As soon as the scholars left the next morning, Ellie and Mam were off to Matthew Beachey’s in the family buggy.
“Who will be there, Memmi?” Susan sat on the front bench seat between them, her legs swinging with the buggy’s movements.
Ellie hesitated, her throat dry, and Mam answered. “Rachel will be there and most of the children from church.”
Susan’s anxious face mirrored her own, and Ellie gave the little girl’s knee a reassuring squeeze. They both shared an intense shyness around groups of people. Should they have stayed home after all?
Matthew Beachey came out of the barn to greet them as Mam drove into the yard.
“Good morning.” He reached for Brownie’s bridle. “I’ll take care of the horse for you while you go on into the house.”
“Denki, Matthew.” Mam returned the young man’s smile. “You’re keeping busy away from the hen party, are you?”
Matthew’s natural laugh put Ellie at ease. He was always friendly and ready for fun—no wonder everyone liked him.
When Bram Lapp walked out of the barn behind Matthew, Ellie looked away and straightened Susan’s kapp. She had forgotten he might be here.
“Good morning, Bram.” Mam’s voice was friendly as usual, as if seeing Bram Lapp in the Beachey’s farmyard was an everyday occurrence.
“Good morning.” He answered Mam, but when Ellie finished fussing with Susan and glanced his way again, he was looking directly at her. His eyes were dark, unsure. Ja, he remembered how rude she had been the last time they’d talked. She looked over to Mam for help, but she was deep in conversation with Matthew.
Bram stepped closer and reached out to help Susan down from the buggy. Before Ellie could stop her, Susan jumped into his arms, and he gently lowered her to the ground. He lifted his hands up for Danny, but when Ellie held the baby close as she stepped down on her own, he just reached into the back of the buggy for her sewing bag and handed it to her.
“I hoped you would come to the frolic.” Bram stood close to her, Susan’s hand in his.
Ellie stared at his clothes—his Plain clothes. His brand-new shirt and plain-cut trousers were exactly like the ones all the men in the district wore, complete with the fabric suspenders and broad-brimmed hat. He didn’t look Englisch anymore, and he didn’t talk Englisch.... Her resolve wavered.
How would she answer him? His nearness was forward and unsettling, but she couldn’t help wishing for more. What would she do if he gave her that secretive grin again? The thought brought on a flurry of butterfly wings in her stomach.
“I forgot you’d be here.” Her face grew hot as soon as the rude words left her mouth. Why couldn’t she talk to him like she would Matthew, or anyone else, for that matter? Every time she spoke with him, her tongue seemed to belong to someone else.
Ellie reached for Susan, but he stopped her with a hand on her arm.
“Have I done something wrong? I know we only met a couple days ago, and you don’t know me, but I’d like to change that.”
His hand warming her skin through the sleeve of her dress prickled her nerves to awareness of just how long it had been since she had felt a man’s touch. She should turn away, let his hand slide off her arm, move to a more appropriate distance, but she was frozen in place.
She glanced up at his face. At her look, a smile spread, flashing the dimple in one cheek and encouraging her own mouth to turn up at the corners. She looked down, her face flushing hot again. What was wrong with her? She was acting like a schoolgirl!
Bram seemed to take her hesitation as an encouraging sign and stepped closer. Ellie found herself leaning toward him to catch the familiar scent of hay mingled with shaving soap, and she breathed in deeply.
Ja, just like a schoolgirl. What must he think of her?
“I’ve bought a farm.” His voice was low, the words for her alone. “It’s the Jackson place, just a couple miles west of your father’s farm. Would you like to see it sometime?”
The Jackson farm? Ellie knew that farm—it was an Englisch farm. A blast of cold reality shoved away all thoughts of dimples and hay and...soap. The telephone lines strung from the road to the house on that farm were the fatal testimony. Her shoulders drew back as her chin lifted, and his hand fell to his side.
“Ne, Denki,” she answered as firmly as she knew how. “I’m already familiar with that farm.”
She took Susan’s hand as Bram stepped away, her face flushing hotter than ever. She couldn’t have been ruder if she had slapped him in the face. How could she be so harsh? But an Englisch farm? Resolve straightened her spine with a snap.
“Come, Susan, it’s time to go in the house.”
Ellie followed Mam up the path to the kitchen door, anxious to get away from those intense blue eyes. She struggled to regain her composure before she reached the porch steps. How could one man upset her so?
* * *
Bram blinked as Ellie walked away. What happened? One minute her arm was lying warm and sweetly soft under his hand as she leaned toward him while they talked, and then those shutters had slammed tight again.
Matthew stood next to him with a grin on his face, watching him stare toward the house. “I don’t think she likes you. What did you do to her?”
Bram frowned as he turned and checked the buckle on the harness. “Nothing. We were just talking.”
“She’s been widowed for almost two years now.”
“Ja, that’s what her father told me.”
“So when will you ask her to go out with you?”
Bram shot a look at his brother-in-law. Matthew’s smile hadn’t left his face. One thing about married men was that they were usually quick to make sure every other man ended up in the same trap.
