Amy

July 1993

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NICK WAS COMING home. He’d attend his rally, do his bit to save the world, and then we’d head to cottage country for a month. I folded shorts and T-shirts, underwear, sunscreen, and insect repellent into my suitcase, but my mind was on Dr. Kanter. I kept seeing the panic in his face before he went stiff and fell backward on the bed.

Poor Dr. Kanter, that stupid disc had meant so much to him, but why? It was probably just an archaic shopping list or an ancient recipe for cheese dip. How had I let myself get caught up in the old guy’s delusions when I knew he had dementia? He’d most likely hidden it himself and then forgotten where. There was a reason he was moving to a memory ward.

I took my old swimsuit from the bottom drawer. It was a navy one-piece decorated with small white fish that swam across the fabric in neat horizontal rows. I smiled apologetically at the fish. In all the years I’d owned the suit, they’d never gotten wet. I occasionally wore the suit for sunbathing far from the beach, but never for swimming. The moment I thought of stepping into a lake or river alarms would go off in my head and I’d hear my sister’s screams for help. No point ruining a good vacation by reliving that nightmare. I refolded the suit and put it back in the drawer.

Cady was my main concern. We had to tell her about Arcas, but I couldn’t find the words. I kept rehearsing one scenario after another, but none of them felt right. I tried, Guess who stopped by yesterday evening? But that was too casual. It seems your dad isn’t quite as dead as we thought. No, too glib. Maybe, You’d better sit down, we have some shocking news. That might work if it didn’t scare her to death. I’d just have to play it by ear. 

A pan of lasagna sat steaming on the dinner table. Tom and Cady tucked in with their usual enthusiasm, but I didn’t have much appetite.

“What’s Nick going to do at the cottage? He can’t go swimming with that cast.” Cady took a sip of wine and turned to me for an answer.

“I guess he’ll just keep me company and work on his tan,” I answered. “He could go fishing. We have a couple of fishing poles around somewhere.”

Tom couldn’t imagine anyone being bored at the lake. “He can go out on the boat, he can play board games, he can read, he can go bird watching. Don’t worry about Nick. We’ll make sure he has a good time.”

“Absolutely, Nick’s loves bird watching.” Cady was being sarcastic, but she was right. Nick wasn’t made for sedentary activities, but he’d have to learn. We were picking him up from the hospital first thing in the morning. Thinking of the hospital brought back the memory of my visit with Dr. Kanter.

“Did I tell you what happened this afternoon? I was visiting Dr. Kanter and he seemed perfectly fine, sitting up and talking normally. He wanted to look at the disc, but when I opened his safe if wasn’t there. It was shocking, I mean I was shocked, but he was absolutely stricken. He fell back on his pillow, his eyes turned glassy, and he couldn’t talk. It was terrifying. I don’t think he knew what hit him. The nurse threw us out of his room, so I don’t know what happened after that.”

“Poor guy, sounds like he had a stroke.” Tom tore off a hunk of garlic bread from a knotted loaf and stuffed it in his mouth.

Cady stopped eating and turned to me with a stunned expression. “That’s awful, I hope he’s okay. He was my absolute favorite patient. Does Nick know? Nick really liked him too.”

“No, I just went home afterward.”

“Then we’ll have to tell him. He talked to Nick about politics and the Second World War. He was teaching me about Greek medicine before Hippocrates.” She took another sip of wine and went back to her lasagna. “Did you know they had a medical school in 700 B.C.? And he told me the US Army Medical Corps uses an insignia with two snakes but that’s the Greek symbol for trade, liars, and alchemy. The real symbol for medicine only has one snake. Someone just thought two snakes looked better.” Her face brightened as she spoke. “It’s amazing how much that man knows. Could you drop off some flowers for him when you pick up Nick tomorrow?”

“Absolutely, assuming he’s well enough for visitors. He was in bad shape when we left.”

“We? Who else was there? It wasn’t Nick. You said he doesn’t know what happened.” Cady looked puzzled.

