| |
“Max, I can’t leave you alone here until I get someone to come in and take care of you.”
What is Jonas talking about? I didn’t need anyone to take care of me. I was a strong healthy man, and I could do for myself. I didn’t want cleaning people stumbling about peering at me like I was a strange animal headed for a life in a zoo.
I needed privacy to think, and plan for Alex to come back home to our family, and to me.
“This is a new house for fuck’s sake, and I don’t want cooks coming in and out, and who the fuck knows what they prepare in Texas? One of those large grilled steaks to give me a heart attack. If I wanted to shorten my life I’d get one of those porterhouse steaks at any one of those restaurants that seemed to be on every corner,” I explained.
I thought about what I’d say to Jonas first, and if I’d said what I wanted he’d probably take me to a psychiatrist. I’d lost my mind. And that was because Alex wasn’t here. I should have told her how much I appreciated and loved her, but I didn’t and now it might be too late, and I didn’t know if I’d ever see her again, or whether she’d want to see me. Hell, she wouldn’t recognize me if she did come back.
“I need peace and I need to find Alex, Jonas? What have you done to make that a priority? All this talk about someone to take care of me isn’t going to get me closer to my Alex.” I have no family until she comes back to me and our children, I thought. “I suppose you’ll call a limo and a driver to take me to the doctor’s office. I can drive myself to the doctor. It’s about a half hour away. So what do I need with someone driving me around.”
What was the point of living where no one knew who you were, then call attention to yourself by having a limo parked at your door? However, I didn’t say that to Jonas. He’d been trying his best to be the big brother now, and I appreciated it. I just I didn’t need that kind of disturbance.
“Who do you think I am? I’m not an invalid.” I softened my tone. “I can care for myself, Jonas. I’m still Maximillian Blackstone.” I strode around to look over my property with the fence protecting my privacy from the world and nosy neighbors. I liked this place, and I’d get around to telling Jonas, but first I had to settle this argument about someone to take care of me.
“I was doing fine when you weren’t around. You had one task and that was to keep Alex safe. When you were fucking those young girls and getting into all kinds of trouble, I was getting you out of that trouble.” I tried not to say those things to Jonas, but it appeared it was hard to change overnight, and I kept falling back into my old self.
I’d managed to put my foot in my mouth again, because when I glanced over at Jonas he had his hands in his pockets and was staring down. I was being a dick again. I didn’t want to lean on him or anyone. I didn’t want my brother to know how upset and out of it this whole year had been. It had bent me. This thing with Alex almost broke me. When it came to Alex and Jonas I’d made so many mistake, and that had always been my tragic flaw. To speak quickly, to act quickly, and think I could do everything myself, and now I couldn’t.
“I’m sorry, Jonas. I shouldn’t have talked to you the way I did. You’ve been with me through this, and you tried to warn me, but I never took the time to tell you how much I’ve appreciated and relied on you, but instead I’m shouting at one of the most important people in my life. All because I can’t handle this anymore. Whatever you do now, I’ll show gratitude instead of trying to find fault, because the fault for all this lies with me.” I stared at Jonas, and it had always been like looking at myself in the mirror, but soon it wouldn’t be. And perhaps in that lay the problem.
I strolled over to Jonas and tapped him on his back, and when he turned, I grabbed him around his waist and placed my head on his shoulder. “You know what and who I need. Make it possible. Make it happen for me, Jonas. I’m leaning on you now.” I knew it was a lot to ask of him, but I needed him like I never had before.
“I’m trying, Max, but your mental health has suffered more than you realize. I see the changes in you because of that accident and the new face. You really should see a therapist.”
“I don’t need a therapist now,” I barked, “I need Alex. I’m back to not sleeping—”
“That alone can be devastating. If you go without sleep for too long, you know what that will mean. I bet if you’d known you’d need her the way you do and did, you’d never have acted like the dick you were.”
I grew silent. I wasn’t used to men talking to me that way. Even Jonas. Instead of chewing Jonas out I laughed.
“You know you’re right. I’ve been a dick so long that I don’t know how to be anything else. However, I’m going to change, and starting today. I have a new face, a new home, why not a new way of viewing things and people. I’m going to start and perhaps when or if Alex comes back to me, she will see that I’ve changed.”
“That’s a lot. You can’t be someone else overnight, dear brother, and you know I’m telling you the truth, but you can try, and if you try long enough something might stick. Remember what your doctor said, ‘baby steps.’ You have to get comfortable with your new face, but it’s going to take time.”
