The music danced wildly in my head, and I could barely keep back a giddy laugh. My feet were sore from dancing —
I could let you dance forever...
I woke with a start, covered in sweat. That dream again. The dream of laughing, and dancing, endless dancing.
At first I had liked the dream quite a lot. But then I found it troublesome, partly because I was always among strangers. Why couldn't I stop dancing, or else find someone I knew? Deeks, to wrap me in his coat and escort me home, or dear Robert, to dance with me and make it right?
I rolled over and put an arm around Robert. He was very still, very soundly asleep. I nudged closer, nestling against him, trying to listen to the ticking of his heart. It comforted me so.
Dear Robert...will you be here with me forever? For as long as I live?
I thought of time slipping away between our fingers, ticking off on all the clocks in the hall. So many clocks, all standing there, counting down the seconds disapprovingly. Lately, it gave me the shudders to stand alone in a room with only clocks. A lot of things in the manor gave me shudders recently, especially at night. It was one reason I'd been working more, so I had an excuse not to be here.
I hated that, but I got so scared at night sometimes, with the dreams. The...offers.
Whatever sort of dream I had, it was always unpleasant in some way. And there was always someone who wanted something from me, who wanted to promise me anything if only I would —
But I always woke up before I found out just what I was supposed to do in return. It still scared the crap out of me, though. That Voice unnerved me a lot.
This time, it had offered me dancing forever. I didn't want to dance forever.
I thought of the planet whirling on through time, a long stream of time flowing away from me, stealing all the past, both good and bad. Someday it would take Robert's father, and how would he survive that? He loved his father more than anything in life, including me, I felt certain. But even if he didn't (and it wasn't a contest), he would lose the man eventually, and how would he survive?
I thought of those threads of time, unraveling from me, stealing my youth, making me old and drab and someday ancient, nothing but a figure of fun calling people perfect darlings and thinking I still had some relevance in the designing world.
I shivered harder, frightened and cold, shuddering from more than that. The dream, the dream, oh...
I shut my eyes, trying not to whimper.
Oh, Louie. I can give you more time...
I couldn't stand it. I mustn't be hearing voices; I mustn't go mad. Oh, oh...
"I can give you more time," said a voice, as clear as a bell. It was close to the bed, so close. I squeezed my eyes shut, but there was light leaking through my eyelids. I hid my face against Robert's back, but still there was light, streaming in past every point of reason or reality: light.
The voice was right behind me, silky and sly, dangerous and beautiful. "I can give you time, Louie," it said.
I knew if I turned and looked, I would be mesmerized. I would see the most beautiful and horrible person I'd ever seen. My back prickled, and tears were in my eyes.
I am not a brave person. It took all my strength not to scream in fear. I held onto Robert, and kept my eyes tightly shut.
A hand touched my back, and then I did scream.
"Lou!" Robert's shocked voice intruded as the light disappeared. He was shaking me awake, and the room was dark, all but for a low light he'd turned on. "What's wrong?"
I wasn't cold now; I was drenched in sweat, my pajamas damp, my hair a mess and falling wet into my eyes. I panted, gasped, and looked up into the shadowy, concerned face of my very real, very present, and very fully human boyfriend.
"B-bad dream," I mumbled, and held my arms out to him, as if I was a child wanting comfort. I had no pride just then; I wanted only the safety of him.
His face relaxed into compassion, and he complied without judgment in his eyes. It felt so good to be held by him: warm, safe, certain, and very real. Not at all a dream now. No bright lights, no...Voice.
He rubbed my back with one big, strong hand.
"I'm here," he said, his every breath calm. I could hear the ticking now. I listened, trying to make my breathing match his. His heart ticked so steadily, so safely. "I'm here, and I'm not going anywhere," he promised me.
Sometimes, I even believed him.