I bit my tongue, but it was too late. Well, I needed to tell her about Arcas and this was as good a time as any. I hated to cause her more pain, but there was no way to sugar coat the news. “No, Nick wasn’t with me. It was someone else, someone I never expected to see again.”

She cocked her head, waiting to hear what I’d say next. She looked curious, but certainly not alarmed. She must have thought I’d run into an old school chum or a neighbor from my childhood back in Rochester.

“It was your father.” She turned to look at Tom. I took a breath. “No, not Dad, it was Arcas. He just showed up on our doorstep last night.”

Cady’s eyes widened. “But he’s dead. You always said he died before I was born. You showed me the letter.”

I took her hand across the table. “The letter was a hoax. He’s been alive and living in Greece all this time. Apparently, he was married and sent me that letter himself so that I wouldn’t know. He wanted me to remember him as a hero and not—”

“A two-timing, adulterous liar?” Cady finished for me.

“Yeah, that’s about it,” I agreed.

“My God, so my bio-Dad has been alive all this time and never even sent us a post card.”

“In fairness, he never knew you existed. He’d already left for Greece by the time I found out I was pregnant, and then I didn’t tell him because I thought he was dead.” I stroked Cady’s hair, trying to soothe her. “Nancy ran into him in Athens and told him he had a daughter. He flew to Canada the minute he heard about you.”

“Well, isn’t that touching? What’s he expect me to do, jump in his lap and call him Daddy?”

Tom nodded in agreement. “That guy has no right butting into our family. You don’t have to see him if you don’t want to.”

“Good, I don’t want to.” Cady crossed her arms and sat back in her chair. Her lips were pressed together, but tears glistened in her eyes.

When the phone rang later that evening, I knew it was Arcas and I almost didn’t answer. There was enough drama in my life without having to deal with this relic from my past, but we’d parted so abruptly that I’d never even thanked him for meeting the professor. I reluctantly picked up the receiver.

“Hello, this is Arcas.”

I stiffened my spine and tried to strike a cordial, but business-like tone. “Good evening, I thought you might call. I’m so sorry for the way things turned out this afternoon.”

“I was wondering if you’d heard anything more about Dr. Kanter. Do you know if he’s going to be OK?”

“I don’t know, but I’m planning to see him tomorrow when I pick up Nick. I’ll let you know how he’s doing. Also, I’m sorry about your disc. Dr. Kanter has memory problems and I’m guessing he misplaced it. I’ll ask the nurse if she knows anything about it when I see her.”

“Don’t worry, it was just an old souvenir. To tell the truth, I’d forgotten all about it.”

“Still, I’m sorry for the way things turned out. I’ll let you know if it turns up.” I was ready to say good-bye and go back to Tom and the current episode of Seinfeld.

“Amy, I’m not done. We need to talk. I’ve been thinking about what you told me and the more I think about it, the less I like it. You and Tom weren’t sleeping together while I was in Toronto. He was in love with Nancy and you weren’t the type to sneak around.”

“What are you saying?”

“I’m saying you’re lying to me. I’m saying that Cady is my daughter.”

“And I’m saying that I don’t want to go through all this again. I need get up early to pick Nick up from the hospital and then I have to get ready for a family vacation. I don’t have time for this. I’m sorry.”

“No, if she’s my daughter then you have to . . .”

I hung up on him. It was a coward’s response, but I didn’t know what else to do. Maybe he’d fly back to Greece and this would all just go away.

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NICK WAS DRESSED and sitting on the edge of his bed when I arrived the next morning. It was the first time I’d seen him in his own clothes in two weeks. He looked paler than he had before the accident, but he was his usual impatient self.

“All my stuff is in that bag.” He indicated a plastic bag full of books, toiletries, and his snack stash. “We just have to sign some papers and they’ll spring me. I’m a free man.”

“Letting you out on good behavior, are they?”

