Kathy sat on the edge of a hospital bed in a spartan cinderblock room. She had an attached bathroom, but no windows, no view of the outside world. And no idea where she was.
It had been the middle of the night when the helicopter landed on a tropical island with almost no hint of civilization. Two men in lab coats took her in and silently treated her injuries. It had taken a while—she had dozens of gouges, each of which needed to be cleaned and stitched—but throughout it all, they’d refused to answer any of her questions. At least she’d been given access to a hot shower afterward, before being left here, completely alone in the barracks-like wing of the building.
She knew she should try to rest, but she couldn’t. She couldn’t even close her eyes without seeing Brad’s bloody face. And she couldn’t stop dwelling on the possibility—probability—that he might now be dead.
Her lack of emotion over it was something she knew wasn’t like her. Under normal circumstances, she’d be freaking out, crying, maybe furious. But she was emotionally drained. There just wasn’t enough left inside her.
She felt numb.
Is this what shock is like? Do I have some kind of PTSD?
Glancing around the room, Kathy breathed in deeply. The room had the same antiseptic smell as a hospital, yet she couldn’t recall seeing any other patients as she’d been wheeled from one room to the next.
Her entire body throbbed with pain. She pulled up the sleeve of the clean white shirt she’d been given. Scanning the entirety of her right arm, Kathy noticed all the bruises and began counting. “Ten bites, each with two stitches.”
She stood, pain surging through her, and walked into the bathroom. When she looked in the mirror, she shuddered.
She barely recognized herself.
A large purple bruise had spread across most of the left side of her face. It was swollen so badly that she could barely open her left eye. She probed her face with her fingertips and was surprised that she felt no pain. Perhaps the docs had numbed it. The rest of her, however, felt worse than she imagined possible. They hadn’t numbed her wounds, which burned. And despite the cool temperature in the air-conditioned room, her entire body felt uncomfortably warm.
I’m getting a fever.
A knock sounded on the door to her room. She left the bathroom and opened it.
A muscular man wearing all-black fatigues stood outside. In heavily accented English, he said, “Come with me. Director arrived and will see you.”
Director?
She nodded. “Yes. Okay.”
Maybe he can tell me what happened to Brad.
###
The German man led Kathy to a comfortable conference room. A steely-eyed woman stood in one corner, and an older gentleman sat at the large table. Unlike everyone else here, he was dressed immaculately in a suit and tie. Not a strand of his salt-and-pepper hair was out of place. And when he spoke, it was clear that he was American.
“Miss O’Reilly. Please, sit. I’m so glad you’re feeling better after this… unfortunate incident.” He smiled, and paused. “But you do realize that there were signs along the harbor warning people to stay away.”
His voice was warm, but Kathy sensed a rigidity to his demeanor—as if he were deeply frustrated by something. Maybe having to come out to this remote location, or maybe it was her that he was upset with. Likely both.
She sat down, eager to get off her feet. She still felt feverish. “I know it was wrong to be there,” she said. “As Brad explained—” She stopped mid-sentence; Brad’s bloody face had appeared once more in her mind’s eye. “Did you find him? My boyfriend? We were both heading back to our sailboat when we got separated…”
The man glanced at the steely-eyed woman. The woman’s gaze didn’t shift off of Kathy for a moment. “I’m sure your boyfriend is fine,” he responded calmly and tapped a paper that sat on the table before him. “My men report that the sailboat left the harbor almost immediately after they cleared the obstruction.”
Kathy’s hopes rose. But as she opened her mouth to ask a question, the man continued.
“But I have no idea where the boat was off to.”
The world seemed to stop as cold fingers of dread raked through her insides.
Brad would never have left without her, or without letting her know where he was going. He would have made sure she was okay; she had no doubt about it.
This man was lying.
Which probably meant… Brad was dead.
And nobody in the world knew where she was.
A chill ran up the middle of her back. She was at these people’s mercy.
Glancing at the corner of the conference room, Kathy was reminded of the presence of that steely-eyed woman. She had been watching Kathy’s every move. For some reason, she made Kathy more nervous than anyone else she’d encountered.
The man slid a stack of papers toward her. “Miss O’Reilly, you’ve trespassed on our property, but the company has chosen to overlook this and will not press charges. In fact, we feel terrible about the experience you’ve been through, and would like to make a generous offer of compensation. We ask only that you sign this non-disclosure agreement.”
Kathy skimmed the first page.
The man’s voice took on a warm, almost paternal tone. “It’s a fairly standard agreement. You agree to remain silent about what you’ve encountered, and we’ll give you $200,000. As to the details of the agreement…”
He continued, but Kathy wasn’t listening. She’d never dreamed that someone would offer her that much money for anything, much less simply staying silent about something.
Of course, she recognized it for what it was: a payoff. But she also realized that she didn’t have a choice.
She shuddered to think what they might do if she refused.
Without even waiting for the man to stop talking, she grabbed a pen and signed the papers.
