10
“Now, who is this?” Clayton asked, pointing to the daguerreotype in the album. He turned his head to study Sammy’s adorable profile as she answered.
“That’s Mother’s sister, Lacey. She lives in New York.” Sammy turned to him and added, “It was at Aunt Lacey’s house that Eddie met Robert.”
Clayton’s smiling eyes went to the glowing bride-to-be. “I haven’t heard this story,” Clayton told her. “I assumed you’d met Robert after you moved.”
“No,” Eddie said softly and would have elaborated, but Sammy jumped back in.
“Oh, no. She went to Aunt Lacey’s before we went to New York, and while they were having tea, a man knocked on the door; it was Robert. He had the wrong house, but when he saw Eddie, he stayed for three hours!”
“Well, now.” Clayton’s expression was warm and teasing as he rose from the kitchen table and poured himself some more coffee. “I had no idea.”
“Oh, stop it, Tag. And don’t tell him any more, Sammy. He’ll only tease me.”
Clayton laughed, and Jackie chose that moment to come moodily into the kitchen. Christmas dinner had been over for an hour, and Lexa had gone off with Danny and Milly to one of the rooms upstairs. All the adults were in the living room. Since Eddie, Sammy, and Clayton had taken the kitchen, she felt she had no place to go.
“We were just going to play a game,” Sammy told the sulking teen. “Want to join us, Jackie?”
“What are you going to play?” Her voice told of her disinterest.
“Across the Continent.”
Jackie studied the toe of her shoe and then glanced at Clayton. His expression toward her was as it had been all day, completely noncommittal, and as much as she hated to be in the same room with him, she hated her boredom more.
“All right,” she said after a moment. “I’ll play.”
Sammy had wanted to show the rest of the family photos to Clayton, but she thought Jackie would leave if she took the time. Across the Continent was always more fun with four players, and even better with six or eight. She quickly put the photo album aside and waited while Eddie took the game from the cupboard.
“I’ve never played this before,” Clayton admitted as they all took seats.
“I’ll help you,” Sammy offered, but Eddie did the honors.
“Your main objective is to travel across the continent and back. You see,” Eddie spoke as the board was displayed, “It’s like a map of the United States showing the large cities and the railway lines. You have a ticket and must pay travel expenses with the play money.”
Always good with numbers, Jackie had taken over as banker and was now giving everyone their allotted finances. Lining up his play currency as he’d watched the girls do, Clayton waited for someone to explain the first move. Rummaging in the box, Jackie muttered something about the game pieces being gone, and Sammy jumped up.
“Oh! I think they’re in my room. I’ll run up and get them.”
Jackie thought nothing of this until her father called to Eddie from the living room and a moment later she found herself alone with Clayton. Her eyes darted to him, but he was studying the board. Jackie relaxed until Clayton said out of the blue, “Does your hand hurt, Jackie?”
Jackie’s eyes flew to his, but he was looking at the faint bruises on the back of her hand. Jackie swiftly buried her hand in her lap, and then Clayton sought out her eyes. She looked defiant as usual.
“I’m not going to tease you, Jackie,” he said quietly. “You don’t need to worry about that.”
Silence hung between them for just an instant.
“Why did you stop teasing me, Clayton?” The question was out before she could stop it.
“It had gone too far.”
“What do you mean?” Jackie’s brow was furrowed; she honestly didn’t understand.
“I mean, if someone actually thinks that I want to see them hurt, then my teasing has gone too far.”
Jackie suddenly remembered the scene with the pitchfork in Taggarts’ barn. She felt the first inkling of softening toward Clayton Taggart; he really had been concerned about her. Unfortunately, he was about to unwittingly destroy this tiny seed before it could grow even a millimeter.
“I realized,” Clayton continued, “that either I was being too harsh, or you just couldn’t handle that type of jesting.”
Clayton watched Jackie’s eyes flash with dark-blue fire and knew he’d stepped on her pride.
“I can take anything you dish out, Clayton Taggart!” she hissed. “Just don’t you forget that.”
Sammy came back into the room just then, and Eddie was close behind her, so Clayton was not able to reply to Jackie’s venomous outburst. The game was played, and Jackie won hands down, but Clayton gave it little thought. However, he nearly mourned at how close he’d come to seeing her soften, only to have her turn on him again.
January 2, 1874, was Jackie’s sixteenth birthday. It was a Friday, and she went to school wearing new ribbons in her hair and new mittens, but she wasn’t feeling as ecstatic as she normally would have. The depression that had hit in the East in September ’73 had now spread toward the West. Her mother had managed to make Christmas feel normal, but just days after December 25, her parents had warned everyone that things would be different. Since Jackie’s birthday was the first in the year, she was the first to feel the changes.
There would still be a cake and a special meal, but the new dress she usually received, the book or game, and the special box of candy were going to have to wait for another time. Added to this was the upcoming wedding. One day while Eddie had been out of the house, Addy had sat down with the girls and told them her desire to make Eddie and Robert’s wedding everything it could be. It meant cutting back in many areas, and although Jackie was the first to agree wholeheartedly to help in this, she had not anticipated the way she would feel when she had so few gifts to open on the morning of her birthday.
