DESPITE THE ABRUPT ending of our party, it did get things going with the older boys. The candy store on my corner became a hangout for all of us. Someone would always show up to talk to or fool around with. But real relationships, the kind we wanted with the boys, were slow to develop.
Unfortunately, there was one relationship between an older boy and me that was developing, but in a way I never intended it to. It started because I was trying to get some extra credit toward my standing in the top ten at Huntington. I volunteered to spend additional time at the Manhattan School before Christmas. Since there was so much to do helping the blind kids make holiday decorations, Jan and I wound up there almost every afternoon.
The president of the Manhattan School’s Creative Arts Club was Jeremy Layne. Jeremy was sixteen and almost totally blind. He could see only lights and shadow and well-lit shapes, but he was really a terrific person.
For one thing, except for his eyes, which were clouded with a sort of opaque film, he was good looking. He was smart, able to keep up with all the work on his grade level by reading braille almost as fast as I could read print. Not only that, Jeremy was an artist. He created these beautiful modern art paintings with happy, sparkling colors.
When I had first met Jeremy, I couldn’t believe those were actually his paintings that were hanging in the front lobby of the Manhattan School. I mean, how could a person who couldn’t see create paintings that looked so good?
But by Christmas time, I had worked enough with Jeremy to realize he could do most anything. Then, one afternoon, we finished early with our group of kids, who were sticking decorations on paper Christmas trees. Jan decided to take the kids aside to read them a story while Jeremy and I cleaned up. When we were done, Jeremy totally surprised me by asking me if I’d like to watch him paint.
“I want you to know that it’s not just everyone I let hang around when I’m painting,” he said with a grin.
“I know, I know. I’m really flattered,” I answered. And I was. Because I knew Jeremy well enough by then to realize he was shy around most sighted people.
We went into a small room off the main art room. It was there that Jeremy did his personal work.
I watched with amazement as he set up his colors. “I have every tube labeled in braille,” he explained. “I set up the colors in order—according to the rainbow. I know just where each color is so I don’t have to fumble around for them.”
“That makes sense,” I said. “But how do you know where to put what color?”
“Well, the first thing I do is divide the canvas into smaller sections.” He took out a ball of string and some tape. “I use pieces of string for that. Then it’s easier to plan which color goes where.”
I watched with amazement as Jeremy worked. He put on the paint with a palette knife, building up thick layers that he could feel with his sensitive fingers.
At first he talked to me, explaining what he was doing and the reason why he was choosing each color. Stuff like blue to represent cool calmness and yellow for sunshine and happiness. But then, as he became more involved in his painting, he stopped talking altogether. I sat and watched him in silence, feeling very close to him.
Suddenly, there was a knock on the door and Jan’s voice filtered from the other side. “Linda? Are you in there? Do you know what time it is? We’ve got to start heading home.”
I looked at my watch. It was hard to believe it was four-thirty already! Jan and I usually left by four. I had gotten so engrossed in watching Jeremy, I had completely forgotten about the time.
“I’ll be right there, Jan.” I got up from my chair. “Sorry I can’t watch you finish painting, Jeremy. I’ve got to go.”
Jeremy’s hands stopped their busy movement. “Do you really have to go, Linda? You’re the inspiration for this painting, you know.”
“I am?” I gave a nervous little laugh. “That’s really sweet of you, Jeremy. But if Jan and I don’t get moving right now, we’re going to get stuck in the worst part of the rush hour.” I opened the door and Jan handed me my coat.
“Oh. I forgot about the rush hour.” He smiled. “Well, I guess this is the last time I’ll see you till after vacation. That is—unless—unless you’d like to come back after school tomorrow to see the Christmas performance we’re giving. We’ve got some great acts.”
“Christmas performance?” I looked at Jan and she shrugged. “Well, I guess Jan and I could come to that. See you tomorrow, then, Jeremy.” Before he could say anything else, Jan and I were out the door and heading toward the subway.
