THE NEXT DAY, Seth went to work. It was a relief to have a regular schedule back—at least Seth seemed more relaxed, more cheerful. He left just as Gabby was getting up, and he waved as he grabbed his thermos from the counter.
“See you for dinner,” he said.
“See you.”
She’d been standing there in her bathrobe, her hair all mussed from sleep, and she’d realized belatedly that this would be the image of her he carried with him all day. Bleary, mussed-up Gabby.
The rest of the morning she spent with the babies, and she went online a little bit, looking at her father’s employee profile. It was him; she could feel it. And he hadn’t written back. He probably wouldn’t. Part of her was tempted to send a second email, just asking for confirmation, but that was silly. If it was her father, it was clear he didn’t want to hear from her.
Grace called her just before noon, and they chatted on the phone for a little while. Poppy was home from school, sick with a stomach bug.
“So how are you doing?” Grace asked. “How’s married life treating you?”
“It’s...” Gabby felt a lump rise in her throat. “It’s not quite what I expected.”
“Oh...” Grace’s tone softened. “You know, no one warns you about this, but the first year of marriage is tough. It isn’t that you don’t love each other, because you really do, but you’re adjusting to living together, and when you love someone that much, your feelings get hurt when they let you down. It’s normal to fight, so make sure you make up just as passionately...if you know what I mean.”
Gabby forced a laugh. “Right. Of course.”
“You sound upset,” Grace said.
“I’m not. I’m just...tired, I guess. Three babies do that to you.”
“I can only imagine,” Grace replied. “Billy and I are trying for a baby right now, and I’m a little bit daunted, I have to admit!”
“Are you really? Oh, that’s great, Grace! You’re already a great mom,” Gabby said. “I’m really happy for you. You married your best friend, and you’ve got it all right now.”
“So did you,” Grace said, a smile in her voice.
“Yes, I did.” But it wasn’t the same. When Grace married her best friend, it had been because they’d fallen headlong in love with each other and couldn’t face the thought of a life apart. They’d had to juggle all sorts of things to make it work, but it was worth it. Gabby’s story was a whole lot more pragmatic, and while hiding the truth had seemed like a viable option last week, it wasn’t easy.
In the background, Gabby heard the sound of Poppy getting sick.
“Oh, shoot—” Grace said. “I’ve got to go, Gabby!” Then her voice softened. “Poppy? You okay, sweetie? Come here...” The phone hung up.
Gabby envied her friend just a little bit, even with a sick kindergartner on her hands. She really had hit the jackpot with Billy, because it was real. But Grace had always had a good head on her shoulders, and she’d chosen good guys, even the boyfriends who hadn’t worked out. Gabby’s heart led her in the wrong direction—every time.
That afternoon, Gabby packed up her sons and drove the forty minutes into Eagle’s Rest to see Aunt Bea. She was tired of keeping up appearances. What she really needed today was her aunt’s practical wisdom. Life could get tangled, and Bea could shake it all straight again. You might look like a fool once she had, but at least things made sense.
Less than an hour later, Gabby sat at Bea’s kitchen table, and Bea slid a plate in front of her. It held a thick slice of pie with apples and a syrup spilling out onto the plate, and its aroma was sweet and comforting.
“This looks good,” Gabby said with a grin. “I needed this.”
“I made it yesterday,” Bea said. “Pie is always best after a night in the fridge.”
Afternoon sunlight spilled through Aunt Bea’s kitchen window. The babies were asleep in their car seats, and Gabby picked up a fork and pushed it into the flaky crust.
“So how are you enjoying married life?” Bea asked.
“Everyone’s asking me that these days. And it’s more complicated than I thought,” Gabby admitted past a bite of pie.
“It would be,” Bea said. “How’s Seth doing with a houseful of babies?”
“He’s doing great, actually,” Gabby replied. “He’s been changing diapers, doing bottles... He can tell them apart now, too.” She paused. “It’s easier, Bea. Having a husband. I mean, he isn’t around all the time, but if the boys are awake he always has one of them in his arms. It’s another person to love them, and feed them, and...it’s nice. I feel less stressed out.”
Bea nodded thoughtfully. “I’m glad. Did the health insurance kick in?”
“We sent in some receipts,” Gabby said. “Fingers crossed. The formula is prescribed by the doctor, so unless we hear otherwise, we should get reimbursed.”
“Your mom is really happy for you,” Bea said. “She was telling me that you look content, and she figures Seth will be good to you.”
Gabby nodded. “Mom is really supportive.”
“Are you going to tell her the whole story?”
Gabby shook her head. “Nope. She’s happy. Let it go.” She sighed. “She is rather annoyed that I want to contact my dad, though.”
Bea frowned. “And why would you contact him?”
“Well...” Gabby stopped, eyeing her aunt. “Did Mom tell you about this?”
“She mentioned it,” Bea admitted. “And I agree with her on this one, Gabby. Contacting him is a bad idea.”
“Seriously?” Gabby sighed. “Auntie, I really thought you’d have a different perspective. I understand why my mom is bitter about him, but you, too? What’s the story here that you two aren’t telling me?”
“There isn’t a story,” Bea said. “I just don’t think he’s the wonderful father figure you’re looking for.”
