SHE’D BEEN PREGNANT?
The words sank in and he was still numb. Still in shock.
Kiri had been pregnant?
After standing in the hallway, feeling stunned, for a few moments he unlocked his own door and went into his apartment. It was so hard to walk away from her door when all he wanted to do was ask her how she’d lost the baby. He wanted to hold her, console her, because she’d faced that loss on her own.
He hadn’t known.
He’d almost been a father and that thought scared him. She’d also been the only one to ever get to him.
He’d had a couple of other casual flings, but nothing compared to Kiri.
And now the more he got to know her, the more he wanted her.
Which was a dangerous thing. He needed to know her pain. He wanted to console her, process it, but at the core of all the rush of emotions swirling around inside him he wanted to make love to her again.
To let her know in the only way he knew how that it was okay.
He was okay.
They could separately be okay.
When they had been out on the dance floor together, his hands on her hips, all he’d been able to think about had been taking her, making her his. And he’d been very aware of the way other men had been looking at her and that had infuriated him.
She was his.
She’s not, though.
And he had to keep reminding himself of that fact. When they’d been standing out on the beach, watching the storm roll in, it had reflected exactly what he’d been feeling in his very soul at that moment, watching her standing there, wisps of her silky black hair escaping and blowing across her face.
The absolute peaceful smile on her face, but then the pain. He hadn’t wanted her to feel pain. He’d wanted to take it all away. It was all he’d been able to do not to carry her off.
Alejandro had wanted her. Just like he’d wanted her back in Vegas. Nothing had changed, she was still the woman he desired above all.
So he’d kissed her.
And he’d sworn he could feel her melt into him. For one crazy moment he’d been lost and then she’d brought him screeching back to reality. She’d lost his baby. He couldn’t be with her because he didn’t want to hurt her. She deserved a man who could give her everything. Everything she wanted. Marriage, children. He couldn’t give her those things. He may have got her pregnant once before, but he couldn’t do that again.
Though he’d been shot and injured, they’d told him his father had died because of a brain hemorrhage, but Alejandro was certain that the hemorrhage had been caused by the shock of seeing his wife and son fall first. His father had truly died of a broken heart and subconsciously given up the will to live. In the foggy recesses of his brain from that moment, he recalled his mother being shot first, of crumpling into his father’s arms while his father had screamed her name, and then he’d felt the sting of a bullet.
Alejandro shook his head, trying to drown out the sounds of his father screaming. He rubbed his scar, which burned.
He couldn’t imagine loving someone so deeply and then losing them. And he couldn’t do that to another person. It was too much to bear. Which was why he never opened his heart. Had never let another person in. Yet Kiri always seemed to find a way in. His walls weren’t safe when he was around her, which was why he had kissed her on the beach.
Why he couldn’t resist her. He would never be able to resist her.
She lost our baby. He had already caused her pain and hadn’t been there.
And she had tasted so sweet.
Outside the storm raged, just like a storm raged in his heart. Thunder rumbled and he leaned against his window in the darkness, staring out. He could see the once calm ocean was becoming choppy as the storm rolled onto shore.
Go to her.
And though he knew that he shouldn’t because of their positions at the hospital, he couldn’t help himself. He needed her. He turned and left his apartment and knocked on her door, his heart jackhammering, his blood on fire.
She answered. Her hair was down and brushed out and she’d changed out of the dress into a nightgown. Her dark eyes were swollen and red from tears.
“Alejandro?” she said, surprised to see him.
He didn’t answer her; instead, he reached down and kissed her again. Possessively. He wanted to let her know that he wanted her. He would always want her, and even though she was not his to have, he would never not desire her. And he wanted her to forgive him for not being there when she’d needed him most.
She was under his skin, burned into his memories.
No one could live up to her.
Though he could never have her, she was his.
Kiri melted and kissed him back, her arms around his neck and her fingers tangling in the hair at the nape of his neck. He pushed his way into her apartment, almost expecting her to stop him again, but she didn’t. He closed the door with a swift backward kick.
“I’m so sorry, Kiri, for your loss. For what you went through alone. I don’t know how to help you. How to make things better. I just know that I want you. More than that night in Vegas...”
“Alejandro,” she whispered, laying her head against his chest. “What’re we doing?”
“I don’t know.” He cupped her face and ran his thumbs down her cheeks. “I don’t know. I want you, but if you need more from me, if you need a promise of something more, I can’t give you that and I’ll leave. I just swore a long time ago that I wouldn’t ever...” He sighed and dragged his hand through his hair. “My heart transplant.”
“You’re afraid it will fail?”