“You know, Linda. I don’t think Jeremy meant to invite me to the show at all,” Jan said as we waited on the platform. “I think he just wanted you to come.”
“Just me? Why would you think that?”
“Because I think Jeremy likes you, Linda,” Jan said with a giggle.
“Likes me? You mean as a girlfriend?”
Jan nodded and giggled again.
“Don’t be silly, Jan. Jeremy and I are just good friends,” I insisted.
But now that Jan mentioned it, there were times that he did act as if I was special. The thought made me really uncomfortable. Because I didn’t want Jeremy to feel that way about me at all.
Jeremy had saved two seats for us next to him in the second row. “You go in first, Jan, and take the seat next to Jeremy,” I whispered. I didn’t think that what Jan said about Jeremy’s liking me as a girlfriend was true, but, just in case, it would be safer to have her sitting between us.
But Jeremy didn’t allow this to happen. When he heard Jan coming, he got up and told her to squeeze past him. This way, he wound up sitting in the middle. I gave Jan a panic-stricken look. But there was nothing she could do to change the seating arrangement without looking obvious.
“I’m glad you girls could come,” said Jeremy. “This is supposed to be an especially good show. The kids will be acting out scenes from famous Christmas carols while the chorus sings.”
“Sounds great!” I tried to sound enthusiastic. But once the show started, I began to relax and get into it. Because it really was good. The fact that most of the audience couldn’t see hadn’t kept the blind kids from going all out on the costumes and scenery. The singing was wonderful.
I, who couldn’t sing a note without someone telling me to shut up, was totally caught up in the whole scene. I really forgot where I was. That is, until this romantic part of “Winter Wonderland,” where the boy and girl are pretending the snowman is the person who’s going to marry them. That was when I noticed that Jeremy’s hand, which had been resting up against mine, had somehow closed in around my fingers. He shifted slightly, and before I knew what was happening, he was sitting there holding my hand!
I froze. I mean I sat there as if I was petrified. I didn’t dare move a muscle because I figured if I was to move my hand one way, Jeremy would interpret it as if I was encouraging him and I liked him. If I was to move it another way, he might think I was rejecting him.
I didn’t want to hurt Jeremy’s feelings, but I didn’t want to encourage him either. Besides, maybe he didn’t really mean anything by it. Maybe he was just holding my hand to be friendly.
Suddenly, it started getting very hot sitting there in the second row. The lights from the stage shone right on me, and I could feel the sweat beading up on my forehead. My armpits were sticky, and the palms of my hands, especially the one that Jeremy was holding, were soaking wet. How I wished I could be somewhere else—anywhere else.
“Winter Wonderland” finally ended. Everyone began clapping, which was the perfect excuse to get my hand away from Jeremy’s. When I finished clapping, I wiped my sweating palms off on my skirt. Then I clasped my hands together and laid them in my lap as far away from Jeremy as possible.
The show ended without further incident. I said good-bye to Jeremy, thanked him for inviting Jan and me to the show, and told him I hoped he had a good vacation back home with his family. Then I grabbed Jan’s hand and took off out of the Manhattan School as fast as I could.
“Hey, Linda, slow down! What’s your hurry?” Jan asked as she struggled to keep up with me. I was far enough away from the school now to feel safe, so I stopped and told her about what had happened.
“See! I told you Jeremy liked you!” She giggled.
“Jan! It’s not funny!” I said. “I’ve got to work with Jeremy on this club stuff for the rest of this school year. How am I going to handle it if he likes me?”
“You’ll come up with something, Linda.” Jan tried to stifle her giggles with only limited success. “You always do. Besides, it’s vacation now. You don’t have to even think of Jeremy or anything related to Huntington until the new year!”
“True.” I brightened. “I can devote all my time this vacation to getting somewhere with Louie!”
* * *
It took a while, but toward the end of Christmas vacation, Fran and I finally made some real progress. We got an invitation to spend an evening with Danny and Louie!
