Maddy links arms with Matteo as they walk past the peace statue along the prom towards Hove. It’s late afternoon and he has an evening flight back to Barcelona so they’ve come out for a final walk, but it’s strange without Luna who is happily settled at Dominica’s flat. They dropped her off earlier and the little dog hardly noticed Matteo leaving. Maddy knows they’re only putting off the inevitable goodbye. She’s offered to take him to Gatwick, but he’s booked a train.
Summer has really set in. There’s a gang of twenty-somethings playing frisbee on the lawns, a fire juggler is practising, a couple of girls boxing and further along there’s a yoga class going on and the roller-bladers are out in force. There’s a huge family group on the beach around a wood burner, the smell of curry wafting on the air. Dogs scamper over the tarmac, school children squealing as they strip off and head into the sea. A busker with a guitar plays ‘Moon River’, and Maddy marvels at the people doing things that make them happy, but she feels heavy of heart and not just because Matteo is leaving.
This morning, the landlady of the Airbnb told her that the bookings have started again and so Maddy has to leave. Even though this was the arrangement, it still feels like a wrench. The fresh start she’d hoped for with Jamie feels like it’s off to a very shaky beginning.
She hasn’t got the nerve to tell him they’re about to be homeless and need to move on again, not when she knows he likes the apartment and being by the sea. But the fact is, she can’t afford a place anywhere like the one they’re in. She’s come clean and told her family about leaving Trent and finding Jamie, and her dad has lent her a few thousand to keep her going until she gets settled, but the rent prices have rocketed. She’s asked Trent for an update on exactly how much money will be left to divide once he’s paid off the loan, but he’s yet to give her an exact figure, or a date as to when she might expect it.
But this is her problem to work out. And not one she can share with Matteo.
Halfway along by the café on the lawns, they stop and lean on the green balustrade, taking in the view. The water is a shimmering pale turquoise green streaked with pink where the waves are breaking. The horizon is a dusky purple blending to the softest blue above, the old burnt-out pier picked out in gold relief from the setting sun.
Matteo has suggested that they stay in touch and try and carry on their relationship when he’s in Barcelona, but Maddy knows they’re both grasping at straws. He needs to find the right woman and to start a family. And he needs to do that sooner rather than later. And he can’t do that with an older lover in tow. She’s told him as much, but he refused to hear it. But Maddy is old enough and wise enough to know what distance will do.
‘I’m going to have to go soon.’ He checks his watch.
‘I know.’
‘Listen. Why don’t you stay here? Wander back in your own time? It’d be nice to think of you here. I don’t want to leave you in the apartment.’
‘OK, maybe you’re right. I don’t want to be sad on Jamie.’
In their new mode of complete honesty, she’s told Jamie all about Matteo and they’ve met properly, although whilst both of them were charming, Maddy found it embarrassing. Seeing Jamie and Matteo together only emphasised the age difference between her and Matteo. It didn’t help that afterwards Jamie jokingly called her a cougar. She tried to explain that Matteo had been a friend first, when she’d needed one most, but all the time he’d had a playful twinkle in his eye and she could tell that he wasn’t going to take her seriously.
‘I don’t want you to be sad, full stop,’ Matteo said. ‘It’s not goodbye. We’ll see each other.’
‘But not for a while and I’m sorry, but I can’t help it. I am sad.’
He kisses her and she holds on to him as tears make her chin tremble.
‘I don’t want to say goodbye.’
‘Then I shall say it. Adios, my lovely neighbour.’ He puts his finger under her chin. ‘Take care of yourself.’
‘I’ll try.’
‘You’re going to be fine, Maddy. Better than fine. I promise.’
Despite Matteo’s comforting words, Maddy feels her heart hurting as he walks away. She sits down on the bench and watches his silhouette getting smaller and smaller and then he’s out of sight, blending in with the crowd.
She sighs, knowing she should get back to Jamie, but, instead, she gets up and walks down to the water’s edge. The tide is going out and the sand is golden. She takes off her Converse trainers and feels the cold sand under her soles. She needs a bit of time, even though she knows Jamie will be waiting for her. She needs a bit of time to process her feelings and there’s only one person who can help.
