I’d managed to avoid Ste properly for months up until the day Danny led me behind the Portakabins at the far end of the school grounds. A few of the kids we used to knock about with down the park were congregated there, Ste at the center, their self-appointed leader. A sly smile spread over his face at the sight of us. Look what the cat coughed up. He sneered.
I hung back, didn’t make eye contact with anyone, let Danny do the talking. No one seemed interested in buying off him, mind. Ste made sure of that, prodding at the contents of the baggy Danny let him take a look at, then throwing it back with a sneer.
We’re all right, ta, he said, speaking for all of them. He took a step toward us, his eyes narrowed. This what you been doin all this time then, sittin in on yer own, tryin to smoke this shite? You used to be a good laugh, yous two. Don’t you ever feel like havin a bit of fun?
Danny bristled, twisting his tongue between the gap in his teeth. Depends what you call fun.
Yeah, I s’pose it does. Ste cocked his head at me then, a glint in his eye. You and me got a friend in common, I hear.
Oh yeah? I mumbled, my voice small.
Yeah. He nodded. Jody.
I bit the inside of my lip, aware of Ste’s minions behind him, their eyes on stalks. Danny was looking at me too, I could feel it.
He wouldn’t take kindly, I don’t think, to hear you’re tryin to shift on his patch.
Jody sells whizz, Ste, I said then, finding my voice.
Ste took a drag of his cig, blew out the smoke slowly. I’d watch yer mouth if I were you.
As we walked away from them toward the main road, I slipped my hand into the crook of Danny’s elbow. He stiffened.
Who’s this Jody then? he asked.
I tossed my hair over my shoulder. A mate of Chrissy’s.
You never mentioned him.
You never asked.
Despite Ste, Danny managed to shift everything he had to a bunch of clueless kids in the lower school; but all we got to show for it was fifty quid. I could have lifted some money from the till easy enough, except I knew Danny would never stand for it. We’d just have to think of something else.
We were asleep upstairs together when the police turned up a few days later. Mary hadn’t been as onto us recently; she’d started taking sleeping pills or painkillers, or maybe both by then, not that Danny or I ever thought to ask why. They were pounding on the door, yelling for us to open it, that they’d break it down if we didn’t, even though they knew it was Mary’s house. It was four in the morning and Danny jumped out of bed in his boxers, ran down the stairs and I followed him, stopped in my tracks at the sight of Mary across the hall in her nightie, creases on her face from the pillows, her lungs creaking.
They must have had a warrant, although I don’t remember anyone showing us it. They were all over that house in minutes. The three of us sat on the sofa under the watch of one of the officers, a young lad not much older than us. They let me put a dressing gown on over my underwear, but Danny was still sat there in his boxers. None of us spoke—I can’t remember if they told us not to. I kept looking over at Mary, her gray skin, the terror in her eyes, and Danny next to me, his leg jiggling up and down, his jaw tense.
They didn’t find anything, other than a couple of sad-looking plants, their branches picked bare. It must have been a disappointment to them, all those resources, all that fuss. Still, they made the most of it, putting Danny in cuffs in front of his nana, making her cry. He kept calm until it became apparent that they were going to arrest me too. Then he started kicking off, shouting and swearing, calling them all a bunch of bent bastards. In the end they didn’t even let him put any clothes on, took him down the station just like that.
They made us go separately, Danny in the van, and me in the patrol car driven by the young lad who’d taken pleasure in marching us out of the house as the whole street woke up to the sight. He kept making eyes at me in the rearview mirror, passing little digs. You could do a lot better, love. He smirked. Nothin good will come of him, I’ll tell you that fer nowt.
They put me in a holding cell and one of the policewomen brought me a cup of tea in a Styrofoam cup, asked me if there was anyone she could call on my behalf. I gave her Chrissy’s mobile number, even though I knew it was long dead. The tea tasted like shit and I poured it down the steel hole in the corner of the cell, ripped the cup into little pieces, spelled out our names with the torn shreds. N-E-E-F, then D-A-N-N-Y, rearranging the letters over and over again.
After a while they unlocked the door, took me to a stuffy gray box of an interview room lit with bright strips that cast ugly shadows on the officers’ faces. It was the same one who’d been driving the car and another bloke, older, fatter, with an accent that wasn’t from round there. They told me they’d not been able to get hold of Chrissy, asked me if I wanted another adult to come and sit with me while we had a chat. I said no and they seemed pleased with that. I stumbled over their questions: my name, where I lived, how I knew Danny. They wanted to know how long we’d been seeing each other and I remember feeling confused, not knowing how to answer that question, not understanding why that had anything to do with the reason I was there. Since we were kids, I said, and they eyed me strangely, exchanged a look but moved on.
What were those plants in the greenhouse, Jennifer?
I dunno.
Were they marijuana plants?
I dunno.
Has Daniel Campbell been cultivating marijuana?
No.
Does he sell drugs, Jennifer?
No.
Eventually they turned me loose, leading me out into the waiting area of the station where Mary sat, her chest rattling. Where’s Danny? I asked. The officer raised his eyebrows, grimaced.
