28

Robert and Eddie received Addy’s letter on February 17. Eddie was inconsolable for long minutes to follow. Indeed, Robert had been forced to read it to her, and he cried as well. They had certainly known about Jackie’s blindness and been in touch often, but never had Addy unburdened as she’d done this time.

Robert waited until Eddie had calmed a little and then told her what was on his heart concerning Jackie’s spiritual status. When he was finished she cried yet again, but Robert was patient, his own throat feeling rather tight.

“I have to do something, Robert,” Eddie sobbed, her face still streaked with tears. “I can’t play God, Robert, but there must be something. Please tell me what to do.”

Robert smoothed her hair and used his own handkerchief on her face. “I have an idea, Eddie, but I don’t know what you’ll say. As with your mother, the burden would fall mainly on you.”

Eddie looked at him. “Tell me, Robert,” she whispered. “Whatever it is, tell me.”

Robert’s voice was even and well modulated as he told Eddie what was in his heart, but it was not easy. Eddie cried some more, but in the end she put her arms around him and held him tight. A plan—they had a plan—and that was better than aimlessly waiting. With that in mind she could wait for the spring.

“Write it, Lexa,” Jackie ordered her miserable sister. “Write it now.”

“Why, Jackie, why me?”

“Because your handwriting is the most like mine. Now, write what I tell you.”

“But what about all of his letters? Don’t you at least want to hear what he has to say?”

“Tell me, Lexa,” Jackie said, her voice biting, low and furious. “Will you marry a blind man someday? Wouldn’t it be exciting to marry a man who could never see you? You could guide him around like a stumbling child for the rest of your life. Now wouldn’t that be fun?”

Lexa was openly sobbing now, but Jackie’s heart hardened to the sound.

“Write, Lexa.”

Still sniffing, Lexa adjusted the paper. Jackie heard the rustle and began.

“Clay.”

“Just ‘Clay,’ not ‘Dear Clay’?”

“Clay!” Jackie spoke firmly. The younger girl tried to keep her hand from shaking. Why, she begged silently, is this my Sunday to sit with Jackie?

“Okay, what now?” she managed.

“I have met someone else,” Jackie recited in a cold voice, “and fallen in love.” She waited a moment, listening to the pen. “I never wish to see or hear from you again. Jackie.”

“Oh, Jackie,” Lexa began.

“Write it!”

Lexa was dying inside. She didn’t know when she had been so upset. The whole house had been turned upside down last year, and they’d all walked around in a stupor until just a few weeks ago when their father got them all involved in Jackie’s care. It wasn’t that they hadn’t tried before, but Jackie never wanted it. Now, in order to ease Addy’s load, Father had them all on a schedule that included himself.

At first Jackie fought it, but the first time he’d stayed with Jackie himself and went so far as to take Addy from the house was a breakthrough. Jackie was out of control at the beginning, but now they’d developed a bit of a pattern. Today was Sunday. The rest of the family was at church, and Lexa had been put in charge. Not only was she to keep an eye on Jackie, she was to start lunch. Until this new schedule had begun, none of them had realized the stress their mother had been under.

“Don’t forget to date it,” Jackie added, breaking Lexa from her thoughts.

“I won’t.” Lexa was still so shaken she could hardly think.

“What is the date today?” Jackie demanded.

“March 12.”

Jackie didn’t speak, but bitterness coiled like a snake inside of her. Not even six months since her fall, but it felt like years. It felt like forever and always would. Blackness surrounded her, and that would never change. Clayton would go on. He would read the letter and hurt for a time, but then he’d find someone new, marry her, and live forever in happiness. He’d probably become a father. The thought so pained Jackie that she gasped.

“What is it?” Lexa asked.

“Nothing. Have you got it ready?”

“Yes.”

“Dated?”

“Yes.”

“Good. Now tomorrow, right after school, you take it and post it. No one is to know, do you hear me, Lexa? No one! And don’t get any ideas in your head about writing to Clay.”

“Don’t you think he already knows, Jackie? Eddie or someone must have told him.”

“No,” Jackie said with confidence. “He doesn’t know. I’m sure of it.”

“How can you be?”

“Because he’s still writing to me. If he knew I was blind, I’d never hear from him again. This way is best. He’ll hate me, and that’ll be the end of it.”

