Becca declared.