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Joshua flew off to Hong Kong. He left us with our tears when we tried to make him feel guilty as he boarded the jet. We each had different motives. Crystal had found a truly honest and caring man, and deep down in her shallow mind, she knew it, and I couldn’t bear to part with a big brother who wanted to see me happy.
So Crystal and I sent Joshua away and had our pity party along with a fridge full of wine that had been an unexpected present from Charles. It arrived in a crate, and by the name sketched on the outside, I knew I had never drunk such decadent wine before. The names were so French that I was sure even the French couldn’t pronounce them.
We opened a bottle and found some cheese and fruit to imitate what we thought Frenchmen and Frenchwomen would do when they sat at a bistro and relaxed during lunch in Paris. I had always thought about going to Paris with the man I loved. I made a toast. “Here’s to Paris and the men we love.” We threw down another glass of wine, trying to get drunk and trying to forget our men. Sometime during our second bottle of wine, we heard the persistent ringing of my phone.
“Alex. Alex.”
“Max, I have nothing to say to you.”
“Listen, will you? This isn’t Max. It’s Jonas.”
“Then I hope you don’t take it the wrong way when I say I don’t want to talk to you.”
“I understand how you feel, but let me get this out. It’s Max.”
“What’s wrong with Max now?” I asked, casual and unconcerned.
“Max expected you to return, and when you didn’t, he set out in his small private jet, flying to Seattle. He thought that he could reach there before you. The last thing we heard from him was he was trying to land his plane in a valley. The weather changed quickly. I warned him before he left, but you know how he is.”
My legs collapsed, and I found a chair. “What have I done? What have I done?” I said in a loud chant.
“Alex... Alex?”
“I’m coming there to you,” I said, my mind in a fog.
“No. I’m going to bring Maxim and his nanny to you. Max’s plane disappeared near Seattle. That was the last signal reported. We have a team of men stationed and ready to go. Just stay calm. I’ve done this before. I don’t want to lose my brother; he’s all I’ve got.”
“You have me and Maxim, Jonas. Bring Max back.” I couldn’t believe my newfound feelings for Jonas. I discovered that comforting Jonas made me feel better. I found empathy for him, because the sound of his voice was like the lost child that Max had painted in my mind.
***
That afternoon I waited in anticipation of hearing from Jonas about Max. The knock on the door felt comforting, as if Max would walk through and hand me my son. Instead of Max it was Jonas, as handsome as ever. Holding his hand was Maxim. Maxim turned to look at Jonas. He gestured for him to go, and Maxim ran to me and held me around my legs. I bent to pick him up, and he fell into my arms.
“Mommy. I get to stay with you.”
“Yes you do.” As I turned to show Maxim a room full of toys that I’d bought for him, Crystal opened her door. She stood silent. And looked at Jonas, who did not miss that where-have-you-been-all-my-life look, and Jonas answered with an I-can’t-wait-to-fuck-you look. I stood to the side and watched the fatal attraction, which took me by surprise. I said, “Crystal, this is Jonas. Jonas, this is Crystal. And this is Maxim. My Maxim.”
Maxim smiled at his introduction, but Jonas and Crystal just could not bring space between the two of them. Finally Jonas said, “You didn’t tell me that I would meet the woman who would be the mother of my children.”
“Oh God. Heaven forbid,” I mumbled.
Crystal shyly broke a smile and held her hand out to shake Jonas’s hand. “I’m pleased to meet you.” Jonas reached for her hand and kissed the back of it instead.
“Jonas, please let Crystal go to work; she’s going to be late.” He turned and walked her to the door. I heard him tell her not to go anywhere because he had to search for his brother, and he would be back and hoped she would be waiting.
I took Maxim inside the dining area to play with the elaborate train set Max had sent before he decided that he should have sole custody of Maxim. Jonas stood staring at the door as if in a trance. “Jonas, what are your plans?”
“I plan to marry Crystal.”
“Jonas. No. I’m speaking of Max,” I yelled.
He jerked out of his trance.
“I have this team and we are going to hike near the last signal. It’s hilly country with dense forest. It’s cold out there. I don’t want to alarm you, but Max left without a warm coat. It was as if he had lost his mind. I’ve never seen him out of control. He didn’t think; he just rushed to that small jet and took off.”
“Tell me you’re going to find Max.”
“I’m going to find him and bring him home. His son needs a father. I understand that more than ever. Well, we don’t want Maxim turning out like me.” A small smile broke across his face.
“There’s nothing wrong with you, Jonas,” I lied.
“Speaking of that, when I get back, talk to Crystal for me.”
“You will have to do that yourself.”
“I know I’ve been a nuisance, but I mean well. I just spent too much time on the streets and in Afghanistan. It makes for a lot of crazy shit.”
“I know what you are talking about, Jonas.”
“You couldn’t have. I ran away from home all my life. It seems that I am still running away.”
“I feel the same way. I was one of those urchins you see running around the streets of Seattle with nowhere to sleep at night, all because I didn’t want anyone to tell me what to do.” Jonas sat stunned, listening as I poured my heart out to a fellow lost child.
The sound in Jonas’s voice had reminded me of the first time I realized that I was on my own on the streets of Seattle.
“It was a cold, rainy day when I decided that I couldn’t stay with my parents. They were exasperated with my behavior. I argued with my mother and took advantage of my father. When they finally revealed that I had been adopted, I packed my things and stole away in the middle of the night. I had decided and convinced myself that I could find my birth parents.
“Climbing through the window with my backpack, my iPod, a can of tuna and crackers, and the ignorance of a child, I left the comforts of home.
“I felt deceived that they would wait until I was a teen to tell me. I knew that something was wrong. I just didn’t fit into that family. My father said that I would get over my rebellious ways, but I got worse, and my attitude toward them became unpleasant for everyone. My shouting at my mother, telling her that I hated her, was too much for my father, and he began to pull away from me.
“Leaving home was something I had planned for a long time, but this time, I vowed I would never go back. They searched for me, but I didn’t want to be found. One cold night I ended up in a shelter. I heard on the street that the sponsor of the shelter would provide financial support to any girl who would agree to finish high school and go to college.
“I ended up in Brooklyn, because I got a scholarship to Brooklyn College with an apartment and my clothes and food paid for until I graduated. All this help from an unknown woman. When I graduated, I had college loans, because my last year, I lost my scholarship and had to pay, and I found out that my sponsor had died. It was then I met Max.”
When the word “Max” slipped from my lips, Jonas’s phone rang. He talked for a few minutes, and then he stood, and I followed him to the door. He turned. “My team is ready. I have to go, Alex. Say goodbye to Maxim for me. His governess will be here shortly. I’m bringing my brother back. Please, don’t worry, Alex.”
Jonas saw the strain in my red, swollen eyes. “I’ll contact you the minute we reach our base,” Jonas said to help me relax. He hugged me as we stood on the porch, and then he stepped down the brick stairs. After walking to his Jeep, he entered, looking back at me for comfort, then he pulled away out of sight. I didn’t want to let him go, because he might be the only connection I had to my handsome, sexy, intolerable, demanding Mr. Black—a man who I couldn’t fathom losing.
I didn’t know if I could handle the loss of the only man I had both loved and hated.
Some might say, You are young; you’ll get over him in time. There was no way I would get over a man like him.