4

Dreams and Everyday Life

Why should we investigate dreams? Of what use are they to us in our everyday lives? Can something that isn’t “real” actually be of help to us as we go about our daily activities, facing problems, dealing with the many facets of our lives?

The answer is a definite yes. Not only have many cultures over the centuries believed that dreams have significance, as we saw in chapter 2, but now some scientists in our own culture believe that dreams do indeed affect our lives, and vice versa.

For example, the psychologist Leonard Handler, in an article in the journal Psychotherapy: Theory, Research, and Practice entitled “The Amelioration of Nightmares in Children,” tells the story of an eleven-year-old boy named Johnny who was tortured by frequent nightmares. He had a recurring nightmare in which a terrifying monster would chase him. Sometimes the monster caught Johnny and hurt him. Over a period of eighteen months, two or three times a week, Johnny would wake up screaming and run to his parents’ bedroom for comfort. He could not fall asleep without a nightlight. Finally, Johnny’s parents consulted Dr. Handler, who assured Johnny that he could help him, that together they would get rid of the horrible, frightening monster. After a few sessions during which Johnny came to trust him, the doctor sat Johnny on his knee and encircled him with a fatherly arm. He told the boy that he would protect him from the monster and then asked him to close his eyes and imagine the monster there in the room with them. Although he was scared, Johnny agreed to cooperate and, shutting his eyes tight, showed the doctor by a prearranged signal that the monster was there with them.

Holding Johnny close, Handler banged his hand on the desk loudly and shouted over and over, “Get out of here, you lousy monster, leave my friend John alone!” As Johnny quivered in the doctor’s arms, Handler continued shouting and banging. “Get away and stay away! Don’t you ever come back or I’m going to get you!”

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Dream Power

“We can deal with our problems at their origin in our own minds. We can learn about ourselves and grow. We can unify our personalities. We can transform our fear-producing dream enemies into dream friends. It is true. We can build into our dream world friendly images that will help us not only in our dreams but in our waking life as well. We can make dream friends who will provide us with solutions to our problems and with marvelous creative products. Dream friends can show us how to solve a knotty problem . . . sing a new song....Whatever our problems are, dreams can provide novel ideas and sometimes magnificent resolutions.”

Patricia Garfield,
Creative Dreaming

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After quite a few minutes of this performance, Johnny joined in the effort to get rid of the monster, pounding his own small hand on the desk with the doctor’s and shouting at the top of his voice, “Get away and leave me alone!” Then Dr. Handler turned out the lights, and although Johnny was startled to be in the dark, soon he was again yelling at the monster to go away and leave him alone—or else!

They continued this procedure throughout the session, and when Johnny left his office Handler told him that if he saw the monster again he was to do exactly the same thing. At the next week’s appointment, Handler asked if Johnny had seen the monster again. He had, but the boy had followed instructions and yelled at it. It vanished. Once again, Johnny and Handler practiced monster-scaring. After that, during a six-month period, Johnny had only two nightmares—neither one about the monster, who had departed for good. Although most of us aren’t troubled by such severe nightmares, this is a good example of how waking life can influence dreams.

Your dreams can be affected by many things: what you ate for supper, or even lunch or breakfast; what images you put into your mind—from TV or video or conversation, especially arguments—before bedtime; problems you are facing; your relationships with parents, other relatives, friends, and love interests; your hopes and aspirations; your basic beliefs; communications during the day or recent past; long past events from your childhood; plans for the future, such as going away to college or getting a job; and a host of other things.

But how about dreams influencing waking life? How does this mysterious process interact with what we do when we are awake? Although no one can say for certain what dreams are, where they come from, or even why we have them, there’s no doubt that they are important to the quality of our lives. Even people who claim not to dream (they just don’t remember their dreams) are in some subtle way affected by their dreams, if only as an unexplainable shift in mood. Anyone who has studied their own dreams closely or has studied dreams professionally, as I have as a psychotherapist, knows that dreams and waking life are intimately interconnected.