“You bet. Are those flowers for me?” He reached for the bouquet of daylilies I’d bought on my way over.

“Sorry, they’re for Dr. Kanter.” I pulled the flowers out of his reach. “He had a stroke or seizure yesterday and I wanted him to know we’re thinking of him.”

“Is he going to be OK?”

“I don’t know. I hope so, but I was there when it happened and frankly, it looked bad. Why don’t you wait here for the discharge nurse while I take these to his room.”

It was only a short walk from Nick’s room to Dr. Kanter’s. As I got closer, I could see that his door was wide open. Was that a good sign or a bad one? The moment I looked inside I knew. The room was empty, stripped bare of any sign of an occupant. There were no books, no empty dishes, no eyeglasses, or potted plants. A bare mattress and two pillows without pillowcases sat on a metal bed frame as though no one had ever occupied the room.

I remembered the spring I’d found a clutch of robin’s eggs just outside my bedroom window. I’d watched them emerge as naked hatchling with wide yellow mouths that never seemed to close. I’d cheered them on, delighted when their loud, persistent chirps for food were answered with a tasty bug tucked down their throats. I checked on them numerous times a day, watching their baby down turn to speckled fledgling feathers until one day they were gone. Just like that. No note, no fond farewell, nothing, just an empty nest and a few stray wisps of down. They never even said good-bye.

“Excuse me, are you looking for Dr. Kanter?” I turned to find the nurse standing at the door.

“Yes, I wanted to give him these.” I held up the flowers. “What happened to him?”

“I’m sorry, I’m afraid he’s gone. He left us late last night.” Her expression was so sweet that it softened the sad news. I remember thinking that she must have a lot of experience comforting the bereaved.

“I see, that’s too bad. He was a brilliant man and very kind. I’m glad I got to know him.”

“He was glad to know you too. He enjoyed your visits very much.”

“Excuse me, but there is something else. Do you remember that clay disc he had in his safe, it seems to have disappeared. Do you know where it is?”

“Oh, it probably just sailed off somewhere. We’ll keep our eyes open, but hospitals are notorious for losing things.”

I nodded. What was there to say?

She came closer and put her hand on my shoulder. “Can I get you anything, a glass of water?”

“No, no I’m fine, but would you take these flowers? Put them at the nurses’ station or give them to another patient. I don’t want to take them home.”

“Of course.” She took the flowers and inhaled their sweet scent. “They’re just lovely, I’m sure someone will enjoy them.”

Her hand was still on my shoulder, making me feel awkward. I wasn’t the bereaved. “Well, I’d better get going. It’s a big day. We’re taking Nick home and then we’ll be leaving for a month at the lake.”

“I hope you have a wonderful time. We’re going to miss Nick. He’s a fine young man. Take good care of him and don’t let him get that cast wet.”

“I promise. I never go near the water. I have a little, what do they call it, aquaphobia?” I laughed, although it wasn’t a joke. “He’ll stay high and dry with me this summer.”

The place where her hand touched my shoulder became warm and that warmth flowed through my entire being. My heart slowed and I felt as though I was floating in a dense fog. She pulled me toward her and whispered in my ear, “This year you’ll go swimming, and you’ll find her well. There’s healing in the water.”

“What?” I pulled back and she stepped away.

“Well,” she replied, “I won’t keep you. Enjoy your holiday and thank you for the flowers.”

“Yes, I mean you’re welcome. What did you just say?”

“I said, thank you for the flowers.” She smiled again and bustled off to find a vase while I stayed behind, staring at Dr. Kanter’s empty bed. Her words, the words I thought I’d heard, kept repeating inside my head. This year you’ll go swimming, and you’ll find her well. There’s healing in the water.”

I don’t know how long I stood there before I remembered Nick and realized I’d better collect him before he started to worry. As I retraced my steps down the hall, I heard a familiar Greek accented voice coming from his room. The unmitigated gall of the man, had he no shame, no boundaries, no decency? Hadn’t I made myself clear? Didn’t he understand that we didn’t want anything more to do with him?