It seems that Danny has this collection of Mad magazines dating back to practically the first edition. Fran and I told him that there could be nothing more fascinating than sitting around looking through old issues of Mad. So Danny invited us to come up that night and check out his collection. Louie was going to be there, too.
Unfortunately, I wound up setting myself up for another awkward situation. I was so anxious to see Louie that I made the mistake of arriving at Danny’s before anyone else did.
Danny’s mother let me in and then busied herself in the kitchen. Danny was in his room sitting on his bed, his Mad magazines arranged in stacks around him, when I walked in. His eyes lit up when he saw me. He moved some stacks of magazines to the floor and patted the bed next to him. “Sit right here, Linda!”
Frantically, I looked around the room, but I was trapped. The only places to sit, other than the bed, were a piano bench and a desk chair across the room. It would look silly for me to sit way over there. So I sat down on the corner of the bed. I grabbed a magazine and began leafing through it.
Danny made it impossible for me to concentrate. He stretched out close to me. He rested his head on his hand and stared up adoringly at my face.
I squirmed. I pretended not to notice him. But it was extremely uncomfortable having Danny so close to me. I bet my profile looked awful from so close. I bet my nose looked huge! I could feel a pimple developing on my chin. Was he staring at the pimple?
I shifted my position. I brought my hand up to my face and cupped my chin in my palm. By extending my fingers, I covered most of my face.
It didn’t help much. From the corner of my eye, I could see Danny’s face come even closer to mine. I moved to the very edge of the bed.
“Linda?” I heard him take a deep breath.
I slowly turned toward him. He was so close that I could see where his forehead was all broken out. That and the sheepish expression on his face made my stomach turn. It growled loudly.
“Yes, Danny?” I forced myself to look at him.
“Do you remember when we met in the bowling alley after not seeing each other for so long?”
“Of course.”
“Well, I knew then that the renewal of our relationship was a momentous occasion—the start of a whole new direction for both of us.”
“W-what do you mean, Danny?” I asked uncomfortably.
“Do you remember how we were almost like brother and sister when we were kids? How we were so affectionate with one another?”
“Y-yes.”
“Well—it’s not like that for me anymore! I mean, the affection is still there, but it’s no longer brotherly!” As he said this, Danny stared directly into my eyes.
I couldn’t take it! The little problem with Jeremy was nothing compared to this. I mean, Danny was really coming on to me. How could I explain how I felt without hurting his feelings? To make matters worse, Fran would be heartbroken when she found out that Danny liked me. Fran! But maybe that was the answer. Fran was my perfect excuse—she would soften the blow!
“Stop, D-Danny,” I stammered. “We have to think about Fran!”
“Fran?” He leaned still closer.
“Yes, Fran!” I jumped off the bed and backed away from him. “Fran is one of my best friends. And she’s crazy about you, Danny—ever since that night at my party.”
“She is?” He looked confused.
I took a step back toward him. “Now don’t ever let her know that I told you this, Danny. But it would just break Fran’s heart if anything happened between you and me. I want you to know that you’ll always be special to me. But it will just have to be in a brother-sister sort of way. For Fran’s sake.”
I could see that Danny was digesting this information and deciding what to do. So, just to make sure he understood exactly where things stood, I added the clincher.
“Besides, Danny,” I said. “I’m crazy about Louie. I’ll always be grateful to you for introducing me to him.”
“Oh.” Danny’s face dropped. But then he perked up again. “Well, I guess if you look at this scientifically, it really is an interesting development. Fran likes me; I like you; you like Louie. And Louie—well, we don’t know about Louie, do we? Too bad we can’t solve this like a mathematical equation!”
He laughed and patted the bed again. “Why don’t you sit back down while we’re waiting for the rest of this foursome. Maybe we can straighten this out by working on changing your mind!”
He grabbed my hand, and I felt all panicky again. Just as I was about to bolt and run, I was saved by the ringing of the doorbell. Danny got up to answer it. It was Fran and Louie, arriving at the same time. Fran gave me a questioning look when she saw me alone there with Danny. I just shrugged my shoulders and smiled weakly.
