Chapter Nine

Jordan opened her eyes and, as light speared in, closed them again immediately. Ouch. The last thing she remembered was being mad at Ash for saying that she was sick, when clearly she was just tired from being up with Levi for the past few days.

Levi.

Putting her hand on her aching head, she narrowed her eyes into slits to keep the light from making it worse. She turned her head toward the window and saw the most beautiful sight. Levi was in the crib next to her bed. No more PICU, no more BiPAP. He had a very thin tube for oxygen around his face, and all but one of the IVs were gone. He was sitting up, playing with two brightly colored monster trucks.

Beside him, dozing in what looked like the most uncomfortable chair ever made, was Ash. She’d obviously been out for a while and he’d picked up her slack, making sure Levi had the care he needed. What kind of person was she that she had thought him selfish and shallow?

In his every action, he had shown that he wasn’t. He was steadfast. Unfortunately, that fact didn’t change anything. Not really. He was still the handsome doctor with a different girl on his arm each week. And she was still the same person she’d always been, an introverted farm girl who was more comfortable with horses than people.

She wanted to call out to them, but her eyes were so achy and tired. Maybe if she closed them for a minute...

* * *

The next time Jordan woke, the room was in shadows. The sun had gone down. She wasn’t even sure it was the same day. Turning her head, she took stock.

A small overnight bag was next to a small vase of flowers on the windowsill. Her sister had been here. Or more likely Mrs. Matthews.

Levi was asleep in the crib next to her, a soft blue blanket pulled to his shoulders and a stuffed elephant clutched in his arms. The nasal cannula was still in place but he was looking more like himself, with most of the wires and tubes gone.

When she sat up in bed, Ash looked up from his phone with a smile. “Hey, you’re awake.”

“Hey.” She was awake, alive and wishing a little desperately for a hairbrush and a toothbrush. She settled instead for a sip of some lukewarm water that was sitting at her bedside.

“Levi’s doing great. His fever stayed around a hundred today and he went a couple of hours without oxygen this afternoon, so they’re hoping he’ll be able to wean off the cannula tomorrow.”

“I guess I have the measles?”

“You guess right, but your case isn’t as severe as Levi’s, probably because you were vaccinated as a child. I’m hoping both of you guys will be sleeping in your own bed by tomorrow night.” He moved and she realized that the IV pole, which she thought was just in the room, was attached to his arm.

Alarmed, she swung her feet over the edge of the bed. “Ash, what’s going on? Are you sick?”

He glanced at the IV in his arm and made a face. “No, just getting some fluids and electrolytes.”

“Why do you need to do that?”

“You remember me telling you about having cancer as a kid?” When she nodded, he went on. “I had chemo and radiation, too, which killed the cancer in my kidneys but also radiated part of my pancreas. I’ve had insulin-dependent diabetes since I was seven years old.”

He lifted his shirt and showed her a couple of box-like things attached to his belly. “This one’s an insulin pump and this one is a glucose monitor. They work together and make the kind of diabetes I have more manageable. Um, sorry. I hope that doesn’t gross you out.”

“It’s not gross—they help keep you alive. Why didn’t you tell me?” Her heart ached for him. He’d been such a little boy to deal with something so life-altering.

“It’s been a part of me for so long that monitoring my glucose levels and adjusting insulin is just a part of the day-to-day, kind of like...did you know that I drink a green smoothie every day for breakfast?”

“I did not. Like, with spinach?” She made a face.

“Kale.”

“Ooh, hard-core. I guess you don’t put ice cream in yours, huh?”

He cut his eyes at her. “I do not. Put ice cream. In my green smoothie.”

“So why do you need an IV?”

His eyes flickered to hers at the abrupt subject change. “Because when I’m exhausted or dehydrated, and I’m both, my body gets out of whack. I’m sorry.”

“What? Why? I’m sorry!”

Frowning at her, he dragged his IV pole over to her and sat on the end of her bed. “Why are you sorry?”

“I got sick and left you to deal with Levi all on your own. And you obviously haven’t left his side.”

“I look that bad, huh?” His smile was quick and rueful as he rubbed the stubble on his chin.

As if. It seemed impossible, but he was even more handsome with the scruff. She raised an eyebrow. “Pretty bad.”

