Dad looked up at the three of them on the roof above him. His eyes stopped on Jamie. ‘You,’ he said. ‘I should have known.’
‘He hasn’t done anything,’ Eva said.
She could feel the tension in Jamie’s body. He was crouched next to her, still and silent, like a dog waiting for a kick.
Dad’s eyebrows were furrowed in curtain-folds above his nose. ‘Then why have I just heard about you on the radio? Why aren’t you at home where you’re supposed to be? I wake up, I assume you’re upstairs in bed. Then I find a note that I can’t make head nor tail of. Then I turn on the radio and all they’re talking about is you! Do you have any idea how I felt when I realised you were missing? Do you?’ Dad dragged his hands through his hair.
Eva felt her stomach churn. Dad must have been desperate. She hadn’t thought of him, not once, since she’d left the house that morning. But she was all he ever thought about – she knew that.
‘I should have known that the McIntyre boy was at the bottom of this. He’s a bad influence. I told you he was. I told you to stay away from him,’ Dad said.
‘I know, I’m sorry but –’
‘No,’ Dad said. ‘Get down from there now. You’re coming home. I’ll call your Gran and she can take you for the rest of the holidays. I should never have listened to her in the first place. You’re staying with your family and that’s that.’
‘But, Dad –’
‘No arguments. This is the last time he leads you astray.’
Shan coughed pointedly.
‘What?’ Dad snapped.
‘Well,’ Shan said, ‘I just think it’s important to remember that Jamie has been here all day, with no clue about what’s been going on. It was someone else entirely who thought it was a good idea to take files and ice-cream vans and social workers.’
Eva took a deep breath. Shan was right. This was all her doing and if she didn’t say so now then she was as bad as Michael and Drew.
‘Dad, it’s true. This was all my idea. Jamie had nothing to do with it. Look, wait there, please.’
She stood up, walked back to the water butt and lowered herself down to the ground. In seconds, she was at the front of the garage.
Now that she wasn’t looking down at him any more, she could see how frightened he looked. His skin was pale and sweaty, and his pupils were wide, despite the sunlight.
He had looked like this before. The night he came home from holiday for the last time. The night he had lost everything. Everything but her.
‘Dad,’ she said gently.
‘No,’ he said. ‘No. I won’t have this.’
‘Yes,’ Eva said, ‘I know. But I did this, not Jamie. You have said what you thought about Jamie and the lodge and all this, but I never have.’
He looked confused for a second. Then the confusion was wiped away, replaced with the same solid look of certainty that Dad had been wearing like a mask for the last two years.
And Eva knew now that it was a mask. The panic and fear were there, just below the surface; they had been since Mum had died. Jamie had seen it too, though she hadn’t wanted to believe him.
‘Dad,’ Eva said gently. ‘Mum’s gone. But I’m not going anywhere.’
‘This has nothing to do with Mirabelle.’
‘I think it does. You want to keep me safe. I understand that. But life isn’t safe, not always. I think sometimes you have to take risks to feel alive. Otherwise we might as well be dead too. When I woke up this morning, I felt like I was standing at the top of a snowy mountain, with the run below me and the air all clean and crisp. I felt that way because I knew I was going to take a risk. And, Dad, it felt good.’
Eva could see tears in his eyes, his blue irises shining with them. Eva felt her own eyes sting. ‘Jamie matters. He’s my friend. And I wasn’t going to let him go. So I took the risk. And look! Here I am!’ She tapped her chest with her palms. ‘I’m fine! Nothing bad happened. Dad, Mum’s gone. But we’re both still here.’
Dad wiped his eyes with the back of his hands. ‘Is that how you feel?’
‘Yes. Yes it is. We can’t be angry with her any more. What happened was an accident.’ Eva reached out and took Dad’s wet hands in hers. They felt big and rough, they way they always did. But, somehow, it felt like she was the grown-up, trying to make him feel better.
Then his arms were round her and he lifted her into the air. She held him close and could feel him crying as he hugged her back. She closed her eyes. With her head resting on his shoulder, she thought she could smell snow, clean and crisp and far away.
‘It isn’t fair,’ Dad whispered.
‘I know.’ She wasn’t sure if he meant Mum, or Jamie, but she held him tight anyway.
When he put her down, she saw Shan, wiping her own eyes. Next to her Jamie still looked frightened – waiting for a blow to fall.
She smiled through her tears. ‘Dad, nothing bad is going to happen to me. You have to give Jamie a chance. Get to know him, then make up your own mind. Please? For me?’
He nodded slowly. ‘I think I can do that.’
‘Come on then,’ she said.
‘What, now?’
‘Of course now.’ She led the way to the water butt. Mrs Grayling came out of the French doors with a tray of orange squash.
‘Oh,’ she said, surprised, ‘another visitor.’
Dad’s face flushed. He had streaks of tears on his cheeks. Eva could see that he didn’t know what to say.
‘This is my dad,’ she said. ‘He’s come to give Jamie a chance. Is that OK?’
‘Well, if you want to give him a chance, I’d better get another glass.’ She handed the tray over and disappeared back towards the huge kitchen.
‘Up there?’ Dad asked, tilting his head towards the roof.
‘Up there,’ Eva agreed.
It wasn’t easy to get the tray up without spilling any of the squash, but they managed it together.
Jamie and Shan stood up as they walked towards them.
For a second, they all stood in a circle, on the roof, looking at each other.
Then Jamie smiled. ‘Did you know that the stars are there, above our heads, even in daylight. They’re there right now this second, shining down on us, even though we can’t see them? That makes me feel better when I feel sad.’
Dad nodded slowly. ‘I guess they are. Yes, I guess they must be.’