Chapter Fifteen

 

When the door opened, Dean knew it was Cade without looking. He found him in the spare, sitting on the bed, staring off into space.

“I’m sorry. That was so rude.”

Cade sat at his side, ignoring the pile of winter coats. “It’s okay. I think she’s ready to listen now, though.”

“Yeah?” Dean doubted it. Fighting with his mother was exhausting.

“Yeah. I think seeing why you want to stay aside from the bar’s history matters.”

Dean rested with his temple to Cade’s shoulder. A single arm snaked around his back and held him steady. “She’s never had a problem with me being gay, so that isn’t it. It’s because I want to stay here. My life is here. The life I have is fine with me. I don’t want to change it. Is this really that much to ask for her to understand?”

“I don’t think so, but I’m part of the equation. As Jamie accused Chris, I’m very biased.”

Dean snickered. “Those two.” He tilted and gazed at Cade’s profile. There were so many reasons he wasn’t going to bend to his mother’s wants. It was no surprise that the biggest reason was holding on to him. He honestly cared for Cade. Through the misunderstandings and the troubles he’d faced, through the shocks Cade had given him, Cade was steady, and still stood by him. Dean wasn’t done with finding out how far they could go, and if he were being honest, he hoped they never did find out where the finish line was. The idea of having a family, of having Cade there when he came home was one in a million. He wanted that. He wanted Cade, which meant his unusual family, his secrets, and everything that came with him.

Cade snuggled him closer. “She did say she wants you to be happy.”

He scoffed. “When?”

“Just now. I think she means it.”

Dean didn’t reply. He’d wait and see. He knew his mother. She was probably only regrouping for the next round of arguments.

“Come on. My brothers are going to start taking bets if we don’t get out there.”

Dean reached and cupped Cade’s jaw, bringing him close before he could pull away. A quiet groan filled the gap between them right before their lips touched. The kiss was heady, sweet, and filled with longing for more. “Still coming tonight?” Dean asked when they parted.

“I’ll be right behind you.”

They lingered over the soft kisses for a few more minutes. Dean couldn’t help it. He did like the man’s kisses.

“Besides,” Cade said as they stood to leave the bedroom. “You’re stuck with me now. Even if you decide it’s for the best to leave, I’ll be right there with you.”

Dean looked over his shoulder. “What does that mean?”

“Wolves mate as pairs, for life. It translates to us and our mates as fidelity on steroids.”

Dean’s hand stopped on the knob. “So…” He frowned. Mating? For life? This was the first he’d heard of this little concept. Definitely not so little. “What does that mean?”

“I’ve already bonded with you. I go where you go.”

“Wait.” Dean turned and put his spine to the door. His brain did a quick rerun of the last few weeks. Nope. No recollection. “Don’t I get a say in this?” He wanted Cade, but wasn’t this a little…fast? Christ, he cared, but there was no guarantee they’d make it to Easter. He knew what he wanted to see happen. He also knew what the odds were on any relationship. There were emotions, family, kids, houses… Any number of decisions to work through, but just like that, he’s supposed to accept this decision was already made and he just had to fall in line? Definitely something he would remember.

And he didn’t.

Cade frowned. “I thought…you did.”

“No. I would have remembered this conversation,” he said, consternation growing. “I understood that things would be different with you. I didn’t know it was already decided. What if you find out there’s something about me you can’t stand?”

Cade relaxed, offering a small smile. “Already cleared that hurdle. I wasn’t expecting my mate to be a man.”

Dean threw up a hand and blocked Cade. “So all that bullshit before… You’re still not able to say you’re gay?” And he’s now saying he hates the fact that Dean’s a guy? Not the warm and fuzzy kind of revelation going on here.

“I’m not gay.” Cade scowled. “I have no interest in men. Only in you.”

“Fucker,” Dean cursed. “That’s bullshit. So what? Are you going to start sniffing after some big tit blonde next?”

“Sniffing.” Cade had the audacity to snicker.

Dean’s jaw clenched as he fought snarls of anger. He wasn’t playing around. Cade must have noticed because he sliced off the laughter quickly.