###
“The company” put Kathy on a flight back home to Alaska. But once she got there, she didn’t know what to do with herself. She’d been working at Cape Cheerful in Dutch Harbor, but that place now held too many memories. It was where she’d met Brad.
She needed to know what had happened to him.
He hadn’t returned home, and the slip where he normally moored his sailboat remained unoccupied. She sought out his friends and crewmates, to see if he’d reached out to any of them. He hadn’t.
She was certain something terrible had happened. She told the cops that he was missing. They said they’d look into it, but she wasn’t optimistic. A disappearance at sea was way beyond their abilities, much less their jurisdiction.
After only a week, the anxiety was too much. Everything about Alaska reminded her of Brad. Brad and that damned island.
She needed a change.
###
Frank rose from his recliner to answer the knock at the door. He opened it to find the last person he expected.
His daughter, Kathy.
They hadn’t heard from her in two months, and even that was a five-minute conversation with Megan, announcing that she’d hooked up with some fishing captain up in Alaska. His baby girl hadn’t been home in over three years.
And now here she was, looking absolutely miserable. Her arms and left cheek were badly bruised, and he spotted stitches on her neck, just above her shirt collar. Tears streamed down her face.
She’d run away from home the last time he’d confronted a former boyfriend who’d slapped her. Right now, Frank wanted his baby safe at home.
“Dad? Can I have my old bedroom back?”
He wrapped his arms tightly around her. “Pumpkin, of course you can stay here. Any time you want, for as long as you want.” He kissed the top of her head. “Your momma is out taking Jasper for a run. She’ll be back in a few.”
“Jasper?” Kathy asked, her face pressed against his chest, her voice muffled.
“I could have sworn I told you about him. We got a new dog.”
Kathy pulled away, wiping the tears from her face. “Really? After Daisy died, I didn’t think Mom was ever going to get another puppy.”
He forced a smile. “I suppose Jasper picked us and not the other way around. You’ll like him. He’s smart as all get-out and he doesn’t fuss nearly as much as some young lady I know.” He winked. “Now come inside.”
“Let me go get my bags.”
“No.” Frank pulled his baby inside and motioned toward the sofa. “You just go have a seat and relax. I’ll take care of everything.”
###
Kathy lay on her bed with the shades drawn. She’d been home for a week, and the ghosts of what had happened on that island still haunted her. The image of Brad’s bloody face was a near-constant presence.
The fear was still with her too. The anxiety gnawed at her insides, leaving her feeling feverish and exhausted.
The door to her bedroom cracked open, and Jasper’s brown nose poked in.
Kathy turned away from the door and pulled the covers up around her.
Hearing padded feet, Kathy ignored the approaching animal.
She didn’t like the idea of another dog in the house. Daisy had been her dog when she was a kid, and it had torn her to pieces when she died. Daisy could never be replaced. And this dog felt like an intruder.
The dog hopped up onto her bed and lay next to her, his head resting on her pillow.
She turned her head toward him. His doggie breath was right in her face. Daisy used to do the exact same thing.
Jasper licked her face.
She laughed. She couldn’t help it. “You aren’t shy, are you?”
Jasper’s soulful brown eyes stared into hers as he gave a quiet woof.
###
Frank leaned back on the sofa and rested his head against Megan’s. “Jasper sure as heck has taken a liking to Kathy, hasn’t he?”
The dog had disappeared into Kathy’s bedroom an hour earlier. Since then, he’d heard a few soft woofs and an unmistakable giggle coming from his baby girl.
“It’s funny how Jasper can almost sense when someone is down and bring them out of their doldrums,” Megan said. She turned her head to look in Frank’s eyes. “Have you gotten her to talk about those bruises?”
Frank felt heat rising up his neck. “She won’t say a word. I figure her boyfriend did something I don’t even want to think about. Our baby’s skittish, and we both know I can be a hothead. The last thing I want is for her to just run off when she really needs us.”
Megan sighed, wrapped her arm around his and held it tight. “I hope she’s okay. She’s sleeping a lot.”
“She just needs time to get things back in order. Get her mind straight.”
A shooting pain hit his left elbow. Frank grimaced and shifted his weight.
Megan looked up at him. “Your arm’s still hurting. Why don’t you get yourself to the doc already?”
He shook his head. “It’s fine. I told you, I just pulled it funny unloading one of the bales of hay last week. I’ll take it easy for a bit.”
###
Kathy sat down at the dinner table and ran her hand across its smooth surface. Her father had built this table when she was nine years old. She remembered helping put the stain on and then watching as he covered it with countless coats of polyurethane. To this day, it still looked like a showroom piece.
The aroma of her mom’s roast beef wafted from the kitchen. Kathy knew it would be delicious, but her stomach pitched and rolled. She’d been feeling nauseated ever since the island. Nauseated and exhausted.
Kathy heard Mom moving around in the kitchen as she prepared dinner, and a wave of guilt washed over her.
