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“Jonas. I don’t think I can do this. And you’re not here to guide me.”
“I think you forgot one thing, Alex, I’ve never guided you on anything. You took the lead and guided me. Remember?”
“Well, I need you now. Where are you?”
“Waiting in line for a rental. I didn’t call ahead. In a few hours I’ll be home and I can talk to you then. But I trust you to make the right decision—”
“I haven’t made a right decision in years. Did you see what a mess I made of your life and mine?”
“It wasn’t your fault, Alex. Don’t blame yourself. It was Max’s fault, and he wants to make it up to you if you come home. I want you home too. I can’t stop thinking about—”
“Don’t think about it, because that will never happen again.”
“Nevertheless, it’s a memory I don’t want to lose. It was the worst thing that could happen to you, but it was the best—”
I couldn’t let him complete that sentence, because it scared me to death to think that I’d put myself in a position where I’d have to worry and think about what I did with Jonas for a lifetime. I could never get that out of my head, and I wouldn’t feed his fantasy by encouraging him. It was awful being in a situation that traumatized us, and would cause all kinds of trouble for us with Max.
I didn’t know how Jonas felt, and I didn’t want to hear how beautiful the moment was because it felt as if it was hell with me, and I’d betrayed Max and everything I thought about myself. The guilt was profound and there was no way I could end it. I had to plow through it and hope I survived.
“I have to go, Jonas. Kiss my children and tell Max I’m not sure it’s a good thing for us to get back together.” And I hit the red button and sat at the end of the bed staring at the phone. I need a phone and privacy, I thought as I strolled back to the kitchen.
The lights were dim, and the music was low and soft. I tried to ignore Zack staring out and singing along with the tune. When he heard the dishwasher he turned and stared at me.
“Do you dance?”
“Yes, but it’s been a long time. I think I’d just graduated from college, got a job and hung out at a club and bar where people my age were dancing. I don’t do that anymore because I have children. I mean I had children before my husband—” There I was again, giving away too much information. What’s up with this guy where I want to confess things to him. Familiarity, I thought, and it happened so soon. I looked from across the bar. “Are you a lawyer?”
“No, not lately. Why?”
“Because it’s something about you that makes me want to confess to you. I don’t know what it is, but you asked one question and I told you more than I want to. I just met you and I may never see you again.”
“Then why not tell me about yourself. How you came to know Jonas, and where you came from, and where you’re going?”
“Because as I said I just met you, and I don’t trust anyone anymore.”
“You don’t trust anyone? Why is that?”
“There you go again. I don’t trust anyone because I’ve trusted too many people. Men to be exact, and I’ve found nothing but heartache.”
Zack strode closer to me in the kitchen and looked at me. “Such a beautiful young woman not to trust anyone. Was it your husband? I bet it was your husband who betrayed you.”
“Not in the way you’re thinking. My husband never spent much time with me because he was off adding to his fortune. You’d think he’d have enough money.”
“He probably did, but maybe it was he thought once he gave up everything he’d worked for, you wouldn’t see him as he’d first presented himself to you. You know, rich and successful. Maybe he thought you’d fall out of love with him because he wasn’t the same person.”
“What are you a psychologist?”
“No. You would have to guess, because I’m not going to tell you. It will take you a long time to guess, and I hope not soon because you might leave me just when I’m falling in love with you.” I turned and headed for my room and to call Jonas again, and ask him to come back to Texas and get me, bring me some money, because I couldn’t do this.
When he reached for my arm after I took a few steps, and turned me around to face him, he said, “Can’t you see that I’m joking?” I didn’t see him as a man who joked. He had this starry-eyed look filled with sexual desire. That was how I saw him—a man who needed something and it had to do with sex and a woman he desired.
“When was the last time you had companionship with another woman?”
“Since I met my wife, I’ve never had a desire for anyone, but...” He didn’t complete that sentence and it was a good thing he didn’t.
“Look, if we’re going to go to the store and I’m going to buy clothes for myself and some food for you that doesn’t have four hoofs, then I need to get dressed. I was roaming around after you went to sleep, and I washed my clothing. There was cigarette smoke on them.”
He wasn’t surprised to learn I was roaming around the house. He appeared to be good with that. He was a man who appeared not to have much to hide. I suspected he had isolated himself because of his pain of losing his wife.
“It won’t take long to dress. I’ve had my shower, and by the smell of your aftershave and soap, you’ve taken yours.”
Zack raised an eyebrow. Shared too much. Instead of pushing him away, I was showing I had interest in him. That wasn’t my intention—or was it?
I don’t know what I want now. I found I was craving the attention of a gorgeous man who reminded me of Max. This couldn’t be good, but he was nothing like Max, and I liked that part of him. I liked the part where he was showing me attention and he liked to flirt first.
When I first met Max I fell in love with him, but he only showed his desire for me in the bedroom, and so I took that because I wanted and needed him. I’d had a baby for him, and he never knew because I didn’t tell him until later, because I didn’t see him after that for a long time. He’d been too busy with his hotels and businesses, but I resented him and wanted to teach him a lesson, and that was how I fell into his world of BDSM with him and Jonas.
The problem I was having with Zack, was he smelled too much like Max. There was one thing about Max that I loved, and it had to do with his intoxicating scent. Each time he was around me I became aroused, and I apparently aroused him too, because his cock was always hard. He’d nibble at my ear, and kiss the nape of my neck, and my body would respond the way it was doing now, and I knew I had to get away from Zack before he’d have me tied up and we’d be deciding on a safe word.
Perhaps he wasn’t like Max in bed, then I’d have to teach him how to satisfy me, and who knew what it would take to satisfy him. But whatever it would be if I consented and made up my mind that I wanted to experiment with him, I’d do my best to please him.
What am I thinking? I threw the robe to the side and stepped out of Zack’s pajamas, dressed, and met him looking gorgeous waiting for me in the foyer. “Are you ready for me to take you shopping for food and clothing. Food for me and clothes for you. You did say you need a uniform? I googled a shop and they have just the maid uniform for you.”
I didn’t like the look in his eyes, but I would let this day play out. We strolled out together and into a rental he drove. It was a high-end car which led me to believe he had resources I hadn’t fully understood. Coupled with the large ranch home, and his black Maserati, he had serious money.
He opened the door, and I stepped in. “Thank you,” I said.
When he climbed behind the wheel, he said, “I always wanted to have a personal relationship like this with my wife, but never had a chance. I hope you don’t mind if I practice with you. Maybe the next woman I meet I’ll know how to treat her, that is if you’re not the next woman.”
And he pulled out of his driveway, and headed to the interstate.