Erin heard the sound of a vehicle and despite knowing it was Saturday and that Dean wasn’t coming to work today, either, she hurried to the window to see who it might be. But it was only a truck driving by on the road.
She wondered if she had chased him away the day they went riding. He had tried to be kind and she had overreacted.
Jan had phoned on Wednesday, full of apologies to tell her the windows had been delayed and could they come Monday instead. So Dean hadn’t come by, either. Thursday he’d told her he was stopping by to pick up some tools and she had taken extra care with her clothes, putting on one of the new outfits. But then Lauren had called to ask if she could come to town for lunch with her and Jodie. So she’d met her sisters in town, but by the time she’d returned she realized Dean had come and gone while she was away.
He’d also told her he would help her measure the house for new flooring, but either he’d forgotten or was avoiding her. So to keep busy she had measured up the rooms herself and driven into town to order the flooring. She’d told herself repeatedly the past few days that she had done the right thing when they went riding. That her feelings for Dean were changing and she didn’t want to encourage something that couldn’t happen.
The sound of Caitlin fussing snapped Erin from her thoughts. She walked back to her bedroom. Her little girl had been out of sorts all morning, which was unusual for her. Caitlin lay crying in the crib, her arms waving, her tiny fingers curled into miniature fists, her legs kicking with little jerks.
“Oh, honey,” Erin cooed, picking her up and holding her close. Caitlin immediately grew quiet, snuffling against Erin’s neck, her tiny hands tangling in her mother’s hair.
Erin frowned as she cuddled her. Her baby felt warmer than usual. Erin touched her head. Definitely warmer. The thermometer she had wasn’t working properly so she had no way of checking if she was running a fever or not.
Should she take her to the doctor? Would it seem pointless? She wished she knew what to do. Jodie was in Great Falls today, and there was no answer when she called Lauren. She tried her aunt Laura’s phone, but there was no response there, either.
Caitlin arched her back, growing more distressed, and Erin’s concern grew. She pulled her phone out and did a quick search of fevers in babies, hoping to find something. Everything she read recommended medication and tepid baths.
Caitlin’s cries became more frantic.
Should she bring her to the hospital? What if it was nothing?
Erin closed the browser on her phone and went to her contacts. Maybe Vic would know how to get a hold of Lauren. She dialed the number, holding Caitlin close, walking back and forth and growing more anxious with each step.
“Hello, this is Vic’s phone, but it’s Dean talking.”
Erin’s heart jumped into her throat. “Um…this is Erin…” She was disappointed how the simple sound of his voice could send her into a tailspin. “I need to talk to Lauren.”
“She’s not here. She and Vic went out and Vic left his phone behind.”
“She’s not answering her phone,” Erin said, unable to keep the fear out of her voice.
“Are you okay? You sound worried.”
“I’m fine. It…it’s Caitlin.”
“What about her? Is she okay?”
“I don’t know. She’s running a fever and I don’t know how bad it is because the thermometer I bought doesn’t register.” She sucked in a quick breath realizing how panicky she sounded. “What kind of mother has a malfunctioning thermometer?”
“A mother who just moved and is probably still unpacking,” Dean said.
His words made her feel better about herself. Just a little. “But still—”
“Are you at home? Do you want me to bring you to the doctor?”
“I don’t know what to do.” And for the first time since she had moved into this house located on an isolated corner of the ranch she understood her sisters’ concern about her moving here. She should have found a place in town. Closer to the hospital. She was a terrible, selfish mother.
“I could drive myself.”
“I’m sure you can, but if I drive you in you won’t be distracted. Why don’t I come anyway and bring you to the hospital. What do you think of that?”
Erin hesitated. It was a battle between a fear of and a deep yearning for seeing him again.
“I promise I won’t try to kiss you,” he added.
He sounded like he was teasing her, but his voice held a faint edge and she knew it was a response to her reaction to his kiss.
“I can drive myself,” she repeated. But even as she bravely spoke the words she heard the faint tremble in her voice.
And Dean must have heard it, too.
“I’ll be right there,” he said, then ended the call.
Erin held Caitlin close, a mixture of emotions tumbling through her as she set her own phone down.
Dean was coming, after all.
She wanted to see him.
But at the same time, she didn’t.
It’s all for your daughter, she admonished herself.
And somehow that made her feel a bit better.
* * *
The smell of the hospital brought back too many bad memories for Dean.
He fidgeted in the hard leather chair just outside of Emergency, remembering too well the agonizing pain that had ripped through him the last time he was here.
He had been stabilized and from here it had been a speedy ambulance ride to Bozeman where he spent a month, then back here for the long haul of therapy and the slow recovery he had neglected.
Just as he formulated that thought, Mike Sawchuk, the very physiotherapist he’d been avoiding, strode down the hallway, his rubber shoes squeaking on the shining floor.
“Hey, Dean, what brings you here?” Mike stopped by Dean’s chair, his hands shoved in the pockets of his track pants, the overhead lights gleaming off his shaved head. “Do I dare to hope you’re here to make an appointment with me?”