Ash chuckled. “In that case, I need a favor.”

“Anything.”

“Really? Anything? You don’t want to know what it is first?”

She narrowed her eyes. “Now you’re scaring me. What is it?”

“I have to go to this fund-raiser in a couple of weeks, one that’s important to me. I need a date.”

She hesitated.

“You did say anything, remember.”

“Can I wear my boots?”

“No.” He smiled and her heart forgot to beat for a second. He was exhausted and stubbly and still his smile could make her swoon.

“Okay.”

“Okay? Really?” There was genuine surprise and excitement in his voice.

She was already regretting this decision. But she did owe him one and if that was what he wanted... “I think you know what you’re getting into with me by now, so if my being your date is you calling in the favor, you got it.”

“I’ll text you the details when I’m awake enough to remember them.”

Levi stirred and whimpered in his crib. Jordan stood up, swayed and sat back down to regroup.

She tried again and this time she made it to the sweet boy’s bed, only coughing a little bit. She smoothed his hair away from his forehead and sang again the song she had sung to him the first time she saw him and almost every day since—Our God is a great big God and He holds us in His hand.

The little boy relaxed and he curled up around his stuffed animal, tucking his hands under his chin as she stroked his soft curls. She covered him with the fuzzy fleece blanket, her legs shaking with the effort of standing so long.

When she turned around, Ash was sound asleep on her bed, legs curled up, feet hanging off the bed. She drew the blanket over his shoulders and stood there a moment, taking in his beautiful face, even with three days of stubble, even with lines carved from exhaustion. Those small imperfections only made him more attractive, given the reason behind them.

She resisted the urge to smooth his hair like she had Levi’s. He had many more layers to him than she’d first thought. He was still that guy—the easygoing, guitar-playing ladies’ man—but the more she was around him, the more she realized he wasn’t just that guy. He was real and deep and...complicated.

She got another blanket out of the closet in the room and settled into the reclining chair to let Ash get a few hours of sleep.

He’d stepped up and been her rock through this whole experience. Tomorrow they were checking out. And as much as she wanted to be at home in her own bed, there was a part of her that would miss having him right by her side. Things wouldn’t be the same after they left the hospital, and they shouldn’t be.

She didn’t want to need him. But somehow, despite her best effort, she did.

* * *

Jordan sat at her computer, a huge mug of coffee at her fingertips. She and Levi had been home for four days, but his schedule was all out of whack. Consequently, she was severely sleep-deprived and, if she was being honest, still a little weak from being so sick.

Her spreadsheet was open on the monitor and crunching numbers was giving her a headache. She’d moved here with six horses and a financial cushion, not a large one, but still. How she’d managed to go through that amount of money was beyond her, except that she could see it in black-and-white on the screen. It was horse feed and medicine, fence repair, tack repair, equipment, building maintenance.

Horses were expensive.

She’d also been sidetracked by a certain little tyke with big brown eyes and a mop of curly hair. That and a case of the measles no one could have predicted.

She was exhausted.

But then she looked at her bulletin board, where she’d tacked pictures of each of her clients. Each of them had a diagnosis and a treatment plan, but they weren’t their diagnoses. They were Juliet and Evan and Portia and Elizabeth Ann and, well, each one of them had a name. Each of them deserved her best.

A quick knock had her looking up to greet her volunteer coordinator, Allison, a tiny powerhouse with a flippy blond ponytail and a tennis skirt. “Hey, coffee’s on. Grab a cup and we’ll talk about what’s coming up.”

Allison’s husband had developed an app that made him a kajillionaire before the age of thirty, so she decided to leave her job as an event planner at a major hotel and take her many talents to a job she enjoyed. Jordan thanked God every day that she’d answered the phone when Allison called looking for a nonprofit to plug into. The woman knew everyone in a sixty mile radius and had a knack of making them think volunteering was their own idea.

She dragged a chair up to Jordan’s desk, which now occupied a corner of the living area, and pulled her tablet out of a giant Louis Vuitton bag. “Okay, I sent you the volunteer schedule for this week. Unless we add new clients to the schedule, we’re covered for all of our therapy appointments. I have people lined up to exercise all of the horses except for Freckles and I have Amelia on him.”

