I FLING OPEN the door, my heart pounding in my throat when I see Reid filling my doorstep.
‘Can we talk?’ He shoves his hands in his trouser pockets, his hunched shoulders the only sign of hesitation, every inch of him gorgeous and urbane and painful to my eyes. Because no matter how much I wish it could be different, I won’t settle again.
‘No—I’m on my way out. Mia just texted me—she’s gone into labour.’ I swallow, proud of the steadiness of my voice. It stings to look at him, my eyes burning, and in the same breath I want to drag him inside, to hold him, to feel his arms big and strong and vital around me. But I’m done being naive and trusting the wrong person.
Reid’s face registers surprise, but then his eyes harden, telling me he’s about to issue some command or try to control something. But it won’t be me. ‘Is Kit with her?’
I nod.
‘Mia’s in good hands—they have each other. They don’t need us right now. But I need...to talk to you. To apologise. Please? You can visit when the baby’s born.’
Still I hesitate. He’s right—it’s likely to be hours before the baby arrives and I don’t want to get in the way. But that doesn’t mean I should invite him in. In the flesh, as opposed to in my mind, he’s so much harder to resist. The lure of his closeness, the edge of vulnerability in his expression, the urge to pretend I can live with his lack of trust, live with him underestimating me and riding roughshod over anything he feels he knows better and simply have whatever scraps of himself he’s willing to give me, is too strong. But I can’t go there again. This time there’s more at stake. My heart is in greater danger. Because I love him as I’ve never loved before. Because any weapon thrown by him has double the power to inflict damage. Because I don’t think I could ever bounce back from the ultimate betrayal from this man.
‘Okay,’ he says, done waiting for my reply. ‘I’m just going to say what I need to on the doorstep—I wanted to chase after you earlier, to explain properly, but my father’s appointment came through—the specialist had a cancellation.’
I waver, compassion warring with self-preservation. ‘Is he okay?’
He nods and his eyes hold such vulnerability I want to reach out and catch him the way I said I would. I curl my fingers into my palms.
‘The news was as we expected,’ he says. ‘Certainly nothing new to add. He’s having a good day today though, waxed lyrical about you and put me straight on a few things, just like the old powerhouse Graham we know and love.’
‘Oh?’ Hope flutters in my chest. Stupid emotion. I don’t need hope. I’m mistress of my own destiny. I don’t need Reid. I just want him, but only if he wants me as fiercely.
He swallows hard, so I know something momentous is coming. ‘You were right about me. I couldn’t trust.’
‘Okay.’ I rest my hip on the doorframe, blocking the entrance, uncertain if it’s to prevent him entering or me leaving, my breaths shallow at his confirmation of what I already know.
He rushes on. ‘But it was myself I couldn’t trust, not you. I kept myself closed off, busy, thinking my business, my family needed me, which they do, to a degree, and that stopped me looking too closely in the mirror. Because I’ve been hiding for years, keeping busy so I don’t have to face what a mess I made of my personal life, unwilling to admit that my family, the business—they don’t need me. Certainly not as much as I need you.’
My pulse leaps. I want so badly to believe him.
He reaches for my hand, but then drops his arm back to his side before making contact, and every cell in my body strains his way. ‘I did doubt you at first, because I was trying to keep a lid on everything—my father’s diagnosis, the business. On us. Trying to protect myself.’ He sighs and rubs at a spot above his eyebrow. ‘And I interfered with the mural because it freaked me out to see my father almost become a part of the Faulkner’s history—it felt like I was already losing him, and I reacted with emotion, not thinking to talk to you, or explain. But you were just helping him to leave the legacy he’s worked for his entire life, a legacy I’m proud to carry forward. I see that now and I’m sorry I undermined you. But I need you by my side as I carry that legacy, because you’re already a part of the family I was trying so hard to protect. Not just any part either, but the vital part. The part I need to breathe, to be whole, to cling to every day for the rest of my life, if you’ll let me.’
Heat builds behind my eyes. These are the words I wanted to hear, and I feel his pain. I ache for him and his family and Graham, because loving him means caring for them.
