Chapter Nineteen

It took nearly ten minutes for Summer to join me outside. I loved her, but when her emotions ran high, it always left me walking on the edge of a cliff. One way you could run forever, but the other direction was a long fall to your death. We were alike in that fact, but my emotions were usually less volatile. We walked in silence in the direction of the park. I knew the choice to speak could make things worse, so I just waited for her. She would either ask me what I was thinking—when she was ready—or she would come at me with whatever she was mulling over in her head.

“So, do you love the guy you’re seeing?” she asked.

“It’s only been three weeks, so I don’t know if it’s love or not,” I said.

“Well, you would know if you love him like you love me. If you don’t love him, which I’m going to assume you don’t since you couldn’t answer that simple of a question, why can’t you just be with me?”

“First of all, you know I don’t qualify love for every person in the same way,” I said. “Second of all, you didn’t immediately leave your boyfriend for me, and you didn’t even mention him for an entire month and a half! Tell me, why did you two break up?”

“Don’t change the subject.”

“I’m not changing the subject. I’m having a conversation, and you’re being unreasonable.”

This was like putting water on a grease fire. I regretted it immediately and started looking around for something to smother her with—I mean it, not her, it—the fire—yes. She exploded. I knew better than to tell someone who was upset that they were being unreasonable, but I had done it anyhow, and now she was in a tirade. I tuned in and out to her wailing, waiting for the wrath to subside. When she finally calmed down we were on our way back to the dorm room.

Then I made obnoxious decision number two. I texted Sophia, because we had plans the next day, and told her Summer had surprised me. I told her I wouldn’t be able to make it and would contact her later. Her response was understanding, if a bit terse. This was unprecedented for me—not even I would have been okay with this situation if I were Sophia. I had started to wonder what it could mean when I felt someone jab me in the side. I turned to Summer, her eyes expectant, a small fire still burning in them.

“Did you hear me?” she asked, starting to rise back up into a rage.

“I’m sorry, no, but if you would like to repeat yourself, I would be more than happy to answer you,” I said.

She glared at me, apparently trying to decide if I was mocking her or not.

With a roll of her eyes, she asked, “Do you want me to go home? I’m flying on miles, so I think I can change my flight. If need be, I can call my dad—he flies so often they’ll do it.”

“No, I don’t think you need to go home. I would love to show you Seattle, but you’re going to have to calm your business. I will not have every day of our vacation turning into a large fight. And there is a chance you might also have to play nice with Sophia,” I said.

“Who’s Sophia?” Her eyebrows furrowed.

“She’s the one you’ve been yelling about for the better part of two hours.”

“You’re dating a girl!” she cried and threw her hands in the air.

We were outside my dorm in the small courtyard. There was a moderate amount of traffic, and they were all looking at Summer. I pulled her off to one side, refusing to take her inside until we fixed this.

“Well, yes. Why does it make any difference?”

“It makes all of the difference!”

“How?” I said, exasperated.

“I don’t know, it just does. I thought it was just some guy, and I might have to wait for you to be done with him like you were supposed to do for me, but it’s a girl. I thought I was the only girl in your life. What am I supposed to do now?” She buried her face in her hands.

“You wanted me to just wait for you?” I asked, confused and stunned, while my voice came out disgusted.

Summer pulled her head up, her eyes moist at the corners. “Well, obviously not logically, but yes—somewhere deep inside—I wanted you to wait for me,” she said.

“Why didn’t you give me any inclination that you intended to break up with the boyfriend?”

“I hadn’t intended to. I don’t know. I’m just selfish, I guess. I took for granted that you would always be there, loving me. We broke up because he started hitting on my sister.”

“So you didn’t even chose me over him? You just came here because he wasn’t an option anymore?” I crossed my arms over my chest. The story was only getting better and better.

“It’s not like that. I love you, and that scares me. I didn’t feel anything like that for him, but it was easier to use him as a shield than to face you.”

I couldn’t think straight, and I couldn’t process this information.

“That was really shitty of you,” I blurted out, turning away from her to look at the sun going down.

“I know. I’m sorry,” she whined. “It looks like I’m going to pay for my mistakes, though. Can you forgive me? I’m stupid and sorry it took me a month after you left to figure it out.”

“I forgive you, but I’m still hurt. You’re right, I’m with someone now and you’ve missed your chance,” I said with an air of superiority and then turned to sit on one of the benches lining the courtyard.

She came to sit next to me, carefully not touching me. I felt lost. She was so close and finally wanted what I had wanted, but now I wasn’t sure what I wanted. If she were going to stay in Seattle, would it make a difference? I knew it would. Despite the pain in my heart, I loved her, and if she were going to stay here I would try to make it work.

We sat in the courtyard for a long time, both of us looking sad and confused. Most of the time I looked at the ground, but when our eyes met she would look away. I could see the tears glistening in them. I knew this couldn’t last all week, so I swallowed my pain. I reached for her hand resting on the bench between us. She finally looked at me, and I pulled her into my arms. She fit so naturally that it hurt more.

“I really am so sorry,” she sobbed.

“I know.”

After her tears subsided, I stood up and pulled her to her feet.

“Okay, once we go inside, there will be no more of this. No more arguing, no more fighting. Therefore, if you have anything else to say to me about this, you should say it now,” I said quietly.

“I don’t want to meet Sophia. I can’t handle meeting the person who’s worth not being with me for.”

“I understand, but then you’ll have to entertain yourself while I’m with her.”

“My flight is on Thursday. Will you go with me to the airport?”

“Yes, I will,” I told her then paused. “I still love you.”

I brushed a strand of hair from her face, and she turned away from me.

“Don’t do that. It makes me want kiss you,” she said.

So I made possibly dumb decision number three.

I brushed her hair back again. She turned to me, hurt in her eyes, but mine were soft and understanding. I had wanted nothing more for so long that it just seemed inevitable for my lips to end up on hers. I took half a step forward to close the small space between us, and gently placed my lips on hers.

Kissing Summer was nothing like kissing Sophia. Where Sophia’s kisses held passion and fervor, kissing Summer was tender and sweet. Her arms stretched up around my neck and mine wrapped around her waist. I felt my eyes well with tears. I broke the kiss and pulled her to me so she wouldn’t see. I loved her so much, but I knew she would leave again soon. I would be ripped open, having no one else to blame but myself.

I pulled my head back, after I could control my face and looked in her eyes. I kept Summer close to my body. We breathed in rhythm together. I inhaled deeply, and she sighed. I led her inside and up to my room. I opened the door and looked for Alyssa, but Summer told me she was spending the break with her family. I was going to have to have a serious discussion with Alyssa about her tactics. Exhausted, Summer and I laid down together as we had so many times before, and I fell asleep.