We’ve got a few more questions we need to ask him yet, love.
I made a move as though to sit beside Mary but she looked at me with a face set hard as stone, told me to get my arse out of there, get back to the pub.
Barry was waiting for me in the back bar; someone must have let him know what had gone on. He didn’t say much. Just looked at me in the same way Mary had, barked at me to go upstairs and sort myself out, I’d be working the kitchen today, seein as his cook was “required elsewhere.”
The pigs didn’t have evidence to charge Danny with anything, but he was expelled from school all the same. He’d been on his final warning, they’d made that very clear, they said. Daniel knew fine well the school had zero tolerance on drugs; there were no more chances. The police would be notified immediately if he so much as tried to step foot anywhere near there again. Mary stopped speaking to us for a long while after that.
A few days after the arrest we were sitting around at Mary’s, doing not much of anything, when we heard a noise like the flat of someone’s palm banging against the PVC door. My first thought was that the pigs had come back, but then we heard the voice, hollering for Danny to open up.
Danny didn’t move at first, and when he did it was slowly, as though he were wading through water. He twisted the latch, then took a step back, the visitor’s shadow darkening the hallway.
I hadn’t seen Denz since before Chrissy disappeared. Half expected that the next time he showed up it would be with my mam on his arm, trotting her around like a trophy, like the rest of them always had. I wanted to go to the window, run past Denz out of the door, see if she was sitting there in the passenger seat of his car. But the stillness of Danny and Denz bearing down on each other cemented me in my place.
A moment passed before Danny walked back into the living room. Denz followed behind him, uninvited. At the sight of me, he stiffened.
I didn’t know you had company.
Danny was taller than his dad now, slimmer too, although the two of them were so undeniably alike. Better she’s here than stuck on her own at t’pub with that old pisshead. He sneered.
Denz swallowed, refusing to take any bait. Come on then. Let’s hear it.
What?
All this bother you been gettin into wi t’police.
I don’t have to explain meself to you.
Oh yeah? Why’s that?
Danny puffed his cheeks out, blew the air through his lips in disbelief. You think I owe you honesty? After all the shite you’ve fed me?
I don’t know what you’re talkin about, Danny.
I held my breath as Denz took a step forward, reaching out as though to place a hand on his son’s shoulder, but Danny shirked away.
Danny, Denz tried again, his voice softer now. I aren’t here to judge you. I know what the pigs are like. I just need to know…He glanced at me and then back again. You’re only sixteen, Danny. I don’t want you to ruin your life over all this. I need to know how far you’re into it.
Danny frowned. What?
You look skinny, man. Denz turned, angling himself so that his back was toward me. You…you don’t look good.
What you on about?
You been takin summat? Denz asked warily. You on gear?
Danny let out a laugh like a bark. Recognize the signs, do yer? he jeered. You’d know all about that, wouldn’t yer? You’d only have to look at yer girlfriend.
Denz stood back as though he’d been struck, and I heard myself speaking as though from very far away.
You seen owt of me mam, Denz?
Both of them stared at me then. Not for time, Denz replied eventually.
You were shaggin her, though, weren’t yer?
Danny flinched, but Denz held my glare. You shouldn’t talk that way about your mother, he said, then paused, licking his lips as though readying his mouth to say more. I thought, he said slowly, I thought it might’ve done you a favor, her leavin. Thought without her around, you might be better off. Might sort yourself out. But I can see now I got that wrong, eh? The apple don’t fall all that far from the tree, does it, Neef?
I felt my body tense. He had no right to speak about my mam that way, to look down his nose at her, at me. I wanted to stand up, scream in his face, but something kept me still in my seat. Perhaps it was the truth in his words.
Danny took a step toward me. What’s that supposed to mean? he growled.
It means, Denz said carefully, that if you know what’s good for you, you’ll steer clear of her. He gestured at me with a nod, but he didn’t look at me. And when you do, you know where I am.
My eyes stung from the sharpness of Denz’s words. I wanted to ask him more, make him tell me where Chrissy was. But he was gone before the words could form in my mouth, the pair of us watching in silence through the window as he climbed into his car and pulled away.
Danny must have gone out to the greenhouse after that, because I remember sitting in Mary’s front room by myself for a long time. We couldn’t avoid the truth anymore. We both knew that Denz had plenty to do with Chrissy disappearing.
When Danny came back in I was all geared up to confront him, for the pair of us to understand what all of it might mean.
You were talkin about me mam, before, weren’t yer? I asked him, my voice weaker than I wanted it to be. When you said Denz had a girlfriend?
Danny didn’t react, perching across from me on Mary’s coffee table.
Danny—I tried again, but he stopped me, waving his hand like it didn’t matter.
Don’t worry about all that, he said, a strange look on his face. He put his hands on my knees, his eyes glittering. Let’s get fucked up, Neef.
What?
Let’s go see Ste, you and me, and get summat. Get mad fucked up.
I frowned, confused. D’you mean, like…
Yeah. He was grinning now. Might as well, everyone thinks we’re on it, as it is. Might as well, eh?