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I DIDN’T KNOW EXACTLY what to expect when I went to the assisted living facility to visit my mother. She’d told me about it and always seemed happy when she described the amenities or the friends she made. But there was the worry in the back of my mind that she was just saying that to make me feel better because she knew how upset I was that she’d done all this by herself. I worried I was going to show up and it would be run-down and miserable, that she would not be getting the treatment she deserved or that she would be spending all her time alone.
I also worried her health was far worse off than she’d told me. I didn’t want to think she was suffering or that her condition was deteriorating, and she was waiting for my Christmas visit to tell me, but I didn’t know. I never would have thought she would have sprung something like selling the house and heading into a facility on me, either.
As much as it upset me, it wasn’t like I was mad at her for the decision she’d made. It was hers to make, and I didn’t have any say in it. My mother deserved to do what was right for her regardless of what anyone thought. I couldn’t even imagine what she had gone through already with losing my father and then facing the series of medical issues that brought her back to Snowflake Hollow and eventually into the facility. There was no way it was an easy decision for her. It would be beyond selfish of me to think I should be allowed any emotion surrounding it or how she made it.
I just wanted to know she really was safe and happy. And that I didn’t need to be so worried about her all the time. My mother was what I had left in this world. She had always encouraged me and made sure I had every opportunity possible. She made sure I knew I had the ability to pursue my dreams and make them happen. Wanting to be able to take care of her and give her a good life was one of the reasons I worked so hard to get where I was.
It was a pleasant surprise when I went into the facility with her. It was beautiful and welcoming, very different from what I had in my mind. I found her in a common room with several other women, laughing and talking as they played cards. She looked as happy as she told me she was. Maybe a little more tired than I would like, but happy.
Her face lit up when she saw me, and I met her with a hug. She felt a little more frail and a little weaker than the last time I saw her, but she was smiling and seemed like she felt good. She immediately brought me over to her friends to meet them, then led me to her little independent apartment. We spent the next few hours sharing memories and visiting. It felt at once like it had been years since we’d seen each other and like we had just been together a couple of weeks before.
I stayed until late in the evening. Mom didn’t want me to leave, but it was obvious she was exhausted and just needed her rest. As she turned on her favorite evening TV show and sipped at her favorite cup of tea, I kissed her head and promised I would be back to see her soon.
It was dark by the time I pulled up to the bed-and-breakfast. The lights were glowing, and it looked much more welcoming than it had. There was still room for improvement, but I wasn’t worried. That could be taken care of easily.
Walking up to the house, I noticed Holly sitting in one of the white gliders on the front porch, wrapped up in a blanket. She lifted a mason jar to her lips as I climbed the steps and let out a little sigh, nuzzling deeper into the blanket as she swallowed.
“Hey,” she said. “How’s your mom?”
“She’s good,” I said. “I really like the place where she’s living. She seems happy.”
“That’s good to hear.” She took another sip.
“What are you drinking?” I asked.
Holly lifted the glass and looked through the side into it as if she had forgotten what she’d put in there.
“Hot spiced alcohol,” she said.
I laughed. “You probably deserve it after the day you had.” She lifted the glass toward me like she was making a toast to the fact that the day was almost over. “Mind if I join you?”
“Go ahead,” she said, gesturing to the other pieces of furniture on the porch.
I chose a chair to the side of the glider and sat down. It was a cold night, but I was still bundled up in my coat, gloves, hat, and scarf, so it didn’t bother me much as I sat there with her. It was nice to just enjoy the glow of the lights and the fresh air. We sat there in silence for several seconds, and Holly was the one to finally break it.
“How did you know I don’t like Christmas?” she asked.
“I told you, I remembered those things you did in high school,” I said.
“I know,” she said. “I just mean, how do you remember that?”
I shrugged, looking out over the yard again for a moment before meeting her eyes again.
“It just stood out to me. Everyone would always get so excited when Christmas was coming up. They wanted to participate in the festival or the market, or they were just planning on going and talked about what they were going to wear and who they were going to go with for weeks leading up to it. But you never did. You never wanted anything to do with it, and I remember you actually refusing to participate in things even when the clubs you were a part of had something to do there,” I said.
Holly sighed, looking down in her cup for a second. “That makes me sound really terrible.”
“No, it doesn’t. You don’t have to be a rabid fan of Christmas in order to be a good person. And it doesn’t make you a terrible one to not want to participate in the same things as everyone else.” She still looked sad, so I gave a shrug and leaned back in my chair. “I mean, I did hear from a couple of people that you were known for snapping candy canes in half and kicking plastic Santas on people’s lawns. That’s kind of mean.”
“Candy canes are offensive to shepherds, and those Santas had it coming,” Holly said with a straight face. We looked at each other and chuckled. She shook her head and let out a breath. “I don’t know. I just never liked it. Even as a kid. It’s not like something super traumatic happened that tainted Christmas for me or anything. I do have some really happy Christmas memories from when I was little. When I got older, it just wasn’t as much fun, and it started to feel so forced and artificial. It was like everybody went off into this weird fantasy world and forgot about reality for a while.”
“And that’s a bad thing?” I asked.
She looked at me strangely. “Forgetting about reality? Yes. I would say that’s a bad thing.”
“I don’t think so. I think it would be awful to not have the chance to escape reality, at least for a little while every now and then. That would mean no movies. No TV. No theme parks.”
“Those are different than being obsessed with an entire season. Acting like everything is so magical and special and heartwarming when it’s the same stuff that happens every single year,” Holly said.
“It’s not acting if they really feel it. And just because something happens every year doesn’t mean it’s not magical. In fact, I think that having a chance to look forward to things and enjoy them every year is magical on its own,” I said. She nodded but didn’t say anything. “How did you get wrapped in a bed-and-breakfast, anyway? It doesn’t seem like something you’d be into.”
“That would be accurate,” she said. “And I didn’t choose it. Not exactly, anyway. Well, I guess I did, but not because I wanted to. I don’t know if you know that my grandmother raised me.”
“I think I remember that,” I said.
“Alright, well, she did. And she was amazing. She even understood when I told her I didn’t want to come back to Snowflake Hollow after college. She wanted me to go out into the world and find my own way. Find what was going to make me happy. So, I did. When she died earlier this year, I came back to settle everything. I found out she bought this place. I had no idea. She never talked to me about it. Probably because I would have told her I thought opening a bed-and-breakfast was a crazy idea for someone without any experience doing something like that.
“I found all these plans that she’d made and her journals with notes in them talking about everything she dreamed about for it. It really was a huge dream for her. It was something she wanted so much but wasn’t ever able to achieve. So, I decided to do it for her. I was going through kind of a transitionary period in my life anyway and thought this would be a great way to get a fresh start. I wanted to make sure my grandmother’s dream comes true so people can come enjoy the wonderland of Snowflake Hollow if that kind of thing is their jam.”
I laughed, but there was also a little lump of emotion in the middle of my chest hearing her talk about her grandmother and what she was willing to do for her. I was impressed by Holly and even more glad I was staying at the White Christmas Inn. I already had the inkling I wanted to make this season easier for her, but right then, I decided I was going to do everything I could to show her that Christmas didn’t have to be something she dreaded. I was going to help her make and keep her guests happy.
We stayed out on the porch a little longer before Holly announced she needed to get to bed. I walked inside with her and said good night, then headed up to my room. After a shower, I slipped into bed and fell asleep, feeling optimistic about the next day.
