ONE WINDY MARCH day, I was called out of Ms. Bouton’s English class to go down to the school office. There, I received notification from Dr. Lilienthal, the principal, that I had passed the test for Bronx Technology.
For a moment, I stood there, blinking, not fully realizing what was happening. Then it hit me.
“I made Bronx Tech! I really made Bronx Tech!” I practically jumped in the air with joy. Now I could go to school with Louie next year, just the way I had planned and dreamed. Jan and I would. . .
“Jan!” It was with a sense of horror that I said her name aloud. “What about Jan Zieglebaum? Why isn’t she here? She took the Tech test, too.”
“Yes, I know.” Dr. Lilienthal sat back behind her desk, a serious expression on her face. “But we’re only giving personal notification to those who passed the test. The ones who didn’t will hear by mail.”
“But—Jan!” I protested weakly, still unable to accept what I knew to be true.
But Dr. Lilienthal was already done with me. “Now run along back to your class,” she said, ushering me to the door of her office. “We don’t want you to miss out on what Ms. Bouton has to teach you about English, do we? After all, you’re going to be our representative of Huntington when you go to Bronx Technology. We want you to do us proud!” Having said this, she closed the door behind me.
I had passed the test for Technology and Jan had not. The reality of the situation hit me as I slowly walked back to class. All my joy at having made Science was now forgotten. Jan and I had done so much talking and planning about how we would go to Science together. She was going to be heartbroken when I told her she wasn’t going to be able to go after all.
That was when I decided I wouldn’t even tell Jan why Dr. Lilienthal had called me to her office. Instead, I would make up some excuse about having to check something in my records. By the time Jan got her notification in the mail, maybe I could think of something to do.
I opened the door to Ms. Bouton’s room, hoping to slip back into my seat unnoticed. No such luck.
“Come over here by my desk and tell the class your good news, Linda,” Ms. Bouton said.
I felt an uneasy clutching in my stomach. “G-g-good news? W-what good news?”
“Why your news about making Bronx Technology, of course! Isn’t that why Dr. Lilienthal called you to the office?”
As much as I liked Ms. Bouton, at that moment I could have done without her very well. I squirmed uncomfortably.
“Well—uh—I guess so!” I admitted.
Ms. Bouton looked at me as if I were the world’s biggest dummy. Shaking her head in exasperation, she announced, “Dr. Lilienthal told me the good news this morning. Due, undoubtedly, to the superb background that Linda received here at Huntington, she passed the test for the Bronx High School of Technology. I imagine this means you’ll be leaving next year, Linda—right?”
“Right,” I was about to answer. But then I caught sight of Jan’s face. Her normally olive complexion had turned pale, and her big brown eyes stared at me in horror. “I haven’t made up my mind yet for sure,” was all I could say as I made my way to my seat, brushing off the other girls’ expressions of congratulations.
I felt Jan’s eyes burning into my back as I sat down in front of her. “What about me?” I heard her squeaky voice say.
For a moment, I was tempted to take the easy way out and lie to her. But that would only make things worse in the long run.
I turned to face Jan, but I couldn’t look her directly in the eyes. “They only sent the school word of those who passed the test,” I told her. “The ones who didn’t will be notified by mail.”
“No.”
Jan sat there quietly for what seemed a very long time. “You’re going to go off to Tech and leave me alone in Huntington, aren’t you, Linda?” she said in a voice so small I could barely hear her.
“I don’t know, yet,” I answered unhappily. “I still have to talk it over with my parents.”
* * *
My parents, true to form, made it even more difficult for me. We sat around the kitchen table that night, discussing my school situation.
“You mean you’d abandon Jan, your friend, and go to Bronx Technology by yourself?” My mother got right to the point. This was not what I wanted to hear. I felt bad enough about Jan without my mother’s rubbing it in.
“Ma, I’m not abandoning Jan!” I tried to defend myself. “I’m not Jan’s only friend in Huntington. In fact, she gets along with the other girls there better than I do.”