The truth was, she’d done nothing but lie around the house for weeks. It had to be depression. Depression brought on by guilt, Brad’s death, her own survival, the blood money that was sitting in her bank account.
Dad walked into the dining room and beamed at her. “How’s my baby girl doing?”
“I’m fine, Dad,” she lied. “How’s the new pasture working out?”
He placed a large warm hand on her shoulder and kissed the top of her head. “Oh, the cattle seem to appreciate it. Did you want to come out with me sometime?”
Kathy’s throat tightened with sadness as she thought of helping out again on the ranch. Dad had grown up raising cattle and riding horses, and he could fix just about anything that broke. Ranching was in his blood. But for Kathy, the idea of being stuck here as a rancher terrified her.
She shook her head. “No. Thanks, Dad.”
Her father nodded and gave her a reassuring smile, which only made her feel worse.
Jasper padded into the room, plopped his heavy head on Kathy’s lap and let out a big breath. She gave his head a scratch. Somehow, the dog always seemed to know when she was about to break, and his comforting presence helped her maintain control.
Mom walked in with a tray of roast beef and new potatoes. She laid it on the table, then looked at Kathy and asked, “Honey, how’s your tummy? I have salad ingredients if you think you’re not yet ready for heavier food.”
“A salad would be great.” Kathy pushed back from the table. “I’ll go make it—”
“Don’t you budge, young lady.” Mom cast a frown at her. “You just relax. I’ll be back in a second.”
Dad’s gaze followed Mom as she made a beeline for the kitchen. As soon as she disappeared, he peered at Kathy and asked, “Are you sure you’re okay, Kathy? I was thinking, if there’s something… something the doc in Ash Springs can’t help with… your mom and I can take you to one of the big clinics in Vegas. Even if it’s just to talk.”
Kathy smiled at her father. It was the closest he’d ever come to suggesting that she maybe had something wrong in her head. “I’ll be fine, Dad. Don’t worry.”
Mom returned with a large wooden bowl filled with salad ingredients. “Is everyone okay with raspberry vinaigrette? I didn’t have the ingredients for other kinds of dressings.”
“Honey, that sounds delicious,” Dad remarked amiably.
Kathy smiled up at her Mom as she began tossing the salad. “My favorite.” She stroked Jasper’s head and tried to focus for once on the here and now.
While Mom muddled the raspberries for the dressing, her dad sliced the roast beef and laid juicy pink slabs on their plates. Kathy watched her parents. They were a perfect match. High school sweethearts who’d never said a cross word to each other. At least, as far as Kathy knew.
Mom and Dad were the ideal parents, and for most people, that would be a comforting thing. Yet for Kathy, it was a source of anxiety. She couldn’t fathom how she could ever be as happy or as fulfilled as they were.
Grabbing Kathy’s plate, Mom asked, “Honey, you’re going to have a full bowl of salad, right?”
Kathy nodded as Mom piled the dressed salad onto her plate and set it in front of her.
Her father cleared his throat as he always did before saying grace. They all made the sign of the cross and bowed their heads.
“Bless us, O Lord…”
Kathy’s mind wandered to a darker place. Her guilt was nearly overwhelming.
She didn’t deserve any blessings.
###
The lot in front of Saint Mary’s was practically empty as Kathy pulled into a parking spot. She hadn’t been to a church in five years. Not since her uncle’s funeral. He was in a car accident while Kathy was up in Alaska for a singing gig. He died in the hospital while she was on a flight home.
As she got out of the car, a warm voice exclaimed, “Bless my soul, is that little Katherine O’Reilly?”
A tall silver-haired man approached from the front steps of the church, wearing the familiar black cassock and white collar of the Roman Catholic Church.
“Yes, Father Carson, it’s me.”
Father Carson was in his seventies, but he showed no sign of slowing down. He lightly stepped toward her with hands outstretched and cupped her face with his warm hands. “My child, you look haggard. Your mother told me some of what you’ve been through, what with the disappearance of your beau and all. I’m truly sorry you’re experiencing such heartache.”
Something about the sincerity in his voice melted the thing that had been frozen inside of Kathy.
Like a film projector skipping randomly along a movie, images of the last handful of months flashed in her mind’s eye.
Brad’s bloody face. Her sheltering in the lab. The men rescuing her from the island. Kathy staring at Brad’s empty house, wondering if he was dead.
Throughout the attack on the island, the ensuing flight from danger, and even during the three months she’d hidden herself from the world at home… at no point had she truly felt any of it.
Until now.
Tears streamed unbidden down her cheeks. The numbness broke like a dam, giving way to an overwhelming explosion of emotions—relief, guilt, terror, sadness.
She wrapped her arms around herself as if she might come apart at the seams.
Father Carson wiped away her tears. “My child, is there anything I can do to help ease your pain?”
Pulling in a deep breath, Kathy nodded. She made the sign of the cross and bowed her head.
“Bless me, Father, for I have sinned. My last confession was…”