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WAKING UP NEXT TO RIN had to have been one of the most blissful moments of his life. He felt her warm body formed against his and thought it would be better to never wake. Because when he woke, his life and responsibilities would come crashing down. Just a few more moments to pretend. He nuzzled her neck and she squirmed a bit but did not wake. I should leave, the servants will be coming soon to get her dressed, and they would be shocked to see me here. Yet he could not help but stay a few moments longer.
After a while, Rin’s stirring went from restless sleep to waking. She rolled over and came nose to nose with him. He smiled at her and she leaned forward to kiss him. What started as an innocent brushing of lips quickly escalated, but he could not let it go further. It was just the one night. That was what he told himself. He ended the kiss and she smiled at him innocently. She drew her fingers across his face. It pierced him more than he thought it would. This was only a brief respite. When he left this room, it would mean goodbye.
She seemed to be coming to the same conclusion. She sat up and looked at him for a moment.
“You did not transform into a fox as my father would have thought.” Hikaru chuckled. He thought of what his mother’s specter said and his final words. I was born with fox ears and a tail too. What does that mean, what am I? He pushed away these troubling thoughts. He did not want to cloud these precious moments with Rin.
She frowned. Her neat brows pulled together over her eyes.
“Did I offend? It was not my intention.”
She shook her head. But he sensed there was more she was not telling him. Like why she appeared as a woman when she had been a fox when they first met. Why could she not speak? They both had their secrets, he supposed; let her keep hers and he would keep his. Either way, she must leave this place for her own protection. He dressed in a hurry and left her in contemplation on the futon. He stood for a moment watching her. She sat on her knees, naked and unashamed. Her thoughts appeared to be turned inward. Once again he wished he could read her thoughts to better understand what she was thinking, or better yet how he could help her.
“I cannot stay. I am sorry to leave you.”
She did not respond. He touched her lightly on the shoulder and she startled and stared up at him. Seeing the tops of her naked breasts and her come-hither smile made him want to climb back in bed with her. But he had delayed this moment long enough, his uncle and the others would be waiting for him. It had been an indulgence just to spend the night with her.
He sighed and went down the hall. The day was young, but he suspected this matter would weigh on his mind for much of it. He snuck into his room just before Yori came to dress him and fortunately he was none the wiser. As Yori dressed him, another servant entered with a scroll. Hikaru took it and cracked the seal. He skimmed over the correspondence and then his stomach contracted.
He crumpled the note in his hand. So soon, I thought I would have more time.
Sensing Hikaru needed time alone, Yori departed with a bow and left his master with his thoughts. Hikaru smoothed out the paper and read the message once more just to be certain he had not misread it. But it was there in plain words. She was on her way; his wife was coming to the palace. She would arrive in a matter of days. I cannot have her here without this matter with my father settled. He tossed the paper aside. She cannot know about Rin. If they think I am having an affair with another clansmen’s daughter, it may get back to her father and impact the treaty. What will Rin do if I turn her out, will she return to the forest? He cradled his head in his hands. What is wrong with me? There are more important things at stake than a Kitsune. Damn it. I’ve fallen in love with her.
The palace did not rest and he had duties to attend to and important nobles to flatter and bribe. He went about in a fog. Time seemed to be slipping through his fingers. He planned to set aside Rin and start over with his wife. When he was elder, he would need an heir to secure his succession and weaken Hotaru’s claim. He spoke with the noblemen in the clan, who nodded and smiled but made no promises. He hung around the practice yard and tried his hand at swordplay only to fail miserably. His only consolation was that his brother had not been there to see him humiliate himself.
Tired and dejected, he walked through the halls on his way to yet another meeting with his uncle. Yori scurried after him, carrying a teetering pile of documents he intended to review with his uncle. Then he spotted Rin from afar. She stood in a shaft of sunlight, the rays picking out the red highlights in her hair. For a moment he glimpsed the fire that had been diminished since she came to the palace. He remembered the powerful woman who had saved him in the forest and his chest constricted. She was waiting for him, he knew it from the mischievous smile. Though he had promised himself that he would put her aside, he could not follow through. He felt compelled to go to her. Despite his better judgment, he sent Yori away with an excuse for his uncle and went to her.
She had dressed, looking radiant in red, orange and gold. When she saw him coming towards her, she winked and disappeared around a corner. He chased after. A sliding door had been left open and he followed her into the empty room. When he crossed the threshold, she launched herself at him, her hands twining around his neck as she kissed him.
It was unexpected but welcome. The logical part of him shouted to stop, they would be caught for certain, but the part of him that craved Rin silenced it. He walked her backwards and pressed her against the wall. His hands pinned her on both sides as he explored her mouth with his tongue. This was what life was meant for, the soft taste of her mouth and the feeling of her body against him. He hated the layers of fabric that separated them. He wanted to ravage every inch of her body. The space between them was too much. He wanted to close the gap and feel that euphoric sensation of oneness when he was inside her.
“What is the meaning of this?” said a voice like icicles down his back.
Hikaru stumbled backwards and spun in place, panting for breath, his kimono half torn open by Rin’s needy hands. His father stood in the doorway in all his austere authority. Rin leaned against the wall, staring at his father as she panted. Given the circumstances, she held her cool, leveling his father with an indifferent gaze. Hikaru, on the other hand, could hardly still his pounding heart. His uncle’s men should have had his father under guard. How had he escaped?