I burst into the room and caught him in flagrante delicto chatting companionably with my son who greeted me with the happy news that an old friend from Greece had noticed our name on the door and stopped in to say hello. “He says he knew you before you married Dad, back when Papandreou was in Toronto.”

Arcas looked at me with no sign of embarrassment. “Hello, Amy, nice to see you again. I’ve just had the pleasure of meeting your son.”

“So, I see. How nice of you to stop by. Unfortunately, I need to get Nick discharged now. I’m afraid I don’t have time to visit.” I stepped back and pointed toward the door, hoping that he’d leave.

“That’s too bad. Nick was just telling me about your lovely family. He says you have two children, him and his older half-sister, Cady. How sad that her father died before she was even born. I bet she would have meant the world to him.”

Wow, that man was an operator. How had he gotten all that out of Nick in the few minutes I was gone? “Arcas, would you step outside a minute? I’d like a few words with you in private.”

“Certainly.” He turned an ingratiating smile in the direction of my son. “Will you excuse us for a moment? Your mother and I have some catching up to do.”

Once we were safely out of earshot, I turned to him and hissed, “She’s not your daughter. Tom was there to hold me when I was sick with morning sickness and sick with grief because you’d died. He was the one who got up at night to feed her and to change her diapers. He was there for her first step and her first word and her first day of school. He’s Cady’s father and don’t you dare say otherwise.”

He listened intently, nodding, but in the end it didn’t matter. He wanted Cady.

“Yes,” he agreed. “Tom has been an excellent father, but she is still my daughter. Let me meet her. She deserves to know who her who her real people are.”

“We told her about you yesterday. She doesn’t want to meet you.”

“One hour, that’s all I’m asking. Tell her I only want an hour.” He looked desperate and I could tell he wasn’t backing down. “You and Tom can come too, all of you can come. Tell her tonight at seven. We’ll have dinner at my hotel. Will you, do it? Will she come?”

“Arcas, I don’t know. Listen, our son is being discharged from the hospital and . . .”

He looked away and drew a long, ragged breath. “Your son, it must be nice to have a son.”

“Yes,” I agreed. “It is.”

“So, will you come, all of you, including your son? I beg you. It isn’t only Cady. I’ve missed you and Tom as well. I left so much of myself here, more than I knew, and I want a second chance.”

“I can’t promise anything, but I’ll talk to her and let you know.”

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TRUFFLES WAS THE classiest restaurant in a city famous for upscale dining. We tried not to gawk as the maître d led us past Roman columns and through cream-colored arches to a table set with crystal goblets and gleaming silver cutlery. Arcas was already seated, but he rose as we walked in. He was wearing an immaculately tailored suit and a shirt whiter than the cloths that dressed the tables. He gave the impression of a man in his milieu. How improbable that a socialist goat herder from a small Greek village had morphed into a man utterly at ease in this opulent setting. Cady was wearing her Audrey Hepburn dress, a sleeveless black sheath accessorized with the pearls we’d given her at her high school graduation. She looked lovely and she knew it, but she was wearing her beauty as armor not as a magnet.

“Thank you so much for accepting my invitation. I’ve come a long way to meet you.”  He held out his hand.

Cady stiffened but surprised me by offering her hand in return. She was playing this by the book, proper etiquette without a scintilla of warmth. “How do you do?”

He pretended not to notice and smiled graciously, the charming host, as we were seated. “I hope you don’t mind, but I’ve ordered a special wine for the occasion. You do drink wine, don’t you?” He looked at Cady.

“I’m twenty-one years old.”

“Of course, you are a grown up young lady.”

Cady glared at him.

“I wanted to order something Greek,” Arcas babbled on, “but they don’t have a single bottle from our country. Can you believe that? They hand me a wine list with hundreds of bottles and not even one Argyros VinSanto. But don’t worry. I think you will enjoy this vintage. It’s an old Barbaresco from the Piedmont region in Italy. I’ve had it before. It’s very good.”