“No. I haven’t looked at a woman in more than two years. I was attracted to you from the beginning. Almost from the first minute we met, and when I got to know you, it became impossible to fight that and the wolf’s need to be with you.”

Dean shoved. Hard. Cade stumbled back a step. “I get it. You’re not gay. You don’t really care who or what you end up with, is that it? But your wolf said Hey, he looks good, so I was it, huh? And it doesn’t matter if you actually like me, or care, or fuck, can you even love a man?”

“I don’t know.”

That stopped Dean cold. That wasn’t what he wanted to hear.

Dean didn’t know what he’d expected, but it hadn’t been this. “This is total bullshit,” he hissed.

“What has you so mad?”

“You can’t fucking figure it out?” he snapped.

“I’ve been honest. I’ve told you everything.”

“You never once said anything about there being no choice in this, about being your mate regardless of whether or not it was something I was ready for, or wanted,” he finished. He opened the door. “I’m taking my parents back to their hotel. Do not follow me.”

“Dean,” he said. He raised a hand to catch the door.

“No. You don’t get it. I want to see where this goes, but you forgot to mention that little detail.”

Cade’s brow furrowed.

“I’m not getting into a relationship with anyone who is with me out of duty because some crazy, whacked out spirit says you have no choice in this. If you’re not gay, if you don’t even like men, then just what the hell are you doing? Because let me say this: I do have a choice.”

“I’m not gay. I never have been.”

“Do you hear yourself? So what? I’m supposed to accept that after a lifetime of women, you’ve suddenly decided that I’m it? One man in the entire world?”

“Not decided. It’s just the way it is.”

Dean rolled his eyes. “I give up.” He tugged the door, ignoring Cade’s reticence to letting him out. He wasn’t going to battle pigheaded all night. “I’ll call in a few days. Maybe.”

“Don’t do this. Please.”

The aching panic in Cade’s voice almost made him rethink the last ten minutes.

Almost. He fished jackets off the bed and stormed out of the room. He interrupted the discussion and laughter at the table. “Mom, Dad. I’m sorry. We need to go.”

“Is everything all right?” Ann asked, concerned. She rose from her seat though.

“Dean,” Cade pleaded quietly from behind him.

“No. I’m sorry. Thank you Chris, Jamie. I’ll make it up to you both.”

Jamie stood also. “I understand.”

“Honestly, you very well might,” he replied. “I’ll call you.” Jamie nodded, clearly avoiding looking at Cade. Dean helped his mother put on her coat. “Good night, Quade. Maya. Thanks again.”

“Ann, be sure to let us know when you get home, okay?” Maya piped up, standing to say her goodbyes as well.

“Thank you all. You’ve been very kind.” She hugged Maya and smiled. Trent shook Chris’ hand.

Dean herded his parents out the front door and to the car. “I’m very sorry,” he said, getting behind the wheel.

“Did you two fight?” his mother asked.

“Yes, and I don’t want to talk about it.”

Ann merely nodded. “Okay.”

Dean slid her a quick look. That was way too easy. Instead of waiting for her to start poking, he put the car in reverse and turned around for the driveway. The drive home was the longest hour in his life.

 

* * * *

“What did you do?” Jamie asked.

Not accusing, which Cade was grateful for. He could feel his world unraveling and it killed him. Cade plopped onto his seat. He braced his head on open palms over cold food, ignoring it completely. He’d lost his appetite. Possibly forever.

“I fucked up. I just don’t really know what I did.”

Silence thickened, then, “Maya, could you help me clean up?”

She gathered plates. “Sure.” She kissed Quade on the cheek and trailed after Jamie with her hands full. The sound of water and dishes being rinsed provided the sense of a wall between them. At least it wasn’t going to be four against one.

“Okay, what did you say?” Quade braced his elbows on the table.

“I told him if it came down to it and he had to leave for his parents, I’d be there with him. I understand I can’t keep him from his family.” Cade rubbed the heels of his hands into his eye sockets. Somehow in the last ten minutes, everything had fallen apart. He was trying to be understanding, supportive, and all he’d managed to do was piss off Dean.

“That can’t be all of it. Maya and I discussed the exact same thing. It came down to her or the pack. She gave me the pack.”

