With a quick preoccupied step Julia Terance hurried on the following day to the Soho restaurant where she were lunching with Leon Carstairs. During the morning’s work she had made up her mind on what she wanted done. She knew by now how weak and irresolute Leon was. Of himself he would decide nothing. From henceforth it must be herself who held the helm. There must be no vacillation now. The point must be got down to straight away.
And so it was at random that she answered Leon’s greetings and agreed with him over the choice of lunch. The moment that the waiter had left them she leant forward across the table.
“Leon,” she said, “I am so happy about this. I can’t tell you just how happy. For both our sakes. And I know what you’re going to say now. That divorce is a long business. That it will be a year at least before we’re free to marry, but darling, I don’t want to worry about that. We’ve waited so long. I want to begin our new life straight away.”
“But how can we? My work’s in London.”
“I know that. I’ld much rather, of course, we could go abroad and stay away till it had all blown over. But since we can’t——”
“What are you suggesting, then?”
“The next best thing. That we should take a flat or house and brave it out in London.”
“That would mean you being cited as intervener.”
“That wouldn’t worry me.”
“But the publicity!”
“Publicity! That’s only what other people think of one, and I’m long past caring about that. No, no, my dear, there’s only one thing for us to do. This has all gone on much too long. You do see that, Leon, don’t you?”
He hesitated. There was a dubious calculating look upon his face, as though he was searching for the exact words that would express what he had to say; a look that puzzled Julia. What on earth’s the matter with him, she thought.
“You do agree with me, Leon, don’t you?” she repeated.
But still he hesitated.
“It’s not quite as simple as you seem to think,” he said. “It’s. . .” he paused. “Dearest,” he went on. “I’ve been in this world a good twelve years longer than you have. And I know just what a mess a divorce can be.”
It was said so quietly and so affectionately that Julia did not realise at first its implication.
“What do you mean?” she asked.
“That divorce is about the wretchedest thing that can come to anyone. It’s like a bad apple in a basket. It poisons everything it touches. One can never escape from it. And you’re so young; you’ve the whole of your life in front of you. I don’t want you to be involved in anything like that through me.”
There was no doubt about his meaning now.
“Are you trying to tell me,” Julia asked, “that now you are free to marry me you don’t want to?”
“I’m trying to tell you that it would be a ghastly mistake for a person like yourself to be involved in a divorce suit.”
She looked him straight in the eyes. His voice had been soft and wooing. But in his eyes she could read one thing only. Terror. Terror lest she should make a scene. That was all he was thinking, all he was caring. And in another minute, if she let him, he would be telling her that love was independent of official ties: that love was the wind that blew: that they would still go on loving one another: that whatever happened they must remain friends: that she must be brave in the future as she had been in the past. Bravery! These married men who messed your life up; who wearied you with tales of how good their wives were and then when they’d kicked you downstairs, said, “My God, the girl’s got pluck.” In another minute, the relief that she had made no scene would have loosened the full flood of eloquence. And she could not stand it. It was just too much. She rose to her feet and reached for the bag that she had hung over the opposite chair.
“What are you doing?” Leon asked.
“I’m going.”
“Oh, well. Yes, perhaps it is as well. Look here, I’ll ring you up tomorrow.”
“You can do anything you like,” she answered.
With fast furious steps she walked back to Brooke Street. So that was that, then. He did not want her. He had had her youth, her constancy, her love. For his sake she had left her home, had abandoned the comforts of home for a poky little fourth floor flat: had spent her days working instead of playing: had ruined for his sake, the carefree years that should have been the jolliest in her life. And this was her reward. He had talked about marriage in the days when he had been free to talk about marriage, because there had been no danger of his being taken at his word. But now that he was free to marry her, he made excuses. It was the old story. He had had her and had enough of her. Leon was not going to upset his life for the sake of something he had already had. He might talk about the damage of a divorce suit to a young girl. But who ever thought of anything except themselves. That was all there was to it. He had had what he wanted and he was through. And all he had cared about, after all they had shared together, was her not making a scene in public.
Jean Ryland welcomed her return with extreme astonishment.
“You’ve not been away half an hour. Not much of a lunch, that.”
“I wasn’t hungry.”
And with an angry concentration Julia set herself to the task of arranging a new stack of models. Slowly the afternoon wore on. The telephone rang every few minutes. Clients came in and were difficult about refittings. Julia’s head ached and her eyes ached, and her legs. She was tired, tired, tired. Then just before half-past five, Prew Catholic herself came in flustered and agitated. Some parcel or other had been misdirected. A client had written personally to complain.
“It’s really absurd,” she said. “It’s the kind of mistake that a fourteen year old clerk from a board school wouldn’t make.”
It was the last blow. She had had enough. She was not going to stay in a position where people like Prew Catholic could abuse her. If people were going to be through with her, well then, she could be through with them. She made no reply. She walked through to the mannequin’s dressing-room; took down her hat and bag and walked back into the shop, looked for a moment Prew Catholic steadily in the eyes, then turned away.
“I quit,” she said.