Though she was careful not to let on to anyone, it did not put her in the finest of moods. Her father’s attitude was no help. He enjoyed birthdays but saw no reason to let them interrupt the workday. Friday the second was Jackie’s day to work in the store, and Morgan expected her to be on time. After school she came through the doors in a towering rage but was careful not to let her father suspect.
“Sweep out the back room, Jack,” were his first words, and when Jackie was finished, the room had never looked so good. She took out every ounce of resentment on that floor and had the dust flying so high she had to open a window.
Uncle Mitch came by at one point and gave her a birthday hug, but she was still out of sorts. The mood only worsened when her father told her she’d have to mind the front. Mitch had business at the bank, and Morgan planned to work in the office. Hoping with all her heart that no one would come in, Jackie obeyed and slowly walked toward the front. The bell rang just moments after she arrived behind the counter, and her heart sank when she saw it was Clayton.
He walked easily until he spotted the girl behind the counter whose eyes were hostile enough to make his step falter. Clayton had not had time to give the girls a ride home today, so he hadn’t seen that Jackie would have walked downtown and not accepted his offer anyway. Knowing that nothing he could say or do was going to help the relationship, Clayton almost turned and went back out. However, he was out of time. His mother’s birthday was in two days, and he had to leave the following morning.
“May I help you?” The question was asked with complete indifference. Clayton shook his head.
“I’ll just look around.”
“Suit yourself.”
Clayton turned away with a small shake of his head. Maybe it was time for a confrontation. They both shared the same faith in Christ, but Jackie was nothing short of hateful when it came to him. He knew that all believers struggled with certain sins, but this seemed out of control.
Clayton pulled the watch from his pocket. He really didn’t have time this afternoon, but when he returned to town, he would put things out in the open. Right now, however, he had to think of his mother and what would please her. He didn’t have a lot to spend, but Milly had mentioned his mother’s interest in a collar pin to go at the neckline of her lace blouse.
Clayton didn’t move directly to the jewelry counter as he longed to do, but wandered around a bit, hoping that Mitch or Morgan would appear. He stepped to the large doorway that led to hardware, but that side of the store was empty. He knew he was going to have to get down to business.
With a soft sigh he turned back and stepped to the jewelry counter, which was separate from the others and sat in the middle of the store. He looked down through the glass and began to peruse the goods. He spotted the pin Milly had described almost immediately, but Jackie showed no signs of coming to help him. He considered going home, giving Milly the money, and asking her to return the next day, but the snow was very deep these days and he didn’t want her struggling with the sleigh. At last he heard Jackie’s footsteps and steeled himself for the worst. She did not disappoint him.
“Did you want to see something? Because if you don’t, I have things to do.”
In that instant, Clayton had had enough. Anger leapt onto his back so swiftly that it nearly took his breath away. What had he done to deserve this? How could she hate him this much? These were just two of the questions that exploded in his brain, and his feelings must have shown on his face because Jackie looked rather startled.
“I am a paying customer in hard times, Jackie,” Clayton bit out, doing nothing to disguise his outrage. “Now are you in the business of selling goods or not?”
Jackie blinked several times before saying in a much subdued tone, “I’d be glad to sell you something. Was there something special you wanted to see?”
“That pin, please.” His voice had calmed, but he was still tense.
Jackie unlocked the cabinet and brought out a black velvet square covered with pins. She placed it gently on the counter and watched as Clayton picked up a gold pin. Both ends were rounded and there were roses etched in the center. It was lovely. There was another one, nearly identical to the first except that it had a tiny diamond set in the center.
Clayton would have dearly loved to buy the one with the diamond but it was $2.50. The one without the stone was only $.78. Clayton lifted both in his hands and studied them, unaware of the fact that while he concentrated, Jackie was moving into a fine fury over the way he’d just put her in her place. Indeed, it was Jackie’s impatient sigh that brought Clayton’s head up and reminded him of the time.
“I’ll take this one.” He gestured toward the pin in his right hand, trying hard to ignore her returned ire.
“Fine,” Jackie said shortly and reached to nearly tear the other pin from his left hand. Even in her anger, she noticed the way Clayton jumped slightly.
Both sets of eyes, one huge and the other intense, dropped to his hand and watched as a drop of blood welled to the surface. Clayton calmly placed the pin he had chosen on the counter and reached for his handkerchief. He wrapped his finger and then looked at Jackie. He blinked with surprise to see tears standing in her wide eyes.
“I’m sorry, Clay,” she whispered.
“It’s all right, Jackie,” he told her, the sight of her tears touching his heart. “I’ll take this one.”
For a moment Jackie looked at him as though completely unaware of what he might be talking about, but then she looked down and saw the pin before him. With trembling hands she replaced the other pins, locked the cabinet, picked up Clayton’s choice, and moved to the cash register. Her hands were still shaking when she took his money and made change from the drawer.