Jordan made a notation on her to-do list—which she kept on a pad of paper. “Great. Send me the schedules and I’ll post them on the big board in the barn.”

Allison swiped and tapped. “Done. Next order of business. I’ve had parents asking about adding speech therapy again. I wondered what you thought about me putting out some feelers to see if we could get someone, maybe one day a week for starters until we see how much interest there is.”

Jordan did the occupational therapy and more recently, she had added a physical therapist two days a week. Hippotherapy was integrated therapy and many of their kids had multifaceted needs.

A speech therapist could add another layer to the care they were able to provide. It was a good idea. “Let’s start with one day a week to work with clients and request that he or she be present at planning meetings.”

“Got it. I have someone in mind, so I’ll talk to her and see if I can get her on board.” Allison made another notation in her tablet and looked up. “That’s all I wanted to talk about. Anything else we need to discuss?”

“When you came in, I was sitting here trying to figure out what we could do to generate some revenue. I have a couple ideas.”

Allison’s hazel eyes were curious. “Come on, lemme hear ’em.”

“First...birthday parties. We don’t have therapy sessions on Saturday, so we could book parties on Saturday afternoons. Having just two or three themes might make it easier.” She paused, thinking. “Maybe Royal Birthday and Cowboy Birthday.”

“Saddle up for a Rip-Roaring Good Time.” Allison’s fingers were flying on her tablet, but she looked up with a grin.

Jordan blinked. “Whatever you say.”

“We need a couple more picnic tables and until we get our covered arena, we’d have to give rain checks for rainy days, but it’s definitely doable!”

“Your mind works at the speed of light. I like it.”

“You’re the one who thought of it!” Allison’s ponytail bobbed enthusiastically. She started typing again. “I think I have a volunteer with just the skills and connections to pull this off. I just sent her an email, so I’ll let you know.”

“Perfect. The other idea is beginning horseback riding lessons when we have openings in the schedule. We could do group lessons or private. Since we’re still building our client base, it could be a way to increase revenue.”

“You would teach?”

“Yeah. Or Claire. She’s as qualified as I am to teach lessons, maybe more so. She used to compete. I’ll talk to her about it.”

“Sounds good to me. I have some time this week so I’ll make up a flyer and send it to you for your approval.”

“Allison.” Jordan waited until her friend and assistant looked up. “I seriously love you.”

Allison giggled, her laugh as infectious and bubbly as the rest of her personality. “I love you, too. I’m gonna get out of here before I volunteer for another job.”

“Shoot me an email if you have any questions.”

Allison tucked her tablet back into her ginormous purse and started for the door. “Where’s my sweet buddy today?”

“He’s with Mrs. Matthews. We’re trying to get back into a normal rhythm.”

“I’m glad you’re feeling better. That was so scary, although I understand the very handsome Dr. Sheehan never left your side.”

Heat blasted Jordan’s cheeks. “I don’t know that I would say it exactly like that. We’re friends and he’s Levi’s doctor.”

“Whatever you say. But next time, if you’re going to be hanging out with the hot doc, I’d like to know before I hear it from the prayer chain.”

Jordan laughed. “Of course. I don’t know what I was thinking. I’ll see you later.”

The whirlwind of efficiency that was Allison was out the door as fast as she had come in. Jordan looked at the spreadsheet again, but now that they had concrete plans in motion for generating more operating funds, she didn’t feel quite so panicky.

Now they just needed time...and a covered arena.

She dug through the notepads on her desk until she found the one marked Prayer List and flipped to the page with current prayer requests. Under the line that said, Karli adjusts to her new orthosis, she wrote, Covered Arena.

Under that one, and she wasn’t even sure why, she wrote, Ash.

* * *

Ash stepped out of the kitchen and onto the back porch at Red Hill Farm. Claire’s foster daughter Sweetness was healing up nicely from the measles. Her case hadn’t been quite as severe as Levi’s but her symptoms had stretched out a little longer.

The place was looking good. Claire had shared with him that some of their neighbors had put a sign-up sheet in the Hilltop Café so that people could volunteer to help out around the farm while the kids were sick. One grandpa even helped the older kids with their homework so that Claire could focus on Sweetness, and he liked it so much that he was going to come back every week to tutor.

