Chapter 29
Kendra sat on the side of the bed and stared at the wall. It had been four weeks since she’d had the operation to have the ovarian cysts removed. She was recovering well, physically. She stood up and walked outside of her bedroom and into the hallway and looked over the balcony. Her mother and Matthew were busy trimming the seven-foot Christmas tree that stood in the foyer in front of the double glass door.
She was amazed, yet proud of how much her mother had changed over the years. Hannah gave up her life of sin ten years ago, when she was sixty-three years old. Kendra remembered the Sunday morning that her mother came to their church for the first time. She was dressed really well in her emerald two-piece suit with shoes to match. She walked into church with her head held high and sat beside her daughter.
Kendra didn’t know if she should embrace her mother or not, because Hannah did not like public displays of affection. Hannah slid her hand into Kendra’s.
Kendra smiled at her mother as they sat on the front row and enjoyed the lesson that Matthew taught that day. He taught about forgiveness. His sermon came from Psalm 86:5:
For thou, Lord, are good, and ready to forgive, and plenteous in mercy unto all them that call upon thee.
Once Matthew prayed, he extended the invitation for those that wanted to be saved, healed, rededicate their life back to Christ, or join the church. Hannah rushed to the altar. Kendra went behind her to encourage and support her. She requested prayer for healing, and she wanted to be saved. Matthew and a few other prayer warriors prayed for her, while Kendra cried, praised God, and hugged her mother. She started attending their services every Sunday and became a member a month later. Since that time, she had been a faithful and avid Christian.
Kendra placed a hand over her abdomen, where her baby had lived for a short six weeks. She had decided to terminate her pregnancy during her first year at law school. At that time, she didn’t want to be as horrible a mother to her unborn child as her mother had been to her. Her determination to finish law school was also a deciding factor in having an abortion. She felt that a baby would hinder her career. Tears flowed down Kendra’s face as she regretted the decision she’d made so many years ago. She wiped them away on her sleeve.
Matthew looked up and saw her watching them. “Hold on, honey. I’ll come up and help you downstairs. We can use an extra hand at trimming this gigantic tree that Mom picked out.”
“Okay, baby; let me grab my housecoat.” Kendra went back into the bedroom and into the bathroom to wash her face and disguise the fact that she had been crying. By the time Matthew had come up, she had combed her hair and applied some lip gloss.
“You look beautiful, baby.” Matthew stood behind her and wrapped his arms around her. Kendra melted in his arms. “What’s going on, Kendra? You seem troubled.”
“Oh, it’s nothing. I’m a little bored. I don’t know what to do with myself.”
“You’ll be healed enough to go on your vacation in two weeks. Mom and I talked about it while we were trimming the tree. She’s excited to be going on her first cruise.”
“I’m sure she is. She hasn’t traveled far outside the perimeter of North Carolina. This will be a good experience for her.”
Matthew kissed Kendra’s right shoulder. “That’s true. The two of you should be able to relax and enjoy each other’s company.”
Kendra turned around to face Matthew. “I hope so. Momma thinks that I’m a little too uptight. She’s always telling me to loosen up and let my hair down.”
Matthew laughed. “You are a little intense at times, Kendra. Once you guys get on that ship, I’m sure your mom will find some fun things for the two of you to do.”
Kendra smiled. “I know she will. Momma might be seventy-three years old, but she still loves to dance and socialize.”
Matthew held Kendra a little tighter. “Yes, she does. Your mother is a feisty lady. I wish I had known her in her younger days.”
Kendra frowned and eased out of Matthew’s embrace. “No, you don’t. Believe me, Matthew, if you had known my mother twenty years ago ...” Kendra waved her hand in the air. “Let’s not dredge up old memories. I just thank God that Momma has changed.” Matthew nodded his head in agreement. She tied her robe tighter around her waist. “I’m ready; let’s go down and finish trimming that oversized Christmas tree.” Kendra giggled.
Matthew laughed too. “It is humongous, isn’t it? I asked your mother to pick one from off of the lot, and I think she chose the biggest one there.”
“I hope you two bought enough bulbs. I would have gone to Lowe’s and bought a pre-lit tree; it would have been so much simpler.”
Matthew walked down the stairs, with Kendra holding on to his hand for support. “Mom likes it, so I indulged her.”
Kendra’s mother peered at them in a peculiar way. Frowning, she straightened her body and placed her right hand on her lower back. “Mom likes what?”
Matthew replied. “I was telling your daughter that you loved this Christmas tree from the moment you saw it.”