“Tomorrow is when the bandages come off.” I didn’t tell Jonas because that was what I’d been dreading—a face that wouldn’t attract Alex anymore. Some would say it was that physical attractions that would bring two people together and then the smell. I closed my eyes because I could imagine how she smelled the first night we had sex. It was intoxicating. “Let’s have a beer and a sandwich, sit outside on the patio near the pool,” I said. “I don’t want to go to a restaurant... not today. There’s enough food in the fridge and cabinet to outlast The Walking Dead.” Jonas chuckled. I opened the pantry door, selected sourdough bread, and mayo and headed to the fridge. “What were you thinking?” I questioned him with a raised eyebrow. When I glared at Jonas he was shaking his head with a closed smile.
“I guess too much binge watching of The Walking Dead can do that to you.”
Shaking my head. “What do you say? How about we eat, get acquainted with each other again before you have to see the new face. We can pretend like we were when we were young and had only each other to talk to, and play with. You tell me your secrets, and I’ll tell you mine,” I said.
Jonas’s closed smile had been taken over by a furrowed brow, and a narrowed startled look. That was the same look he had when we found out we were fucking the same girl in high school. We didn’t know, but she did. I dropped her because I never liked to share with anyone, including my brother, not even a toy.
“I didn’t mean that,” I apologized. “That’s why they called them secrets, right? Secrets are to remain secret. I wouldn’t want you in my head because you’d be stunned at what you’d find. Although there aren’t many secrets between twins, are there?”
As I spoke, Jonas had the sandwiches made, then he handed me my plate and a Heineken. And as they said we took the show on the road, and in our case the backyard. Sitting, we ate as we glanced around at the landscaping and fence. Trees dotted the back and they appeared to be everywhere, making the yard a paradise for squirrels and birds who knew what else. I missed this. I missed the quiet and my children, and most of all Alex, who brought a certain amount of saneness to our lives.
Jonas glanced over at me after placing the lip of the beer bottle to his mouth, then setting it on the table. “If you don’t want this house, I’m going to buy it. Maybe I’ll find a woman who will overlook my faults, and my fucked-up life,” Jonas added.
“Why are you saying that?”
“Because it has been fucked-up, and I was responsible for getting Alex involved in all kinds of mischief.” Mischief was a soft word. He’d gotten her involved with things that could have cost her life. “You and Alex should be sitting here, and your children swimming and chasing squirrels.” Jonas sighed along with me.
“My children are too old to chase squirrels—” I chuckled.
“You know what I’m trying to say, Max. Don’t be difficult especially when I’m trying to pour my heart out to my big brother.”
“I just wanted to change the subject. I didn’t want to think about what could have become of Alex. I’m feeling down, and—”
“And you should ask for a referral to a good therapist—”
“I had one. Now please don’t suggest going for therapy again. You know it’s been a long time since I’ve been to one, and that was because I wasn’t sleeping. Alex solved that—”
“And that’s why you need to speak to someone.”
“I’m talking to someone. I’m talking to you, my brother, about my problems.”
Jonas stood and strolled around and placed his hands in his pockets, and stared into the pool. Then he turned to face me. “I’m not the one who can help you. I need help myself.”
Then Max’s phone rang, and he put it on speaker. “Mr. Blackstone, you have an appointment with Dr. Raymond Martinez tomorrow at 9 a.m. If you can’t make it contact him immediately. The number is 713—” I cut the nurse off, informed her that I had all the information, and I hit the button, because I knew what had to be done, even if I didn’t want to face it. There would be a new me, and it would take time getting to know him, even if I hadn’t put to rest the old face.
“Can we talk about Alex?” I paused and Jonas found a chair facing me.
“What is it you want to talk about?”
“Did Alex have any feelings for that man she married.”
“Of course not. When she got her chance she got away from him, even if she had to jump into the ocean. She wanted to get back to you, and her children.”
“The authorities suspect her of killing him, but they can’t prove it. They think you helped her, did you?”
“All I can say now is she didn’t kill Christian. He was hated by the entire crew aboard that yacht, and he’d been known to have at least two wives and a sister, and some of those women went missing while aboard the ship—”
“Do you think Alex survived?”
“If anyone could, Alex could. I haven’t given up looking for her. You have a lot to think about, and I have someone on the case. He’ll have something for me soon. Get some rest, Max, because tomorrow is going to be a new day. You can do what-ever you want, and no one will know you. Me on the other hand, people will assume I’m you. I wouldn’t want to be in my shoes.”