Tonight, the food bank is up by the racecourse and Maddy offers to give Tor and Claire a lift home after their shift finishes. Tor’s grateful to Maddy for driving and for all her help. Tor’s van has been on the blink all week and she’s taken it to the garage. Fortunately, the money from the charity swim will pay for it to be fixed. She’s reached a hundred per cent of her target thanks to all the money Dominica raised in the office and, to her surprise, thanks to Alice, who did a whip round among her school-mother friends. Tor knows it’s an olive branch. They haven’t been talking that much since Christmas and Alice can’t bear it when they start to become estranged. So Tor called and quickly realised that the sponsorship money was a bribe. She’s been summoned to Alice’s for Easter.
‘Your cakes went down a storm tonight,’ Tor tells Claire. ‘Everyone loves them. Lotte will be gutted there aren’t any left.’
‘They went faster than ever. I’ll have to make more.’
‘They’re so good, you know,’ Maddy says. ‘You should run a café.’
‘A café? Me? Oh, no, my cakes aren’t that good.’
‘They are!’ Tor exclaims. ‘I’d pay good money for that coconut one any day.’
Claire grins. ‘Well, that’s lovely of you to say so.’
Tor sits in the back and watches as Claire flips down the visor in the passenger’s seat.
‘Oh good gracious. Look at the state of me,’ she says. ‘Why didn’t any of you tell me?’
Maddy laughs. ‘Stop being so self-critical.’
‘I’ve been trying to get an appointment at the hairdresser, but it’s impossible to get through.’
‘I can get Lotte to do your hair,’ Tor offers. ‘She used to work in a salon.’
‘Really?’
‘I can ask her,’ Tor says, taking out her phone and texting, as they drive into town back towards Tor’s house. Her phone pings back straight away.
‘She says to bring you round now.’
‘Now?’ Claire asks.
‘Well, it’s not that late. It’s only half eight.’
‘Well, if you’re sure?’
‘I can drop you off,’ Maddy says.
‘Oh no, come too,’ Tor says. She hasn’t invited people round for ages. ‘Stay and have a drink. We’ve rigged up lights in the garden and there’s wine in the fridge.’
As they walk through the front door, Tor can’t help seeing her house through her friends’ eyes. The messy chaos is something that she takes for granted, but now, as they squeeze awkwardly past the jumble of bikes in the corridor, the scuffed floorboards and the ancient threadbare carpet runner down the stairs, the pop art graffiti over the walls, she feels embarrassed. She’s fed up with this kind of communal living. She wants somewhere where she can relax when she comes home and not have to deal with other people.
‘I’m home,’ Tor calls.
‘In here,’ Lotte calls back and she beckons Maddy, Claire and Tor to the kitchen.
‘The kick-ass swimmers,’ Lotte says. ‘Heavenly. Come in, come in. And great timing. I’ve just finished,’ she adds. Declan, their housemate, is on the wooden kitchen chair and Tor’s Anglepoise lamp is trained on his upper arm, where Lotte has inked the last part of his elaborate lotus flower sleeve. She’s carefully sticking cling film over it.
Declan stands up and Tor sees Maddy clock his lanky thin limbs and crazy beard. He’s painfully shy and shuffles off.
The kitchen smells of boiled lentils and there are pots and pans piled up in the sink, but Maddy only smiles. ‘Look at those herbs and your lovely garden,’ she says. ‘It’s like being in the middle of the countryside.’
She’s being nice, Tor thinks. ‘Sorry about the mess.’
‘It’s not messy. I like it. It’s homely. These old Edwardian town houses have such amazing proportions and energy about them.’
Lotte grins, delightedly, the gap between her front teeth as endearing as ever. She’s wearing a diaphanous green dress with her twelve-hole DMs, her arms jangling with bangles. ‘Oh, you … you’re the one,’ Lotte says, hugging Claire effusively, ‘who makes the delicious cake, aren’t you? You smell like a delicious cake. And look at those curls.’ She fluffs out Claire’s hair. ‘Oh, my.’
Tor watches Claire blush and pat her hair self-consciously. She always forgets how people react when Lotte shines her light on them. It’s pretty intense.
‘I hate the grey.’
‘There’s nothing wrong with grey, but why be grey? Unless you’re a statement grey. Why not go blonde?’
‘I used to be blonde. Years ago, in my twenties. I really should think about it before I make a drastic change.’
‘No, darling. No, you must be impulsive,’ Lotte insists. ‘The universe has brought you here to me and I intend to fulfil my purpose.’
Claire relents and Tor lets Lotte whisk her away upstairs to the bathroom and she takes Maddy outside.
‘I love those,’ Maddy says, nodding to the lights strung up in the trees. She puts another log on the fire pit and sparks fly up as Tor and Maddy sit down on the sofas Lotte made out of pallets and bean bags.
Looking up at the back of the house, Tor can see Lotte and Claire in the bathroom, Lotte standing behind Claire by the sink. She’ll be doing one of her ‘consultations’ in the bathroom mirror. She feels a pang of guilt. Poor Claire is bound to be bamboozled by Lotte into a completely new look.
‘What are you doing for Easter?’ Maddy asks.
‘I’ve had the summons to my sister’s.’
‘Are you going to go?’
‘There’s no choice,’ she says. ‘You?’
She shrugs. ‘Not sure yet. Trent keeps saying he want to see me, so I guess I’ll have to go home and face the music.’
‘What about Matteo?’ she asks.
‘What about Matteo?’ She rolls her eyes.
‘Still nothing?’
‘Nada. I think I’ve missed that boat.’
‘Oh, I wouldn’t be so sure,’ Tor says.
‘He’s been away this week. I hadn’t realised that I’d miss him so much.’