Hannah stood back and admired the tree. “I do like it. It reminds me of trees that the family I used to work for, the Patton family, had every year. Remember how we used to wish that we were wealthy black people like them, Kendra?”
“Yes, I remember that, Momma.” Along with the unpleasant memories of those trifling boyfriends you used to bring home every Christmas Eve. Kendra looked away from her mother and focused on the tree. “Thank God for better days.”
As though reading Kendra’s mind, Hannah replied. “Amen to that, chile. God has brought me from a mighty long way. He’s a merciful and loving God.”
“Yes, He is,” Matthew witnessed. He looked at his watch. It was two fifty-nine. “I’m going upstairs to take a quick shower. I need to get back to the office. I have a four o’clock appointment. Can you ladies handle this tree while I’m gone?”
“We should be able to,” Kendra answered. “If not, it’ll be here when you get back,” she quipped.
“Okay; I should be back home around six or six thirty.” He brushed his lips across Kendra’s forehead and sprinted back upstairs.
Kendra walked into the living room and sat on the cream colored loveseat. Hannah followed and sat beside her. She looked back into the foyer and admired the tree. “It is a pretty tree, Momma. You deserve to have something out of life that makes you happy.”
Hannah looked at Kendra compassionately. “Actually, I chose it for you, Kendra. I thought you would get some delight out of it. You seem so sad lately.”
“I am sad, Momma. I want a baby so badly, and with my health issues, I’ll probably never have one.” Kendra inhaled deeply and released her breath slowly. She held her head down and cupped her face in her hands.
“You never know, Kendra. Anything is possible with God.”
“Yes, that’s true. Kendra looked at Hannah sheepishly. “I may have missed my chance at giving birth when I decided to have an abortion in college. ”
Since her operation, Kendra knew that chances of her conceiving again were slim to none. She hadn’t told anyone, other than Diana, about her abortion. The guilt she felt from destroying her baby was tearing her up inside. She’d longed for years to tell Hannah about her mistake. Although her mother had been saved for ten years, she found it difficult, until now, to confide her detrimental mistake to Hannah.
Hannah was shocked at Kendra’s confession. “You had an abortion while you were in college? ” Kendra nodded. Hannah absorbed the information for a few seconds, and then gazed at Kendra steadfastly. “Why did you do something that drastic? ” Hannah asked her sharply without considering her tone of voice.
Tears rolled down Kendra’s face. “Momma, please don’t judge me. I had just entered law school, and I didn’t think that I had any alternative.
“You did have an alternative. You could have given birth to the child and kept going to school too, ” Hannah scolded. “I would have kept the child for you, if necessary. ”
Kendra looked at her mother incredulously. Hannah understood what that expression meant. She wasn’t in a grandmotherly state of mind during that time of her life.
“It wasn’t as easy to do as it sounded, Momma. Law school is very stressful. At the time, I chose my education and career over my unborn child. I’ve regretted that decision ever since. ” More tears spilled out of Kendra’s eyes.
Hannah picked up Kendra’s left hand and held it in hers. “I’m so sorry, honey. I wish that I had been a better mother to you when you were growing up. I remember you telling me, more than once, that you’ll never bring a child into the world if you had to be the kind of mother that I was. If I had been a better mother, maybe you wouldn’t have felt pressured to get rid of your unborn child. I’ve caused you so much pain, baby. ” Hannah hugged her. “Please forgive me. ”
“I have forgiven you, Momma. I’m sorry that I said those words to you. What I did wasn’t your fault. I was selfish and determined at the time that nothing was going to stop me from accomplishing my goals. ” Kendra wiped her tears away with the back of her hand.
Hannah stood and walked into the dining room and took a napkin from the dining room table. She handed it to Kendra. “It’s going to be all right, honey. I believe that God is going to heal you from this disease and that, in time, you’ll be able to have a healthy baby too. ” She lifted Kendra’s chin so that Kendra could see the reassuring smile on her face.
Kendra dried her tears away. “Let’s hope so, Momma. ”
Matthew walked swiftly down the stairs and toward the door leading to the garage. “I’m behind schedule, Kendra, ” he yelled, without looking back at her. “I should be back home no later than six thirty or seven, okay? ” Before Kendra could reply, he had opened the door, walked into the garage, and pulled it closed behind him.
Kendra looked at her mother with a panicky expression on her face. “The thing that’s eating me alive is that I’ve never told Matthew what I did. ” Hannah stretched her eyes open wider and held her hand over her mouth. “He doesn’t have a clue that any chance we had at having a baby may have been destroyed when I decided to end my pregnancy years ago. I’m afraid to tell him because I don’t think he’ll ever forgive me. ”