I felt bad for Arcas. He was trying so hard and failing completely. He was never going to impress Cady with expensive grape juice.

The sommelier arrived and made a great show of uncorking the bottle and offering a taste to Arcas for his approval before filling a glass for everyone but Nick. We all sat rigidly still as he performed this ritual, awkward and ill at ease. As soon as he left, Cady pushed her wine over to her brother. “Here, you drink this. You’re the one who has something to celebrate.”

“Of course, we must toast Nick who is home from the hospital today.” Arcas raised his glass. “And also, I toast this lovely young woman who I hope to know better over time.”

Tom and I dutifully raised our glasses while Cady stared at her plate and Nick took a big gulp from the glass she’d offered him.

Arcas continued, undaunted. “I am sorry that I didn’t meet you sooner. I would have liked very much to have known you as a baby and as a little girl, but I am so glad to meet you now. Do you know, you look a bit like my mother? Here, let me show you photos of your family.”

He took out his wallet and for the first time Cady looked at him with interest.

“This is my mother.” He handed Cady a photo. “She’s old in that picture, but she looked like you when she was young. My father would never have gotten such a good-looking bride, but my grandfathers arranged the marriage and he got lucky. She’s about sixty in this photo.”

Nick studied the photo over Cady’s shoulder. “I don’t see it. Cady looks like Mom, but she does have bushy eyebrows. She might have gotten her eyebrows from your side of the family.”

“I do not have bushy eyebrows,” Cady objected.

“You do when you don’t pluck them.” Nick took a sip of wine and grinned. He was the only one at the table who seemed to be having a good time.

“Did she really raise sheep? Mom said you were shepherds. I pictured you like Peter in the Heidi story, only Greek. Now you don’t seem like that at all.”

“Yes, we absolutely raised sheep when I was a boy. We raised sheep and goats and made cheese. It was just a little family business back in those days.”

“So, what happened?” Tom leaned forward, curious about the transformation of his old comrade in arms.

“It was a combination of things. First, I make exceptionally good cheese and second my wife’s family had money and they helped me buy the commercial equipment you need to make product at scale. Then we had political connections that helped me get my first big contracts and well, as they say, the rest is history.”

Tom shook his head in disbelief. “Boy, did I have you wrong. I never figured you’d have a head for business.”

Arcas looked genuinely surprised. “Why? We were studying economics.”

“I thought we were learning how to remake a corrupt capitalist system into something more fair and just, not how to profit off the machine.”

“My business is fair and just. I create jobs and my employees are well paid. Believe me, Canadian workers don’t get half the benefits they’d get in Greece. Papandreou’s government is doing good things for the people. In fact, he’s squeezing us capitalists hard. It’s difficult to make a profit these days.”

“You seem to be doing okay.” Tom gestured around the room where a well-heeled clientele conversed in hushed tones over plates of expensive food with fancy French names.

“Yes, I have done very well in some respects. Arkadiko Tyri exports cheese all over the EU and even to a few of the old Soviet countries. In other ways my life is not a success. My parents are gone, I’m getting divorced, and I have no children.”  He turned to Cady and looked at her with eyes full of hope and longing. “That’s why I’ve come. You don’t know me, but I know you. My family’s blood flows through your veins, and I see my mother in your eyes. So, I’ve come to you with a proposition.”

Cady froze. She’d reluctantly accepted Arcas’s invitation at my urging, and now he was going to press her into a corner. I leaned forward, ready to jump to her defense. Tom looked ready to grab Cady and bolt.

“As I said, Arkadiko Tyri is a large company and very profitable. I am still relatively young and plan to run the company for many years, but eventually I will want to retire and leave the company to someone I can trust, someone who will continue the business and my family’s legacy. Your mother tells me that you’re thinking of a career in medicine, but maybe I can change your mind. Medicine isn’t the only way to help people. A well-run business provides jobs and good jobs allow people to live full, healthy lives.”