“That’s because she’s not boy-crazy like you are,” said my father. “She’s interested in getting the best education possible, which, I feel, happens to be at Huntington. If you change schools in the middle of a program, you can’t help but lose out educationally. You can concentrate on your schoolwork better without the distraction of having boys around.”
“That’s not true, Daddy,” I protested. “I can concentrate just fine with boys around. Maybe even better. Bronx Technology is as good a school as Huntington. You just have to let me go!”
My father drew his eyebrows together in a frown. He looked over at my mother. She just shook her head. I held my breath, waiting for their decision.
“Well, Linda,” my father said finally. “Your mother and I don’t want to force you to stay at Huntington if you think you’ll be happier elsewhere. The final decision will be yours. But we want you to keep in mind how we feel when you think about making your decision. We don’t want you to jeopardize your education.”
“Or abandon your friends,” my mother added.
I nodded miserably. When it came to making me feel guilty, my parents knew exactly what to say. Jan and I had been friends for years. She had always counted on me to stick up for her and give her courage. If I went to Tech, I really would be abandoning Jan, and she was the most loyal friend anyone could ask for.
But not going to Tech meant having to stay at Huntington, where I wasn’t really that happy. It meant not going to school with boys. But worst of all, it meant not going to school with Louie. What was I going to do?
* * *
I watched Louie’s face carefully when I told him I passed the test for Bronx Technology. It was important to me that he would want me to go. But as usual, his expression was impossible to read.
“I still haven’t decided whether or not to go,” I said slowly, still watching his face. “My parents want me to stay at Huntington.”
For a moment he said nothing. Then he shrugged. “Well, I guess you have to suit yourself, Linda. But if you ask me, you’d be crazy to turn down going to Tech. After all, I go there!”
He grinned when he said that, and it was as if the sun came out from behind a cloud. His eyes twinkled the way I loved. I felt my heartbeat speed up.
That was when I knew what my decision had to be. As bad as I felt about Jan, there was nothing I could do about the fact that she didn’t make Tech. Jan had been dependent on me for a long time. If she was going to grow up, she would have to learn to stand up for herself.
Looking at it that way, by going to Tech, I was actually doing Jan a favor.
* * *
I couldn’t seem to convince Jan of that, however. We were standing in the hallway after school when I told her my decision. Her large brown mouse-eyes filled with tears.
“I’ll never see you if we don’t go to school together,” she said sadly.
“Sure you will, Jan.”
“Like when?”
“Like—uh—well.” I felt awful. I didn’t know what to say. Jan was right. Since she hardly ever hung around with our crowd anymore, about the only time I did see her was in school. “I’m sure we’ll find some time to spend together. On the weekends, maybe—times when the boys aren’t around, so your mother won’t mind.”
“But you’re always hanging around with boys now, Linda. You, Fran, and Roz. Sometimes I think that’s all you ever think of—boys.”
I stared at her in surprise. “What do you mean, Jan?”
She swallowed. “Just what I said. Once we all used to do things together as a group, and it was lots of fun. Sure we liked boys, and that was fine, because we did other things that were fun, too—playing ball, reading comics, listening to music, or just talking together. But it’s not like that anymore. Unless there are boys around, none of the rest of you remember how to have fun!” Jan’s eyes filled with accusation.
I shrank under her piercing gaze. Could Jan be right? Were we all so boy-crazy that we no longer knew any other way to have fun? I didn’t think so, but I could see where it might seem that way to Jan. She was the one who was always being left out.
“I didn’t know you felt that way, Jan,” I said.
“Well, I do. So you can have Bronx Technology, Linda, and all the boys, too! I’ll be just fine here at Huntington. And now, I’ve got to get going to my art club meeting. You know, the one you didn’t join with me because you were more interested in spending the time hanging around with the boys!”
Throwing her bookbag over her frail little shoulder, Jan took off down the hall. She left me speechless. I guess, in her own way, Jan was more grown up than any of us gave her credit for being.