“Is it a gift?” The question was nearly whispered.
“Yes,” Clayton told her simply and then watched as she placed it in a small box and painstakingly wrapped it in crisp, yellow paper. When it was ready, she held it out to him, her eyes still troubled.
“Thank you, Jackie.”
“You’re welcome, Clay.”
Clayton stood for just a moment. Replacing his hat, he put the small parcel in his coat pocket but didn’t walk away. He looked back at Jackie, his eyes serious.
“I’m headed out in the morning, but when I get back I think we should talk. I don’t know what’s brought on this hatred, but it’s not right.”
Jackie’s heart clenched. Treating Clayton like she hated him had become almost a habit. Why had she acted this way?
Now, still speaking very low, she said, “I don’t hate you, Clayton—not really. And I am sorry about your hand.”
Clayton nodded his acceptance. “I’ll see you later, Jackie.”
“Goodbye, Clayton. Have a good trip.”
With that he turned away and moved out the door. Jackie stood still long after the sound of the bell faded away. A noise in the back finally made her move. She reached for the feather duster and turned to work on the shelves behind her. Tears slid down her face. This was turning out to be the worst birthday of her life.
The older woman closed the bedroom door firmly and gestured to the bed. She waited until her daughter took a seat on the edge and then moved to sit beside her.
“You’ve been quiet for a week now, Jackie. What’s going on?” The question came from Addy, and it wasn’t the first. However, this time she was not going to be put off. When Jackie was not in the mood to talk she was like her father. She told people to leave her alone and expected to be obeyed. This time Addy was not going to go away until she had some answers.
“Was it your birthday? Was it a terrible letdown for you?”
“It was,” Jackie admitted, her eyes averted, “but not from anything you did. I had a bad day, but it was all my fault.”
“Can you tell me about it?”
“I don’t really want to.”
“I would accept that, Jackie, but you’ve not been the same since. What is going on?” Addy’s voice was just firm enough to tell her daughter that she wanted answers. Jackie gave a very light sketch of what had happened in the store.
“I nearly cried when I saw that blood,” she said, looking at Addy. “Oh, Mother, I’ve treated him so badly, and now I just want to forget it. I don’t know what I’ll do if he wants to talk.”
“So you still hate him?”
Jackie shook her head. “I don’t think I ever did, but I don’t want to talk it over with him either. I think I’d die of embarrassment if I had to explain. And Mother,” Jackie wailed, “I just don’t feel that comfortable around him! If we talk he’ll think I want to talk and joke with him like Eddie.”
The question totally disarmed Jackie. She stared at her mother in complete bewilderment.
“Jackie,” Addy went on gently, “I can’t help but notice that you don’t make friends easily. If Clayton is offering friendship to you, why can’t you accept it?”
“What if he wants more than friendship?” The question came out in a tortured whisper, and Addy knew they had finally come to the crux of the matter.
“Oh, honey, acting like you hate a man is not going to make your feelings for him go away.”
“But what if he finds out that I kind of like him, and he’s not interested that way? I’d never be able to look at him again.”
Addy reached for Jackie, gently putting her arms around her lovely daughter. She didn’t know if Jackie had ever faced her feelings as she was now doing. Addy chose her words carefully.
“You are so afraid of being hurt that you never take risks. Love is a risky thing, Jackie, but we can’t live without it. If you stay somewhere in the middle, you’re never going to find out.”
Jackie sniffed, and Addy just held her. The younger woman’s head was against her mother’s chest, and she spoke softly from that position.
“Eddie is so selfless, Mother. She puts others ahead of herself all the time, just like you do. I feel like I have to take care of myself. So many people have taken an instant dislike to me over the years that I found it was easier not to have anything to do with them. That way they couldn’t hurt me.”
Addy hugged her almost fiercely. “You’re growing up, honey, and you’re finding out that it doesn’t work that way. Yes, we might be hurt, but we have to trust God and be willing to love and give of ourselves.”
“Do you know how it all started?” Jackie pulled slightly away and looked at her mother. “Clayton stared at me the first time we met in the store last summer. I pretended that I didn’t like it, but I did, and when we walked out with his purchases, I tripped.” Tears filled her lovely eyes. “I felt like such a fool, but he laughed and only made it worse. It wasn’t a cruel laugh—I think Eddie might have laughed too—but I decided then and there to hate him forever. But if I hate him, why do I want to look at him all the time? And why do I really care what he thinks of me?”
Addy smoothed Jackie’s hair from her face and tenderly stroked her cheek.
“You still have some thinking to do, honey, but you’ll find your answers. God does not want you lost and hurting. Trust Him for this. I’m not trying to push you and Clayton together. In fact, he doesn’t even plan to stay in Georgetown that long.”
“You mean his schooling?”
“That’s right, but I do think he could be a good friend to you whether he lives here or not. I’ve seen how kind and tender he is with all your sisters, and I guess I trust him to be kind with you as well.”
Jackie nodded.
“We’ll just keep praying,” Addy said softly, hugging her daughter once again.