He shook his head. “Yes, when I was ten I had the heart transplant because I was shot when my parents’ bodega in Little Heliconia was robbed. My mother died at the scene, but my father died during surgery to save his life. My life was hanging in the balance and since my father was brain-dead my brothers directed my father’s heart to me as we were a perfect match. I carry a piece of a man I admire greatly inside me. It’s a huge responsibility and it reminds me every day that I have to work hard to be the best doctor I can be. I can’t be selfish. I promised him that I would dedicate my life to medicine.” He was going to say more about how he didn’t know how much time he had left, how he’d never hurt her again, but he couldn’t.
Her eyes filled with tears for the horror that he had endured at such a young age and her heart went out to him for the brave decisions he’d made since that dark time. “I’m so sorry for your loss, Alejandro. You went through a shocking and terrible ordeal—and at such a young age. I’m wowed that you’ve dedicated your life to saving others as you yourself were saved. Your parents would be filled with pride to see what you’ve achieved. It’s so admirable. I understand.”
“It’s not a burden, it’s just how I’ve lived. I had to tell you, I just had to know if you still wanted me even though I can’t promise you anything beyond this.”
She bit her lip. “I do want you and I don’t need a promise. You’ve made it clear about how you feel, but what about our jobs?”
“No one has to know. We can just have tonight.”
“I just need tonight,” she whispered. “To chase away the ghosts.”
“Are you sure? You deserve more than I can give.”
Kiri shook her head. “All I want is you. Right here. Right now.”
A flash of lightning illuminated her apartment and he heard the rain splash against the glass of her windows. The storm had come and there was no turning back now. No stopping it now. He scooped her up in his arms and carried her to the bedroom. He set her down and then cursed under his breath.
“What?” she asked.
“I don’t have protection. Seducing women is not something I do very often.”
“I can’t get pregnant again,” she said sadly. “I’m unlikely to conceive. Added to that I have a hostile uterus, which makes the odds of carrying a baby low as well...I won’t get pregnant again. I refuse to, so I take birth control.”
“Are you sure you want me to continue?”
She nodded and then undid the buttons to his white shirt. “I want you, Alejandro. I’ve always wanted you.”
The moment her hands pressed against his bare chest he lost it and he knew he had to have her. There was no going back and perhaps he was putting his heart at risk, but it was just for this moment. Another stolen moment.
He kissed her again, running his hand down her back, cupping her bottom to pull her closer against him.
“I’ve thought only about you for the last five years,” he whispered against her neck. “Only you.”
“Me too.” A little moan of pleasure started in her throat as he kissed that spot on her neck that he remembered so well. Alejandro nearly lost his mind with desire. This was what he’d been dreaming about for so long.
“If I’m not careful I’m liable to take you right here.”
“Is that bad?” she teased, running her hands down his back.
“Yes, I plan to take my time with you.”
Alejandro pressed her against the mattress, running his hands over her body but pressing his body against her so he could feel her curves pressed against him. He reveled in the softness of her skin, her hair, as he kissed her again.
“Touch me,” she whispered. “Please.”
“With pleasure.” And he cupped her breasts, squeezing them, but that wasn’t good enough for him. He wanted to kiss every inch of her skin.
Apparently it wasn’t enough for Kiri either because she pushed him away and took off her nightgown, baring her beautiful naked body to him. Her skin glowed in the darkness, the flashes of lightning illuminating her.
With hurried fingers she helped him out of his clothes so that nothing was between them. She ran her hands over his skin, causing gooseflesh to break out over his body.
“I love your hands on my body,” he whispered.
“I can tell,” she teased. Then she teased him with the tips of her fingers. Running a finger lightly down his neck, over his chest and then tracing the tattoo. Her hand splayed against his abdomen and slipped lower, gripping him in the palm of her hand.
“Dios,” he groaned.
“I love it when you speak Spanish.” Still holding him, she leaned forward and nibbled his neck. “You’re completely at my mercy.”
“Sí.”
Her dark eyes glittered and she grinned devilishly as she stroked him. He sucked in another breath. His whole body was alive, every nerve on fire as she touched him. He tried to hold back a moan but he couldn’t.
Kiri touching him was driving him wild and he was afraid that if she kept it up he would come. Only he didn’t want her to stop.
“Oh, mi Dios, no se detienen,” he grunted, bucking his hips at her.
“What did you say?” she asked, dragging her lips over his chest.
“Oh, my God, don’t stop.”
“Then I won’t.” Her mouth was on him then and his hands slipped into hair and he started speaking in Spanish, not even knowing what he was saying because he was being driven wild with pleasure.
Growling, he pushed her against the mattress, pinning her there below him.
“Now who is at whose mercy?”