“What makes you think I want to go out with her?”
Matthew didn’t respond. He just grinned, waiting for Bram’s answer.
“All right. I just did. She turned me down flat.”
“Oh, I wouldn’t worry about that. She’ll come around.”
Bram took the horse’s bridle and started leading him to the hitching rail on the shady side of the barn. “I didn’t say I was giving up, did I?”
The problem was he should give up. He should let that prickly woman go her own way. He didn’t need her. He didn’t want her.
Bram went into the workshop next to the barn and found the broken harness strap Matthew had told him about. He turned the piece over in his hands. It was in good shape other than that one break.
Nothing felt as right as when he worked with harness leather. He loved this peaceful pleasure that came from handling the supple straps and the satisfaction that came with taking something that had been destroyed and making it whole again. Scarred, perhaps, because you could always see the repair, but useful once more and stronger than it had been.
He started in on the harness, first taking his pocketknife and cutting the frayed edges off the broken ends of the leather. As he worked, children’s laughter drifted in through the shop window from the backyard, and he shifted to get a view of the sandbox from his stool at the workbench. Girls’ pastel dresses and boys’ shirts in the same hues filled the yard. Older ones played a game of Duck, Duck, Goose. He looked for Susan, but she wasn’t among them.
How long had it been since he’d heard children playing without traffic noise mingled with their harsh voices?
Almost as long as he had missed the scent of a woman. A real woman, not girls like Babs, with her cloying odor of dying flowers and smoky bourbon. Babs had never looked at him with the cold eyes Ellie Miller used. No, she had been more than willing to press her silken dress against him, batting her heavy black eyelashes.
His eyes narrowed. Babs made sure he knew what she wanted—or what Kavanaugh paid her to provide—and he was glad he had never taken her up on her offer. He had never spent more time with her than an occasional dinner or as a date to one of Kavanaugh’s shin-digs. Something about the girl had turned his stomach. Not just her—black-haired Cindy before her and Madge before her. Kavanaugh kept his boys supplied with women.
He took a deep breath, dispelling the memory.
Thoughts of Ellie swirled into his mind to take its place. She had leaned toward him, coming within inches of his chest. He could have reached out for her, pressing her slight form against him while he kissed her...but that would have ruined everything. A woman like Ellie would never put up with what the girls in Chicago begged for. He pushed the thought away.
Her arm under his hand had felt alive, firm, capable. Taking another deep breath, he tried to recapture the scent of...what? Just soap and water? Whatever it was, the memory clung to him.
Keep focused.
Bram shaved the two ends of the leather strap with his knife, shaping them to overlap each other. If he did find Kavanaugh, the last thing he needed was for someone to get in the way. The last thing he wanted was for someone to get hurt.
Taking the awl from Matthew’s tool bench, he drilled holes through the splices, lining up the shaved ends so they would overlap in a solid, smooth join.
John Stoltzfus was a good man, and he liked Bram. That was a step in the right direction. He should spend more time with him, but that would mean spending more time around Ellie and her children.
Bram rummaged in a jar for a couple rivets and fitted them into the holes.
That Susan—yeah, she was something. The way she looked up at him with those solemn brown eyes as if he was some sort of hero pulled at his heart.
He glanced through the window at the playing children again. Susan had joined the game, her light green dress and white kapp mingling with the other pastels. She laughed as she played, her face sweet and innocent.
A steel band twisted in his gut. What kind of hero could he be to a little girl?
He found Matthew’s tack hammer hanging on the wall. A sharp rap sealed the first rivet. He shifted to the second rivet but stopped.
If Ellie looked at him the way Susan did, what would he do then?
His world tilted for a brief moment, then righted. He gave his head a shake and then drove the hammer home on the second rivet.
Focus. Play the part. Lie low under his cover until his job was done, then maybe he could...what? Court her?
Forget her. That was what he needed to do. God help him if he let himself fall for the woman.
* * *
Ellie took a deep breath as she laid her hand on the knob of the Beacheys’ back door, listening to the women’s voices on the other side. Facing Bram Lapp would be easier than stepping through this door.
“Ellie, you can do this.”
Ellie turned to see Mam’s eyes filled with understanding. The soft words gave her strength.
The crowd of chatting women parted to welcome them as the door opened. Susan clung to Ellie’s skirts as they stepped in. Ellie wished she had somewhere to hide, but it was too late. Mam had already set her pies on the table and was greeting her friends.
Annie Beachey came over to Ellie as she lingered just inside the door.
“Ellie, I’m so glad you could come!”
Ellie smiled in spite of her churning stomach. Who could resist Annie’s contagious happiness? Although how she could be so merry when she must be uncomfortable with the growing baby most of the time was beyond her.
Annie took her bonnet to the back bedroom, and Ellie stepped farther into the kitchen. Sally, her younger sister, came over and took Danny from her arms.
“I’ve missed this little man.”
Sally’s easy confidence was just the balm Ellie’s nerves needed. This might be a fun outing after all.