“I’m not looking for a wonderful father figure,” Gabby countered. “I just want to meet my dad. And I want him to meet my babies. People can change, and it’s been thirty years. You knew him. What was he like?”
“He was a jerk,” Bea said. “He made your mother miserable and broke her heart.”
“Okay, but personality-wise. She loved him once. There must have been some good,” Gabby pressed.
“He was a guy’s guy,” Bea said. “He...he didn’t care enough about either of you to come back. He isn’t worth your heart, Gabby. This is what I’m worried about—you getting hurt when he lets you down.”
“I’m thirty,” Gabby reminded her. “I’m not a child anymore.”
“But your boys? He’s not a nice man, dear.”
That felt like a low blow. Of course, she thought about her sons constantly, and she stared at her aunt, not answering.
Bea took a bite of pie. “I can’t stop you, but I’d advise against contacting him.”
“I already did,” Gabby said quietly.
Bea stopped chewing, her gaze locked on Gabby. “And?”
“I haven’t heard back,” she said. “At least I think I’ve contacted the right man. He has the right name, and he’s working in California for a marketing firm. The details seem like they’d add up to the right guy.”
Bea swallowed. “And he hasn’t messaged you back?”
“It’s been a few days,” Gabby said. “And you might be right. This might be my father, and he might not care enough to even reply. I don’t know... Being a mom now, I just see things differently, I guess. I know my sons will need a father in their life. It makes me realize I might need one, too.”
“You took care of a father for your boys,” Bea said shortly. “And your mother took care of you by giving you a good godfather.”
“No matter how wonderful Seth is, my boys will want to meet Craig,” Gabby said. “And he will very likely let them down, but it’ll be their right to meet the man who fathered them.”
Bea reached for her mug of tea and took a swig. “You might feel differently about this when they’re older, dear girl. They’re infants now, and all of this is so far away that it’s cushioned in noble wishes for their future. But when you’re facing the complicated emotions of your precious boys meeting an older, possibly more bitter Craig, your instincts might be exactly like your mother’s.”
“I don’t blame her,” Gabby said. “I know why Mom didn’t want him back in our lives, and I’m not upset. I had a wonderful childhood. I was loved and cared for, and I didn’t lack for anything. But knowing that my dad didn’t want me...that messed me up a bit.”
“Not all men are worth being messed up over,” Bea said.
Gabby didn’t answer that. Her aunt was very likely right. And if she had found her father, he hadn’t answered, and she’d promised herself that she wouldn’t email him again. She wouldn’t beg. She’d given him the opportunity to connect with her, and if he refused it, then he was the one who’d have to live with that.
Except she’d live with it, too—with his rejection.
“Why didn’t he want to know me?” Gabby asked quietly.
Bea shook her head. “He just never came back, dear. He never checked up on your mom, either. Focus on what you do have—your mom, your godfather, your boys, your...husband.”
Gabby noticed her aunt’s hesitation there.
“What?” Gabby asked.
“Was your choice to marry a friend instead of a lover...was that because of your father?” Bea asked quietly.
“Maybe,” Gabby said. “I don’t know. How much can you blame an absentee father for? I was always attracted to losers, and I’ve often wondered if that was because of some DNA quirk that drew me to them, or if it was just my subconscious way of chasing after men just like my father... So the other men I wasted my time on are probably my father’s fault. But choosing Seth was a conscious effort to get out of that rut. He’s different. He’s better.”
“He’s a good man,” Bea agreed. “Even if you did get married for all the wrong reasons.”
“Just different reasons,” Gabby said with a low laugh. “It seems to be working for us, so...”
And there she was—still keeping up those appearances. She didn’t want to admit that this might have been a mistake. She had hoped they’d be able to sort it all out.
When her visit was through, Gabby packed the babies back into the car and waved goodbye to her aunt. It felt good to come into town. Maybe she’d married Seth for pragmatic reasons, but without him, she’d be slipping deeply into debt just to feed them, and these boys wouldn’t be seeing a doctor. This morning, she’d called and made an appointment for their first checkup here in Eagle’s Rest in the week before Christmas.
Sometimes marriage was practical. Sometimes it was for the children. Was that so wrong?
Gabby’s phone pinged as started the car. That would be an incoming email. As her car warmed up, she fished the phone out of her purse for a quick look.
She pulled up the email, and she stopped short when she saw the name: Hank A. Rogers. Her father. He’d replied. She sucked in a ragged breath and touched the email alert, pulling up the full message.
Dear Gabby,
I was on vacation last week, and I only got your email today, so I’m sorry about the delay in replying. I’m the man you’re looking for—I was married to Carol for three years about thirty years ago. Maybe it was four years by the time the divorce was finalized. But I think there has been a big misunderstanding. Maybe it’s better we talk on the phone. This is my number. Feel free to call me.
Gabby’s heart hammered in her chest. A misunderstanding? If he was the man she was looking for...it sounded like there was more to this than her mother or Bea were telling her. She’d tried getting answers from them, to no avail. If she wanted his side of it, her dad was willing to talk.
She dropped her phone into her purse and backed out of her parking spot. She’d wait until she got home, give herself a chance to feel ready for this conversation. She’d waited thirty years for this chance, and she needed to be able to remember his words once she hung up.
Because for the first time in her life, she was going to speak to her father, and the only question that she wanted answered right now was: Why didn’t you love me?