Cade raised bleary eyes to study his brother. “And I offered the same thing. I said here or his family.” How was that so wrong?

“You’re missing a step, or not giving us the whole story,” Chris said.

“What step?”

“What caused the fight to begin with?”

Cade sighed. He pushed his plate out of the way with an elbow. “I told him I’d go with him because I’d already bonded with him. That there wasn’t any reason to discuss it.”

Chris and Quade shared a startled look.

“Oh, shit,” Quade whispered. “You didn’t?”

“Didn’t what?” Cade was beginning to feel exhausted with the whole discussion. He was dying to go after Dean, but knew he wouldn’t be welcome. This time, he knew Dean wouldn’t open the door.

“Without him knowing?” Quade narrowed his eyes. “Damn it, Cade. You married him by pack law without him even knowing it.”

“What?” Cade sat up, chills hitting his shoulders. “What are you talking about?”

“The bond,” Chris answered. He crossed his arms on the table and leaned over them. “Don’t you remember Dad’s warnings?”

“No.” Cade blinked. He really didn’t.

“He may not realize what you’ve done, but he obviously understands the underlying definition of what it means to be bonded or he wouldn’t be so furious.”

“I don’t need pack permission to bond. Do I?” he asked fearfully as an afterthought. He waited with dread until one of them answered.

“No,” Chris replied.

Cade sagged with relief. “Then what’s the problem?”

Quade tipped his head in aggravated disbelief, saying, “Dean gets you drunk and manages to get you to say I do, without you knowing. Eight hours later you wake up and Bam! You’re married.”

Cade shook his head. “But I ca—” His eyes widened as the truth hit him square between the eyes. “Fuck! No! No, no. I swear. It’s not what I wanted to do to him.”

“Tell him that,” Chris advised. “Because that is exactly what you did.”

Now what Dean had said made sense and it made his stomach roll with self-loathing. There had been no choice, no warning, and definitely no discussion of it at all. “I didn’t mean to do that to him. It was… It just happened!” He planted his face into uplifted palms and shuddered. He had no idea it would work against Dean, not just for Cade. “I thought it would all work itself out. He’s the one the wolf chose. How could it be wrong?”

“The wolf? Don’t you want him?” Chris asked, tension subduing his voice in concern.

Cade lurched upright. “What’s that mean?”

Chris studied him. “Are you gay? Are you bi? How do you feel about Dean being male?”

Cade swallowed thickly. “I’m not gay. I know that.” Cade didn’t understand what the difference was. He wanted to be with Dean. He cared for him. The wolf wanted him. Why did he have to say he was gay? Why did it matter?

Chris didn’t comment, only scowling in deepening disappointment. Quade wasn’t as lenient. “What do you mean by that?”

“What difference does it make?” Cade snapped, growing irritated.

Quade pushed. “Because it means everything to Dean. If you’re not gay, or at least willing to be open to loving a man, then you’ve pushed Dean into a corner.”

Cade shoved away from the table. “I don’t need this!”

“Sit. Down.”

All three heads whipped to land gazes on Jamie. Fire sparked in his blue eyes.

“Sit your shithead ass down.” He approached the table but didn’t take his seat. “All three of you are shithead animals.” Chris twitched. “Don’t even think it.”

“What did I do?” Chris gaped at him.

“I’ll talk to you later,” Jamie warned. He stood over Cade and pinned him to his seat with a steely glare. “Let me put this bluntly. Dean is human. He is not pack. He is gay. He is half in love with you whether he wants to admit it or not. You, you cretin, bonded him. A human. Let that sink in.” Jamie scowled at all of them.

Chris reached for Jamie’s hand. “Baby?”

“No, you and I are fine. We had a different tangent to get to this point.” He squeezed once then released him. “Cade on the other hand.” He sighed. “I can’t tell you what Dean sees or what he’s thinking, but I can take a damn good shot in the dark. He’s dealing with seven kinds of shit right now, and you just told him that you’d go with him, anywhere, because you’re bonded. Oh, gee. Thanks.” Jamie scoffed, rolling his eyes in sheer exasperation. “And then you have the nerve to emphasize the fact that you’re not really gay, but hey, he’s what the wolf wants.”