Lexa couldn’t find anything to say to this. She wanted nothing to do with this horrid scheme, but she felt trapped. For just an instant she wanted to strike her sister. She wanted to lash out, call her names, and rail at her for climbing that ladder, but when she looked up, Jackie wore such a look of utter hopelessness and despair that Lexa was crushed. She prayed as she’d been doing for the past five months. What are we going to do, Lord? What are we going to do?

Denver

Clayton’s hands shook as he opened the letter. Even without seeing the contents, he knew Jackie’s hand. She hadn’t written in six months, and he’d about given up hope. He laughed at his own reaction to a simple letter, but still his hand shook.

“Clay,” it began, and ended with “Jackie.” Clayton read it over twice and then one more time. He stared at the words but couldn’t take them in. He sat slowly on his chair. On his desk lay her last letter, dated in September. He’d read it so many times that it was torn and smudged. How could this happen? The letter from the fall was filled with happiness and love—love for him.

Oh, Jackie, his heart cried. How could you do this to us? We love each other. The flow of Clayton’s heart stopped. We did love each other. Now it’s just me. Clayton realized how true it was. Jackie might have fallen for someone else, but Clayton would never. The pain squeezing his heart was like a steel band. He looked down in front of him and spotted the letters he’d been writing. He was applying to three different positions he’d read about in the Denver newspaper. The one on top was addressed to the school board in Georgetown.

Clayton lay his hand on it and crumpled it into a ball. He might not hate Jackie or believe he could ever love again, but neither could he move there, teach school, and live near her and her new love. Again pain tore through him, and a sob broke from his throat. His mother, who came to tell him dinner was ready, found him crying at his desk. He told her the whole story but felt no relief. She cried with him but urged him to eat. He wasn’t hungry. Right now he didn’t think he’d ever be hungry again.

Robert and Eddie had prayed for an opening in the weather, and God gave them a time. They arrived in Georgetown on April 27. It was a surprise to all, but mostly to Addy. She never dreamed they’d come when there was still such a strong chance of snow, but she was thrilled to have them. As she stood in the kitchen with them, however, a strained look crossed her face.

“Father told us how bad she is,” Eddie said quietly and before her mother could speak. “He’s in the stable now, putting the horses in for the night.”

“Your father’s here?” Addy was amazed. “It’s only 2:00, and no one else is with him today. The girls aren’t even home from school yet.”

“He closed the store for the day and brought us in the wagon,” Robert put in. “We told him we can’t stay long, and he said he didn’t want to miss any time with us.”

“Why are you here?” Addy was completely confused.

“To take Jackie back to Boulder with us,” Robert stated.

Addy began to shake her head, but Eddie spoke up, “No, Mother. Don’t try to get used to the idea right now. Just let it sink in.”

“Eddie, you don’t know what you’re saying. You’ve never seen her like—” Robert stopped her with a hand to her arm.

“It’s going to be all right,” he said gently.

“What if she says no?” Addy asked just as Morgan was coming in the back door. “What if Jackie refuses to go?”

“She’s not going to be given a choice,” Morgan said kindly, but with a note of steel. “And neither are you, Addy. It doesn’t have to be forever, but Robert and Eddie are right. It’s time for this.”

Addy nodded but had one more comment. “I won’t tell you no, but I will say this—you haven’t seen her or talked to her. It may not be me who changes my mind.”

Robert and Eddie both looked at her. A moment later, the air was split by Jackie’s piercing voice. The adults all exchanged looks, and then Eddie’s chin went into the air. She was thinking, Your big sister has come to town. She sailed from the kitchen, a determined glint in her eye.

Jackie trembled from head to foot as she clung to Robert’s arm, and her shakes were from far more than the cold. The journey to Boulder was ending, and she was so frightened that she could hardly breathe or move. How could they have done this? How could they have sent her away? She knew her home. She knew every inch of it. She had said this to her father, but he’d shocked her with his reply.

“You may know this house, Jack, but what’s the point? You won’t move an inch for fear of falling or bumping into something, and so you expect everyone to wait on you. Your mother shouldn’t have to take it anymore, and I refuse to. You’re going to go with Eddie and Robert, and you’re going to do as you’re told. We’ll come to see how you’re doing—maybe this summer or fall. But you are going.”

She had screamed and cried, begged and pleaded, but it was no use. Four days later, on May 1, 1876, Jackie was packed up and taken to the stage office. Robert and Eddie were with her, but she was not comforted. She cried and trembled until Robert told her in no uncertain terms that the tears would stop. His voice was normal, kind even, but he made his feelings quite clear. Jackie told herself she didn’t have to obey. After all, what could he do? But she didn’t have the fortitude to cause a scene when the blackness around her seemed darker than ever. It might have helped if she’d realized that Eddie had been crying with pain for her, but so caught up was she in her own little world that she was not aware of this.

