Texts to self

Alicia: do you regret having sex with guys?

Alicia: only when it was regretful. when it felt—what’s that word Dr. Kareem used that one time? That means like something is mandatory, even if no one told you it was a rule?

Alicia: compulsory

Alicia: compulsory

Alicia: only then?

Alicia: Then. And when it feels like an escalator out of my head. When instead of an adventure into cricket song, touch is a cave I disappear inside. When it’s the point of a pin dragged across secret skin. When shame is an echo echo echo

Alicia: I just want to be what I am. Whatever that is

Alicia: Seems simple

Alicia: I feel like it could be