She takes her phone out of her pocket, finds the contact and presses the call button.
Lisa picks up after one ring. ‘Maddy?’
There’s a silence. Maddy thinks back to the last time they spoke, when Lisa accused her of being stubborn. She thinks of all the hurt she’s caused her friend. She tries to remember the anger she felt, but how it’s all gone.
‘Can you talk, Lis?’ she says.
‘Sure.’
There’s another pause. Maddy imagines the phone pressed to Lisa’s face. Her friend’s dear face. It’s only now, hearing her voice, that she realises how much she’s missed her.
‘I just need … I just want to talk through something. And you’re the only person …’
‘Shoot. What’s happened?’ she asks in that breezy yet interested way that is all Lisa’s. It’s their phrase of old, from when they were in their twenties and would ring each other up, night or day for advice. And in that moment, Maddy knows that all is forgiven. They’re still them. Still friends for life.
Maddy feels the sun dry her tears as she tells Lisa about Matteo and how sad it has been to say goodbye.
‘So, a hot Spanish lover?’
‘He was kind when I needed kindness.’
‘You don’t want to carry it on?’
‘I want to, he wants to, but I doubt it’s going to work,’ she says. ‘Not the long-distance thing. And not with Jamie. Besides, Matteo needs someone his own age. And he wants a family.’
They talk some more about Matteo and then Maddy tells Lisa about finding Jamie. She doesn’t hold back as she describes pulling him out of the sea. It feels good to tell Lisa all the scary details, some of which she’s already heard from Trent.
‘God, Maddy, you’re so brave.’
‘I’m just so thankful that … that, well … I’m grateful for a second chance. That’s all.’
There’s a pause, then Lisa says, ‘Do we get a second chance too? Because I’m so, so sorry for letting you down, Maddy. For not being brave enough to tell you the truth.’
‘It’s OK. I understand,’ Maddy says, with a gentle laugh. ‘You were in an impossible position. And I was awful to you. And I’m really sorry.’
She stops for a moment, staring out at the sea and the amazing colours of the sky.
‘I guess in the general scheme of things, we’re allowed a blip or two, right?’ Lisa says.
‘I guess.’
‘I feel really bad you’ve been through such a shit time and I haven’t been with you.’
‘It’s OK. My swimming gang have been keeping me sane.’
‘I want to meet them.’
‘I’m doing a swim. Round the pier. If you come then, you can meet them.’
‘I’d love that. I’m there.’
And just like that, there’s a date to see each other and they chat and chat. As she strolls along the sand, Maddy is hungry for Lisa’s news and is delighted that Tess, her daughter, has moved in with her boyfriend.
‘When are you coming home?’
‘I’m not sure where home is any more. And I like being near the sea. But,’ she sighs, ‘I have no idea how I can afford to stay. Not after losing the house. Not to mention the fact that my career is in tatters. I’m done with it, Lis. I can’t put myself out there any more. I can’t be the person I was trying to be.’
‘Then don’t be. Just be you. You know that everyone wants to know if you’ve found Jamie, right?’ Lisa says. ‘So, for starters, you should definitely do an Insta live about that.’
‘I don’t think so. After my last honesty splurge.’
‘Which got so many comments. I saw them,’ Lisa says. ‘People were so grateful to you for being real.’
Maddy couldn’t bring herself to read all the comments. She’s barely been on Instagram since. She’s been too worried about Jamie. But hearing this from Lisa makes an old flicker of her on-line vanity flare up.
‘Why not think about it? Why not get Jamie to help? Use your platform to help others in your situation?’
‘I’m not sure he would,’ but even as she says it, Maddy wonders if that’s true. Jamie has been a source of constant surprises since she got him back.
She watches the tide ahead of her as her mind starts mulling on what Lisa is suggesting. There’s a ripple of golden water coming towards her and she watches how it comes and goes, always an ending, always a beginning.