I began writing this memoir seven years ago on the too-few vacations I spent at my house in Mexico. I’d bring my first-generation Apple laptop—which I still use—along with boxes of notes, letters, photos, and newspaper articles. After five years of struggling to write about my experiences with Ted Bundy, my recollections seemed finished, at least as far as I was concerned, since I never imagined my story would be published. But after a few new high-profile cases and after word got out that I’d been working on a memoir, CBS News producers Paul LaRosa and Susan “Z” Zirinsky and 48 Hours host Peter Van Sant expressed great interest, and these very kind and busy people took time to read my story. Peter and Z agreed to support and promote the memoir, but not until it was better organized and written.
Then the real blessing: James Ross Gardner, now editor in chief of Seattle Met magazine. James had written a profile of me for Seattle Met (“The Law and John Henry !*@#ing Browne”) and later agreed to help with the manuscript. Well help he did. If there is any literary value to this book, it’s James’s doing. He put months into making this interesting and readable. He is a true craftsman, and a better friend would be hard to imagine. Thanks again, JRG.
Z introduced me to agent Frank Weimann, and he and I hit it off. A man of few words but great wisdom, Frank truly believed in the project. Fate and Frank worked in tandem when the latter struck a contract with Chicago Review Press, and our team was blessed with the addition of editor Yuval Taylor. I was warned that editors were brutal, frank, and demanding. True, but Yuval was always supportive, and the finished book is much better because of him.
Lance Rosen is a well-respected entertainment lawyer whose early encouragement for this project was seemingly limitless. He has taught me so much, mostly how to listen. He’s now one of my best friends, and we continue to deepen that friendship as we explore possible spin-off projects.
Others in the literary and entertainment field who provided support and important criticism include Kany Levine, the late Ann Rule, Jeff Benedict, Kristin Hanna, and Dustin Lance Black.
My long, strange trip began, of course, with my birth family, all now deceased but never dead to me. My mother, Helen, beautiful inside and out, always told me I could be successful at whatever my path was—as long as I stayed on the path. She was unconditional love embodied. My sister, Bonnie, who struggled through life with mental illness, loved me deeply and had a laugh that shook the roof. We moved around so much as children that we were by default each other’s best friends. My niece Stephanie Kirkland and her two kids were there for me when my parents and sister we very ill. And of course my father, Harry, a very complicated man who only learned late in life it was not a weakness to show your love, was wise beyond belief and supportive of me—even though he always wanted me to live an easier life. I miss him every day.
The true gifts in my life, my sons Eli and Matt, taught me the most important lesson of all, patience. I am so proud that both are often referred to as the kindest young men imaginable. I never planned on being a dad, but what a gift it has been. I love them dearly.
Most recently there’s my own, true “hard-headed woman,” whose own ostensible contradictions—she’s a former Ralph Lauren model who can skin a deer—has helped me understand mine and turn my nagging insecurities into minor issues. And for that I’m ever grateful.
Special thanks and gratitude for my lost loves, Deborah Beeler, Ann “Punky” Babson, and the entire Audrey Hillman family. They all offered so much, even when I gave back too little.
Thank you to the loving friends who changed my life forever. My true soul mate was Keith Hansen, and I’m grateful to his wife Susan and their kids Mike and Kati. After Keith passed, his cousin John took his place as my best friend, and then he too passed. My teacher Richard Moss taught me about the sacred nature of life, and I met many friends on that path, particularly Barbara “Beau” Taylor—a more beautiful soul you will never meet. Sylvia Mathews and I were on the same path for years, and she saved my life more than once. Richard Miller, the caretaker of a sacred place, Wilber Hot Springs, also introduced me to the beauty of sobriety. I’m also grateful to the late Betty Ford for obvious reasons. Dan Crystal started as my shrink and remains my shrink and a true friend. Thank you forever to my fellow travelers in the Crystal Palace Guard: Chris, Michael, Willie, Buz, and Jeff.
Others have have stuck with me through many ups and downs, always with love and care, especially Lorie Hutt and her husband, Rick. I just don’t know what negative path I would have gone down without Lorie, my office manager and life manager. She is, simply put, a saint. Thanks also to Allen Ressler, and to former and current members of my staff: Emma Scanlan, Colleen Hartl, Michael Lee, and Susan Gilpen. I get the credit; they do the work.
I’m indebted to my teachers of the law: Warren Wolfson and his wife Joanne, Sherman Magidson, Skip Andrew, and my first and only true boss, Don Horowitz.
I would not have stuck with the law without the inspiration and courage of many judges and even prosecutors who practiced compassion as well as punishment: Judges John C. Coughenour, William Downing, Robert Lasnik, Ricardo Martinez, Jeffrey Miller, Marsha Pechman, C. Z. Smith, and my beloved William O. Douglas (who I was proud to know); and prosecutors Jeff Baird, Hugh Barber, Tim Bradshaw, Vince Lombardi (grandson of the famous football coach), Norm Maleng, Dan Satterberg, Frank Jenny, and Sarah Vogel.
Finally, I am grateful for the inspiration of Leonard Cohen, John Lennon, Rumi, Ram Dass, Van Morrison, Bruce Cockburn, and others who have filled my life with music, metaphysics, and beauty. You too, Uncle Pat.