‘You make me a better version of myself, Blair. You make me laugh. You make anything seem possible. You make sense. You push me and support me and catch me. And you were right—I don’t need to carry everything on my shoulders. I’m allowed to find happiness for myself. But I want that happiness with you. I’ve found it with you. I just allowed other stuff, trivial stuff, to get in the way. I trust you with my life, Blair. I trust you with my fucking hotels, even my family’s lives. I trust you. Is it too late? Please don’t let it be too late...’
I step back, too close to flinging myself into his arms as I breathe and try to untangle my matted feelings. The past longing, the present yearning to be loved as I love and the future possibilities. Can I have everything I want? Can I truly have this man for ever? I’m speechless for so long a million emotions cross his handsome face. Perhaps as many as there are building inside me—a torrent. But one persistent thought emerges, time after time.
I love him.
Time to tell him.
‘I don’t know, Reid... I’m done settling. I’ve fallen in love with you.’ My sad smile knocks the joy from his, which followed my declaration. ‘But I want you to want me with the same fierceness with which I want you. I don’t want half measures or broken promises.’
He steps one foot onto the doorstep and reaches for my hand. ‘I agree. You deserve to be loved like that. But what if I love you more? What if the burden of my love, the weight of it, is too big for me alone, and I need—?’ His voice breaks, and I almost reach for him then. ‘I need you...to help me carry it.’
I let out a long sigh, squeeze his hand, trying and failing to contain my euphoria. He’s laid himself open, as open as me, and I see what I need shining in his eyes.
‘Well, that’s not how I saw that fantasy play out.’ I can’t resist teasing him a little more—after all, if we’re going to be together, he needs to get used to it.
‘What fantasy?’ Hope flickers in his eyes. A ghost of a smile.
‘The fantasy where you tell me you love me and you’ll never, ever be a dick again, for as long as you live.’
His full-blown smile threatens, but he pulls back, as if he can’t quite believe the turn of events, can’t quite believe me. He opens his beautiful mouth to speak and then closes it again.
But I’m impatient now. ‘Come in,’ I say, swinging the door wide. ‘You need to show me.’
‘Show you what?’
‘The fierceness of this love you claim to feel.’ My lips twitch with the barest hint of amusement.
‘Oh, I feel it.’ He steps inside the doorway and scoops me into his arms, kissing me as if he’s forgotten how it feels and needs to remind us both.
I break away. ‘Close the door—I want you now. I want you always and for ever.’
Reid kicks the door closed and wraps one arm around my waist, lifting me from the floor.
‘Thank fuck for that, because that’s exactly how I want you.’ He presses his forehead to mine, his eyes open so I see the sincerity shining there. ‘I love you. You’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me. The day you walked into my office changed my life. I want it all with you—I’m already way ahead of myself, plotting our own family. Kit’s baby will need a cousin.’
I laugh, wrapping my arms around his neck to stop him escaping. ‘You are? Don’t you think you should ask me if I even want children?’
‘I should. Do you?’ he says, his grin wide. ‘Although I don’t care either way. You’re enough for me, in every way. Perhaps too much for me in some ways, but I’ll die trying to satisfy every fantasy you have.’
I try to keep a straight face. ‘I want six actually. A big clan of Faulkners.’
He splutters. ‘Six?’
‘Yes.’ My lips twitch. ‘Up to the task? Because you’re not growing any younger.’
He throws his head back and laughs. ‘Whatever you say.’
‘Good, let’s get started, then—trial run.’ I head for the stairs, dragging him behind.
We strip and kiss and touch. When he pushes inside me and grasps my face in his palms so there’s nowhere to hide, he slides his mouth over mine and whispers, ‘Did you ever fantasise about me loving you?’
I nod, too overwhelmed, too full of Reid and our love, to speak.
‘Don’t worry,’ he says, lacing his fingers with mine and holding me tight. ‘I’m going to make the reality of loving you so much better than any fantasy.’
Slowly and thoroughly he proves it to me with a hundred tender touches, and I believe.