Cade slouched. “That’s not—”

“Trust me, that’s what he heard. That’s exactly what you just told your brothers. I heard every word, and a few from the argument with Dean. If you’re only with him because the wolf chose him then you’ve fucked up bad.”

“Look, I’ve tried to figure this out.”

Jamie leaned on his knuckles and got in Cade’s face. “Try. Harder. Telling him to his face that you can’t do more because you can’t accept that it will make you gay, is bullshit. Whichever sexuality label you feel most comfortable with, doesn’t matter. What does matter is that you’re open to loving him as a man.”

Cade felt heat on his cheeks as memories flashed before him.

“Oh, God!” Jamie cried, throwing up his hands. “Not for sex! Are you really that dense?”

“Sorry. It was the first thing to pop into my mind.” He rolled a shoulder, biting the embarrassed smile off before it could grow. “It really wasn’t intentional.”

“No wonder he lost patience with you tonight.” Jamie put a hand on Cade’s shoulder. “Quit using the wolf as your scapegoat to being in a same-sex relationship. You are more than the wolf you carry.”

“But…women…since I was fourteen,” Cade choked, rife with confusion. “And now…this?” He thought he’d handled it, now it was looking like all he’d done was buried his head in the sand trying to make it go away.

Jamie lowered to a crouch, searching upward into Cade’s eyes. “That’s something only you can answer. It was the one thing only I could answer.”

Cade looked across the table. Both Chris and Quade were silent. Cade’s head ached as much as his heart and neither were giving him any answers.

“Was it something I did?” Quade asked cautiously.

“Of course not,” Cade asserted.

“We always challenged each other,” Quade said, not convinced.

“That’s what brothers do,” Chris said. “But no, it wasn’t anything you did. Neither of you could influence me on that level. Quade, you did nothing to Cade.”

Cade nodded, rubbing his temples. “But that’s where… Geez. You knew.” He raised his chin a fraction to find Chris across from him. “I thought…and now I don’t know anymore.”

Jamie enveloped him in a close hug. Cade leaned into that hold, lost.

“I think you do know,” he said gently. “You can do this. It’s you caring for him, not the wolf telling you it’s what you have to do.”

“I know.” Cade really shouldn’t be making it sound like the only reason he was with Dean was because the wolf had picked him. It sounded like he’d been chosen out of a police lineup! No wonder he’d been hurt and insulted. Hell, he’d have reacted worse and he knew it.

He sighed, maybe not any closer to accepting, but he knew he was getting closer to understanding all of this, himself especially. “So I guess saying sorry, again, is a good place to start?”

Jamie stroked his hair. “Sorry is usually a safe place, yes.” He winked toward Chris. “We all have practice with that one.”

“Is it safe?” Maya peeked around the rear hallway. “You’re all alive. That’s good.”

Quade chuckled and held out a hand for her. “It’s safe. Where’d you go?”

“I didn’t think Cade would want to feel ganged up on, so I went to go share secrets with Bear.” She scooted in to sit on Quade’s lap. He scrubbed her hands between his larger ones to warm them up. She’d snuck out without her jacket, so Cade bet she was cold. He almost envied his brother in that moment, having that closeness.

Jamie gave a last squish of a squeeze and he joined Chris, leaning into his side rather than claiming his lap. Chris circled him with an arm at his hips, framing his waist, as close as they could get.

Now that most of Cade’s crises were handled, or at least illuminated enough for him to deal with, Cade studied both couples as they began to relax and chat quietly. All of them were comfortable in their skin, in their pairings. It didn’t matter the sex, because they were more than bonded. They were in love. Cade could see it.

It didn’t matter.

He rubbed a hand down his face. “I have to go.” Before he said what he was thinking out loud. He never wanted to have to say it. It was enough that he finally recognized what it was holding him back. Knowing it didn’t make him like the truth anymore, either.

Sliding behind the steering wheel of the vet truck, he corrected himself. There was one person he owed the full truth to. There was one person who deserved to know what this revelation was, because it would affect the both of them, and everything they were meant to be.

Cade just hoped Dean would listen.