Dreams are of many sorts and are many layered. Some are simple, with messages for daily life that are easy to interpret if you try. Some are complex and require more attention. And, yes, some defy interpretation. That does not mean they are unimportant or that they don’t affect us deeply. There is a lot in this world that humans don’t understand. Much about the human mind, psyche, memory, and potential remains a mystery to us despite our persevering efforts to penetrate the mystery.

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“Dreaming provides a time and a space for personally carrying out our own future development as awakened individuals.”

P. Erik Craig,
Director of the Center for Existential Studies

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So, your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to do your own dream research. Sleep labs at universities and in other institutional settings notwithstanding, the best sleep lab is your own bed, or wherever you happen to sleep or nap. You are the best interpreter of your dreams. You can get clues and guidance from dream books such as this one (though you can never trust those “cookie cutter” dream dictionaries to say what anything means for sure), but by far the best tool for understanding how your dreams connect up with your everyday life is your own attention to them.

USING DREAMS FOR SPECIFIC PURPOSES

One of the most interesting aspects of dreams is their potential to be put to use for specific purposes. The rest of this chapter is going to deal with this subject. Of course, it’s impossible to cover every situation a dream can throw light on or every problem dreams can help solve. But this chapter will give you an overview of how you can use dreams for specific purposes, along with tips to make it easier.

How to Incubate a Specific Dream

Before you request a specific dream, be sure to relax your mind and body completely. You can use the sequential relaxation technique offered here or repeat your own relaxation affirmations.

Step 1:

Decide in advance what you want to dream, what you want the dream to resolve, or what question you want answered.

Step 2:

Write your desired dream or question on a piece of paper. Be as specific as you can, but don’t ask about silly or trivial matters, such as what dress to wear to a party or if so-and-so likes you.

Step 3:

Put the paper under your pillow or near your bed.

Step 4:

Tell yourself with conviction that you will have the dream you want.

Step 5:

Believe that you can trust yourself to dream the dream you ask for.

Step 6:

Be prepared to write down the dream when you wake up.

Step 7:

Be open to whatever comes to you in your dream, and work with it.

Step 8:

Tell yourself you will remember the dream in detail.

Step 9:

Be willing to experiment and try again if necessary.

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Sequential Relaxation Technique

Lie comfortably on the floor or on a bed and breathe deeply several times, consciously inhaling fresh energy and consciously exhaling all negative tension. Then, starting with your toes, focus on each part of your body in turn: feet, ankles, calves, knees, thighs, hips, lower back, upper back, abdomen, chest, arms, hands, neck, spine, head. As you focus on each part, mentally instruct it to relax completely and linger there until you feel the muscles loosen. Tell each set of muscles to go limp and feel yourself gradually sinking into an inert state of being. When you have finished with this sequence, do it again, but this time begin with your head and move to your toes.

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THE HEALING POWER OF DREAMS

In his book Meaning and Medicine, Larry Dossey, M.D., says, “One of the most significant possible breakthroughs in understanding how healing comes about is the realization that we all possess an inner source of healing and strength that operates behind the scenes with no help whatsoever from our conscious mind.” I call this source our “secret helper,” and it is most often revealed to us through dreams.

We have already noted that people in many cultures have used dreams as the basis for healing. In the Greek temples of healing, the god or goddess was invoked through carefully induced dreaming. Native American medicine men and medicine women may have been the first doctors, as they used dreams to promote healing by contacting supernatural “spirits” who had the power to cure illness.

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“If the world is as we dream it, then every reality is a matter of perception....When we give our energy to a different world, the world is transformed.”

John Perkins,
The World Is As You Dream It

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The first rule in using dreams for healing is—as always—to take them seriously. While some psychotherapists use dream interpretation as part of their treatment method, few in the medical profession have paid any attention to the healing power of dreams. It is up to the individual to heed the messages coming from the unconscious.