“Sorry, not a chance.” Cady leaned back in her chair and cast an evil eye at Arcus with a proficiency she must have inherited from her Greek grandmother. “I’m going to be a doctor. We may have a genetic connection, but that’s it. You’re not my father. You’re not even the man Mom told me about.”

Arcas listened intently, nodding as she spoke. I could see the negotiator in him trying to close a deal. “I understand. This has hit you out of the sky, out of nowhere, but you don’t have to decide today or tomorrow, not even this year. Just think about it. It’s a wonderful opportunity. Most young people would jump at a chance like this.”

“I don’t need to think about it. I’m not giving up a career in medicine to move to Greece to make cheese. Who would do a thing like that?”

“I would,” Nick said and all eyes turned toward him. “I could study business in college then work for you when I graduate. I love cheese.”

Arcas started to laugh, but when he saw Nick’s earnest expression he stopped and only grinned instead. “Do you speak Greek?”

“A little, I’m not fluent but I’ll study it at university.”

“I see.” The two stared at one another in silence for several long moments. They seemed to come to an agreement without words. “And you could practice when you work for me in the summer between classes.”

“Yes, that would be great. I could do that. I’m a good worker and a fast learner.”

“And a good salesman.” Arcas tipped his glass in Nick’s direction. “To my future sales associate, Nick Savas.” He turned back to Cady, but the emotional temperature had dropped. Something had shifted in the dynamic around the table. He laughed, an open relaxed belly laugh. “The offer’s still open if you change your mind. Your brother will always find a place for you in the company.”

We drank expensive wine and ate truffled spaghettini, noisettes d’agneau, and coquilles en sauce pernod while Arcas told us stories about his childhood in Arcadia, the sheep he’d known by name, the social problems still plaguing Greece, and the prospects for Papandreou’s government. Tom gradually allowed himself to be drawn into the conversation and soon the two were reminiscing about the bad old days of the colonels and the junta. They applauded Nick’s plan to stand with the ARA against the neo-Nazis and offered their support, Tom by accompanying his disabled son to the rally, and Arcas by donating a substantial sum.

By the time we’d wiped the last crumbs of cream filled mille-feuille from our lips with heavy linen napkins and sipped the last drop of coffee from gold rimmed cups we’d reached a détente. Maybe we’d even taken a first step toward renewed friendship. Cady had agreed to visit the family farm the next time we were in Greece, while Nick was clearly dreaming of becoming an executive at Arkadiko Tyri.

I arrived home exhausted, sated, and at peace. Arcas would be returning to Greece in two days, and we’d be leaving for the lake. My kids were doing well, my marriage was strong, and my business was thriving. A pang of guilt hit me deep in the gut, the same pain I always felt whenever things went too well. “What about Joanie? How could I be happy when she missed all of this?”

There was a knock on the door and Cady poked her head into the room. “Mom, do you have a minute? Can we talk?”

“Sure, come on in. What’s up?”

“I just feel all weirded out. Arcas isn’t who I thought he was at all.” She threw herself on the bed, scattering my neatly folded underwear. She’d taken off her Breakfast at Tiffany’s outfit and put on a floral nightgown that was more Rebecca of Sunnybrook Farm, all innocence and vulnerability.

I brushed a tangle of dark curls from her forehead. “He’s not the man I thought he was either. You don’t have to see him again if you don’t want to.”

She sat up and looked at me, as though I had the answer to a question she hadn’t yet asked. “I don’t know what I want. He seems nice, but can we trust him? Maybe he’s still lying. Maybe nothing he says is true.”

I picked up the stack of underwear, refolded each piece, and put them into the suitcase. “I talked to Nancy, and she says his story pans out, at least the part about Arkadiko Tyri. He really is a cheese magnate.”

“Figures, perfect job for a rat.”