“Well, if you hadn’t married last fall, you could have been cuddling him all winter.”
Sally looked up from nuzzling Danny’s neck. “Ach, sister. Then I wouldn’t be looking forward to my own boppli, would I?” Sally turned to Susan. “The other children are playing out in the yard with Dorothy Ann.”
“She’ll join them soon, I’m sure.” Ellie patted Susan’s back, knowing these few minutes of shyness would soon be over.
Sally leaned closer to Ellie, lowering her voice. “I saw the way Levi Zook kept watching you a week ago at Meeting. I think he’s still sweet on you.”
Ellie’s face grew warm with embarrassment. Did everyone know about his attentions to her? “I’ve told Levi we’re not suited for each other. I don’t know why he’s so persistent.”
“I do,” said Lovina as she joined Sally and Ellie. “I heard his sister from Middlebury wants him to send his younger girls to live with her, and he’s desperate to find a new wife so he can keep his family together.”
“Ja, well, I can understand why he wants a new wife, but it’s not going to be me.” Ellie turned to greet Lovina with a smile. “We’ll be sewing for your little one next.” She nodded at Lovina’s expanding waist.
As Sally and Lovina started chatting about morning-sickness remedies, Ellie stepped back, feeling the wall that had risen between them. She and her sisters had been inseparable as girls, and her marriage hadn’t lessened that close bond. Not until the past couple years.
Now that she was a widow, and they had their husbands... She crossed her arms in front of her, hiding her slim form. She could have been expecting another baby, too, if—well, if things had been different.
Ne, she had to stop thinking this way. Things were what they were, and it was Gott’s will. A faithful, obedient woman accepted Gott’s will, didn’t she?
And if it was Gott’s will that she accept Levi Zook as her new husband? Ellie suppressed a shudder. She still believed two people should love each other if they married, and as kind and faithful as Levi was, she didn’t love him.
Ellie followed some of the other women as they moved toward the front room of the house, where Annie had arranged things for the frolic. A table was set up for cutting material, with several lengths of muslin and flannel ready to be cut into the pieces they would sew into gowns and diapers for the new baby. The room was arranged with chairs in a circle for sewing and visiting. Before long, the four women who had taken the job of cutting the material had pieces ready for sewing, and the rest of the women settled in with their needles and thread.
When Susan went off with the other children, Ellie chose a chair near her sisters, where Danny was still happy on Sally’s lap. Taking the next available diaper, one of many they would be making today, she started in on the simple hem. Over the hum of conversation, she heard Bram’s name mentioned.
“What did you say his name is?” Minnie Garber asked Annie.
“Bram—short for Abram. He’s my brother who is staying with us for a time.”
What did Annie think of her Englisch brother? Ellie hated the thought of one of her brothers jumping the fence, leaving their family and their ways behind. How would she treat them if they had left and then wanted to return?
“I didn’t know you had another brother,” Minnie went on. That woman was never shy when it came to gossip.
“Bram has been gone for quite a few years—”
“Gone?” Minnie interrupted. The rest of the room quieted as the other women listened to their conversation.
“Ja.” Annie stopped and looked around the room of women waiting to hear what she had to say. “He left home twelve years ago but came back recently. He just bought a farm and will be settling here.”
“Twelve years?” Minnie’s voice was incredulous. “Where was he all that time? Did he live in Ohio? Pennsylvania?”
“Um, ne.”
Ellie’s heart went out to Annie. It was obvious that she wasn’t interested in gossiping about her brother.
“He was in Chicago,” Annie finally said. Her words were met with silence.
“Chicago?” Minnie sounded stunned.
“Ja, but he’s home now and wants to be part of our community.” Annie looked from one face to another. Most of the women stared at the sewing in their hands, but Mam smiled at Annie, encouraging her.
Then Minnie voiced what Ellie had been thinking.
“Won’t he have trouble giving up his Englisch ways after all this time?”
“He’s shedding himself of them as quickly as he can.” Annie sounded relieved, as if she was happy to give Minnie an acceptable answer. “When I finished his new clothes yesterday, he wouldn’t rest until he had put them on.”
“And you say he bought a farm?”
“Ja, the Jackson place on Emma Road. He spent all Tuesday afternoon and yesterday tearing out the telephone lines. He’s planning to move there next week.”
One of Minnie’s daughters joined in the conversation from the other side of the circle.
“So all he needs now is a buggy and a wife!”
Good-natured laughter followed her comment, and the conversation shifted to the coming wedding of Minnie’s third daughter. Ellie concentrated on finishing the hem on the diaper, letting the conversation flow around her.
Bram was turning the Jackson place into an Amish farm? Could she have been so wrong about him? From what Annie said, he did mean to give up all his Englisch ways. If that was true, then Dat had been right all along.
Could Minnie’s daughter have been right, too, that he was looking for a wife?
She pricked her finger with the needle, and the pain brought a start of tears to her eyes.
If he was, he wouldn’t have any problems finding one. He was no Levi Zook.
But it for sure wasn’t going to be her. No man was going to take her Daniel’s place.