She bit her lip and tried to wrap her legs around him, but he let go of her wrists to push open her legs.
“I want you, Alejandro.”
“I know, but now it’s my turn. I’ve wanted to taste you for so long.”
“Taste wh...? Oh, mi Dios,” she gasped as he did exactly just that. Torturing her the way she had tortured him.
“You’ve picked up Spanish quite well,” he teased her.
“How do you say ‘I want you inside me now’?”
“Te quiero dentro de mí ahora.”
“Te quiero dentro de mí ahora.”
“Sí.”
“That wasn’t a question. That was an order.”
“Was it, now?” he teased her again, running his tongue around the most sensitive part of her, making her cry out. “Say it again. I want to make sure you’re saying it right.”
“Te quiero dentro de mí ahora. Please.”
“Por favor.”
“Sí,” she said, arching her hips at him.
“Okay.” He moved over her, staring down into her eyes. Kiri pulled him down for another kiss as he entered her with one quick thrust.
“Dios,” he groaned. She was so tight, so hot. It took all his control not to take her too fast, but her body arched and she began to match his rhythm so that he sank deeper into her, and he couldn’t hold back. He slipped a hand under her bottom, bringing her closer and angling his thrusts as he quickened his pace.
It was hard to hold back, but he managed it until Kiri came, crying out his name as she tightened around him. Only then did he allow his own sweet release.
When it was over he rolled away, trying to catch his breath, and he realized that he wanted more of her.
“That was amazing,” she whispered in the darkness. He could hear her panting and he grinned.
He rolled back over and grabbed her, dragging her across him, her soft body against his. She kissed him gently on the lips.
“That was amazing,” he said. “You’re amazing.”
She smiled at him. The wind howled outside as she settled against him and he stirred to life again. He wanted her again. And she seemed to want more as she sat astride him, sinking down on him, riding him, but this time making love to him slowly. Tenderly.
Yes. He wanted so much more of her. So much that it scared him and he realized that he was a lost man.
* * *
Kiri woke with a start. She reached out, expecting to find Alejandro there, but he wasn’t. This time he’d left, instead of her. Her stomach knotted as she thought of him sneaking out, but really he was just doing exactly what she’d done.
And they hadn’t made any promises.
He’d told her he couldn’t offer her anything and she’d accepted that because she couldn’t give him anything either. And since they worked together, what they’d done wasn’t right.
All they had were these couple of stolen moments and a lost child.
That’s all they had together.
Outside the sky was gray, the ocean was gray and turbulent, and the beach was littered with driftwood and seaweed. It was a miserable day outside as the remnants of the tropical storm lingered into the morning.
She got up, because she couldn’t lounge around in bed all day, though that’s what she wanted to do. The moment she sat up she caught sight of his white shirt lying crumpled on the floor where she’d tossed it.
Kiri picked it up and held it to her face, drinking in his scent. Tears stung her eyes and she thought of what she’d almost had with him. While he’d expressed remorse for her he hadn’t seemed to feel much at all about it himself, which confirmed her belief that he didn’t really want children. That saddened her because being with him had been so much more this time because she knew him. She understood him. She loved being with him. She enjoyed his company. He was a friend.
No, he was more than that.
I’m in love with him.
And the thought scared her because it was something she’d been trying to deny for a long time. She could talk herself out of it before because all Alejandro had been then was a one-night stand. She hadn’t known anything about him, not even his last name.
Now it was different. Kiri knew a lot about him. She knew his last name. Knew he’d grown up in Miami and his parents had been immigrants from Heliconia. He was dedicated to his work, he rode a motorcycle, he loved to dance and he was charming.
He treated his patients and his coworkers with a level of respect she’d never seen from a brilliant surgeon before.
He was charming, sexy and passionate about medicine.
And he’d suffered a devastating tragedy as a child. With far-reaching consequences. Only he’d turned his life around, had turned the darkness of his past into something bright and wonderful.
Alejandro was the perfect man. Only she couldn’t have him because he didn’t want the same things she did.
She was in love with a man she could never have. She tossed the shirt away.
Get a grip on yourself.
Alejandro had made it clear to her last night that he couldn’t be in a committed relationship and she had done the same. She’d promised him that it would be okay, that he didn’t have to commit to her.
She was a big girl.
She was independent. Things could carry on like they had before. She would make sure of it. Only as she stared at the crumpled shirt on the floor she knew that nothing would be the same between them again.
Kiri only hoped that she hadn’t totally jeopardized her career in Miami.
Even though she missed New York City like crazy, Miami had grown on her. She loved the weather and the culture. Loved working at Buena Vista.
This was her home now.
And she wasn’t going to let anything stand in her way.
Even her feelings.