Kinds of marriage

Vivahayoga Prakarana

hen a girl cannot meet her lover frequently in private, she may send her nurse's daughter to him, it being understood that she has confidence in her and the latter will act in her interests.

The Nurse's Daughter

On meeting the man, the nurse's daughter should tell him about the noble birth, good disposition, beauty, talent, skill, knowledge of human nature, and affection of the girl without letting him suppose that she has been sent by the girl to win over the man's heart. She may also praise the excellent qualities of the man to the girl, especially those which she knows would please her. She should speak with disparagement of the girl's other lovers, the avarice and indiscretion of their parents, and the fickleness of their relations. She may also quote examples of girls of ancient times such as Shakuntala who, having united with lovers of their own caste and choice, were happy ever afterwards. And she should also tell of other girls who married into great families and troubled by rival wives, became wretched and miserable, and were finally abandoned. She should speak of the good fortune, continual happiness, chastity, obedience and affection of the man, and if the girl becomes amorous about him, should endeavor to allay the shame, fear and suspicions about any disaster that might result from her marriage. In brief, she should enact the complete role of a female messenger by telling the girl about the man's affection for her, the places he frequents, and the endeavors he is making to meet her, by frequently repeating, "It will be all right if the man takes you away forcibly and unexpectedly".

The Gandharva Marriage

When the girl is won over and acts openly with the man as his wife, he should have fire brought from the house of a Brahmin, and spreading the kusha, grass, upon the ground, and offering oblation to the fire, he should marry her according to the precepts of religious law. After this he should inform his parents of the fact, because in the opinion of ancient authors, a marriage solemnly contracted in the presence of fire, cannot afterwards be set aside. After the consummation of the marriage, the man's relations should be acquainted with the bond. The girl's relations should also be apprised of it in such a way that they consent to the marriage and overlook the manner in which it was brought about. In fact they should be appeased with presents given affectionately and favorable conduct. In this manner the man would have married the girl according to the Gandharva form of marriage.

Radha and Krishna enjoy the attention of their devotees during a boat ride.

Forced Marriage

When the girl is indecisive, or does not express her readiness to marry, the man can get her in one of the following ways:

On a fitting occasion and under some ruse, he may, with the help of a female friend whom he can trust, and who is also well known to the girl's family, have the girl brought unexpectedly to his house. He should then bring fire from the house of a Brahmin, and proceed as suggested above.

When the marriage of the girl with some other person draws near, the man should disparage the future husband to the utmost to the girl's mother, and then having persuaded the girl to come with her mother's consent to a neighboring house, he should bring fire from the house of a Brahmin, and make her his wife.

Maids play melodious music during a wedding ceremony.

The man should become a great friend of the girl's brother who is his own age, and is addicted to courtesans and intrigues with the wives of other men. He should assist the brother in such matters and give him occasional presents. Having won him over, he should then tell him about his great love for his sister, as young men sacrifice even their own lives for the sake of those who may be of the same age, and possess the same habits and disposition as themselves. After this the brother should assist in bringing the girl to a secure place, bring fire from the house of a Brahmin, and enjoin her in marriage.

When a girl of the same caste is married in accordance with the prevalent local customs and the Holy writ in presence of a Brahmin, priest and by making offerings to the holy fire it ensures happiness in the couple's life and lasts for ever.

Frustrated, the young couple decide to elope. In a bold move the hero steals up next to the wall besides his heroine's chamber on elephant back. The girl ready, eager and waiting, abetted by her maid climbs down into her lover's arms as they vanish away into the darkness of the night.

On a festive occasion the man can get the nurse's daughter to give the girl some intoxicating substance and then have her brought to a secret place. He can then enjoy her before she recovers from her intoxication, bring fire from the house of a Brahmin, and make her his wife.

With the connivance of the nurse's daughter, he can carry off the girl from her house while she is asleep, enjoy her before she recovers from her sleep, bring fire from the house of a Brahmin, and induce her into wedlock.

Or when the girl goes to a garden or to a village in the neighborhood, the man and his friends can fall on her guards and have them killed or frightened away. He can then abduct and forcibly marry her.

There are shlokas that say:

In all the forms of marriage described in this work, the one that precedes is better than the one that follows it on account of its being more in accordance with the commands of religion, and therefore it is only when it is impossible to carry out the former that the latter should be resorted to. As the fruit of all good marriages is love, the Gandharva form of marriage is respected, even though it is formed under unfavorable circumstances, because it fulfills the object sought for. Another cause of the respect accorded to the Gandharva form of marriage is that it brings forth happiness, causes less trouble in its performance than the other forms of marriage, and is, above all, the result of previous love.