‘That’s good, isn’t it?’
‘Yes, if it wasn’t for the fact that I fancy him. And I know it’s ridiculous because I’m latching on to him, because he’s near. Because I’m a desperate, lonely old lady.’
A lonely old lady hardly describes Maddy, thinks Tor, who manages to look cool no matter what she does.
‘If you suspect there’s a spark there, then why not act on it? See what happens?’
Maddy sighs. ‘Because I don’t know if I can trust my instincts any more. This whole thing with Helen has made me really second-guess myself about everything, you know? Because I thought my friends were my friends, but they were all lying to me. It’s been so refreshing to meet you lot and to just be myself.’
They chat easily and then the subject of Jamie comes up. Tor knew it would. Maddy’s been in touch with the contact of Lotte’s – a private detective, who she’s paying to try and find Jamie. She says she’s using the fund that she set up for Jamie’s education to pay for it. The last pot of money, as she describes it. Maddy has always come across as so affluent, so it’s a surprise to Tor that she’s struggling so much to make ends meet. Tor really hopes the detective works out, and it’s worth it, but annoyingly there have been no leads so far.
Tor is curious. ‘Did you only ever want Jamie? You weren’t tempted to have more kids?’
‘I wanted to, but there was a complication and I had to have an operation after Jamie was born. I thought briefly about adopting, but I was so in love with my cherubic child.’ She sighs. ‘He was my everything. He was always more than enough. I wish I’d told him that, though. I think he always felt that he was trying to live up to being several children.’
Tor smiles gently.
‘But nobody tells you how to be a parent,’ Maddy says. ‘It comes as a massive shock and you have to wing it. Literally. I was making it up as I went along. And life is going by so fast and you have to make snap decisions. And by the time you realise you’ve said something or done something wrong, it’s too late to fix it. And the funny thing is that now I’m older, I realise how easy it is to mess up. And how my mother messed up too. How she criticised me once about my grades in public. And I never forgot it. It was one of those pivotal moments and she probably didn’t even notice it happening, but it shaped who I am.’
‘I guess I know what you mean. I can’t pick a moment,’ Tor says, ‘but I just have always felt my parents love Alice more.’
‘Well, I bet that’s not true.’
‘No,’ Tor says, with a shrug. ‘They prefer Alice.’
‘Has it ever occurred to you that your mum probably feels that Alice needs more attention, because Alice needs her, and you don’t. Because you’re strong?’ Maddy asks.
‘But I’m not.’
‘Err, excuse me, but yes you are,’ Maddy says. Tor is warmed by her support.
‘I don’t know. It’s just … Alice has always had all their focus. Maybe it was something to do with the fact that she was really ill when we were born.’
‘Well, then, that makes perfect sense. I can’t imagine having two babies at the same time. But one of them being sick must have been terrifying. What if she’d lost your twin?’
Tor feels an unexpected surge of affection for her twin. Maddy’s right. She can’t imagine life without Alice. Maybe it won’t really be so bad telling her parents and Alice about her and Lotte. She knows they love her, so surely they’ll come to accept her and Lotte? And, even if they don’t, she has people around her who will. She resolves that she’ll fix it at Easter. She’ll find a way to move forward.
It’s lovely being outside by the fire bowl and Tor feels so much better for talking to Maddy. Claire comes back with foils in her hair and they chat for a while and eat a pizza Lotte heats up from the freezer.
Lotte is excited about the new look she has planned for Claire, who pulls a worried look at Tor and Maddy.
An alarm sounds on Lotte’s phone and she whisks Claire away to rinse her hair and to dry it.
‘Wish me luck,’ Claire says.
‘You don’t need luck. You’re going to love it,’ Lotte calls effusively and Claire laughs. People are always shocked by Lotte’s absolute certainty about things. It’s one of the reasons Tor loves her. Because she’s so decisive, so sure of her footing in life. It makes Tor feel safe.
Tor tells Maddy about her adventures in Africa and running away from Mike and is coming on to how she met Lotte, when Lotte comes into the garden. Claire has a towel loosely over her hair and a big grin on her face.
‘You ready?’ she asks.
Maddy and Tor both stand for the big reveal and Claire whips away the towel. Her hair has been cut in a flattering shape around her face and coloured into natural caramel and fudge tones. She looks at least ten years younger.
‘Do you like it?’ she asks, nervously, patting it.
‘Oh my God!’ Maddy exclaims, jumping up to inspect it. ‘It’s amazing. Lotte, I’m booking you in right now.’
‘Seriously?’ Claire asks, looking to Tor.
‘It’s wonderful,’ Tor says, kissing her cheek. Maddy takes photos of Claire for her to see.
‘Well done,’ Tor whispers to Lotte. ‘Thank you for doing that.’
Lotte grins back. ‘Pleasure. She was fun. I like your friends.’
Claire is blushing from all the attention. She studies the photos on Maddy’s phone, then says, ‘Goodness. It’s so late. I must get home to Pim and the boys.’
Lotte wraps her in a big hug and kisses her on the cheek and Claire squeaks in surprise, then giggles.
‘This has been so much fun. Honestly. Lotte, you’re a genius.’
Tor likes the feeling that she’s been able to make a difference to Claire’s confidence – albeit vicariously through Lotte.
‘You’re so natural together,’ Maddy says to Tor. ‘Why on earth wouldn’t you want your parents to see that? If you were my daughter, I’d be thrilled that you were with Lotte. You clearly belong together.’
Tor waves them off.
‘Hey,’ she says to Lotte, grabbing her. ‘Did I tell you yet today that I love you?’
‘Not enough,’ Lotte says, smiling and then Tor hugs her as they go inside.