CONTENTS
Title Page
Copyright Notice
Dedication
Epigraph
I’m Awake
Seconds
Ask the Answer Lady
Canonize Me
Me, Flirting
How to Tie-Dye
Dream On, You Motherfucking Mother
Would Everybody Please Stop?
An Affair to Remember
When I Meditate
My Gathas
Swagland
Nothing Left to Lose
Tawk Thewapy
I Can’t Get That Penis out of My Mind
It’s About Time
Take My House, Please
Faking It
Can I Borrow That?
My Gratitudes
My New Feminist Cop Show
Scary Stories for Grown-Ups
L. L. Bean and Me
Hair Today, Gone Tomorrow
I Have to Go Now
The Trouble with Nature
Speak, Memory
Can I Have Your Errands?
How to Take Dad to the Doctor
What I Saw at the Movies
What I’ve Learned
Salt and Pepper
Roger Ailes’s New, Enlightened Code of Sexual Conduct
Falling
Please Don’t Invite Me
Acknowledgments
Also by Jenny Allen
A Note About the Author
Copyright