“Okay,” Robert spoke from above her head. “Let’s count.”

“Count?” she asked breathlessly.

“That’s right. These are the front steps to our home. You’ll have to know how many there are, or you’ll fall when you do them yourself.”

Jackie would have denied him this, but he started forward, counting out loud at the same time. She had no choice but to follow.

“Ten, eleven, and twelve. There! We’re at the top. Now five more steps forward and we’ll be at the front door. Here we go. Good. Now straight in front of you is the staircase. You’re going to go up it. Count six steps and then the landing. I’ll be right behind you.”

Jackie was in a daze. The cold was receding, and a strange rug was beneath her feet. She grasped the wide banister and felt like she’d come into a huge cavern. She could smell a fire burning and even feel the warmth, but no light reached her eyes.

“Eddie!” Jackie cried so piteously that Robert had to hold his wife by the arm.

“I’m right here, Jackie,” she managed through her tears. “You’re doing just great.”

“I’ll fall,” she whispered.

“No, you won’t.” Robert had let go of Eddie. “I’m right behind you. Are you counting?”

“No.”

“Well, get at it. What did I tell you?”

“Six steps and then the landing.”

“Excellent.” Robert was very pleased because he wasn’t certain she’d been listening. “And once on the landing you’ll just circle it, keeping your left hand on the big ball, and then you’ll have eight more steps to the top.”

“All right. Is it hot in here?”

“Oh, here,” Robert came forward. “Let me have your coat.”

“Will I ever get it back?”

“Of course,” he laughed. “It’ll be in the closet, which we’ll save for another day.”

“Another day?”

“Certainly. Today you’re just going to learn your room, the stairs, and the dining room.”

“Eddie?”

“Yes, Jackie, I’m right here behind Robert.”

“Please don’t let me fall in a hole.”

“There are no drops at all, Jackie. Upstairs is all one level and so is downstairs. Just keep sliding your foot along. Not even the stairs will surprise you if you slide your foot along.”

Jackie had no idea of the planning that had gone on in the last three months which allowed Eddie to say this. They had cleared their home of all but the necessities and counted every path and stairway in order to teach Jackie to move around on her own. In Eddie’s and Robert’s minds she was here to stay, and the sooner she learned her way around, the better.

Eddie had even gone so far as to remove all of her knickknacks and store them in boxes in the attic. When Jackie learned where each piece of furniture was, she would put them back. She knew that if Jackie broke something, she wouldn’t want to take another step.

“You made it,” Robert cried and Eddie followed more slowly.

“I’ll fall backward,” Jackie said, clutching at the railing. Robert put a hand on her back.

“I’ve got you. Now straight ahead is your room. Put your hand out and start moving.”

“Oh, Robert, I don’t think I can.”

He could hear the exhaustion in her voice and knew that this had to be the last trial for the day.

“Just do this, Jackie, and I’ll help you with the rest. Hand out, and slide your feet.” He watched her carefully. “Now move your hand two inches to the left. Do you feel that? That’s the doorway to your room.”

Jackie felt her way all around, her hands smoothing the frame and wall and even walking a little bit inside. Robert came behind her and led her to the bed. She sat down hard when he backed her up to it and settled himself beside her. She promptly burst into tears, the first since they’d left Georgetown. Eddie sat on the other side of her and put her arms around her.

“Oh, Eddie, Eddie. How will I ever make it?”

“You did wonderfully, dear,” she consoled her. “I’m so proud of you. In no time at all you’ll be all over the house and yard.”

“Why, Eddie? Why must I do this?”

“Because you need to take your life back, Jackie. You’ve become an invalid, and Mother is too close to you to change it. Robert and I are going to help you, but you’re going to have to do the work. You’re going to have to be willing to get bruised and spill things, because I won’t allow you to sit around and neither will Robert. Trust me, Jackie, you will thank us someday.”

Jackie didn’t comment, and husband and wife exchanged a look over her head. They were both smiling and believed that it wouldn’t be long before Jackie was smiling too. They would see to that. They would do everything in their power to help her reclaim some independence, if only she would make the effort. If they succeeded, they believed she would see far more in her world than she ever had with perfect vision.