A few streets over, Lockie pulled off to the side of the road and stopped the car. He leaned forward and rested his head on the steering wheel. I wanted to reach over and touch him, comfort him, but something stopped me. He finally leaned back, turned and looked directly into my eyes. Even now, after all that had happened, I felt uneasy under his gaze and extremely aware of his proximity.
‘Thank you,’ he said.
‘You don’t have anything to thank me for, Lockie. I don’t seem to be doing any good for anyone at the moment.’
‘You saved me from making a big mistake.’ He was damned right there.
‘Hitting him might have felt good for a moment, but it wouldn’t have solved anything for you.’
We lapsed into our own thoughts for a moment. When I did go to say something, Lockie spoke at the same instant. We both laughed like a case of first-date nerves.
‘You go first,’ Lockie said.
I took a deep breath. ‘Look, I’m really sorry about the way I behaved towards you and Gaby. I won’t make any bones about the fact I was jealous, and I did some stupid things that I really regret. But I would never have wished any harm on Gaby, and I’m so truly sorry that you’ve lost her.’
‘I know you wouldn’t have harmed her,’ he said. A mantle of tiredness fell across his features. ‘I can’t understand why anyone would have.’
Neither could I. That was the problem.
‘Walden is the only person who could possibly have motive to kill Gaby, but I simply can’t picture him having the guts to do anything like that.’ Lockie gave me a sideways look, so I explained myself. ‘Well, the whole way he blackmailed Gaby was just so … cowardly. He’s too obvious a suspect. I feel there’s something else.’
‘It’s a bugger you’re off the case,’ he said. ‘I know the others will do their best, but I think you would have gone that extra bit further.’
I was startled, and oddly pleased. All I’d copped lately was criticism, and his approval gave me the resolve I needed for my next move. There were a few more things I needed to tell him first.
‘Lockie, please don’t be angry at Gaby for what happened with Walden. He is the most despicable kind of monster, a predator. He was the one who held all the power – he had all the credibility. Who would have believed Gaby if she’d told? You can’t hold her responsible in any way.’ Christ, my attitude had taken a check. At some point in the last few days Gaby had made the transition from being the enemy disguised as a rebound dolly-bird to an actual person. Lockie’s grief no longer hit me like a stab in the chest. It was a dull ache.
‘I know that,’ he said. ‘I’m not angry with her. I just wish I’d noticed something, anything. She had this bloody awful thing happening in her life, and I didn’t even know. She seemed OK, perhaps a little down sometimes. I thought she was tired.’ He brushed aside an errant tear. ‘Why didn’t she feel she could talk to me about it?’
I had no answer to that, so sat quietly and waited for him to speak.
When he did, it was in a voice charged with revulsion.
‘My wife is dead, my child motherless and all I can think about is whether the baby she was carrying was mine or his. I am such a bloody louse.’
What could I say? One thing was certain. I could no longer sit around and watch while others took over the investigation. It was all too close to home.
‘Why don’t you drop me off at the command centre?’ I said.
‘I didn’t think you were working.’
‘Yeah, well, I’m going to see what I can do about that.’ I wasn’t exactly dressed for business, but right now I didn’t care. I had never been one for sitting around with my finger up my arse.
The pity party was officially over.