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Journeying to Other Realms

“In the countless exhilarating hours of assisting various indigenous shamans in healing ceremonies, I learned rituals and tools to help focus and direct energy. As I spent more and more time at the homes of these shamans, I learned that journeying is not only an essential practice of shamanic work, but an integral part of life in shamanic communities. It is encouraged, discussed at length within the extended family and community every day, and allowed to develop into a way of life. This way of being creates other realms in which to learn and grow, other realms in which to play and rehearse, other realms in which to live. These other realms and life experiences are not thought of as any less real or useful than the life and realm that we all commonly experience.”

Eve Bruce,
Shaman, M.D.

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This is particularly important for teenagers, whose complaints about health—mental and physical—often are not taken seriously enough, or who are shuffled off to a doctor who hasn’t a clue about the real issues involved. This doctor may be a person who either intimidates youngsters or simply treats them as adults, without giving special attention to the needs and problems of teens. So you can help yourself considerably by using your own dreams for healing.

Here is a quite dramatic example of a healing dream I had in the wake of a major problem.

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After working for weeks to draft material for a new book on a topic close to my heart, I received a lukewarm response from the editor who previously had shown enthusiastic interest in the project. She suggested extensive changes that distorted my original intention, and against my better judgment, I tried to do what she wanted. It was a serious mistake. In my eagerness to have the book published, I failed to notice that I broke one of my own personal commandments: Be true to yourself. Undermining my personal integrity by trying to please someone who didn’t understand the fundamental concept at the heart of the book cost me dearly.

The first symptom was the usual one for me: a sore throat. Instinct told me I was in trouble, and I immediately took preventive measures to stave off what I call an “emotional flu.”Too late. The emotional and psychological damage was done and was translated into my body—the piper was calling to be paid, and I got very sick.

For two weeks I lay in bed, coughing my head off day and night while I worried about not getting the revised manuscript finished on schedule. Then, during a feverish dream I heard a voice say, “If it’s going to make you sick, don’t do it!” I determined that I would return to my basic principles of integrity and drop the project—but I was still very ill.

In the third week of my suffering, as I lay there utterly exhausted by the long bouts of coughing and the crushing ache my body had become, I dreamed of a wolf, lying sick and alone on the forest floor on a pile of dead leaves. Wolves are social animals who live in packs; that’s why the saying “a lone wolf” indicates someone unusual. The sick wolf of my dream had nothing to help him get well except his inner wolf nature. His only course was to follow his deep instinctual knowledge of what would bring him back to health.

When I first saw him, he appeared to be unconscious. The sight of his limp, inert body with the glowing eyes filmed over brought a rush of compassion and love for him, and I desperately wanted to do something to help him. As I stood over his prostrate body, wishing I were a veterinarian, something magical happened: I became the wolf. And, as the wolf, I understood profoundly the meaning of integrity. In the human world, the word integrity has come to mean something like honesty, but what it really means is wholeness. What possesses integrity has never been compromised: it is in a state of completeness, undivided, unbroken. Though grievously ill, the wolf was in total possession of his integrity. He was, most deeply, exactly who he was, absolutely true to his fundamental nature. He wasn’t trying to please anyone. He simply was.

Joseph Campbell says that “myth is metaphor.” I was not just dreaming about a wolf—I was the wolf! And, as the wolf, I lay there on the floor of the forest primeval and called up from within my wolf-self those most basic instinctive animal powers that sustain us automatically, when we allow ourselves to be in touch with them. Dreams are the perfect medium for making this vital contact with our deepest selves.

After this dream, I slept for many hours, the first healing sleep I’d had in the weeks of my illness. I awoke feeling refreshed, clear-headed, and buoyant, as if I had been reborn. A vivid memory remained of actually being the wolf, a living creature with no one but Nature to call upon for healing. If you had asked me to pick an animal to be, I’d choose a tiger or a dolphin. But the wolf-self was such a profound experience that I realized I had contacted my inner self in animal form. From this dream I not only received the healing I needed for my sick body, I also gained an important insight into my own inner workings and the necessity of maintaining my personal integrity—as well as the danger of violating it.

