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ELIZABETH
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ONE MORNING, A FEW days after Lily and Azem had moved out, she came to collect the last few boxes of her belongings. Harriet and Jason had already left for Ireland.
Lily turned around in the orange painted room she had occupied for a while. “This is the funniest wall paint color ever, but I happen to like this room. Now Brian can finally have it repainted.”
“I’m so happy for you, Lily. When I came here, you and Azem were nowhere close to dating, and now you’re moving in together. You two made fast progress in a short time—”
Lily interrupted me, laughing. “Look who’s telling me!”
“Almost as fast as Brian and I.” I laughed back. “You didn’t let me finish.”
“Ah, given the funny beginning of our relationship, yes, we made a nice development.”
“Are you bond mates?” I asked, seizing the opportunity to learn more about bonding. I was too shy to talk to Brian about it. I didn’t even know how people recognized if they were bond mates, but since it was such a big thing for werewolves, it had to be something spectacular, had it not?
“We aren’t,” Lily said. “I love Azem with all my heart. I don’t need more than that.”
“But how do you know? How do you tell the difference?”
She shrugged. “Most people describe it as a warm current that washes over your body every time your bond mate touches you. It’s like an instant connection; you can feel becoming one with your bond mate when you touch him for the first time. His soul penetrating yours, and the other way around. Or something like that. When I touch Azem, I don’t know about these warm waves and currents, but do I feel him as part of me? You bet. Even if we’re not touching.”
For an instant, I stopped breathing. “About that warm current, Lily, do they both feel it at the same time?” I hoped my voice wouldn’t betray my soaring excitement. This was exactly what I felt when my hand touched Brian’s the first time we’d met. And every other time since then. A warm current spreading inside me, reaching to every fiber of my being.
“Wouldn’t make much sense if they didn’t,” she said, looking suspiciously at me. “Although, strange things happen sometimes, like James and Eve’s bonding. Twenty-some years they didn’t feel it, and then suddenly—boom! They bonded! But they both knew right away.”
The bubble burst and a wave of disappointment washed over me. I turned away from Lily, to hide the stupid tears that prickled my eyes. Of course, whatever the bond was, it had to be a two-way experience. If it was not, it wasn’t the bond.
Lily saw my distress. Like everyone else here, she could hear my heart and detect the subtle changes in my breathing. I was an open book for all of them, all the time, I thought, annoyed.
“Bonding is rare, Elizabeth,” she said. “And it’s overrated. Love is as strong as a bond; that’s my opinion. And more valuable. Not all people can have a bond, but all of us can love.”
“You’re right,” I said with faked lightness, and even managed a smile. “Screw the bonding.”
“You left your mark on Brian, even if you’re not bonded. Everyone knows you two are a couple.”
I was about to lift a box, but I stopped in a half-movement. “A mark? What mark? People know we’re together. It’s not like we’re hiding it.”
“Oh, did anybody mention it to you?”
“Mention what?”
“About the scent. Don’t get all worked up now,” Lily said. “It’s natural for us. After all, if you take a closer look, you can tell when two humans become intimate, can’t you?”
“I don’t think I always can.”
Lily ignored my remark. “They hold hands, they smile all the time, their eyes spark; that’s what I mean. We, er, leave our scent on our partner.” She smiled and added, “Humans do that too. It’s only that their senses make it a tad more difficult to detect. Anyway, you left quite a strong stamp on Brian. His on you is subtler, but this is because you’re human. At least we think that’s the reason.”
“We? You and Azem, or the entire town?” I closed my eyes and sighed. Darn werewolves’ senses. “You know what? I could’ve lived without this particular piece of knowledge, but since it would be hard to ignore it now, tell me all about it.”
“That’s all. This is how we know who’s with whom.”
“And this means that if a wife finds a lover, for example, her husband—and the entire world—knows right away? This is terrible! And what about people who don’t care about steady relationships? Who you are intimate with and how many partners you have shouldn’t be anyone’s business!”
Lily looked surprised, even hurt, with my outburst. “Of course it’s no one’s business. Nobody cares about how many partners you have. We don’t have double moral standards, Elizabeth. As for infidelity and extramarital affairs, yes, it’s hard to conceal them. They do happen. But it’s not the end of the world. We deal with it, sometimes passionately, sometimes rationally, like everybody else. After all, if you decide to give to someone else what belongs to your lover or husband, isn’t it fair that he at least knows?”
“What I have belongs to me, damn it, and I give it freely to whomever I like!” I snapped.
“Semantics,” Lily said. “I’m talking about love and loyalty. And it doesn’t mean that anyone should stay in a bad relationship and unhappy marriage. I just say they should find a way out without cheating.”
“In a perfect world. But as soon as you have real people involved, the clear lines between right and wrong become blurred. Take me and Brian. He’s technically married. James lives with Brian’s wife.”
“This is entirely different.”
“Because it’s real life, not an ideal concept,” I said. “I still believe that I should have the right to be intimate with whomever I want without being identified by scent.”
“Maybe you should, but unfortunately, there is no way around it.”
“Our intimacy, the most private thing of all, became public knowledge,” I said stubbornly. “Do you see the contradiction?”
“No, I do not. You two didn’t exactly try to hide it. You were gaga over each other. The fact that you marked each other with your scents didn’t make much difference. It was so obvious you were sleeping together. I’m sure you know exactly when Azem and I had sex for the first time.” She winked. “Don’t worry, Elizabeth. It’s a culture shock. It’ll become normal for you too, once you upgrade your status. You certainly won’t miss your weak human senses.”
It seemed that my upgrading was a done deal for Lily. I wondered if Copper Ridge shared the same notion. They liked me and they probably saw it as the next logical step.
“What about the other Langaer? I asked. “They all have sharp senses, don’t they?”
“Did Brian talk to you about senses in general?”
“Bits and pieces. There is so much to learn.” And we’re usually too busy marking each other.
“And the nights are short, I know.” Lily laughed. “Don’t look so stunned, Elizabeth. I can’t read your mind. Your pulse jumped, and you blushed, that’s how I guessed your thoughts. Anyhow, werewolves can completely mask their own scent, if it’s necessary for our safety, but that is a different story. Tel-Urughs don’t leave a sexual scent on their partners, nor carry it on themselves, so there’s no way to tell who they sleep with. Wizards are between us and humans and so on. Human scent is subtle, harder for us to detect than any other—”
I lifted my hand. “Wait. Wait. You got me confused. You said my scent on Brian is strong and his on me not so strong. Shouldn’t it be the opposite?”
“I perhaps didn’t express myself precisely. Your mark on Brian is unusually strong for a human. His on you is subtle for a blaidd. You clearly claimed your property, Elizabeth, figuratively speaking.”
The thought of Brian as my property was amusing. But part of me had gone crazy with happiness because I’d “claimed” him publicly, ignoring the logical conclusion: I cared about him more than he cared about me. That’s why my mark was stronger than his.
Screw the logic!