“Father, you should be in your room, resting.” It was a thin excuse and he knew it.
His father glared at him with a stare cold enough to freeze his blood in his veins. “You thought you could force me to retire?” He looked at Rin and his eyes narrowed. In his hand was a blade dripping with blood. Lord Kaedemori gripped the blade tighter.
Hikaru placed himself between Rin and his father. Blood ran down the blade and dripped onto the tatami floors. Drip. Drip. Drip. Where had the sword come from and whose blood was on it? Hikaru’s heart hammered in his chest. He looked to his father and then to the door beyond him.
“Father, you are not well. Please give me the blade and we can talk.” He held out his hand, pleading with his father to see reason.
“Enough!” his father shouted and swung the sword about like a madman. “I must kill the Kitsune to save our family.”
Hikaru eased towards his father, hand raised as if he were trying to soothe a savage beast. His father lowered the blade but did not loosen his grip. Hikaru knew he had no chance of overpowering his father. He had to win him over with reason. If there was any of his father left to reason with.
“You cannot kill her; our patron Kami holds Kitsune sacred. You will curse us.”
“That’s not true!” His father slashed with the sword. There was no artifice to it. He might as well have been a child swinging a stick.
Hikaru held his ground and inched closer to his father, his hands palm up in front of him. “Father, listen to me. Rin is no danger to you!”
“Don’t you see?” his father wailed. “She is Sayuri come to punish me!”
Hikaru shook his head. “No, my mother’s spirit is gone, exorcised by the witch. You have nothing to fear.”
“I have everything to fear. I cut off your ears, I cut off your tail. She will haunt me for what I have done.” His father fell to his knees, sword clutched loosely in his hand.
Hikaru inched closer, squatting down to reach his father’s eye level. Slowly, he held out his hand. Lord Kaedemori stared at the ground. Tears poured from his eyes and down his cheeks. Hikaru put one knee on the ground. His father did not move. He feared to even breathe. He scooted a little closer, hand outstretched to take the sword. If he could just take it from him, they could talk together as they had never done before. His father was hurt by the sins of his past, maybe this was their chance to make amends. When Hikaru hovered over the blade, fingers prepared to close around it, his father jerked backwards. The top of his skull collided with Hikaru’s chin. Flashes of white light burst behind his eyes and he fumbled backwards. Lord Kaedemori slashed at Hikaru. Hikaru threw out his hands to shield himself and the blade sliced through his palm. The pain was sharp and unexpected. He wrenched his arm back, and fueled by fear, he took his free hand and made a swipe to take the blade from his father once more. He failed to reach him and his father scuttled backwards.
“What do you think you’re doing?” his father said.
Hikaru clutched his bleeding hand to his chest. “Father, let’s be reasonable.”
“No. You have been bewitched, that is plain for me to see.” He pointed to Rin with a shaking hand covered in blood. Hikaru blocked his father’s view of Rin. “There is no other choice.” Lord Kaedemori raised up the sword and turned the point on himself.
He watched it in slow motion. His mind seemed to focus on the tip of the blade as his mouth fumbled to convince his father to stop. “There is no magic at work here!” he shouted. He took a step towards his father, but he swung the blade at him once more. “Father, listen, I brought in a priestess; she exorcised a spirit from Rin. She is well.” He would say any lie it took to stop his father.
“Do you really believe that?” his father snarled as he positioned the blade against his gut. It pierced the first layer of fabric and a single drop of blood bloomed along his skin.
He crept towards his father, but each step seemed weighed to the ground. He could not move fast enough. “I know what I am now. I know what you did. Step down, retire with dignity. There is no need for violence,” he pleaded. His voice cracked as he fought back the tears. I never wanted this; I never wanted any of it.
His father stared at him for a moment. His mouth was a single line. “You’re wrong. Peace only comes with death.” He plunged the blade into his abdomen. He grunted as it sank into his flesh. His mouth opened in a gasp and he fell over like a felled tree.
Hikaru ran to his side as the blade entered his father; whatever force had held him back snapped. It was too late. He stood helpless as blood spread from the wound in his father’s stomach. It ran down the exposed part of the blade and dripped onto the tatami mats.
Hikaru’s hands shook as he stared down at his father’s prone body slowly bleeding to death on the ground. “Why, Father?”
His father peeked at him through cracked eyelids. Blood frothed on his lips as he said, “This is the honorable thing to do. I loved her, but I did not trust her.” He took a wet rattling breath. “Do not lose sight of what is most important.”
Hikaru knelt down beside his father. He had never dared reach out and touch him before, but he brought him close and laid his father’s head in his lap. His hands hovered over the wound, helpless to do anything to stem the flow. He turned to Rin. “Call for a healer.”
Rin came and knelt down beside Hikaru. She rested her hand on his shoulder and shook her head. His father closed his eyes, his breath gurgling in his throat. Hot tears burned the back of Hikaru’s lids, but he dared not let them fall. He was a leader and he would not show weakness.
“Damn you, go. He’s dying.” He clenched onto his father’s shoulders. He had always seemed so large and imposing, but now he could feel the bones of his shoulders beneath his clothes. He was an old man beneath all the trappings of authority.
He gave one more gasping breath and then died. Hikaru was numb. He could not feel his father’s dead body in his arms or the blood that ran sticky and thick down his arms. Rin wrapped her arm around his shoulder, but even that went ignored. I am the elder now.