"It's only a cup of cocoa." I heard the familiar voice outside my door, bargaining with the guards. At least he was being polite today: that was a definite improvement.
I sat in the dark cell and listened, waiting. It was too dark to see, and I had my arms around my knees, drawing up to my chest. It was the high point of the day when Silus visited. The cell was specially treated so that no magic could be worked in it, and I was not trusted with any sort of natural light or window. I sat in the dark for nearly twenty hours a day, and had a few supervised hours of light, so that my eyes did not atrophy, and so that I did not go mad.
The matron who supervised me frightened me, though, and so the light was little better than the dark. I was not allowed any books, which would have been a help. Instead, I got to see the condition of the cell, myself, and the matron staring at me with hard eyes, while I waited through those few hours with light. She never seemed to tire, and rarely took her eyes away from me. By the end of three hours, I welcomed the dark.
The fourth hour, that was when I was allowed visitors. I had only one.
"Gareth," said Silus.
I uncurled from my position and looked up at him, raising my head and squinting against the bright light of the glowing lantern he brought with him. He'd talked — or bribed — the guard into allowing the cocoa in, so he held that in one hand. The guard held the lantern and followed him in.
Alas, we couldn't do as much as we'd have liked in our hour together. He smiled at me, and I saw it, despite how his face was thrown into shadow by the bobbing lantern light, and how the rest of the light dazzled me a little, though the lantern was turned low.
"Drink this," he ordered me. "I've gone to a lot of trouble."
I knew his gruff words hid his concern. Silus Smith was my boyfriend, and our magic was sewn together. I could always sense his arrival at the prison, and when he drew closer. It made me feel a little more alive. When he was far away, I sometimes thought dark things, and wondered if he would abandon me after all — cut the ties between us as easily as he had once snapped them, and leave me on my own to face the wrath of the magical ministry and the whole justice system come down on my head.
I had been involved with a man of the magical ministry, Bauer, who had turned, who had been working towards his own ends. He'd interfered with and contaminated a number of cases, not to mention stolen things and interfered with the law. Bauer was set to be locked away for life, after they got the information they needed from him.
I was imprisoned for an indeterminate amount of time, perhaps forever, in a cell in which I could not touch my magic, nor even have light most of the time. I didn't want to be here, but there was no way of escape — I had checked — and no way to harm myself, if I had been willing to give up on life. I nearly was, at times, but I had not attempted any such thing, knowing my future treatment would be much more severe if I did so.
I had, however, been steadily losing my appetite, even with only two meals a day. Someone must have told Silus for him to go to so much trouble to bring me something tempting. I hadn't liked to bother him with it during our hour together. It was the only time of day when I felt at all alive, less wraith-like.
Now, I accepted the mug from him with a startled murmur of thanks.
"Just drink it." Silus was not a man to mince words. He could be cold and hard and often uncaring — and I loved him desperately. He cared for me just as deeply. I was almost certain of it.
He watched me drink, not satisfied till I'd finished it. It tasted rather good, although not as good as it should have. When I was myself, not locked away in a dungeon without magic, I could always taste things very clearly, acutely even, but here taste seemed rather dull and far away. I appreciated the gesture, though, and the chocolate left a good taste on my tongue — dull, but good.
I handed the mug back with a thank you, and licked my lips. He looked at me, at them. There was a smile around his eyes, a crinkle of good humor and happiness. I had not seen that in some time.
He reached up and cuffed my hair affectionately, the only affection he would probably allow himself to show under the guard's bored eyes. I uncurled a little further. "What, Silus?" I asked. My mouth had gone dry suddenly.
"There might be a way out," he said. He shifted a little on the bed beside me, not looking at me now, as if he'd grown unaccountably nervous.
I closed my hand on his lower arm. "What? Silus, if there's any way, anything I can do..."
He cleared his throat, shifting a little. I released him, my heart sinking. It was at times like this that I wondered if he did feel for me as much as I felt for him — or if I had become a duty alone, someone he would not give up on from sheer stubbornness, rather than any remaining actual affection.
I looked down at my lap, moving my hands there, away from him. I studied the ragged cotton trousers of my prison wear, my cracked skin, and the nails that needed a trim.
"It's a case," said Silus. "If I tackle it and can get anywhere, they'll set you free." His hand closed on my upper arm. "Gar, do you understand?" He gave me a little shake, and I looked at him, blinking.
He'd touched me. His face was intense, intent with purpose, even hope. My spirits rose a little seeing that expression on his face. Silus was a man with a mission — always. And now all his strength and power of will and purpose was aimed towards getting me free. He would do it, if anyone could.
"Okay," I said. "Let me know if I can help. But be safe."
He pushed a hand back over my hair again, a gentle-rough gesture, his eyes filled with a concern he never really let show. I must look rough if he was letting it show, even in his eyes. He'd always been a rather cold-hearted man, my boyfriend. But he cared about me. I believed that at least part of the time.
He scowled a little, looking fierce. "I'll bring you more cocoa tomorrow, if I can." And then, then he leaned forward, still looking fierce but also, strangely, almost terrifyingly tender, and kissed me on the mouth, onlookers or no.