Chapter Twenty-Two

I reached my dorm room and flung open the door. Summer was sitting on Alyssa’s bed, surrounded by shopping bags and wares.

“Did you know you could spend an entire day in Pike Market and not notice the time until they start closing the shops?” she mused as I walked through the door.

“I did know that,” I replied, only barely glancing at her. “I’ve done such a thing on several occasions. Did you see the gum wall while you were there?”

“I glanced at it, yes, quite disgusting as it were.” She feigned a proper air and made a face. “But I took this one for you.”

She thrust her phone toward me, holding it so that I could see a picture of her with her tongue dangerously close to the wall—all of the gum far from the spot she had chosen.

“Aw, how sweet. You were going to lick bricks for me?” I joked.

“Well, I wasn’t going to put my tongue close to anyone’s chewed up gum, so that’s what you get!”

I laughed, and she smiled at me. She scooted over on the bed, pushing her purchases aside, but I chose to sit on mine.

She eyed me then said, “Sorry, just thought you might be cold and want some extra body warmth.”

I returned her gaze. “Why?”

“Why would you want my warmth, or why would you be cold?”

“Why would you assume I would be cold enough to need special heating?”

She halfway turned and motioned to the window with a nod of her head.

“You were spying on me?” I asked, feeling incredulous and a tad embarrassed, though I didn’t know why.

“No, I was looking for you since you left me alone all day.”

“Did you enjoy what you saw?” I asked nastily, turning to anger to stamp out my other emotions.

“Trust me, I regretted it when I had to watch you two tongue each other down like it was your last day on Earth,” she said.

“Had to watch, my ass, you could have looked away.”

My emotions fizzled away. I would not have this fight, unable as I was to sustain my anger. My emotional capacity already spent elsewhere and far too depleted to deal with her jealousy. I was still trying to sort through how I felt about what happened in the library. Summer knew I was with someone. She knew what was likely to happen if she chose to watch us.

“I couldn’t look away and still imagine she was me. I needed the visual. I just held my hand in front of my face and blocked her from my view. I would have held up my phone with the picture of me at the wall, but I was facing the wrong way in it,” she said, sticking her tongue out.

I laughed in spite of everything and flung myself onto my back, staring at the ceiling. It was only a moment before I felt her hands on the bed. When I didn’t say anything, she climbed in next to me. Why did everything have to come at once? I was okay with not having options.

She snuggled up to me, and I felt her head on my chest. I looked down to kiss the top of her head but she was already looking up at me. Our lips were so close together.

“Kiss me like you kissed her, and then tell me you don’t want to be with me,” she pleaded, frown lines creasing her forehead. “Don’t peck me like I’m your sister or only a friend. You said you loved me just a few months ago. Are things so different now?”

“I’m not going to kiss you,” I said. “You’re jealous because you saw me with Sophia. I will not kiss you because you’re going to leave and go back home tomorrow, and then God only knows what will happen.”

“Kiss me because you love me and I love you.” She propped herself up on her elbow. “We’re supposed to be together. I see that now. I was stupid when I let you go in December, and I won’t let you go now.” Her face hovered just above mine. “Kiss me,” she whispered.

I stared into her green eyes, the depths of her staring back at me. I knew her so well in some ways, but there was still so much to learn. I thought about how badly I would have taken hearing about “the boyfriend” every day, or worse, seeing them together. I felt sympathy for her. My heart ached for the pain I had caused her. The pain we had caused each other.

“I still can’t be with you,” I choked.

“I know.”

My mouth found hers as tears trickled down my face. My arms encircled her, clinging to someone who meant more to me than I could fathom. I loved her so much it hurt, but the thought of passing on a chance to show her hurt even more. Even if it was only for one night, I wanted to hold her and kiss her. I was confused even further as Sophia entered my mind, but I pushed everything out and focused on Summer. I kissed her like I had always wanted to.

Her hand caressed my face, and when she felt the tears, she wiped them away with her thumb. She pulled away and said she was sorry as she pulled me to her chest. I didn’t know what to do. I was exhausted and clung to her as tears escaped my eyes. She ran her fingers through my hair, and I fell into deep asleep.

#

In the morning, I woke with Summer next to me. I brushed her hair out of her face and watched her sleep for a minute. I didn’t want to be too creepy, so I nudged her. She stirred slightly then her head snapped to me, her eyes mostly closed. She cuddled up to me and buried her face between my arm and the bed.

“I don’t want to go home,” she said into the sheets, her voice muffled.

Turning, I wrapped my arms around her but did not say anything. I wanted her to stay with me, but I knew she couldn’t. I wanted to be with her, but knew we couldn’t do long distance. I would have room to think without her around to intoxicate me. Holding her in my arms, we stayed wrapped together until we had to start getting ready to go to the airport.

We climbed out of bed, and she changed in the restroom. Searching the room for her scattered clothing, I found two shirts and a sock and stuffed them in her bag. She emerged dressed for the trip, and I grabbed my clothes and went in next.

“So, are you still determined not to be with me?” I heard her ask through the door.

“Are you still going to be living so far away?”

Silence. I opened the door and walked out into the room. Summer was sitting on the edge of the bed looking at her hands, folded in her lap.

“Summer, listen. We can’t do long distance and you know it. We’re not even good long distance friends. That’s what got us into this mess.”

“I know but I want you. I want to be the one to make you happy.”

“Then talk to me. Keep talking to me until summer break, and we’ll see what happens.”

She still didn’t say anything.

“Well?”

“I recluse without you there. I’m actually really unhappy at school, and it makes me quite depressed.”

“And don’t you think it would make even more sense to talk to me then?”

“Logically? Yes, but unfortunately I’m not a purely logical beast. But I will try.”

I wasn’t going to push her into more. It was news to me that she felt depressed. She hadn’t told me anything in the last few months to indicate anything. I assumed she was having the time of her life and didn’t have time for me.

Noah had borrowed his parent’s car and came by to take us to the airport. He hugged her goodbye, and they exchanged numbers. Maybe she really would try. She collected her boarding pass, and I kissed her goodbye at security.