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Teen Dream Exercise

Have a Healing Dream

Following the steps given earlier in this chapter for incubating a dream, make an attempt to have a healing dream. Use the spaces provided here to write your dream experience. Notice how your body felt before you went to sleep and how it felt when you woke up. Note what images were in your mind as you fell asleep and what symbols appeared in your dream. Were there people, animals, objects? If you succeeded, did the dream fulfill your request? Try your hand at interpreting your dream, and judge how it helped you. Whether the healing you seek is physical, emotional, or spiritual, as you improve you’ll begin to realize how powerful an ally your dreams are, and that your body, mind, and spirit have the capacity to heal you.

Relaxation technique I used:

 

 

How my body felt:

 

 

Results:

 

 

How I phrased my dream request:

 

 

The dream I had:

 

 

 

 

My dream symbols:

 

 

How I felt when I woke up:

 

 

How I felt about the dream:

 

 

Things I liked about the dream:

 

 

Things I did not like about the dream:

 

 

Things I would change next time:

 

 

Healing Dream Messages

Sometimes a dream with a healing message will come along by itself, unasked for. A friend who practices hands-on healing therapy related the following dream to me:

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I am working on a young man, an AIDS patient. I want so much to help him, but I know there is only so much I can do. Suddenly I see myself covered with the dark spots of the Kaposi’s cancer. Thinking I have caught it from him, I step back in horror and begin frantically to try to peel the scabs from my body. I wake up shaken and tearful.

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This woman had devoted herself to treating AIDS patients and was utterly exhausted from the efforts she was making. She already suffered from a weakened heart, but instead of taking the prescribed rest, she insisted on continuing her work, saying, “My patients need me.” I warned her about the risks to her health and begged her to take a vacation, but she insisted on overextending herself . . . until she had this dream. Finally, she understood the harm she was doing to her own health in her efforts to heal others, and she recognized the dangers to herself of her selfless attitude. The dream vividly showed how her compulsion to “aid” was harming her. The dream acted as a warning device, forcing her to acknowledge what she was ignoring.

From my personal files I can pull another example of an unexpected healing dream. I was feeling fatigued and under par. I couldn’t identify anything specific that was wrong, but one night I had a brief dream in which a doctor in the standard white coat said to me clearly: “Take vitamin C.” That was it. The next day I doubled up on my regular intake of vitamin C and in a few days felt fine again. Obviously, my body was suffering from a vitamin deficiency that was not enough to make me sick but was sufficient to lower my vitality. No regular, real M.D. would have picked up on something so subtle, but my “inner doctor” knew just what the problem was and told me about it, point blank.

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You don’t have to be a writer or an artist to get creative ideas or to incubate dreams for specific purposes. In her book Creative Dreaming, Patricia Garfield makes this point by saying,”Ordinary dreamers are able to train themselves to have creative dreams in the area of their [interest].”

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DREAM UP THE LIFE YOU WANT

Your dreams can give first-rate help in many other areas of life. Creativity is a major one. Chapter 1 told about some famous artists and scientists who solved problems or got ideas through their dreams. You can do this too. You can use your dreams to help you with difficult schoolwork or in preparing for an exam or a sporting event. And you can put dreams to use in relationships of all kinds: with your parents, brothers and sisters, relatives, teachers, and—of course—with your love interests.

The writer Ardath Mayhar, who has published forty books of science fiction, mystery, fantasy, and westerns, told me that when she was really going with a book she usually dreamed about the next day’s work, seeing the scenes she would write the next day. She also said that she had gotten many of her ideas for her fantasy and science fiction books from her dreams.

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Teen Dream Tip

Dreams you dream when asleep at different times of day will have different qualities. Experiment with this by taking naps at odd hours, like before dinner, or whenever you get the chance on holidays, vacations, and weekends, when you don’t have to be woken up by an alarm clock for school. Keep notes.