We had a great time that night at Danny’s. I tried to stay as far away from him as possible, but it wasn’t even necessary. Knowing that Fran liked him seemed to make a big difference to Danny. He kept looking at her and paying attention to her all evening.
That left me free to concentrate on Louie. I did what all those advice-to-teenagers columns tell you to do. I kept him talking about himself. He told me all about Bronx Technology and his math and his bowling. I found out that he has a little brother just five years old.
I was starting to feel really close to Louie. The closer I felt, the more I liked him. If only he would feel that way about me, too.
The evening was cut short because Fran had to be home at 9:00. Her parents are even stricter than mine. Because we were at Danny’s, I was allowed out until 10:00, so we decided we would all walk Fran home.
Fran’s house is four blocks from my house. To get there you have to walk up Broadway, a street bustling with traffic and stores. The stores were lit with Christmas decorations, and a holiday feeling was in the air. The temperature had dropped, and I could see my breath frosting in the darkness. Listening to Fran’s chatter, I walked between Danny and Louie. I was silent, but happy. It had been a wonderful evening.
* * *
New Year’s Eve was a night the Gruesome Four all looked forward to. Unfortunately, we weren’t able to get a party together with the boys, but we did get Fran to convince her parents to let us sleep over at her house. Sleepovers were always a lot of fun.
When I arrived at Fran’s, Roz was already there. Fran and I were filling her in on the details of our evening with Danny and Louie, when the telephone rang.
Fran answered it. When she came back into the room, her face was absolutely white. “That was Jan,” she announced, sinking down on her bed. “She’s not coming.”
“Not coming?” Roz and I said together. “But why?”
“You’re not going to believe this,” Fran shook her frizzy head. “Do you remember the other night when Danny, Louie, and you walked me home, Linda?”
“Sure. But what does that have to do with Jan?” I asked.
“It seems some friend of Jan’s mother saw us together.”
“So? I still don’t know what that has to do with Jan.”
“Logically, it should have nothing to do with Jan. But this busybody knows we’re all friends. She told Mrs. Zieglebaum she shouldn’t allow Jan to hang around with us because we do terrible things like holding hands in the street with boys!”
I sprang up from where I had been sitting on the bed. “What are you talking about, Fran? Terrible things like holding hands? That’s ridiculous! Besides, no one was holding hands in the first place.”
“Well, as a matter of fact, I was,” Fran admitted. “Danny held my hand for two whole blocks.”
“He did? I didn’t see you holding hands!” I said in amazement.
“I know.” Fran smiled sheepishly. “I was going to tell you about it tonight. It was going to be a New Year’s Eve surprise—kind of a symbol that the Gruesome Four was finally getting someplace.”
“Why that’s wonderful, Fran!” I said. “Or at least it would be if it wasn’t for that busybody’s making trouble!”
Fran took off her glasses and her eyes sparked angrily. “What makes me mad is that Mrs. Zieglebaum could let something dumb like that be a reason to keep us away from Jan. After we’ve been friends for so long, too!”
“It’s awful, that’s what it is,” said Roz. “And it’s just not fair!”
“Fair or not fair, I bet Mrs. Zieglebaum is doing this on purpose,” I said grimly. “And you know what? I think she’s been waiting for an opportunity to do something like this for a while now.”
“What do you mean, Linda?” asked Fran.
“I mean I think Mrs. Zieglebaum has been very unhappy about the fact that we’re starting to do things with older boys. She thinks Jan is too young for that kind of stuff. So she doesn’t really want Jan to be friends with us at all!”
“Don’t be silly, Linda,” said Roz. “Mrs. Zieglebaum is friendly with my mother and with Fran’s. She’s the one who wanted us all to be friends in the first place.”
“True,” I admitted. “But that was before we were interested in older boys. I hope I’m wrong. But I just have this awful feeling that Mrs. Zieglebaum is going to come up with one excuse after another to keep Jan out of the Gruesome Four!”