Dean shifted uncomfortably under Mike’s slightly mocking look. “I know I haven’t followed up—”
“For the past couple months,” Mike interrupted. He was grinning, but Dean heard the reprimand in his voice. “You know that you need to keep this up. You’re going to lose mobility if you don’t.”
A myriad of excuses jumped forward, but Dean knew Mike would accept none of them.
“How has the leg been?” Mike asked, dropping into a chair across from him as if he had all the time in the world.
“Actually a bit better. I even went riding the other day.”
“Really? That’s progress.”
While Mike would know about the pain riding caused, he had no idea of the fear. No one did.
Except Erin.
But he had gotten through that, as well.
On a plug horse Erin’s baby could ride.
He dismissed the critical thought. It was still riding. A small step to be sure, but a step.
“But you still have to be careful to make sure you don’t have the wrong muscles overcompensating and causing problems down the road,” Mike said. “I know you can feel like you’re having some success now, but you need a comprehensive program to work all your muscle groups properly.”
“I guess” was all Dean could muster. “I didn’t feel like I was getting anywhere. It seemed pointless.”
“Baby steps, if you’ll pardon the expression.” A hint of frustration entered Mike’s voice. “Building a strong foundation to work off of. I’d like to see you come more often. Give me a chance to show you what can happen. Even though you rode that horse I’m sure it hurt and I’m sure you’re feeling it yet.”
Dean shifted awkwardly in his chair, as if in memory of the pain which kept him from working for a couple of days. He had felt pretty good after riding, but the next day he’d been hurting just as Mike had correctly assumed. He hadn’t called Erin to tell her why he wasn’t coming. He didn’t want to recognize that part of it was the discomfort he felt, but a larger part was her reaction to his kiss.
“So, what do you say? Give me a decent chance to help you get more mobile?”
For some reason the sympathetic looks Erin had given him when he’d tried to get on the horse, when he’d had almost fallen in her living room, dropped into his brain. It still stung and he didn’t want to see that again.
“Let me check my schedule” was all he was giving Mike for now.
“Taking physical therapy doesn’t mean you’re weak,” Mike said, sounding even firmer than he had before. “It means you’re smart.”
Dean nodded at that, thinking of how happy Vic would be if he started therapy again. His brother had been nagging him for months to go back. To get riding again.
And if it made a difference?
Again his thoughts drifted to Erin.
“I’ll call you next week,” he said. “After I talk to my boss.”
“Sounds good.” Mike slapped his knees and then stood. “I can’t fix everything, but I know we can get you walking better than you are now.” Mike patted him on the shoulder, then walked away, whistling. Dean sighed as he watched him leave knowing he was in for a lot of work.
But if it helped?
He saw Mike slow down just as he saw Erin coming out of Emergency, holding Caitlin, wrapped in a light blanket, close to her chest. Mike stopped and seemed to be asking her something. Dean couldn’t hear what they were saying, but it wasn’t hard to miss the appreciative look on Mike’s face. The physiotherapist lifted the blanket and smiled down at Caitlin, which bugged him more than he wanted to admit.
Then Erin laughed, which annoyed him further.
Dean slowly got to his feet, the ache in his muscles a reminder of what Mike had been saying and of his own limitations. He watched Mike saunter off, showcasing the obvious the difference between Dean and a healthier man.
The smile on Erin’s face when she turned and saw Dean made him feel marginally better. She walked toward him, shifting her purse on her arm.
“What did the doctor say?” he asked, trying not to wince as he straightened out his leg.
“She’s not running high fever. The doc figured it was just a cold, from a virus.” She looked relieved. “But I should stop at the drugstore and pick up some medication and a new thermometer for her. If that’s okay.”
He nodded at her but couldn’t get the sight of her and Mike out of his brain.
“So how do you know Sawchuk?”
“Michael?” Her soft smile didn’t bode well for his own presence of mind. “I remember him from church. He led a Bible study I went to the summers I was here.”
Of course he did, Dean thought, stifling a flash of annoyance.
Seriously, how could he be irritated with a guy who led Bible study? How petty was he?
When it came to Erin, he realized he didn’t like comparing himself to Mike and being found wanting in so many ways.
“He’s a physical therapist in the hospital here,” Dean added, trying to be generous.
“I remember him talking about that,” Erin said. Caitlin was crying again and Erin shot her daughter a look of concern.
“We should probably get that medicine for her,” Dean offered.
“Yeah. I think so.” As they walked toward the entrance, Erin slowed her steps to match Dean’s—adding another layer to his insecurity—and put her hand on his arm. “Thanks so much for bringing me. I feel a bit foolish, seeing as how it was really nothing important, but I’m much more at ease now that she’s seen the doctor.”
“Then I’m glad I could help,” he said, trying not to read more into her gentle touch than simple gratitude.
But as they walked together back to his truck he knew his feelings for Erin were becoming more difficult to sort out the more time he spent with her.