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A writers’ group I belong to reports similar experiences. One member says, “I often find myself in a library and my book is published and sitting on the shelf. I pick up my own book and read a few pages and—though I don’t remember what I read when I wake up—the words just flow the next day with no effort.” Another writer comments that whenever he feels “blocked,” he takes a nap, after which—even if he didn’t ask for or even remember a dream—the block vanishes. I’ve had this napping experience myself, so I suppose it’s common. You might try taking naps when you are trying to solve a creative problem.

Teen Dream Exercise

Using Your Dreams to Improve Your Life

The following group of exercises will lead you toward incubating dreams for the purposes that interest you. These are only guidelines. You can use them as a jumping-off point for your own set of reasons to use your dreams. Consider them as “brainstorming” to identify areas of your life that you want help with. When you are clear on just how you want your dreams to assist you, you’ll then know how to word your requests to your dream mind.

SCHOOLWORK

I want to make the following changes in my schoolwork:

Attitude____________________________________________

Grades_____________________________________________

Approach___________________________________________

Consistency_________________________________________

Habits______________________________________________

PHYSICAL SELF AND GENERAL WELL-BEING

I want to make the following changes in my physical self:

My appearance

 

 

My attitude/feelings about my appearance

 

 

My self-image

 

 

My health____________________________________________

My weight_____________________________________________

My eating habits _____________________________________________

My clothing___________________________________________

Exercise____________________________________________

I have a chronic problem with_____________________________________________

EXTRACURRICULAR ACTIVITIES, SPORTS, JOB

I want to make the following changes in my life:

Social events _____________________________________________

Membership in clubs or organizations _____________________________________________

Volunteer activities _____________________________________________

Sports activities _____________________________________________

Outside lessons _____________________________________________

Job/work___________________________________________

RELATIONSHIPS

I want to make the following changes in my relationships:

Mother____________________________________________

Father ________________________________________________

Stepmother ________________________________________________

Stepfather ________________________________________________

Siblings ________________________________________________

Other relatives ________________________________________________

Friends___________________________________________

Boyfriend/girlfriend__________________________________

 

Sexual activity ________________________________________________

 

Write a short essay describing the following: the nature of your relationships in general; what you feel good about in a relationship; what you feel bad about in a relationship; the pattern of your intimate relationships; the pattern of your relationship with your parents; the pattern of your relationship with brothers and sisters;what makes you happiest in any relationship; what you think an ideal relationship would be like.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

SPIRITUAL LIFE

I want to examine my spiritual life in the following ways: What I believe in now_____________________________________________

 

What I was brought up to believe in_____________________________________________

I would like to develop spiritually along these lines__________________________________

 

How I feel about my spiritual life _____________________________________________

I would be more spiritual if I ______________________________________________

 

I would like to change/experience _____________________________________________

 

GUIDANCE

I would like to receive guidance on:

1.__________________________________________________________________________

2.__________________________________________________________________________

3.__________________________________________________________________________

4.__________________________________________________________________________

5.__________________________________________________________________________

6.__________________________________________________________________________

7.__________________________________________________________________________

8.__________________________________________________________________________

HOPES AND WISHES

This month I would like to _____________________________________________

 

 

Next month I would like to ______________________________________________

 

 

Within six months I would like to ______________________________________________

 

 

Over the coming year I would like to ____________________________________________

 

After high school I’d like to ______________________________________________

 

In college I want to study ______________________________________________

 

How I envision myself in five years _____________________________________________

 

 

What I’d like to accomplish with my life __________________________________________

 

 

 

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Problem Solving with Dreams

The ability to devise creative products and solutions to problems advances as you draw upon your dream life and develop skills both in dreaming and in interpreting dreams. As you consciously pay attention to your dreams and use your dream symbols regularly, you’ll soon be an expert at getting the information and help you need.

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As the true story about Christopher Reeve demonstrates, dreams have strong potential for affecting our lives, even in recovery from severe injuries. How this actually works is a subject that science has barely studied. But you don’t have to wait until scientists prove the value of dreams before you can start using your own productively. In fact, you can start tonight.

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