Ash understood. These kids—and their foster parents—had a way of getting under your skin.

Jordan was in the ring with a client. Ash took the steps down and crossed the yard, intending to watch from the rails, and then realized the little boy on the small horse was Levi. Jordan looked up at Levi, her lips moving. The three-year-old smiled and waved at Ash.

Something in his eye pricked suspiciously like tears but he blinked them back. Levi had come so far from the terrified child they had found at the hospital the first night. Like Jordan, Ash had worried a little that a new hospital stay would set the toddler back, but instead it seemed to have cemented the bond among them all.

Jordan let Levi slide off the horse and into her arms. The volunteer working with her tied Hagrid off at the post where they did the grooming.

Ash leaned his elbows on the fence. “I need to talk to you.”

“That sounds ominous.” She walked closer to the fence.

Before he could speak again, Kiera, one of their teenagers, called out. “Hey, Aunt J, Mrs. Matthews is letting us decorate some cookies. We want Levi to come and help.”

“Of course. Want cookies, Levi?”

He grinned and patted her cheek. “Cookie.”

“Guess that’s a yes.” She passed him over the fence into Kiera’s arms. “I’ll be over in a little while to get him.”

Ash watched the teenager, who had a baby of her own, bounce toward the house with a giggling Levi. “They’re giving him a family.”

“Yes, they are.” Jordan grinned. “I’m glad you can see that. It was one of the things that Claire and I wanted so badly—for the kids who came to live here to know they were wanted and loved and part of something. They’re not just a paycheck and this is not just a way station. It’s a real home.”

“There’s no question you’ve achieved that.”

Jordan disappeared into the barn and came out the door with a couple of canned drinks. “Join me on the swing?”

They settled into the swing, which was attached to a branch of a giant oak tree. He cracked open his drink and took a swig. “So have you thought about making it permanent with Levi?”

“Permanent...family, you mean?”

“Yes. Adoption.”

She didn’t answer, just stared into the distance, where a couple of the kids, the twins probably, had found a mud puddle and were taking turns jumping in it.

“I didn’t mean to upset you. You don’t have to answer that.”

“I don’t think about it. It would be easy to, because he doesn’t visit with any family, but I don’t.” She shook her head and her eyes filled, even though a small smile lifted the corners of her lips. “That’s not true. It’s what I want to be true. I want to be a team player, but I think about it all the time, mainly because he is getting attached and the idea of putting him through another separation and adjustment, or worse, putting him in a dangerous situation, nearly kills me.”

He linked their fingers. “You’re stunning, you know.”

“What? No.

“You’re willing to sacrifice your own peace of mind so that Levi can know what a real home, a real mother, is like.” That bravery and strength Jordan exuded wasn’t an act; it was a part of her, one he admired so much.

“It’s not a sacrifice. Getting to love him is a gift, no matter how it ends. You do it, too, you know. Maybe in a different way, but you sacrifice your peace of mind every time you begin to care for one of your patients.”

“I don’t see that it’s the same, at all, but thank you. Now, about the horseback riding,” he began.

She shot him a warning look. “I got approval from the specialist. It won’t damage his spine and it might help as the muscles in his core get stronger and support the spine better.”

Ash sighed, a long, drawn out, patient sigh. “Are you finished?”

She cut her eyes at him. “Maybe. I’m not sure until you say whatever it is you’re going to say next.”

“I was just about to say that now that he’s on horseback, maybe we need to get him a gait trainer, like a walker for kids with special needs. It might be the next logical step toward getting him on his feet.”

Jordan grabbed his face and planted a kiss on his lips, then looked away, her fair skin flushing bright red. “You’re the best. I’ll talk to the physiologist next time we see him.”

The screen door on Claire’s back porch slammed open. “Aunt J! Levi wants you to see his cookies.”

“Time to get my sugared-up kid home for a bath. See you later?”

“Thursday night is the fund-raiser.”

Jordan turned back. “I haven’t forgotten, if you still want me to go with you.”

“Just try to get out of it.”

She left him swinging under the oak tree, as the sun started to sink in the sky, wondering how in the world she always managed to wrap him in knots.