I laughed, but felt a spasm of regret. For better or worse, Arcas was Cady’s biological father, and I didn’t want her hating him. “I can’t argue with you. What he did was despicable, but in the end, he’s the one who lost out. He had a loveless marriage while I have you and Nick and your father.”

“Exactly, my father. My father is Dad not Arcas.”

“And nothing will ever change that. Like I said, you don’t have to let him into your life if you don’t want to, but I kind of feel sorry for the guy. You must have seen how he was falling all over himself trying to impress you tonight.”

“Yeah, it was kind of pathetic.”

“I think he really regrets what he did, not that he can undo it with a fancy dinner.”

Cady picked up a framed snapshot of our family from my bedside table. It was the same photo I used as a screensaver on my computer. She stared at it for several long seconds as I watched. “He didn’t get me with the dinner, it was the photographs. It’s odd seeing pictures of relatives you never knew existed. I might have his mother’s eyebrows. Isn’t that creepy?”

“Not at all. You share his DNA and that’s not a bad thing. He’s a very clever and capable man. I’m not condoning what he did, but I suspect he’d still be tending sheep if he’d followed all the rules.”

“Do you think Nick will really go to work for him?”

“Who knows? Nick’s still young. His life could go in a million different directions, but it’s possible. He sure perked up at the prospect.”

“And you’d let him, after everything that man did to you?”

“I don’t see how I’d stop him, besides . . .” I turned and looked out the open window where wind was blowing through the branches of the maple tree. Its leaves made a sound like rushing water and I paused, remembering. “Besides, that was a long time ago. We were stupid and selfish, but we never meant . . .” Joanie was dead and Cady had grown up not knowing her real father. I lowered my voice as though I was speaking to myself. “And yet we caused so much pain.” I turned and looked at my daughter, not sure if she had heard me.

She stared back at me with deep, solemn eyes. “Will you ever be able to forgive him?”

“Yes, I think so. I think I’ve forgiven him already.”

She got off the bed, gave me a quick kiss, and left the room.

I closed the window and sat beside my packed suitcase, wondering if I’d ever be able to forgive myself, when the nurse’s words came back to me, replacing the litany of shame that played inside my head. This year you’ll go swimming, and you’ll find her well. There’s healing in the water. I wasn’t sure what she meant. I wasn’t even sure I’d heard her correctly, but I stood up and took my swimsuit from the bureau and packed it for our trip.

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THE LAKE WAS always glorious in August. We’d rented the same cottage outside Picton since the kids were small. It wasn’t on a fashionable stretch of lake, and it wasn’t the pristine turquoise of the Mediterranean, but it had its own exquisite palette of greens and blues, grays and browns. The kids had gone swimming, biked, hiked, and eaten ice cream there while Tom and I had enjoyed winery tours and dinners at little lakeside restaurants. Cady and Nick were grown up now. They’d soon be too busy with their own lives to join us at the cottage, but this year they were still mine. I watched Cady and Tom tossing a beachball in the water from my usual perch on a chaise lounge set well back from the shore. Nick was sitting on his own chair with his cast propped up on a stool. He was trying to capture the gentle waves, the wispy clouds, and the silhouette of a ship far off on the horizon with a set of colored pencils. We’d been at the cottage three days and I still hadn’t found the nerve to venture into the water.

Tom waved and Cady gestured for me to join them, although I knew they expected me to stay riveted to my chair. I shook my head no from habit, but then I remembered. “This year you’ll go swimming, and you’ll find her well. There’s healing in the water.”

I put down my book, stood up, and picked my way across the beach as Tom and Cady watched, incredulous. The water was colder than I’d expected this late in the season. I felt pebbles and wet sand beneath my feet as I moved slowly forward. Waves lapped my ankles, my calves, and then my stomach. I gazed out at the ship that hung suspended at the edge of my vision. I took another few steps and the lake floor fell away. The water rose above my head, and I remembered how to swim. I dived below the surface where strands of algae brushed my face, sunlight danced above me, and from somewhere in the distance I could hear my sister laughing.